Desiderata
by fallen-angel-b
Summary: When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?
1. Prolouge Desiderata

**Desiderata **

**_By fallen-angel-b_**

**Rated:** M for possible violence, and, of course, boy-on-boy sex scenes in later chapters.

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Parings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru. Maybe some more later, depending on how I feel.

**Note:** _"Desiderata" _is a Latin word that derives from the word _"desire"_. The official definition of it is: _"__Something considered necessary or highly desirable"._

* * *

**Prologue - Desiderata**

They sat together on the steps, staring out into the afternoon sunshine, watching as it faded behind wispy clouds of white vapor. Dappled late-spring light cast shadows over the green field of neatly trimmed grass, illuminating it with uniquely majestic beauty.

It was a day neither of them would ever forget.

The soft, melodic, murmur of human voices drifted up from the busy market place below to where they sat, side by side in such close proximity that they were almost touching, on the paved grey steps that led down to the field. The atmosphere was relaxed and peaceful. People of all sorts of shapes, sizes and backgrounds came flying down the steps from the shops behind them to join the festivities of the weekly markets. It was enough to make anyone marvel that so many different types of people could exist in one place.

Despite the warm, mixed environment around them, a thick layer of tension still remained between the two teenage boys sitting on the steps. Anyone passing by would have been oblivious, as they must have looked so comfortable being so close to each other. Later, Hatsuharu Sohma would come to envy those people. If they had any memory of that day – if they would even remember the two boys sitting on the steps – they would not remember the awkward silences, or the tension he had felt. They would not remember the sorrow…the pain…the importance of that day…

There were other people on the steps as well, some of them couples, others friends, and few groups that looked like families. Hatsuharu and his companion didn't sit too close to them, but could hear them chatting amongst themselves from time to time. It was impossible not to hear sound, as the area was so full of vibrance, colour and life. But Haru would never remember those voices. When he looked back on that day, he couldn't even remember most of the things his companion said to him. Everything seemed distorted and hazy in his mind's vision – just as surreal as it would have if he dreamt it.

After a while, they stopped talking to each other. There was no real sense in continuing conversation for the sake of talking, especially when it only felt like a futile attempt to fill the tension that was steadily growing between them. The silence was overwhelming – not comfortable, but not entirely uncomfortable either. Of course, Haru had no idea what it was like for _him_, or if he would even remember the day in the same way he did. He wished he would, though. He wanted it almost desperately.

Every now and then, he would risk tearing his eyes away from the markets that truthfully held no real interest for him and focus on his companion instead. He admired everything about him, from the dark silver colour in his hair to the soft white of his skin. He was in awe of his expressive azure eyes, revealing so much about him, yet cloaking him in mystery all at once. His eyes were the key to unlocking the hidden secrets of his soul.

Of course, there was more than just his physical appeal. Haru was attracted to his kindness, his severity, his mannerisms, his profound sense of wisdom and his unique outlook on life. From the day they met, it had always felt as if the other boy had the ability to see both within and beyond him – into parts of him that he couldn't even see himself.

Indeed, Yuki Sohma had never been the 'mean rat' Haru had so long thought him to be. It was the first great lesson Yuki had ever taught him – that there was always more to a person than what was seen on first sight…that people hardly ever turned out to be what you originally thought them to be like. Yuki was a living example of this. He had the ability to see things others could not. He was deep…he was soulful…he was everything. That was why Haru loved him. That, and so much more. He really was, as nearly all of the girls at school called him, a prince.

Every time Haru dared to look at him, however, he had to turn away quickly again before their eyes could meet, colour flooding into his cheeks. He was ashamed of the way he acted – he wasn't this bashful around anyone else. Then again, Yuki wasn't like anyone else. He had grown so accustomed to having to look away from the one he loved and deny his feelings that it was difficult for him to try and accept them again now. He kept reminding himself that he was allowed to look this time. After all, they were on a date…weren't they?

It was not like any date Haru had heard of before. Part of him knew that Yuki's heart was still broken and in need of healing…that this so-called 'date' of theirs was only because Yuki was on the rebound. Still, he didn't want to believe it. He denied it with every part of his being, daring to hope for the minute chance that it could be real.

It was this hope that blinded him to reality…to the true source of all the discomfort and tension between them. The truth was, he realized later, that he didn't want to see it.

Time moved by slowly, but it still wasn't slow enough. He kept glancing at the large city hall clock at least half a mile away on the other side of the field. Not because he was conscious of the time, but because he never wanted the time to end…

"I should go now, I think," Yuki finally spoke, his voice as soft and as dense as it always was, "it's getting late."

"I don't want you to go," Haru mumbled, looking anywhere but at the one beside him. Why was it so hard for him to admit his feelings? Wasn't this what he had always wanted – to be able to share this with the one he loved? Why did everything seem more awkward between them now that they were 'together'?

Haru grimaced. Something told him that it wasn't a date anymore…that it hadn't been for some time. His heart sunk to the pit of his stomach.

"I really should," he heard Yuki persist, "I'm starting to feel…" a pause to yawn, "…really tired."

Despite everything that had happened…everything that was happening, and everything that was sure to come, Haru decided to go with his instincts. It was something he had learnt the hard way not to do in the past, but he made an exception that afternoon. Perhaps it was because he sensed a premonition in the air…something that told him this could very well be the last time he had a chance to hold Yuki and feel his body against him…to look him straight in the eye and tell him the truth about how he felt.

"Come here," he said with a heavy sigh of exasperation, stretching out an arm to pull the fragile body against his own.

Yuki did not resist, falling instantly and almost gratefully into the embrace, his head resting on Haru's left shoulder. Haru tightened his hold on him, his arm gliding soothingly up and down the other boy's back. He breathed in deeply, savoring the sweet scent of Yuki's dark silver hair below his nose, wanting to remember it forever.

This was the way he had always wanted it. The way he had always dreamt it would be like to hold Yuki in his arms. For so long, he had yearned to protect him and show him affection in a way he could not if they were 'just friends'. Even though Yuki was a year older than him, he had always felt the need to be there for him as a support and a guide. Yuki was just so vulnerable…so easy to hurt…but also so easy to love.

The now intimate embrace took away some of the awkwardness of earlier, but it only effected it slightly. The action seemed natural of a date, but Haru had the distinct impression that it still wasn't the same. Yuki didn't lean on him with passion or need, but with a desire for protection and kindness – a desire to mend is broken heart.

An ominous cloud of doubt hung heavily over Haru's head, but he chose to ignore it for the moment. This was the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world, and the fact that it could be the only time it would happen made him even more desperate and determined not to waste it. Yuki's body was warm against his, lithe and fragile, but strong and comforting at the same time. He wanted to completely lose himself in the moment, and to let it consume every corner of his being…to let Yuki and that day at the market become one with his heart and soul.

An age seemed to pass, and Haru fleetingly wondered if time had actually stopped. If it were to stop forever then, he wouldn't have minded. The future was frightening and unknown, and the past was filled with torture, trail and suffering for both of them. If he could live out eternity lost within that moment, then he would forever be content.

"Haru?" Yuki finally asked, his voice distant and timid. He kept his head on Haru's shoulder, but turned so that he could look up at him with shining dark eyes, "I have to ask you…what do you think about…us?"

"What do you mean?" Haru said in a rush of nervous excitement, his heart thudding uncontrollably fast in his chest.

"You know what I mean," Yuki replied with slight irritation, gracing him with a wan smile, "us."

"Oh," Haru wasn't sure why, but he suddenly came out in a sweat. He pulled his arm away from Yuki so that he wouldn't know his turmoil, staring down at his hands which he clasped together in his lap as his cheeks coloured. This was his chance. The chance he had been waiting for to tell Yuki how he felt. He had to make sure he said it well, or it could change everything between them.

But he didn't have any time, and Yuki was gazing at him constantly, expecting an answer.

"Well, you know I've had a crush on you since forever," Haru said hastily, the words coming out in a rush. He started sweating even more, and laughed nervously to himself to hide his anxiety. Beneath the surface, he was mentally cursing himself for sounding so insincere and stupid under pressure. He hadn't even used the word 'love'.

To his relief, Yuki chuckled as well, "Hey, that's alright. I don't mind, really."

Haru was surprised when this was the only answer he received. He didn't expect Yuki to suddenly confess feelings of deepest passion towards him or anything, but he had thought he would get more of a reaction. Of course, Yuki had heard this information before, but Haru couldn't actually remember having ever said it to his face in the past in such a blatant manner as this. Still, Yuki remained completely calm, untainted by the news.

But then again, Yuki always appeared to be calm. That wasn't necessarily how he really felt.

More silence followed, in which Haru stared intently down at his hands, too afraid to face Yuki again and say anything else.

"You don't want to date me, Haru," Yuki eventually said quietly, sounding as if he was highly ashamed of himself for reasons Haru couldn't understand then. "We both know I'm not very good at relationships. I've run away from everyone who tries to get close to me. I'm not really sure why that is, but I just…can't control it. If we became any closer, then things between us would start changing."

Haru felt his heart sinking again. He knew that this was partly true, but there was another part Yuki had failed to add. The undeniable truth was that Yuki was, in fact, not at all interested in other men – and especially not in Haru. The whole 'date', Yuki had only been using him to try and mend his broken heart. Now that Yuki had realized rebound dating wouldn't work, he was trying to get out of it in a way that wouldn't hurt Haru.

What he didn't realize was that it was already too late for that. Yuki _had _hurt him, and the pain was almost unbearable. He thought about the embrace they had shared only moments ago – that sacred moment between them – and now all he could see in it was that it had been Yuki's way of testing him. He knew only one thought had been flowing through Yuki's mind the entire time. The same thing into his own tangled web of thoughts, coming out in Yuki's own voice,

_This is nothing like what it must be like to be with Tohru…_

As much as this made Haru want to do nothing but go home and sob to himself, he still felt no anger or resentment towards Yuki. After all, Yuki was still his love…his everything. He would not let this damage the relationship they already had, because any relationship was still better than nothing.

"Haru?" Yuki asked with concern, prompting him to speak.

Haru sighed heavily, staring out across the markets and into the distant sun, "Well, Yuki, I don't ever want you to be uncomfortable around me…"

Yuki smiled at him warmly, seeming relieved. Haru couldn't bare to look at him.

"We're still friends, aren't we?" Yuki asked worriedly after a few moments of silence had passed.

"Of course!" Haru responded without so much as a hint of hesitation, turning and taking Yuki's hand in his own. "We'll always be friends, Yuki. That comes before anything else."

Yuki beamed at him, "I'm glad. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, Hatsuharu Sohma."

Haru turned away again, afraid that Yuki would see the sadness in his eyes and be plagued with guilt. That was the last thing he wanted, and the other boy had always been so good at sensing what was on his mind. Yuki always knew how to say the right thing when he was there. At least, he had always done so up until this day…

The city hall clock chimed five times, signaling the turn of the hour. Yuki immediately leapt to his feet.

"I really have to go now," he said hastily. "If I'm too late getting home again, then Shigure will be angry with me."

"Yeah, I should leave now too," Haru cleared his throat as he finished speaking, shocked by how hoarse his tone sounded. He tried to get to his feet, but for some unknown reason, his legs shook uncontrollably and he found he had to sit back down again. He smiled tiredly at Yuki's puzzled expression, adding sheepishly, "but maybe I'll just stay here for a while."

Yuki nodded, "Alright then. Um…it was nice seeing you, Haru."

Haru nodded as well, watching as Yuki turned and began to walk up the steps, pushing past a crowd of people until he disappeared into the streets of shops behind them.

It was only after he'd gone that Haru added softly to himself, "It was nice seeing you too, Yuki Sohma. Too bad I never got to tell you that I love you."

* * *

**Note: **I know it doesn't seem like much of a plot now, but I am building to something…trust me. More will be revealed in the first chapter, next post. I'll try and have that up as soon as I can.

Thanks for reading, please review!


	2. Metamorphoun

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M for possible violence

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Parings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru

**Note:** _"Metamorphoun"_ is a Greek word, meaning _"a profound transformation"_. The more modern _"metamorphosis" _is a Latin word which derives from this, although it does not have a completely similar meaning.

* * *

**Chapter One – Metamorphoun**

He began to dream in the middle of the summer, and after that, nothing was ever the same.

Each and every night, it came to him, always beginning and ending in the same way. Not long after he left the waking world and fell into the clutches of his subconscious, a brilliant array of colour and light would flash across the darkness of his mind. There was so much of it that he could never remember it perfectly, but somehow he knew that the colours always fell in the same order and had the same meaning. He was certain that this was not merely a figment of his imagination or collective images from the day stored within the depths of his memory. The dream was trying to tell him something, but he could never figure out what it was.

It always frustrated him immensely after waking. He could feel himself getting close to understanding what it meant – so close he could almost _feel _the message – when the colours would suddenly and instantly disappear. The image would then be replaced with another, more sinister one. He soon would himself in his five or six-year-old body, cowering behind a chair against the wall in his house, hiding from something. He was never sure what made him so afraid, but the mere thought of whatever lay behind the chair filled him with terror he had never felt before, running straight through him and storing itself within the core of his very being. Because of this, his dream-self never dared to leave his hiding place. He was too afraid of what would happen to him if he did.

When he next woke after the dream, it was nearly always with a cry of fear. The emotions he felt were so strong and severe that they would stay with him right throughout the rest of the day, imprinted onto his heart. Indeed, the whole dream was always strong and vivid enough for him to spend the long summer days that followed isolating himself from everyone, wondering aimlessly about the grounds around his house, desperately trying to understand the message behind it. He knew it was important somehow that he find meaning in it, but as much as he struggled to try, he could never see anything significant. It was as if there was a barrier coiling and curling around his mind, blocking him from seeing what he knew he needed to see. When he closed his eyes and became lost within himself, he could actually _feel _it there: taunting him…mocking him…preventing him from realizing the truth….

Of course, the barrier wasn't new to him. He had felt it ever since he was a young child. It had always frustrated him, often pushing him to turn to the darker side of his personality (especially when he tried to explain it to others and they simply couldn't understand). It was only later that he began to notice it again, as he knew it was relevant to the dreams. Slowly, as the long nights progressed and the dreams became more recurring and vivid, he felt the barrier inside him gradually start to crumble and dwindle. Each dream made another hole in it…drawing him closer to the hidden secrets of his mind. He wasn't sure whether to be excited by this or to fear it. Perhaps, he often wondered, the barrier had only been protecting him from the true horrors of his mind all along – keeping him from venturing out from behind the chair and coming face-to-face with whatever terrors lay beyond.

He didn't care that these thoughts might have sounded 'crazy' to the ears of others. They made perfect sense to him. He wasn't 'losing his mind', he was _finding _it, so how could that make him insane? All he cared about was that the barrier breakdown was real…and it was also inevitable.

Finally, the night came. The dream changed. That was when everything else changed as well.

In the dream, he was cowering behind the chair as usual, drawing away from whatever it was that he feared so greatly and unexplainably, when a voice suddenly rang out through the darkness of the room, calling out to him. He knew the voice instantly, even though he hadn't heard it in years. It was stern, controlling, but also reassuring. It was his father's. A great rush of relief passed through him, but it did not completely eliminate the fear.

"What are you hiding from, Hatsuharu?" he heard his father say. "What is it that you fear?"

"It is the unknown that I am afraid of," he heard himself respond in a squeaky child's voice. He had not meant to say the words, but his dream-body was not under his control. "Please help me, Father. I cannot do this alone."

"There is no need to fear, my son. You will not be alone for long. Do not fear, for there is no _reason_ to be afraid. Your destiny awaits you – let it guide you."

"But my destiny is still unknown to me, therefore it is my greatest fear," his dream-self replied. "I know I have a destiny – I feel it…I've _always _felt it…but I still don't _see _it. Perhaps I'm not ready to understand…"

There was a long, silent, reflective pause. Fear washed over him again, but it was not as strong as it had been before.

"No, I think you are ready. I sense that the time has finally come…now, you shall see," a hand extended to him, ghostly white against the backdrop of darkness. It were unmistakably the strong, calloused hand of his father. "Take my hand, Hatsuharu. Let me pull you out of hiding. Let me guide you through your fears, so that you may stand up in the darkness and look into the face of destiny."

His father's words filled him with a burst of courage. He knew he was right, and that it _was _time for something to change. Something _needed _to change. Not just for his sake, but for the sake of others as well. No longer afraid, he crept out from the shadows around him, reaching for his father's hand….

The second he grasped it, the vision evaporated into nothingness, and he awoke to the sounds of his mother calling out his name, demanding he drag himself out of bed and prepare for the first day of the new school year: his second-last year of high school.

Aggravated, but not totally disheartened, he proceeded to shower, dress and eat. He knew he was bound to have the dream again; that, in time, he would discover what it meant. What the colours at the beginning symbolized…why his father had appeared to him…what the 'face of destiny' was. He had seen it now – it was only a matter of figuring it out.

Despite having all this weighing on his mind that first morning, Haru soon found himself in a strange mood, but for reasons he wouldn't have been able to properly explain if he attempted to put it into words. He wasn't sure why – it was just an ordinary, boring school morning – but everything he did, from each breath to each movement, felt completely different. It was an astounding, yet oddly reassuring and comforting at the same time. It was as if the entire cosmos had somehow shifted while he was sleeping, but he couldn't understand how or why. The whole universe had seemingly changed overnight. He couldn't explain how it felt or why he knew this, but to him, it was just obvious…_different_.

After a moment's consideration, he decided he didn't care about it. The difference felt _good_, and he already knew that it was nothing to fear or worry about. If anything, it was something to embrace. It was as if everything in the world had finally fallen into place for him, and he could sense exciting premonitions in the air. The barrier in his mind which had held him back all his life was now completely gone. All that was left was _emptiness_. He knew he was waiting for something to fill the void the barrier had left behind in his mind – what that 'something' was, was still a mystery waiting to be solved, but he had a feeling it would fall into place when given time, just like everything else.

All of a sudden, it didn't matter that he'd been feeling so hollow and depressed all summer, that his heart had only recently been broken, or that anything else was going wrong in his life. The change set his mind at ease, emptying him of all unnecessary thought and emotion in order to prepare him for what was to come. He knew – could just tell – that something else was bound to change and fill him. It made him wonder if this was what his father had meant by 'not being afraid of destiny or the unknown' in his dream. He felt ready to face and accept anything.

_Perhaps it was the dream that changed the world, _Haru mused to himself as he walked towards school later in the morning beside Momiji, _or maybe it's not the world that's changed at all, but just me. Whatever the case, it feels right. This is meant to be…I'm on the edge of something great here…_

"You look different somehow…better," Momiji remarked from beside him as they strode along the sidewalk towards the school – the first thing he'd said to him since they set off together from the main house. There was a perplexed little frown playing about his lips, and his golden eyes were narrowed, scrutinizing as he stared at him, as if he was trying to figure something out.

Haru broke out of his reverie and smiled pensively at his friend. "I _feel_ better."

They stopped at the crossing, and Momiji continued to gaze at him, as if not entirely sure what to make of this. Haru only stared back, not the least intimidated or embarrassed by the look. He waited expectantly for a reply until Momiji eventually smiled at him, as if he finally had reached some conclusion.

"Good," he said simply as the lights changed and they stepped out onto the road. There was something in his eyes that told Haru the other boy truly meant what he had said, causing Haru to smile back.

They continued the walk in silence, Haru sinking back into his reverie. By the time they reached the school, he had made up his mind to try not to think about the sudden changes much anymore. They were good changes, and nothing to worry about. He knew he would find whatever it was that his soul was searching for to fill the empty place inside him when the right time arrived. Until then, he only had to wait.

As it turned out, he didn't have to wait very long.

The school corridors were packed as usual, with students rushing about madly, desperately trying to locate their new lockers or to seek out old friends. It was easy to pick the new first-year students, as they were wondering about with anxious, lost and overwhelmed expressions on their faces. He remembered how he'd felt his own first year in high school and couldn't help grinning sympathetically to himself at the sight before him.

He stayed close to Momiji as they weaved their way through the noisy chaos around them, following him almost dreamily, occasionally taking notice of a passing student he knew from previous years when they paused to greet him. However, he paid no attention to the first-year girls that pointed, blushed and giggled behind their hands when he passed them, having gotten used to the mostly unwanted interest of the female population a long time ago. Attractiveness was more or less considered part of the Sohma family curse. It wasn't something he boasted about, nor was it something he particularly cared about. It was only something he had learnt to put up with everyday.

"My new locker!" he heard Momiji exclaim excitedly beside him, pushing his way past a crowd of fellow third-year students to reach it. "Oooh, it's a good one this year! And look, your one seems to be right next to mine, Haru! Isn't that great?"

Haru said nothing as Momiji continued talking, but grinned as he followed his friend over to the lockers. To him, it seemed pretty amusing that, even though he'd grown up a lot in recent months, Momiji still managed to retain his childlike charms and mannerisms. The once pre-pubescent teenager had finally begun to mature with all the usual Sohma good-looks. Haru supposed he must now look something like the vision the two female friends of that old, annoying student president had of him years ago when he'd asked them to picture Momiji when he was full-grown (for one thing, he had started wearing the _boys _school uniform, and his voice had become noticeably deeper). The other girls in their class had certainly started to pay more attention to him, although Momiji never showed any interest in them in return (or in boys, for that matter, if it came to that). It wasn't that he hadn't _noticed_ them – since it was fairly difficult not to when they constantly ogled him – but more that he simply didn't _care_ about that kind of thing. He might have physically matured, but his mind was still pretty much that of a child's.

Haru leant against his new locker, watching idly as Momiji began to arrange his own. As he stared out across the corridor, his surroundings all seemed to melt in together until they became a massive blur of blues, whites and blacks. It was as if minor details were suddenly of little relevance to him, not even worth properly processing in his mind. He could still feel himself searching, and privately hoped that he would begin to understand what he was looking for soon.

It was only when he caught sight of Yuki Sohma for the first time that school year, as he rounded the corner at the opposite end of the corridor, that he felt every cell in his body suddenly sit up and take notice.

Like it was with the rest of this 'new world', there was something very different about Yuki, although in a way that simply couldn't be explained properly. Outwardly, he _looked _the same as ever, with his soft silvery hair cut unevenly in a way that framed his face, his uniform flawless and 'by the book' and his features placid. It wasn't that he was just as strikingly beautiful as ever, either. It was the smaller, less notable things about him, like the way he didn't seem to be paying much attention to whatever his companion, Tohru, happened to be saying, and how his eyes reflected that he was lost deep in thought. To anyone else, these things wouldn't have appeared obvious at all, but to Haru, it was just the opposite. He had always been good at sensing what was on the other boy's mind, but this was even stronger. It was as if every single minute and insignificant detail about him became all Haru's mind could see or was interested in.

"What are you staring at?" Momiji asked beside him, having realized that Haru wasn't listening to him as he talked.

"Yuki," Haru answered without thinking, not once taking his eyes off the sight before him.

Momiji followed Haru's gaze and brightened. To Haru's relief, he didn't question him any further, but waved and called out excitedly to the two older students, beckoning them towards him.

"Yuki! Tohru! Over here!"

Both looked up instantly, but in different directions. For reasons unknown, Yuki's eyes locked onto Haru's the moment he looked up. It was then that the final piece of the puzzle clicked into place in the universe, and things finally started to make more sense. He knew then, without a doubt, that whatever he was looking for had something to do with Yuki.

When he thought about more, he realized it was strange that it should be this way. He had spent the first half of his summer convincing himself that he was over Yuki, which had been difficult and painful, especially after the struggle he had undergone long ago when he first admitted those same feelings to himself. Yuki had used him, rebounding with him briefly in order to help himself recover from his own pain when Tohru had rejected him when he first confessed love to her. Regardless of this, Haru had felt no anger or resentment against Yuki, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt him. It had taken him months to convince himself that he had 'healed', even though that still couldn't be further from the truth.

At the time when it happened, Haru hardly thought about any of this past, or that his current situation was ironic. He only knew that it was right, and that he had no choice but to accept and go along with everything that was happening.

"Momiji! Hatsuharu! It's so good to see you!" Tohru said delightedly, bounding over to them and dragging the still-transfixed Yuki behind her. "How was your summer?"

"It was _boring_," Momiji complained. "Not a thing worth talking about happened. I wish we could have met up during the break."

"Me too – that would have been fun. I'm sorry I didn't think to arrange anything," Tohru replied brightly, her glittering green eyes fixing themselves on Haru. "How about you, Hatsuharu? How was your summer?"

Unable to verbally respond, Haru merely shrugged. Yuki had turned away from him by this stage, politely taking an interest in his own shoes. Still, it did not deter the feeling of 'rightness' he could sense growing within him, only made stronger by the passing of every second. He knew he should have found it unsettling, but like everything else, it was only perplexing. Not even questionable. It simply…was…

"He's been a real drag, moping around the place and being all reclusive – no fun at all," Momiji all but whined, then changed his tone instantly. "What about you, Tohru? Yuki?"

"Oh, summer's been great. It's nice to relax and get a break from school, but I'm glad to be back as well," Tohru said in her usual positive way, beaming at them.

"Yeah, me too," Momiji agreed whole-heartedly.

They continued to talk for a while, but it wasn't long before the conversation died out. All the while, Haru couldn't help but continue to stare at Yuki, even though the other boy was determinedly averting his eyes. He desperately wanted to speak to him alone…to find out why it was he felt this way…what it was about Yuki that felt so right. Was it all connected to everything that had happened between them right before the end of the last school year? Haru didn't think so. He knew it could only be connected to the changes he had undergone only that morning. The question was…how?

All of a sudden, Yuki looked up at him, a tiny, patent shy smile gracing his features.

"Hello, Haru," he said calmly into the silence that engulfed the small circle of friends, looking straight into his eyes.

"Hello, Yuki," Haru answered evenly, carefully masking all inward conflictions.

More silence only followed this exchange, yet more emotion was expressed then could be shown in words. Tohru had her head coaxed to one side, eyeing both Yuki and Haru curiously, while Momiji constantly glanced from one to the other in utter disbelief. Haru didn't really know what they were thinking, and he didn't care. The only person he paid attention to was Yuki, who stared back at him with a bland expression, revealing nothing.

Haru almost laughed to himself when he thought about how he'd spent the whole of the summer holidays trying to prepare himself for the moment when he would have to face Yuki again for the first time in three months after their awkward 'rebound date'. In all his wildest dreams, he had never pictured it would happen like this.

The school bell finally rang, and it was eagerly accepted by all.

"Well, we better get to class," said Tohru, taking hold of Yuki's arm. Haru felt an electric jolt of jealousy pass through him at the action, but ignored it for the time being. "I guess we'll see you both later."

"Of course! Tell everyone we'll meet after school, okay?" Momiji answered, already waving goodbye.

"Sure, that'd be great!" Tohru proceeded to lead Yuki off down the corridor, calling over her shoulder as she went, "have a good day!"

"You too!" Momiji shouted gleefully after her, before turning back to Haru so quickly that it startled him, adding in a softer, denser tone, "alright, so what's going on between you and Yuki?"

"…I honestly don't know," Haru replied sincerely, chuckling despite himself. He turned back to his locker as well, leaving Momiji to try and puzzle this out. Eventually, the other boy must have given up, because he shook his head slowly to himself before he lumbered off to class without bothering to wait for his friend.

* * *

School had never seemed less relevant than it did to Haru that day. He hardly heard a word anyone said to him, finding himself tuning out more often then not in every class, staring out the nearby window and brooding over what had transpired earlier that morning and in months gone by.

There was a lot he still didn't know about what had happened between Yuki and Tohru in their last month of school the previous year. He _did _know that Yuki had confessed feelings of love to Tohru at some stage during this period, and that she had immediately but kindly turned him down, claiming that she only saw him as a brother-type figure and nothing more. After this, Yuki had sunk into a state of depression and sought company and companionship. Not knowing what else to do, he had turned to Haru.

For weeks, the two of them had met to talk in almost every free moment they had. The emotionally-distraught Yuki had confided everything in him, telling him private and personal things. This led to them having long, open and meaningful conversations – the kind Haru had only ever dreamed about them having before. He was still very much in love with Yuki, then. He had tried to deny it in the past, making futile attempts to convince himself that he was 'over' the person he considered to be his first love. It was only when they started talking this way that he stopped hiding how he felt to himself and fully embraced it, daring to hope that perhaps his every wish would be fulfilled, and Yuki would soon start to return his feelings so they could be together. It didn't matter to him that most of their conversations were about how much he was in love with Tohru – through the whole ordeal, Haru felt closer to Yuki than he had ever felt before, and he knew the feeling was mutual.

Later, he realized he was a fool to think such things. Maybe, despite what Yuki had said to him when they were children, he really _had _been a fool all along. He was a fool for falling in love with Yuki in the first place…he was a fool for ever daring to hope that there could be something between them even after Yuki had told him time and time again when they were younger that he simply wasn't interested. He was an even greater fool for agreeing to date Yuki when he was asked, scarcely weeks after Yuki had been rejected by Tohru.

Of course, he always knew it was only a rebound date, but he had tried to ignore and deny that fact as much as he possibly could. The fact that Yuki had asked him at all meant he must be somewhat interested. After time, he would recover from what had happened with Tohru, and then he would be free and ready to love Haru in the same way Haru loved him. He told himself this so much that it didn't take long for him to convince himself of it. He wished he hadn't invested so much time and emotion into it, because it ended up hurting even more when their one and only date turned out to be a disaster.

This all happened at the very end of the last school year. Shortly after, summer holidays began, and Haru didn't see or speak to Yuki again for the duration of the next three months. He spent the time doing everything he could to recover from the hurt he felt at being used by the one he loved in such a way. He didn't blame Yuki, and he certainly wasn't angry at him, but that didn't take away any of the pain. It hurt so much that he was almost beyond tears, and completely at a loss of what to do when it came to most aspects of his life. Some might have even said he was depressed.

It had taken what seemed like an age, but he had finally convinced himself to get over it all and to move on. Yuki would never see him in the same way…he had dealt with it all his life, and he could deal with it now. At least he could be thankful that the whole experience had given him the opportunity to get so much closer to Yuki. He soon began to practice ways to handle their next few meetings upon returning to school so that Yuki would know they wouldn't have to lose the bond they had built with each other over such an incident. Upon separating, they had agreed to remain friends, but Haru knew it was bound to be awkward between them at first. He was determined not to make it too troubled, despite the pain it would cause him to have to pretend even to himself that everything was okay when, in reality, it wasn't really. But _any _relationship was better than no relationship at all. By the end of the summer holidays, he had it all planned out.

But then the dreams had started, and things had changed. That morning – the very same morning he was going to be seeing Yuki again for the first time in three months – he had woken to find that his whole world had magically and unexplainably undergone a profound and earth-shattering change. Even worse, the more he thought about it, it all seemed to come back to Yuki, the one person he was determined to get off his mind.

Now, Yuki really was the only thing he could think about. During those long school hours, he realized sadly to himself that he really wasn't over Yuki at all. He was just as much in love with him as he had been three months ago, and every day before that since they were young.

Only now, that didn't seem to matter so much. What he wanted to know was whether Yuki felt the same strange premonitions and connections to him, and what this would mean for both of them…

He spent the rest of the school day, the afternoon, and the evening trying to find an answer to all this, but to no avail. When he eventually fell into a deep sleep that night, the dream came to him again. The same colours in the same order…the same emotions…the same words of his father and his childhood self…

This time, however, when he reached for his father's hand, he _did _manage to take it. He was pulled out from the darkness behind his hiding place. But instead of coming face-to-face with his father, as he expected to, it was Yuki who stared back at him, his bright azure eyes reflecting a future that still remained unknown…

The image that stayed with him long after he awoke was that of Yuki smiling at him…smiling as if he knew and understood a secret Haru did not.

After that, Haru never had that dream again.

* * *

**A/N:** Yet another establishing chapter, unfortunately. I cannot wait until I get to the actual plot, so sorry if it seemed a bit rushed! This whole 'ominous foreshadowing' stuff is just so boring!

By the way, I thought I should mention here that the prologue was actually based on events that really happened on my first ever date, with me in Haru's place and my "date" in Yuki's. That whole thing was pretty much taken straight out of my memory, but with the names and the genders of the people changed, obviously – XD.

Next chapter will be posted just as soon as I feel motivated to write it….

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to reviewers:**

**Egyptian-Fire: **I'm so glad you liked it – I hope this chapter was just as good. I'll try to update soon.

**Adi88: **Thanks for saying Yuki can be a bitch (although I love him, too)! That made my day, especially since he's loosely based on someone I used to date in this fic – XD. You're awesome! I really hope you liked this chapter as well. Please let me know what you thought of it!

**Pocky-Pocky-Chan: **Aw, why don't you like Tohru/Kyo? I'll admit, I find Tohru exceedingly annoying at times, but if she has to be with anyone, I'd rather she was with someone almost as equally annoying as herself. Let's face it, Kyo can be a pain (if a loveable pain). Anyway, thank you for all your comments! I'm really interested to know what you think of the new chapter as well.

**Jessiegurl43953: **I'm excited, too – XD. It's great to have an awesome reviewer like you. I'm glad you think I kept it in-character and realistic, I'll try to continue to do that as best I can. And if you keep reviewing, then I promise to keep updating!

**Hatsuharu and Yuki forever: **I'm glad you like the story so far. Despite my best attempts to come across as less-depressing when I write, I really am a bit of an angsty writer, although, I hope, not so much an agnsty person! Please continue to read and review.

**Zavijah: **Thanks so much for your comments! Yeah, I love writing about the thought-processes of characters – it's so interesting to explore human psychology in a creative way. I like to put characters in situations and then go into detail about their feelings/emotions around it because it just fascinates me the way some people think and how that almost always reflects certain aspects of their personality. I really hope you continue to read and enjoy this fic!


	3. Nothing but Normality

**Desiderata **

**_By fallen-angel-b_**

**Rated:** M for possible violence in later chapters.

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Parings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru

**Note:** Thanks to my fabulous beta, minerva276!

* * *

**Chapter Two – Nothing but Normality**

"What the…No! That's impossible! There's no way in hell that damn rat could roll a twelve three times in a row! This game is rigged!"

Red in the face with indignation, Kyo leaned across the dining room table to pick up the cardboard box that had once contained the board game they were playing, holding it above his head and shaking it around experimentally as if he half expected some incriminating evidence to suddenly fall out.

"Um, I don't think so, Kyo," Tohru said gently, with a small, nervous laugh. She glanced over the table at Yuki, offering him a kindly smile. "Some people are just lucky, I guess."

Kyo obviously wasn't at all pleased by this response. He tossed the box aside in frustration so that it crashed into the wall, the unused pieces falling out and scattering across the wooden floor. He folded his arms and grunted contemptuously, glowering from one companion to the other as if daring them to say something.

Tohru immediately glanced over at Yuki, awaiting the irritable, dry remark she had come to expect from him whenever Kyo made a scene. She wasn't sure whether to be surprised or not when she found he hadn't reacted at all to what had just occurred, and was quietly making himself scarce by staring absently into space, lost within a reverie. Although it was not at all like him not to want to pick a fight with Kyo, given the opportunity, it had become increasingly more common to see Yuki looking so vague in recent weeks. The more it happened, the more heavily it weighed upon her consciousness.

"Oh yeah? Well, it looks like his luck is finally about to run out!" Kyo said determinedly, leaping to his feet and pointing at Yuki. "I swear I'm going to beat you in this game, even if it's the last thing I do."

Again, Yuki remained silent…unmoving. Tohru bit her lip and eyed him in concern. She had avoided confronting him about whatever it was that was on his mind for a while now, knowing full well how uncomfortable talking about his feelings often made him, even with his closest friends. But Yuki had been acting so…_pensive _lately – and especially so that afternoon. She wasn't sure what, but she was certain something must have happened during school to unsettle him so much, and she had the impression that it was something he might want to talk about. Seeing him acting in such a way troubled her, and she desperately wanted to find out if he was alright, although she could hardly ask him anything with Kyo in the room.

Tohru sighed heavily to herself. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to suggest the three of them play a board game together, what with Yuki brooding so much and Kyo being in one of his 'competitive moods'. But it had been a wet and rainy afternoon – the afternoon just after the first day of school – and none of them had had anything better to do. Although Yuki and Kyo ordinarily still could barely seem to stand one another, they were at least able to tolerate each other's presence for a few hours, so long as Tohru was there as well. When she had taken the game down from one of the dusty old shelves in Shigure's study and asked them to play, they had both, if reluctantly, agreed.

Within the two hours they had been playing, Yuki had hardly paid any attention to his surroundings, and Kyo, it seemed, had finally lost his patience.

"Hey!" Kyo demanded, tossing one of the plastic game pieces so that it landed squarely on Yuki's head. "What's wrong? You deaf or something?"

Yuki turned to him properly for the first time in almost half an hour, the game-piece colliding with the side of his head catching his attention.

"No, I'm not deaf. I just have better things to think about than listening to you talk, you stupid cat."

"Oh you are so full of it! One of these days, I'm gonna take you down! Then we'll see which one of us looks stupid!"

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that," Yuki answered blandly, moving his piece twelve paces forward on the game board spread out on the table between them, easily overtaking Kyo.

Tohru pressed a hand to her forehead and shook her head in dismay. _I definitely shouldn't have suggested the game, _she mused to herself. _If this keeps up, then it's going to be a long night. I really wish the two of them could just be friends…_

Before either Yuki or Kyo could become more carried away, however, Shigure stuck his head through the door leading to the main hallway, interrupting the group and bringing them all to an abrupt silence.

"Tohru! Phone call!" Shigure called out in a sing-song voice.

"Oh, okay. Thank you, Shigure," Tohru stood and quickly crossed the room to the door, pausing only briefly once she reached it to look back at them over her shoulder warily. "Um…you two are going to be okay while I'm gone, aren't you?"

Kyo folded his arms and shrugged, eyes fixed determinedly on the right wall. Yuki smiled at her vaguely, nodding.

"They're big boys – I think they'll be able to survive a couple of minutes without tearing down the whole house, Tohru," Shigure replied for them with a hint of something mischievous in his tone.

Tohru nodded, knowing he was right. "I'll be back soon, then. You can roll the dice for me and move my piece while I'm away."

With a small wave, she past Shigure and headed into the main hall where the phone was kept, picking it up from where it rested on the side and pressing it to her ear.

"Uh, hello?"

"TOHRU!"

Tohru jumped in surprise as someone practically screamed at her, holding the phone away from her ear slightly so the sound didn't deafen her. She didn't have to ask to know who was on the other end of the line.

"Oh hello, Momiji!" she said with a giggle. She didn't know what he could possibly be calling her about, but was glad to hear from him nonetheless.

"Sorry, Tohru, am I too loud? People always say I'm much too loud when I talk on the phone. I can't help it, really, it's hard to keep your voice down when you're so excited, and talking on the phone always – "

"Oh no, it's fine, Momiji, really," Tohru cut him off before he became too carried away, still holding the phone a little away.

"That's good. I wouldn't want to make your ears bleed or anything. Do you think that can happen, if you hear a loud enough noise? Do you think something might burst and your eardrums would start bleeding? I've never seen someone's ears bleed before, but I reckon it could happen. There _is_ blood in your ears, after all, isn't there? Or is it just like that stuff in your nose…cartilage or whatever?"

"Um, I'm not really sure," Tohru said, feeling as if she was at a loss. She knew Momiji wouldn't call her just to talk about ears bleeding, but she supposed it was in his nature to get a little side-tracked from the conversation at times. "Maybe you should ask Hatori that question."

"You're right, I should," he laughed. "Oops, I'm babbling again. Sorry about that."

"It's okay," she grinned to herself. "So…can I ask why you're calling?"

"Oh yeah!" Momiji exclaimed, as if only just remembering this for the first time. "I was wondering if you had any plans for the upcoming weekend."

"Apart from a bit of housework, then no, not really. I don't have many shifts at work, either."

"That's great," he answered excitedly, "because there's a carnival on in our area this weekend and I thought it might be fun if we could all go along! Haru said he would come, and I've already called Uo and Hana and they're both coming too."

"A carnival! That sounds fun," Tohru said delightedly, already looking forward to the opportunity to spend time with all the people she cared about. "I'll have to ask Shigure first, but I'm sure he'll say it's okay."

"Yay! Now I'm extra excited! I was going to tell you all about it tomorrow, but I guess I just got so excited I couldn't wait until then. I'll give you the details at school, okay? Oh, and Yuki and Kyo are invited as well. Will you tell them about it for me?"

"Of course I will. I can hardly wait, and I'm sure they'll both be excited too!" Tohru answered happily. She had a feeling that this would be a good chance to try and cheer Yuki up from whatever it was that seemed to be weighing so heavily on his mind, seeing as being with friends had always helped him to feel better in the past. "Thanks for calling, Momiji. I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow, then."

"Oh, before you go, Tohru," Momiji stopped her before she could put the phone back down, his voice lower and much denser in tone, "would it be okay if I asked you a quick question?"

"Sure," Tohru replied, puzzled by his sudden change in manner. She had a feeling that whatever he was about to ask was much more serious than the rest of the conversation had been, and braced herself for both the best and the worst.

"I was just wondering…how do you think Yuki and Haru will go, what with the other being there at the carnival? Do you think I might make it too awkward for everyone if I invite both?"

"What do you mean?" Tohru asked in concern, wondering if this could have something to do with the way Yuki had been acting recently. She glanced anxiously at the dining room door to make sure no one could overhear her before adding softly, "do you think there might be something going on between Yuki and Hatsuharu?"

"Could be. I don't know, that's the problem. All I know is that Haru has been acting very strange over the summer, all sad and depressed about something. About halfway through the holidays he…I don't know…_changed_ somehow. He started to become really pensive and tried to isolate himself from everyone as much as possible. Then, for some reason, he seemed a whole lot better to me this morning…or at least he did until he saw Yuki. Now he's gone back to being thoughtful and reclusive again. He practically pushed me away from him when we were walking home this afternoon."

Tohru frowned thoughtfully to herself, realizing that this description sounded an awful lot like Yuki and the way he had been behaving during the holiday break. Just like Hatsuharu, Yuki had been acting very strangely in recent weeks. Up until now, she hadn't even thought to consider the possibility that Yuki's mood had something to do with Hatsuharu. But the more she thought about it, the more obvious it seemed, especially after the way they greeted each other that morning...

"Sorry to get you involved like this," Momiji continued when she forgot to reply, "but there's just something really weird going on and it's making me worried – for both of them. I thought that maybe since you're so close to Yuki, you might be able to help."

"It's okay, Momiji. I'm worried about them too," Tohru said earnestly, "but I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you. I admit Yuki has been acting pretty strange over the break as well, but he hasn't said anything about it to me. Do you think they might have had an argument or something towards the middle of the holidays?"

There was silence from the other end of the phone as Momiji paused to consider this.

"Hmm…no, I don't think so," he eventually replied. "Believe me, a simple argument wouldn't make them react in such a way. Besides, as far as I know, they haven't seen each other all summer. The way I see it, I think it's more likely they became involved at some stage, and now they're both having trouble coping with the situation."

"You mean…romantically involved?" Tohru questioned tensely, her cheeks reddening.

"Well yeah, it makes sense if you think about it. Haru has always liked Yuki – that's dead obvious to anyone – and the two of them _did _seem to spend a lot of time together in the last few weeks of school. That was just before Haru started to get depressed, so that was because whatever was going on between him and Yuki had ended and he was sad about it. It _would _answer a few questions…"

"I-I don't think that's possible, Momiji," Tohru stammered, becoming increasingly uncomfortable by the minute.

"Why not?"

"Because," she paused to take a deep breath, "I don't think Yuki would do something like that."

"What do you mean, Tohru?" Momiji asked worriedly. "Do you know something I don't?"

Tohru gulped, wondering how she was going to avoid such an embarrassing situation. She could hardly tell Momiji that Yuki couldn't have been involved with Hatsuharu since he still had feelings for her at that time. This meant that the only way the two _could _have been involved was if Yuki rebounded, which she strongly doubted. She couldn't see Yuki using anyone like that, especially not Hatsuharu, who obviously cared about him so much and who she could imagine would be completely heartbroken when he found out the truth. Even if Momiji's reasoning for it sounded convincing, she refused to believe that Yuki would do such a thing to anyone.

"Tohru…are you still there?"

Tohru sighed heavily, her mind racing as she tried to think of a way to change the subject. She hadn't promised Yuki that she would keep the entire situation a secret, but there was a mutual, silent understanding between them that this was not something to discuss even with the closest of friends. There was no way she could let Momiji know the truth.

"Momiji, I…um…I just don't think Yuki would do that to Hatsuharu…go out with him and then dump him so quickly," she mumbled, hoping the reply would suffice.

"Well, you never know," Momiji mused, then sighed, "but whatever there is going on between them seems very strange. I don't mean to pry so much, but I'm just so worried about it. For all we know, something really bad could have happened."

"I hope not," Tohru said, struggling to keep herself from becoming too anxious, "but you know, if it _was _something really bad, they wouldn't keep it to themselves. We can trust them both to tell us what they need to."

"You're right," Momiji agreed wholeheartedly. "Maybe I'm just overreacting. I'm sure everything's fine."

They both knew this wasn't entirely true, of course, but Tohru had the distinct impression that it made everything much easier to understand. Whatever was going on between her two friends was unusual, but it was also none of her business and she knew Yuki would always come and talk to her if he needed to.

"I have to go now," Momiji said, "but tell Yuki he's invited as well. It's not like I can ask everyone along and leave him out, can I? That would be even _more _awkward."

"Like you said, Momiji, I'm sure everything will be fine," Tohru said warmly. "I should be going too. I'll see you at school?"

"Of course. Be safe, Tohru."

"You too…"

She heard the phone go dead on the other end of the line and placed the receiver back down, leaning against the wall to think.

The last few months had been difficult to handle for Yuki, and despite his constant efforts to console her, she still partly believed most of it to be her fault. Almost a year after the whole event with Kyo and Kazuma, in the last few months of the school year, Yuki had pulled her aside one day out-of-the-blue and had taken her to his secret base, where he confessed to her that he loved her. Tohru found herself shocked by the revelation and unsure of how she could possibly react. She had come to think of Yuki as a brother, and had never considered the fact that he might think of her in that way. She certainly loved him, but not like that, and part of her didn't think that he even _really _loved her that way as well.

Naturally, he hadn't taken it so well when she told him all this. He tried to go about pretending that nothing was wrong, but it was easy to see that he was very depressed. Shigure and even Kyo had noticed something, although they were never to find out the real cause for it. Seeing Yuki in such a state made Tohru upset as well. She longed to be able to talk about what had happened seriously with him, but for weeks on end, Yuki avoided her altogether as much as possible. Whenever he was forced to speak with her, he seemed guarded and distant, not even bothering to pretend that everything was okay between them. She didn't even try asking him about it, because she already could predict what sort of reaction she would receive from him if she did.

For the longest time, Tohru was at a loss for what to do about anything. She hated that her friendship with Yuki was in jeopardy, as well as the fact that she couldn't discuss it with him for a myriad of different reasons. She wished that everything between them could go back to the way it had been, but as time passed, she steadily began to doubt the possibility that it could more and more. For weeks, she lay awake in bed late at night, wondering how she could get through to him so they could go back to being friends.

As time passed and nothing between them changed for better or for worse, Tohru felt herself becoming more and more anxious. It wasn't long before both Uo and Hana noticed something towards the very end of the school year and confronted her about it. After trying to deny everything for a while, she eventually gave in and told them everything about what had happened and how she was feeling. It felt good to finally get it all out and to know she had people to turn to for advice, but in doing so she somehow felt like she was betraying Yuki. Being turned down by her must have been humiliating enough for him without other people knowing about it, and even though her two friends assured her she had no right to feel that way, she was still very guilty about it now.

Although both Uo and Hana swore to her that they wouldn't get involved and let Yuki know she had told them, they were able to offer her advice on how to handle the situation. As always, they were there for her when she needed someone the most. Both her friends agreed that Yuki was avoiding Tohru out of embarrassment, and she probably shouldn't confront him about their friendship until he'd been allowed some time to heal. They suggested she leave him be for a while, and that in time, he would recover from the whole episode and move on. When that happened, everything would go back to normal and they could be friends again. She only had to give it time. With nothing better to go by, Tohru took their advice and gave Yuki as much space from her as she could.

As it turned out, Uo and Hana were right. One day, during the beginning weeks of the holidays, Yuki came downstairs in the early hours of the morning to the kitchen where she was making breakfast and apologized sincerely for the way he had acted towards her. They ended up cooking together, while having the in-depth discussion about it she had hoped they would have for so long. Many more, similar conversations soon followed, until eventually Yuki told her that he had been thinking about it a lot, before he had finally realized that he had been confused, and his feelings for Tohru had only ever been the type of feelings one would have for their closest friend. This made Tohru so happy, and it wasn't long before they were back to being friends again. If anything, they were even closer than they had been before, which actually made her glad the whole thing had happened, regardless of all the hurt and confusion it had caused them both. It had certainly been a good learning experience for both of them, and it had resulted in bringing them closer together as friends.

Then, at some stage during the middle of the holidays, Yuki had changed. As far as Tohru could tell, it was neither a good or a bad change, but it was a change nonetheless. Outwardly, he became isolated and pensive (just as Momiji had described Hatsuharu to have done), spending most of his time either wandering off into the woods that surrounded the house, or locked upstairs in his bedroom. This led Tohru to become greatly concerned for him, believing something might be wrong.

During the course of the holidays, she asked him time and time again if there was anything troubling him. Yuki had only smiled at her serenely in reply and assured her that none of it had anything to do with her, but never properly revealed what was on his mind. Confused and troubled by this, but not wanting to do anything to push him away again, Tohru decided to take the same tack as she had done before, giving him his space while dropping the occasional hint into conversation so he knew that he could always come to her with any problem he had. So far, however, he hadn't touched upon the subject with her.

With the way Yuki was acting, it wasn't hard for her to come to the conclusion that whatever was going on with him really was her fault somehow, no matter what he said to try and convince her otherwise. That was why she was so surprised when he suddenly seemed happier than he had all summer that morning before school (if still very pensive and distant), but for no apparent reason. Glad that he was in such a good mood, Tohru decided not to question his behavior, lest she remind him of something and bring him down again.

Because of the hectic rush and excitement that always accompanied the first day back at school, Tohru hadn't given much thought to her brief meeting at the lockers with Momiji and Hatsuharu. The more she reflected on it, the more she became convinced that there was definitely something happening between Yuki and Hatsuharu beneath the surface. The way they had interacted was indeed very strange. Not so much in what they said, but in the atmosphere around them…as if there was some sort of strange vibe passing between them that she didn't think they were even aware of. If asked to, she knew she wouldn't have been able to put a name to what it was. It all seemed very peculiar, and she was very curious to know what was going on.

Even so, she still couldn't believe Momiji's theory about Yuki and Hatsuharu being involved during the summer. She knew the two had spent a lot of time together in the last few weeks of school, almost straight after Yuki had confessed his feelings to her, but that didn't mean anything other than Yuki seeking emotional support from someone in a difficult time. It wasn't a sure sign that they had been dating. There may have been strong evidence to suggest it, but she refused to believe that the person she now considered to be her older brother would do something like that to someone who loved him, even when he was heartbroken. After all, Yuki was _straight_. If he had been on the rebound, then he could have easily asked any one of the girls at school to go out with him and they would have agreed to it more than willingly.

_But if it's not that, then what else? _She wondered to herself, _Momiji's right, they couldn't have been so depressed over a simple fight. So what, then, is going on?_

Deciding that musing over it any longer would only lead to further questions, Tohru turned her attentions to Momiji's idea of meeting with everyone at the upcoming carnival and was soon smiling to herself. She was positive that it would be a good way to make Yuki feel better, and with Hatsuharu coming along, it might also turn out to be the perfect opportunity for them to settle whatever it was that had caused so much strife and confusion. She really hoped this would happen, because it would mean she wouldn't have to worry so much. Also, she realized, it might give her the chance to spend time with Kyo…

She felt her cheeks automatically redden as a few pleasant images miraculously found their way into her head. In truth, she had known from the moment Yuki told her he loved her that she could never think of him in the same way he thought of her then. The entire thing had only convinced her even further of what she had known for a long time (at least to some extent). Her heart firmly and definitely did belong to another…

"Something wrong, Tohru?"

Tohru looked up to see Shigure staring at her from a nearby doorway, arm resting on the frame and a large grin plastered to his face.

"Oh Shigure! You startled me!" she exclaimed, the colour in her face deepening out of embarrassment. "No, nothing's wrong. Everything is perfectly fine, why do you ask?"

Shigure's grin quickly morphed into a smirk. "You're blushing."

"No, that's not it at all!" she cried, the words spilling out in a rush before she barely had time to consider them. "Is it just me, or is it getting really warm in this room? My face must be coming over all flushed!"

"Now, Tohru, you should know better than to try and deny it to me. I write romance for a living – I can tell if someone is blushing or not," he remarked teasingly, looking as if he was thoroughly enjoying himself. "So what were you thinking about? Was that your boyfriend who had you on the phone for so long?"

"It was Momiji…"

"_Momiji_?" Shigure's eyes went wide with surprise. It took Tohru a while to realize what she had unintentionally implied.

"Oh, I don't mean it like that! Not at all!" Tohru replied, flustered. "What I meant to say, was that Momiji was just on the phone right now, that's all."

"If you say so," Shigure chuckled. "I came to get you because I thought you ought to know _those _two are fighting again."

He gestured into the rooms beyond with his hand and Tohru sighed heavily to herself, smiling placidly. After everything that had happened, it was a welcomed change to hear something that wasn't too out-of-the-ordinary.

"Well, I better go and find out what's wrong," she answered brightly, following Shigure back into the house._ At least I can always count on some sense of normality…_

* * *

**Note: **I don't know what it is about this chapter, but something doesn't work well (Tohru's reflection thing too long, perhaps?). It's not the most eventful of chapters, but I think it is necessary to move the story forward. How can I improve?

Thanks for reading, please review!


	4. Vertigo

**Desiderata **

**_By fallen-angel-b_**

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru

**Note:** Chapter title quite random. Please suggest a better one if possible.

* * *

**Chapter Three – Vertigo**

The carnival was better than most of them would have imagined, with thousands of lights illuminating the shadowy black sky masked by threatening clouds. It was situated on a grassy open lawn somewhere between Shigure's house and the main part of the city – a patch of vibrancy, colour and sound amongst a place otherwise somber and bleak, swept with bitter winds and the frosty autumn chill.

As Yuki drew closer to the awe-aspiring sight, he was overwhelmed with an unusual blend of strong, musky odors: straw…animal droppings…junk food…sweat…and a few other scents he somewhat recognized, but simply couldn't name. All around him, lights flashed and sirens blared, carousel music blasted from loudspeakers and stall-attendants boomed out announcements over microphones. Swarms of people of a wide range of ages charged about in all directions, screaming and howling with laughter as they were swept up into the hazy, terrifying excitement of the joys that surrounded them.

Yuki shuddered, experiencing a sense of claustrophobia as the brightly-dressed crowds pushed in around him. He couldn't help feeling out of place against such a colourful backdrop in his usual bland, conservative attire – which made him highly uncomfortable – and the range of bizarre, different smells coupled with the constant movement and blinding lights made him feel slightly ill. Even with his friends beside him, he couldn't shake the feeling of becoming lost within it all…drowning in a world he was yet to fully explore.

After only being there five minutes, Yuki Sohma readily made up his mind that he wasn't fond of carnivals at all.

"Wow, it's so big and beautiful and bright," Tohru shouted at them over the top of the surrounding noise, wrapping herself more tightly in her jacket to ward off the autumn chill. "I feel so alive and so happy just being here! This place is just so full of promise. It's like anything could happen here, even the most impossible of things!"

"I wish I could think of it the same way you do," Yuki replied in kind, closing his eyes in order to give his mind a chance to rest, "but all these lights are giving me a headache."

"What's wrong? Can't handle being in a place where you're not getting more attention than everything else around you?" Kyo remarked snidely from where he stood on Tohru's other side.

"I never said that," Yuki replied bitterly. He narrowed his eyes and scowled at the other Sohma, but didn't bother to take the dispute any further. He had not been in the mood for putting up with Kyo's antics at all in recent weeks, what with all the other more conflicting thoughts that had been plaguing his mind. The night of the carnival was no exception when it came to the tolerance he had for his rival.

"Uh, why don't we try and find the others?" Tohru laughed nervously, sensing an impending argument and changing the subject to prevent it.

Yuki cast her a sympathetic smile, understanding that it must take a lot to put up with the Sohmas the way she did. "That sounds like a great idea, Miss Honda."

Kyo jammed his hands into his pockets and walked forward a few paces, standing in front of them and gazing around in an almost arrogant manner. Despite having told himself he wasn't going to let Kyo bother him, Yuki simply couldn't prevent the words 'stupid prick' from forming in his mind, causing him to scowl to himself.

"Yeah, so where are they all anyway?" Kyo said nonchalantly, looking about as if he was waiting for a familiar face to suddenly appear out of the vast crowds.

"Well, I think Momiji told me at school yesterday that the plan is to meet by the Ferris Wheel," Tohru said, placing a finger against her lips as she thought.

Kyo glanced back over his shoulder, a single eyebrow raised. "You _think_?"

"I, uh…" Tohru trailed off, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she looked away from Kyo. Knowing that this could only be from embarrassment, Yuki fixed Kyo with a sharp look. No one made his best friend feel uncomfortable and got away with it, least of all Kyo Sohma.

"If Miss Honda says the others will be at the Ferris Wheel, then that is where they'll be," he said coolly, gesturing to a distant spot where an enormous round structure towered over all the other rides. "I think it's this way. Come on."

Apart from Tohru occasionally pointing out something of interest, conversation was scarce as they journeyed deeper into the carnival park. The silences between them was hardly noticeable over the almost chaotic background noise, but even if the atmosphere around them had been completely dull and silent, Yuki didn't think he would have noticed it. He was far too preoccupied with desperately trying to calm the anxious churning sensation he felt in the core of his stomach as they steadily approached the rest of their group – a group that included the one person who had been on his mind almost constantly for the duration of the entire previous week.

Ever since the first day of school, Yuki had been doing everything in his power to try and avoid Hatsuharu as much as possible, even going to such lengths as arriving at school late and making sure he was always first out the gate in the afternoon. He knew it probably wasn't the best thing to do, but their first encounter with one another after the holidays had been difficult enough to handle without doing anything to complicate matters further.

Throughout the week, Yuki had found himself reflecting on that meeting more than anything else. It had been the strangest (yet oddly, it was also the most exhilarating) moment of his entire life…unable to be described accurately in words. The instant he locked eyes with the friend awkward circumstances had kept him from for three months, something had happened to him which he couldn't accurately explain. It was as if something inside of him had come to life, and for the first time, he was able to see the world properly. He had known from the moment he woke up that morning that there was an empty space inside of him that needed to be filled. He still didn't know what that thing was, but he was certain that it had something to do with Haru. He knew it just as well as he knew his own name…just as well as he knew that after that moment, nothing in his life would ever feel the same again.

Whatever it was, it troubled him immensely. The fact that he was being relatively calm about the whole ordeal when it would have made him panic in any other circumstance wasn't the real reason for this. Nor did he mind that these thoughts would have sounded crazy to anyone else (accepting them as being perfectly logical made it a lot easier for him to comprehend). What truly bothered him was the fact that he didn't have any control over what was happening to him. He felt as if he was being drawn towards Haru by an unknown force…a force which he could only think to describe as fate. But calling it such just complicated matters further, because he didn't even _believe _in fate. He had always felt like a powerless person, and the mere idea that he didn't have any power over his own destiny whatsoever terrified him more than anything else.

It made things much simpler if he told himself that it was all just in his head…that his first meeting with Haru had been a fluke and he was a fool to get so worked up about it. The more logical side of his personality was satisfied with this, but the deeper, more profound part of his soul was not. He'd lain awake in bed for nights on end, unable to sleep because of the large space inside of him that still needed to be filled, wondering what it could all mean. It was during those moments that he dared to ask himself the most fearful of questions. What if it really _was _fate pulling him towards Haru? What exactly _would _happen when he was inevitably forced to face Haru again? Did Haru feel it too, and what did it all actually mean?

So far, he had been unable to answer any of these questions, no matter how much he had mused over them during the course of the past week. The only way he could hope to put his mind at ease was to deny as much of it as he could, but even then he still knew that he couldn't deny it for long…

"Hey…_hey_!"

Yuki jumped as he was shoved roughly to one side by the shoulder, a loud voice ringing in his ear. Blinking himself back to reality, Yuki narrowed his eyes when he saw Kyo glaring at him, teeth clenched and one hand branded in a fist, taking an offensive stance. Tohru stood just behind him, hands clasped together in front of her as she looked on anxiously.

"No need to shout at me, I'm right here," Yuki said bitterly, trying very hard not to notice all the unwanted attention they were already starting to receive from passing crowds.

"No you're not, you're totally out of it! You were doing that _thing _again!"

"Please try to be more discreet. I don't want for this to turn into a spectator's sport," he replied softly, glancing around at the surrounding people. "What 'thing' are you talking about?"

"That thing you've been doing all week…you know, spacing out like every five minutes or so and completely ignoring people!" Kyo continued to shout, red eyes alight with frustration. "You've been doing it nearly all holidays, _and _even more so this week! It's really starting to piss me off, so pay some more attention damn it!"

Yuki rolled his eyes. He knew that Kyo was right to some extent. He had been brooding an awful lot during the past week, and he supposed it was very rude of him to do so. However, he was not about to admit any of this to someone he hated.

"You're one to talk. If you had better concentration, then maybe you wouldn't lose so badly whenever we fight."

"Damn rat! I swear you are going to pay for that someday!"

Yuki opened his mouth to reply, but changed his mind before he had formed a response, closing it with a sigh. There was no sense in getting Kyo fired up when it would only cause a scene. Besides, he had a feeling that all three of them had been exasperated and embarrassed enough already for one day, especially in Tohru's case (although he knew it was not in her nature to reveal too much negative emotion). He often marveled at how wonderful she was to put up with his constant fighting with Kyo as well as she did.

"So what, you're just going to walk away?" Kyo called out angrily as he continued on in the same direction.

Yuki merely shrugged, waiting for them both to catch him up before adding, "so what was so important you had to interrupt me, anyway?"

"What the hell are you on about?"

"Come on. Don't tell me you just bugged me for the sake of it," Yuki replied irritably. "Why did you want to talk to me anyway?"

"As if I would want to talk to you!" Kyo said indignantly, gesturing wildly in Tohru's direction as they walked. "She was trying to ask you something, but you just kept on ignoring her! I had to do something."

"Miss Honda…?" Yuki suddenly felt very ashamed of himself. He knew how easy it was for her to come to the wrong conclusion.

"Oh, no…don't worry about it. It doesn't matter," Tohru cried with a nervous laugh, holding both hands out in protest.

"If it was worth saying, then it matters," Kyo reasoned, hands jammed in his pockets defensively. Somehow, Tohru and Kyo had ended up switching places when they started walking again so that Kyo was now in the middle. Yuki could literally sense the tension coming off him in waves.

"I'm really sorry, Miss Honda. I didn't mean to seem rude," Yuki said as sincerely as he possibly could, leaning past Kyo to look her in the eyes, "I just have a lot on my mind right now. I hope you didn't get the wrong idea."

"Of course not, I understand," Tohru beamed at him, "and it really doesn't matter, not at all! In fact, forget I even said anything."

"Please tell me," Yuki begged, unable to shake the feeling of guilt. "I really want to know."

Tohru swallowed, breaking their eye-contact by staring directly ahead of her. It was then that he realized the conversation was making her uncomfortable, and he wondered if she regretted trying to ask him the question in the first place.

"I was just wondering whether…whether you knew that Hatsuharu is going to be here tonight."

The smile fell from Yuki's face. If the question had been more casual he wouldn't have thought much of it, but the fact that she was so reluctant to ask made him wonder if she knew more than he assumed.

"Yes, I know," he answered simply, now turning away as well. He fixed his gaze randomly upon a small child standing a short distance from them at a candy stall, the string for a bright pink balloon clutched in her pudgy hand as she wailed at her parents for ice cream. Somehow, focusing on the stranger made it easier for him to add, "that was my main reason for agreeing to come along tonight."

It had been driving him crazy for days. He had to know…had to prove to himself that his last meeting with Haru had been nothing more than a misunderstanding or a strange coincidence. Facing his fears was only way he would be able to put his mind at ease. A nagging voice in the back of his head reminded him that he also would have had trouble resisting the chance to see Haru because of the strange force that drew him to the other man, but he ignored this thought for the time being for his sanity's sake. There was no use in making things even more complicated then they already were.

He thought he heard Tohru mumble something, but it was incoherent over the sound of people screaming at a nearby ride, and he didn't dare to ask her to repeat herself. He had learnt already that some things were better left unheard. Kyo, meanwhile, was looking very puzzled over this small exchange, but thankfully seemed to have enough tact to refrain from saying anything. At this, Yuki couldn't help smiling wanly to himself. _At least that's one thing I can be grateful for…_

They continued on in silence, as even Tohru didn't make an effort to try for conversation. Compared to the laughing, carefree people surrounding them, the tension between the three of them was almost unbearable. So much so that Yuki was actually glad when they finally reached the Ferris Wheel, despite what he knew (and, more importantly, what he still didn't know) lay ahead of him.

Even with the crowds, it wasn't difficult to spot Momiji. It seemed he had attempted to dress even more brightly than even usual in order to outclass all the colour around him, adorned in almost fluorescent shades of yellow and pink. Yuki couldn't help but grin – even at seventeen, the always childish Momiji still hadn't grown out of his rather bizarre sense of fashion.

"Yay, you're here!" Momiji laughed as he charged over to them, Uo and Hana close in pursuit.

"About time, too," Uo added, disgruntled, "I was beginning to think you weren't even going to show."

Tohru giggled, "sorry we took so long. Yuki and Kyo were sort of fighting a bit along the way, so we had to stop every now and then."

"Gee, Orange-Top, can't you even pretend to be civilized for one night, at least? Poor Tohru probably had the worst time trying to drag you all the way out here."

"Hey, why are you blaming me? It's that damn rat's fault for being so annoying," Kyo shot back before Tohru even had a chance to stammer her reply.

"Don't give me that. I know you're always the one to start the fights."

"It's not like you haven't been known to start fights as well. Stop trying to scold me – you make it sound like your trying to be my mother!"

"Aw, doesn't Kyo-Kyo like being in trouble?" Uo laughed and changed her tone completely, seizing the opportunity to annoy him further by acting motherly. She walked closer to him in order to pinch his cheek teasingly.

"You shut up!" Kyo demanded, pushing her hand roughly away.

"Don't you use that tone with me, young man," Uo frowned at him mockingly, placing her hands on her hips.

"Man, do us both a favor, will you?" Kyo said as he lowered his voice, "next time there's a carnival on, stay home."

"And miss out on seeing you make an ass of yourself by barfing on 'The Octopus' in front of hundreds of people? Never."

"Hey, who said I was going to barf? It'll take more than just some stupid ride to upset me."

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Fine, I will! Just you wait, Yankee, you'll be the one that's barfing!"

"Doubt it. I've been on 'The Octopus' millions of times before and haven't thrown up once! If I do barf, then it will be from the sight of you."

Yuki smirked as he listened in on the conversation. The way they were constantly bantering with each other was actually highly entertaining. Even though Kyo fought with Uo almost as much as he did with Yuki these days, it wasn't difficult to tell that their arguments were really quite friendly and part of the strange love-hate relationship the two of them had managed to develop over the past two or so years.

Distracting himself from them for a while, Yuki searched for any sign of Haru, but soon found he was nowhere to be seen. Puzzled, but not completely deterred, his eyes sought out Momiji instead, who had wondered over to Tohru and started a conversation. The topic mustn't have been a very engrossing one, however, as Tohru kept glancing over at Kyo and Uo when she thought no one was paying her any attention, an odd look in her glassy green eyes. It was a look of sadness, but more so a look of…self-pity? Yuki frowned, perplexed. Why would Uo and Kyo evoke such emotion in her? Times like these often made him wish that he could read minds.

He was distracted from pondering it any further when he felt eyes on his back, causing him to tense. He turned abruptly to see Hana lurking in the shadows close by, looking particularly haunting in her billowing black clothes against her surroundings. Her pale face remained expressionless as she fixed him with her sharp dark eyes, pinning him under an intense, piercing brown gaze. Yuki shivered, hastily looking away. Whenever Hana looked at him like that, he felt as if she was trying to look into his soul…

The fact that Hana had been paying him so much attention over the past week hadn't escaped his notice, either. Scarcely a day had gone by in which he hadn't caught her staring at him once or twice. Needless to say, it unnerved him, especially since she seemed to be keeping a close eye on Haru as well. It made him wonder if she could sense anything strange in them by using her physic powers. Part of him was desperate to ask her, but an even greater part was far too afraid of what the answer could be to risk such a thing.

"Isn't this great, Yuki?" Momiji said happily as he slid up beside him, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. "I was just telling Tohru about how I'm planning to go on every single ride! What about you? How many rides do you want to go on?"

"Not sure," Yuki replied distantly, casting a sidelong glance in Hana's direction. He found himself much more at ease when he saw the psychic was now preoccupied with talking to Tohru, which meant she would leave him alone. Even so, he knew he couldn't completely relax until he knew where Haru was.

"Something wrong, Yuki? You seem distracted."

"No, it's just…" he trailed away with a sigh, casting his eyes to the grassy earth. "Momiji, where's Haru?"

When he received no reply, he glanced up to see Momiji with his head coaxed to one side, smiling pensively as though he found the question both perplexing and slightly amusing.

"He said his throat was dry, so he and Kagura went to buy drinks only shortly before you turned up. Should be back soon, though," Momiji replied.

"Hang on, did you just say that _Kagura's _here?" Kyo cut in, sidetracked by the name.

"Well, uh, she sort of invited herself when she found out we were going to be here, and I thought she may as well come along since it would make us a group of eight. That's good, because it's an even number and you have to go in pairs for most rides so I thought it would make sense for her to come. Besides, she hasn't seen you in a while so she was really insistent, and who was I to say no?" Momiji gasped as he finished the short speech, then winked slyly at Yuki, "I could have sworn I told you all that."

"No you didn't!" Kyo exclaimed angrily, grabbing Momiji by the front of his shirt. Momiji only smirked at him until he let go, eyes wide as he reached a realization. "Wait, there's no time for this. I've got to get out of here!"

"Not so fast, lover boy," Uo said snidely, seizing him by the back of his shirt as he tried to make a run for it, pulling him back. "This night is turning out to be much more interesting than I thought it would be."

"I'll second that," Hana said as she and Tohru joined the rest of the group, glaring pointedly at Yuki and causing him to have to look away.

"What's going on?" Tohru questioned.

"Not much. Orange-Top here is just freaking out because his girlfriend is coming, that's all."

"She's not my girlfriend! Now let go before I hurt you, damn Yankee!"

"Oh, Kagura's coming? That's great!"

"No it's not! I have to go…run far away, before – "

"I hope you're not trying to run away from _me_, my love."

"…too late."

Uo laughed dryly at the look of sheer terror on Kyo's face, "…and so the fun begins."

The moment Yuki looked up, his eyes automatically locked onto the tall figure clad all in black, standing a few feet away from him beside Kagura. The figure stared back at him, stone-faced. All at once, he became lost within the undeniable connection that had consumed them both the last time they stood face-to-face…his soul reaching out for the only thing he knew could fill the empty void that still lurked within him. He wasn't sure how it was possible, but he was certain Haru knew at least on a subconscious level, because he felt some part of Haru reaching out for him as well through the connection they seemed to be forming.

As everything around him apart from Haru melded into a massive blur of colour and distorted sounds, a wave of complex emotions washed over him, as clear and obvious as if they had been feelings of his own, but with a distinct difference. _Haru's _emotions – confusion…fear…desperation…and above all, anger. An anger carefully masked with the practiced ease of someone who had been forced to conceal their true emotions countless times before. He wasn't sure how or why, but somehow Yuki could _feel_ the emotion radiating from him, even as he stared into passive, soft grey eyes…

In the same way, he knew that the connection was incomplete. He felt as if he was only on the edge of it…just like he felt he had been on the edge of something great for the whole past week. Whatever it was, it felt…_beautiful_, and in that short space of time Haru became more real to him than anything else on the planet as all his other surroundings faded into distorted nothingness.…

_No! Stop it, you can't think that way! You're losing control!_

Yuki shut his eyes tightly and forced himself to look away as fear rushed over him again. For a moment, he had lost himself again…felt himself being drawn closer towards something he didn't yet fully accept, let alone understand. When he finally managed to pull himself out of the trance, he realized with a jolt of terror that he had completely lost contact with time. The last thing he accurately remembered before Haru's arrival was everyone standing around him. When he opened his eyes again and searched for them, he found them all standing closer to Kagura and Haru. The idea that they could have all moved over there in what felt like such a short space of time and without him noticing was impossible.

Seven pairs of eyes stared at him rigidly, all reflecting fear, concern and even some curiosity. Yuki had the impression that they had been trying to talk to him, but he had no idea what they had said. It was as if he hadn't even been present during the last few minutes…lost within another world where the only thing that made any sense was his growing, intense connection with Hatsuharu Sohma.

Out of all seven observers, Haru seemed the least concerned. He was watching Yuki, but there was something hazy in his eyes, as if he was in some sort of stunned daze. Fears immediately flooded into his mind. Was this a sure sign that Haru had felt the connection too? Had he lost track of time as well, but the others hadn't noticed because he was standing with them and they hadn't been paying him much attention? Again, Yuki had no idea how, but he was almost sure that the answer to both questions was _yes_…

"Yuki…?" Tohru asked warily, sounding very uncertain as she broke the silence.

Not knowing what else to do, Yuki nodded his head numbly. _It's like I lost all touch with reality in those last few minutes. How much time did I lose…and what if this happens again and I end up losing even more?_

They continued to gaze at him blankly, none sure of what to do or say. Ordinarily, he would have found the situation highly embarrassing, but his mind was still racing and he couldn't process such things. As his surroundings slowly began to return to normal, he was overcome with a sense of nausea that made it difficult to think properly.

"Damn rat! What kind of stunt are you trying to pull? Don't you realize you just scared the _crap _out of everyone?" Kyo exploded, finally putting an end to the silence that had lasted far too long.

"Shut up, Kyo. Screaming like that will just make it worse," Momiji said seriously as he eyed Yuki. "I think he's sick."

"Sick?" Tohru gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth worriedly. "Oh no, Yuki! You've gone as white as a sheet!"

"He looks like he's about to chuck," Uo added in her usual tactless manner, but still with genuine concern. "What's wrong, Prince? Do you need to sit down or something?"

Yuki barely made sense of a word they said, still lost in a daze. Fear had left him almost exhausted, and he focused what was left of his strength on trying to keep himself from vomiting as vertigo set in. He knew that if he could just wait until everything around him stopped spinning, then he would be fine…

"Yuki, watch out!"

"Gosh, we have to help him! He looks like he's about to faint!"

The words had only just reached his ears when he felt himself starting to waver on his feet. He was beginning to doubt he would be able to stay upright much longer when a pair of arms suddenly circled his waist from behind, supporting him against a firm chest. The instant this happened, he was engulfed by a soothing warmth that calmed his entire being, relaxing his mind and setting him at ease.

"He's not sick," a voice directly behind him said firmly, "he just needs a moment. The rest of you should go off and enjoy yourselves – I'll look after Yuki."

Yuki knew that he should be worried about being left alone with Hatsuharu, but due to the current situation, he couldn't have cared less. He didn't even care that Haru alone seemed to be able to make him feel better. Haru's voice was the loudest and most distinct sound he'd heard since the episode, and the fact that it seemed so real to him only helped. He closed his eyes and relaxed against the warm body behind him, mentally assuring himself over and over again that everything was going to be fine.

"Hatsuharu…I-I couldn't possibly – " Tohru began, but was cut off abruptly before she could finish the sentence.

"I told you, I can take care of him," Haru answered, obviously straining to keep his tone level and polite. "You don't need to worry. Just go and have a good time."

"It's fine…go…" Yuki murmured without opening his eyes, surprised by how weak his voice sounded to his own ears. In truth, he didn't mind what the others did. All he knew was that he needed to stay as close to Haru as possible, at least until he was confident enough to stand up on his own.

"Okay, Haru, whatever you think is best," he heard Momiji say confidently after a brief pause, then added on a much lighter note, "come on, Tohru, let's go ride the bumper-cars together!"

Yuki blearily opened an eye in time to see Momiji dragging Tohru away through the crowds before she had the chance to protest and suddenly felt very glad that they were leaving. Haru seemed to be the only one who understood what he needed. He didn't blame the others for it, but he knew they were only going to annoy him if they stayed.

Once they were gone, Kyo approached and he closed his eyes again. Kyo was the last person he wanted to see at this time.

"Not so loud, you'll hurt him," Haru whispered tersely, arms tightening around Yuki's waist to offer him extra support.

Kyo sighed, and if he wasn't ill, Yuki would have been shocked by the level of concern he heard in his rival's voice when he spoke.

"Damn him!" Kyo murmured back gruffly. "How am I supposed to kick your ass at anything tonight if you're going to be so out-of-it, huh?"

"Don't be an idiot," Uo said more loudly from behind him. "You couldn't even beat _me_ at a game of ring-toss, let alone Yuki."

"What are you talking about? My Kyo could beat you at any game in the world, any day of the week!"

"Wow, you sure do stand by your man, don't you Kagura?"

"Shut up, both of you! I'm nobody's man!"

Uo rolled her eyes. "Sure, sure…"

"Don't you use that tone with me."

"Oh, so now who sounds like a mother?"

"Hey, I – "

"So how about it, Orange-Top? You up for a challenge?"

"You bet I'm up for it, Yankee, but I don't think it's going to be much of a challenge."

"We'll just see about that! You coming, Kagura?"

"Of course I am! I can't let Kyo be alone with another woman! But…darling, why are you walking away so fast? Wait for me!"

"Well, _this_ should be interesting…" Hana said in her usual enigmatic way, gliding off after the others as they charged across the carnival grounds.

Yuki opened his eyes slightly in time to see the group disappear round a corner, sighing with relief now that the others had gone. Already, he was beginning to feel better – although his vision was still blurred, his head ached and his throat felt unexplainably dry – but he still doubted he would be able to stand by himself without Haru's support.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Haru said in his ear, breath hot against his skin.

Yuki turned slightly in Haru's arms so that he could see him properly. He wondered briefly if he should be more cautious, due to what happened the last time he looked Haru directly in the eyes, but for once he decided not to let it worry him and took the risk. He wasn't sure why, but as soon as he looked into Haru's calming gray eyes, he couldn't help but to smile.

"Yes," he answered simply, then added on pure instinct, "are you?"

The question must have taken Haru by surprise, because his eyes widened and the soothing effect they had on him was momentarily lost. Yuki felt just as stunned, not so much because he hadn't even really thought to ask the question before it came out, but mostly because it had surprised his friend so much.

It wasn't long, however, before the shock faded and a wide smile broke out across his face.

"I will be," he replied serenely, then added with a breath of laughter, "that was really something earlier, huh?"

There it was – a sure sign that Haru knew and had sensed something too…that he wasn't alone in the connection…proof that everything he was feeling was real. A blend of different intuitions gave him the impression that Haru wished to discuss it, but Yuki knew he simply wasn't ready for that. He wasn't even ready to fully admit any of it to himself, despite the fact that it was now virtually undeniable. Hell, he didn't even understand what it _was _yet.

"I, uh…" he turned his eyes to the ground shamefully, not knowing what to say. He suddenly felt sick again, so used this as inspiration to add, "I think I need to sit down now."

The smile, which had begun to waver when Yuki first hesitated, completely disappeared from Haru's face and was replaced with a bland expression. He could sense the sadness and confusion lurking behind the placid mask and felt terrible…almost as bad as he had after their 'date'. He hated to see Haru so upset.

"Can you walk?" he asked in kind, waiting until Yuki nodded weakly in response before saying with a soft sigh, "let's go, then."

He let go of Yuki's waist completely and set off down one of the carnival streets. Yuki bit his lip, pushing aside the sensation of being cold and feeble without Haru's support in order to follow him.

* * *

It was odd, he realized, as he reflected on the situation, that even with everything going on he had remained relatively calm. He knew that he should be panicking, but apart from when he first realized he'd lost touch with reality for a few minutes, he'd somehow managed to maintain peace of mind (if only to some extent). Although he knew everything he felt would sound completely deranged if he tried to put it into words, a deeper and more profound level of his being assured him that it was natural and not something to be concerned about, and this managed to override any other emotion in order to relax him enough to think sanely. He supposed he should be grateful for this, but the concept that even his _emotions _could be controlled by another force struck fear into the very core of his being. There was something eerily disturbing about being able to feel afraid, but to be calm at the exact same time.

Even more queer was the fact that he hadn't already changed into his zodiac form. Because of his asthma condition, he had always been particularly sensitive in comparison with the other zodiac members, and hence had been known to change more often than anyone else. He had a rather embarrassing reputation amongst the Sohma clan for transforming when put under even the slightest bit of stress or fatigue. Ordinarily, an episode that intense would have had him transforming within the first few minutes of it happening, but still he hadn't even come close. How was that possible? Did it have something to do with Haru? What did it even _mean_?

Yuki groaned softly to himself as he wavered on his feet. Thinking so much about these difficult questions and not being able to find any answers was not only frustrating, but also mentally exhausting and didn't help his headache in anyway. He was becoming increasingly more aware of his parched throat and each impending step felt like an unconquerable obstacle. He tried to ignore it as best he could, focusing on Haru's back ahead of him and telling himself that he would be fine, but when his vision started to blur again, he knew he was in trouble.

"Haru…" he managed to call out, reaching out for him with one arm.

Haru turned around instantly at the sound of his voice, wide-eyed with concern. In seconds, he had rushed back to Yuki's side, draping Yuki's arm around his shoulders while wrapping his own around Yuki's waist.

"Do you want to stop here?" Haru asked.

Yuki shook his head, already feeling more relaxed now that Haru was closer. "No, it's alright if we keep going."

Haru, nodded, supporting him as they continued to walk. It didn't escape Yuki's attention that passers-by were constantly glancing at them oddly, but for once, he couldn't care. He was far too preoccupied with his current issues to worry about the opinions of strangers, such as whether he _should _be feeling so comfortable with Haru after everything that had only so recently happened, and why he wasn't in the least bit concerned about where the other Sohma was taking him. He couldn't understand why he wasn't bothered by it at all. He'd always trusted Haru…but this? After just looking into his eyes for the first time in a week had made him so physically ill?

The only way he could think to justify any of this (and he didn't think this was the real reason why he was comfortable) was to argue that although Haru _had _made him sick, being close to him was also making him better. That was a good thing…wasn't it? He felt like he should be worrying, yet he wasn't worried at all. It was like new, 'less human' instincts were asserting him from the inside…

Yuki had to struggle to keep himself from physically shivering when he realized he'd just referred to something within himself as being 'un-human'. It was definitely enough to put him off thinking about it for the time being and to attempt to go back to denial for a while for the sake of making everything much less difficult to comprehend.

Eventually, Haru stopped at the very edge of the carnival and a small, fairly dodgy stall that was stationed right in the corner. He led Yuki over to sit behind it so they wouldn't be facing any lights, helping him to the ground before sitting down beside him. Haru's arm stayed around his waist, but Yuki didn't object at all, drawing close to him in order to shield the cold autumn winds. He tried not to think about the fact that it also felt good to be beside him like this, not just because it was helping to calm him and make him feel better, but also because it somehow felt…_right_…

"Better?" Haru asked him, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes."

"Comfortable?"

"Yes…"

Haru didn't smile, but tightened his hold on Yuki's waist only slightly before relaxing his arm again. "Good."

As they sat there in silence, it occurred to Yuki that they were sitting in a very similar way to how they had been on their 'date', scarcely three months ago. He still hated to think about it…how he'd hurt Haru so much…how selfish and inconsiderate he had been to use his friend in such a way. Being emotionally distraught gave him no right to hurt anyone else, and the more he remembered it, the more horrendous it seemed. After all, hadn't he essentially done the same thing to Haru that Tohru had done to him, but in an even more painful way?

He stared out across the open field before them, stretching back into mysterious and ominous realms concealed beyond the darkness that blinded them, then looked up into Haru's passive face. He wondered if Haru had ever felt like the fields were – depressed and tormented by the unceasing winds…if he realized that he was hiding so much of his feelings all the time under that expressionless mask, or if he was so used to doing it by now that it had become pure habit…if any of these things had been induced or made worse by him…

"You're wonderful," he murmured, not even taking his eyes off Haru when he turned abruptly to look at him.

"W-What?"

"I think you're wonderful…the way you put up with everything like you do. I could never do what you do every day."

"Wait…what do you mean?" Haru replied, baffled.

"I mean the way you still go out into the world and face it like you do…after everything. It takes a lot of strength and courage. I admire that in you."

He wanted to make Haru smile. He wanted to make him _beam_, like he did that day in the locker rooms a few years ago when Yuki had thanked him for caring about him. He had upset Haru already so many times. Now he wanted to make him happy for a change by making him feel good about himself…letting him know he was appreciated…

Yuki had to stop himself from grinning when he noticed colour rising in Haru's cheeks. In all the years they'd known each other, he'd never actually seen Haru _blush_ before.

"B-but, Yuki, I-I…I'm not…"

"But you're hurting, I know. It never goes away, but I think it becomes part of who you are and that's something very special."

"Yuki…"

"I'm sorry," he laughed to himself, then became serious again. "Actually, that's what I really do need to say to you. I'm really sorry, Hatsuharu."

"Yuki, I…"

"We used to be, I don't know…close for a while last year. I'd really like it if we could go back to that."

"Damn it, Yuki! I'm over you, remember?"

Yuki gasped as Haru pulled away from him, getting to his feet. He could feel the other Sohma's anger building…anger that was slowly driving him towards becoming Black. This left Yuki confused and upset. He had tried to make things better and less awkward between them, but somehow ended up making it worse. What had he done to evoke such a reaction in Haru?

"Haru?" he asked nervously.

Haru had turned his back to Yuki and was gazing out across the fields, calming himself back down from a dangerous breaking point with practiced efficiency. Yuki heard him take several deep breaths before he finally faced him again, his mask very firmly in place.

"It's not you, Yuki, you did nothing wrong," he said quietly and almost in defeat, "it's…me…"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's…nothing," he sighed, turning on his heel to make his way back to the carnival, calling out over his shoulder. "Come on. The others will be worried. We should probably find them."

* * *

**Note:** I just realized after I posted my last chapter that I didn't write any individual responses to any reviewers for it! What a horribly slack person I am not to do that! I apologize sincerely and I hope this new chapter makes up for my rude forgetfulness.

Thanks to all for reading, please review!

**Replies to reviewers:**

**Adi88:** Ah yes, my grammar has always been rather appalling. However, I have found myself a Beta and hopefully that will help. Thanks for pointing that out to me, though! I'm so pleased you liked the last two chapters! And yes… 'interesting' is a good word to describe my old date – XD. You're the best reviewer ever! I really can't wait to hear what you thought of the new chapter!

**Flonshoe:** I'm so glad you could see the necessity of the last chapter, even if it was rather dull. I hope you find this one more interesting, and thank you so much for your reviews!

**Jessiegurl43953:** I'm glad you like my Tohru – I put effort into her, so thank you muchly! It's good you liked it too, because I plan on doing some more stuff from her POV later on. Anyway, I hope you like the new chapter, and please review!

**Egyptian-Fire:** Thank you very much for leaving your comment. I'm glad you liked it! I hope you enjoyed this one too.


	5. Miskaelah

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Parings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** Yes – I live! Sorry for the incredibly, _incredibly _long wait. I have equally long, pointless excuses as to why I haven't updated in a while, but I won't waste my readers' valuable time by going through them. I just hope you enjoy this chapter!

'Miskaelah' is a word made-up by me, with no intriguing double-meanings. I got too lazy to research stuff and just thought the name sounded cool.

Also, note that this story is based entirely upon the anime series, as I have very limited knowledge of the manga.

Special thanks to my wonderful betas **minerva276** and the enigmatic **pinkbear**!

* * *

** Chapter Four – Miskaelah**

"Are you sure you're alright now, Prince?" Uo asked tentively when the group gathered together in the main part of the carnival a short time later. "You still look a bit pale."

Yuki glanced over at the blonde and smiled politely. "I'm feeling much better, thank you. I'm sure I'll be fine."

Uo rose a single, fine eyebrow at him doubtfully, but seemed to prefer not to make a comment. In Yuki's opinion, the look she gave him in itself said enough. She, along with the others, clearly didn't believe he was 'fine', and he supposed they had good reason to as well. Although physically he was better, churning emotions that lurked beneath his exterior drove him into turmoil and discomfort, and he knew without even needing to look at his reflection that it showed in his face.

"Damn it!" Kyo suddenly said gruffly from next to them, kicking an empty, crushed can of soda that someone had dropped upon the dirt path amongst other litter. His sharp-featured face was tense with frustration. "Why'd you have to go and scare the crap out of everyone like that? It really pisses me off!"

"Calm _down_, Hot-Head," Uo said sharply, turning to her friend with narrowed eyes and folded arms, "it's not Yuki's fault he got sick. Why don't you just back off and leave him alone for once, okay?"

"The girl with bad hair is right, you know, Kyo," Kagura cut in from where she stood nearby, leaning on Tohru in a friendly manner and licking an ice cream. All looked at her with surprise; it was not often that she would side with anyone over her 'beloved'.

"Just for agreeing with me, I think I can ignore the bad hair comment," Uo muttered under her breath just loud enough for Yuki to hear, causing him to grin despite himself.

"Nobody asked your opinion," Kyo said sullenly, glaring daggers at his childhood friend.

Kagura managed to surprise the group again by not appearing hurt at Kyo's harsh words, only sticking her tongue out at him in response. Kyo turned away from her with a frown, while Tohru, Uo and Yuki fought to suppress identical grins. It was good to be surrounded by his friends, Yuki realized. The group had a knack for making him feel better after he'd had a troubling experience.

"Hey Kagura," Momiji said with a giggle, his golden eyes bright from the adrenaline rush of having been on all the most dangerous rides, "why don't you show Yuki what Kyo won when he beat Uo at ring-toss?"

"So he _did _beat you, then?" Yuki asked, smirking at Uo.

"Yeah, but it was worth losing just to see the look on his face when they gave him his prize," Uo laughed, gesturing over to Kagura. "Go on, show him!"

"Don't you dare!" Kyo's cheeks turned bright red, a shade darker than his messy orange hair. "It's embarrassing enough without the whole world knowing."

"It's not embarrassing, Kyo," Tohru said shyly, "it's actually kind of cute."

"Cute? _Cute_?" Kyo spluttered, "people do _not _call me 'cute'!"

"'Adorable' is a more accurate description," Kagura giggled as she handed her ice cream to Tohru to mind, reaching into her teddy-bear backpack.

After a bit of rummaging, she retrieved something orange and tossed it to Yuki. Kyo gave a cry of outrage and lunged for it, but Yuki carefully held it out of his grasp. He was hardly able to contain his laughter when he saw the object in his hand was nothing less than a small, stuffed-toy ginger cat.

"How ironic! Out of everything else you could have won…" Yuki managed to choke out through suppressed laughter, tossing it back over Kyo's head to Kagura.

"I know!" Uo exclaimed, laughing much more openly, "I just about gagged on my own laughter when I saw it. Reminds me of those weird cats that always hang around him. And doesn't it hold a striking resemblance?"

Yuki chuckled when he thought of how Kyo should be thankful that Uo didn't know about the curse. If she could see the _real _hilarity in the situation, then she probably would have given him a much harder time.

"Ah, just throw it away, will you?" Kyo said angrily, looking as though he would have liked nothing better than to crawl into a hole somewhere and die at that moment.

"No way, Kyo! This is going straight onto my desk in my college dorm, right where everyone can see it and know my love for you!" Kagura exclaimed, hugging the soft toy to her chest.

"Tohru's right, Kyo," Momiji added, giggling, "it really is cute!"

"DO NOT CALL ME CUTE!" Kyo exploded, only making Momiji laugh harder.

"It's a compliment, stupid," Yuki said, remembering the conversation he and Tohru had had on the subject of the word a couple of years earlier.

"Yeah, maybe for girly boys like you," Kyo frowned.

"Call me that again and you'll find yourself face down in the dirt within the next ten seconds," Yuki replied tersely. People often confused him for a girl when they first saw him and he was very sensitive about it.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try that!" Kyo growled menacingly, branding a fist.

"Urgh, save it for later, will you?" Uo groaned before Yuki could react in any way, pressing a hand to her head as though she had a headache.

"Yes," Hana put in, causing everyone to jump. She had been silent for so long and Yuki had almost forgotten she was there. "Do remember that we are in a public place and therefore need to uphold a certain sense of civil decorum."

"This coming from you, of all people," Uo shoved her to the side in a rough but friendly manner, then launched into a long rant about something Hana had said or done in front of a large group of people when the two of them were out in public with Tohru once.

Despite his best attempts, Yuki found he couldn't really focus on the story, drifting in and out of the conversation at times. He kept glancing at Haru without meaning to, who strayed a little away from the rest of the group and remained oddly silent. Their eyes never met, but somehow he knew that Haru was aware of Yuki looking at him, although he seemed determined to ignore it.

At the mention of Haru's name, Yuki subconsciously turned away. Although he hadn't really expected to be forgiven when he apologized to Haru, he sorely wished he had been. He wanted to put the matter of the past behind him…to forget it ever happened. To go on being close friends with the person he had known since childhood. But Haru _hadn't_ forgiven him. He'd become angry, as Yuki knew he had every right to be (though he still wished it wasn't so). But what was it Haru had said?

It's not you, Yuki, you did nothing wrong. It's…me… 

As far as Yuki was concerned, the entire sentence was completely unjustified. The more he thought about it, the more angry he felt himself becoming as well. Angry with himself, for not being able to read Haru better when he normally could. Angry with Haru, for reasons he couldn't explain and even though he knew Haru didn't deserve it. Angry with the world, for throwing more obstacles and complications at him in the chaos and confusion that was starting to arise out of all this new mystery in his life.

What annoyed Yuki most of all, however, was the fact that even with all the tension that was between them…even with the way both of them were feeling after their small exchange earlier…all the other, deeper things Yuki felt drawing him towards Haru still stood in place.

"So…what now?" Momiji asked when silence fell upon all of them, sounding rather bored.

No one answered immediately, all looking expectantly at each other, silently asking for suggestions. Yuki couldn't have cared less about what they decided to do next. Truthfully, he would have liked nothing better than to go home. He'd made up his mind early on that he didn't like carnivals anyway, but everything going on between him and Haru coupled with the aftereffects of his spell of sickness only added to his discomfort.

"If it's alright with everyone, I think I'd rather just go home now," he said. "I'm beginning to feel…tired."

"You know, that's probably a good idea," Momiji said. "You've been sick and you don't want to over-do it. You _especially_."

Yuki nodded, understanding exactly what Momiji meant by this, and relieved that no one seemed to think him rude for excusing himself like this.

"You shouldn't have to walk back to the house alone. I'll go with you," Tohru offered, then added before he could decline, "It's alright, really. I'm starting to feel a bit tired myself. I'd be happy to head back with you."

Glad he would have some company and distraction from his thoughts on the way home, Yuki smiled at her and agreed. While they said their goodbyes to the rest of the group, he couldn't help noticing Haru hovering awkwardly in the background, doing everything he could to avoid having to look at him, and wished he wasn't so aware of his presence. He wanted to be able to read minds then more than ever, at least enough so that he could understand what was going through Haru's head.

"You really scared me back there," Tohru said to him as they walked back through the carnival together, side-by-side.

"I'm sorry," Yuki replied with eyes downcast as guilt set in. He hadn't meant to worry everyone so much.

Tohru turned to him and gave a slight laugh, smiling with both her lips and her eyes. "No need to apologize, Yuki. You couldn't help being sick. But it was just so mysterious! Kagura and Hatsuharu showed up and suddenly you were acting strangely…just standing there, staring, without even moving or blinking. Then you started looking so ill. Momiji and I were talking about it before and we couldn't work out what was wrong."

"I know. I can't figure it out either," Yuki said earnestly, trying to conceal the concern he felt over himself. "I guess it was just all the flashing lights and the bright colours. I'm not so used to this kind of thing."

He gestured to the rows of carnival tents and stalls as they passed them, though he knew he was lying through his teeth to suggest such a thing. The carnival surroundings, he believed, had nothing to do with it.

"Well, whatever it was, I'm glad you're starting to feel better now," Tohru smiled. "It was lucky that Hatsuharu was there to help you, huh?"

"Yes, it was," he answered softly, turning away at the sound of Haru's name.

Tohru stopped walking unexpectedly, moving over to the side a little in order to let others pass. Yuki stopped too, looking up at her confusedly and was surprised by the deep sincerity he saw reflected in her eyes when she spoke to him.

"Yuki, I hope you feel like you can come to me with anything that's bothering you," she said earnestly, though the suggestion behind the words was all too evident. "I'm always here if you need a friend to talk to."

"I know," he replied, his heart going out to her. "Thank you."

He knew she worried about him…that she wanted him to tell her what was clearly bothering him so much. Part of him wanted to tell her, because he thought that if he did it might give him a certain sense of clarity. At the same time, what was going on between Haru and himself (whatever it was) seemed far too personal and private to share. Besides, he wouldn't know where to begin. Would any of it even make sense?

Of course, he might also have to tell Tohru about how he rebounded with Haru, and he was far too ashamed of himself to admit that to anyone.

"Oh!" Tohru suddenly exclaimed as a boy pushed roughly past her, causing her to stumble forward, only just avoiding crashing into Yuki and potential catastrophe. Yuki glared at the boy as he continued to amble through the crowds, annoyed that he hadn't even bothered to apologize to them. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of something small and black that the boy discreetly slid into his pocket. His breath caught in his throat when he realized what it was. _Miss Honda's wallet!_

"Hey!" he called out to the thief while Tohru still tried to gather her bearings after almost tripping. "Hey, I saw that!"

At the sound of his voice, the boy froze and swiveled around to face them. He was a short, dirty looking kid in second-hand clothes who appeared to be only about eight or nine, with a mop of messy black hair and mischievous green eyes that glinted meanly at them. Yuki only had a moment to take in his appearance before he turned and ran, pushing his way hastily through the people.

"Hey!" Yuki shouted again, much more loudly this time. He moved to follow the child but Tohru grabbed his arm.

"Yuki, what's going on?" she asked him anxiously.

"That boy stole your wallet when he bumped into you!" Yuki quickly explained, tearing his arm away from her so he could run. He heard Tohru gasp, followed shortly by the sounds of footsteps behind him.

Although he considered himself to be a fairly fast runner, the bright colours and swarms of people were too easy a distraction for Yuki. He kept his keen eyes focused on the bob of black hair he could see just ahead of him, where the boy who had stolen Tohru's wallet pushed past more people in an attempt to lose them. All the while, he called out to the boy and to others nearby to stop him, but it only succeeded in earning him several bemused looks. Biting back his anger, Yuki chased the thief down streets of richly-decorated tents until it felt as if the colour blurred in around him, Tohru panting behind him in an effort to keep up.

After what seemed like an age (though it only could have been minutes), the boy skidded to a halt just outside a tiny, lone red tent that sat on the outskirts of one of the rows. An older woman stood with her back turned to it, arms folded across her chest and one dark eyebrow raised as she scrutinized the boy, looking baffled and slightly irritated. He immediately hid behind the soft folds of her long, flowing green skirt, seeking refuge. Relieved that he needn't run any further, Yuki slowed his pace to a brisk walk and strode up to them with his hands clenched into fists at either side.

"What's going on here?" the woman queried as he approached with Tohru in pursuit, glancing from the newcomers to the boy peeking out from behind her and back again. She had an unusually deep voice for a woman, which gave her the uncanny ability to sound both soothing and calm yet sharp and curt all at once.

"M'am, your son has my friend's wallet," Yuki explained coolly, trying to sound as polite as possible even in the circumstances. He didn't see the use in getting angry.

"Grandson," the woman corrected, though she didn't sound too annoyed by the mistake.

"Grandson, I apologize," said Yuki, mildly surprised. The woman's long, curly black hair was streaked grey, she was slightly overweight, and there was evidence of wrinkles in her face, but still she didn't seem old enough to be anyone's grandmother. "I'm afraid he tried to steal my friend's wallet and I'd like him to give it back."

"Is that true, Soto?" she twisted to face her grandson, who swallowed and nodded before disappearing behind her completely. "Well now, that simply won't do. I thought you were raised better than that."

She didn't sound too angry, but somehow Yuki didn't think he would like to be on the receiving end of her words. The disappointment in her tone was far worse. The boy called Soto hung his head in shame, though the expression of sullen insolence never left his eyes.

The grandmother turned back to them with kinder tones. "Please forgive him, Miss. He is only young and just doing what he thinks is best for his family. He doesn't yet understand the difference between right and wrong. Then again, how many of us actually do, eh?"

Her eyes sparkled as she said the last sentence, and something about it unnerved Yuki greatly. Her gaze was so unabashed and intent that he felt as if she could stare right through him and read him when she looked directly into his eyes. He looked away to avoid it.

"Oh, it's alright, really," Tohru held up her hands and gave a little laugh, her cheeks still flushed red from running. "No need to worry. No harm done."

"Her wallet, please," Yuki said more curtly, holding out his palm. He wasn't sure who he was more annoyed with at that moment: Soto for taking the wallet in the first place, or Tohru for forgiving him so easily for it. He felt exhausted and just wanted to go home.

The woman shot a look at her grandson and pushed him forward softly, and the boy grimaced as he shuffled over to them. He reached into his pocket to draw out the wallet, and was about to hold it out to Yuki when he drew it back suddenly, expressive eyes reflecting frustration and resentment. He spun around to face his grandmother again, the wallet still clasped in his hand.

"Nana Miskaelah, I heard you say to Mama that we might not have the money to pay the bills next month!"

The woman looked faintly surprised, but it passed in only a moment and was replaced with a look of annoyance. "Eavesdropping on our conversations _again_, and after everything I've told you! You should be ashamed."

Soto was defiant, hugging the wallet close to his chest. "Punish me if you want, Nana Miskaelah, but I can't give this back. Not when we need it more!"

"It's not a question of _needing_ it, Soto, it's a question of morals and propriety. We may not be rich, but we manage to get along fine, thank you very much. Now hand the nice lady back what rightfully belongs to her."

Soto opened his mouth to retort, but the look in his grandmother's eyes made him close it again. Yuki realized how lucky it was that Soto had gone straight to his grandmother with hope for protection instead of trying to lose himself in the carnival. If it weren't for Miskaelah, he doubted they would have seen the wallet again.

Gingerly, Soto turned back to them and held the wallet out to Tohru, who took it from him gently with both hands.

"Thank you, Soto," she said quietly, tucking the wallet safely back in her skirt pocket and gracing him with a small smile.

She only received a rude scowl in return.

"Yes, thank you M'am," Yuki laid a hand on Tohru's shoulder, eager to get away as soon as they could. "We'll be going now."

A deep, fluently-toned voice stopped them from taking more than a step.

"Wait," the woman called Miskaelah breathed slowly, urgently, her eyes glinting oddly again, "let me see you for a moment."

Too stunned by this strange behavior to protest, Yuki stood stiffly as Miskaelah glided over to them in one swift motion, her skirts and shawls billowing and the beads around her neck clacking against each other with every step. She came so close that the scent of her strong perfume overwhelmed Yuki, and he could actually see himself reflected in her large black pupils. The green around them glowed almost magically, and he didn't think he had ever seen eyes so clear and glassy in all his life. He felt afraid and desperately wanted to move away from her, but at the same time he was transfixed.

"What a handsome young man you are…such lovely eyes," she remarked, coaxing her head to one side as she continued to study him. "I'm sure people compliment you on your eyes a lot. Yes, there is a great deal of power behind those eyes, I can see it. There is a great deal of power in _you_."

"Nana," Soto said in a hushed, awed tone, suddenly looking from Yuki to Tohru with a new kind of respect. "Nana, is he…?"

Miskaelah didn't answer him, chuckling to herself as she took Yuki's limp hand between her two rough, bony ones and pressed it tightly. Her fingers were brittle, but also warm and oddly comforting. "I've been waiting for this moment all my life, you know, yet I never imagined it would happen like this. It is strange how things sometimes work out in the world, is it not? And to think, if I hadn't seen it just now and stopped you, you would have slipped away from me forever…"

"I-I'm sorry?" Yuki stammered, completely bewildered and at a loss.

Miskaelah only shook her head and let go of his hand, and just like that, the magic in her eyes was concealed once more.

"Ha, don't be sorry. I should be the one apologizing to you for what Soto did to your friend," she said in a much more regular and conversational tone. "Tell you what, Soto and I have a tent just over there where I make a small living using my psychic powers to tell fortunes. Why don't I give you and your friend here a session for free?"

Yuki glanced over at Tohru, who seemed just as startled and frightened by this as he felt. He didn't need to ask her to know what she thought on the matter.

"Thank you, you're very kind, but we should be getting home."

Miskaelah groaned. "Please, it's the least I can do after Soto's bad behavior. And people _do _benefit greatly from my sessions, especially in times of trial and confusion or change."

She looked directly at Yuki again as she said the words, and he experienced the same naked, exposing feeling he had before. The words had so much meaning for him at this time, it could not be coincidental. As impossible as it sounded, it was almost as if she really _was _reading him.

"Really, it's alright. We have to be going now."

Miskaelah stared at him a moment longer before she smirked and raised an eyebrow, her eyes mocking him. "_Really_? I'm not entirely sure that's what you want to do. Why don't you follow your instincts for once, hmm? You may find that they often end up pointing you in the right direction."

Yuki stared down at his feet in the wet patch of grass, unable to look at her anymore. _Can she tell just by looking at me that I'm reluctant to give into my instincts? That I defy the idea of fate…of control?_

If it weren't for Hana being his friend, Yuki wouldn't have even believed in psychics. Somehow, though, he thought he would have believed a woman like Miskaelah anyway when she claimed to have powers. But Hana wasn't a mind-reader or a fortune teller, as far as he knew. Did that mean there were different kinds of psychic powers, or was Miskaelah just a fraud with pretty eyes and he was becoming paranoid?

"Uh-oh, here comes trouble," Soto muttered into the silence, clenching a fist around his grandmother's skirt and pointing at a young woman who had just exited the distant red tent. She was dressed similarly to Miskaelah, with a loose purple dress, draping shawls, and beads clacking around her neck. Only, the beautiful clothes looked awkward and out-of-place on her. Unlike Miskaelah's and Soto's, her slanted green eyes were dull and narrowed. Her straight black hair was cut short and neat to frame her face, and her expression was one of someone who was constantly strained and worn out.

"Mama!" she exclaimed with exasperation, arms folded across her chest as she glared at Miskaelah. "I thought you'd just gone to find Soto, and that was ages ago. You know better than to leave the tent unattended this long! What are you doing?"

Miskaelah rolled her eyes. "Yes Sarima, I went to find your son, and here he is now. I shall come back to the tent just as soon as I can convince these two to come with me."

Sarima's eyes widened when she noticed Yuki and Tohru for the first time. "What!? Oh Mama, don't tell me this is another psychic thing! Can't you just behave like a _normal _person for once and leave these poor people alone? I'm very sorry about this, you guys. Please don't pay any attention to the batty old woman. She has it stuck into her head that she has real powers or something."

"My powers are the only thing that keep a roof over your head, you ungrateful girl," Miskaelah said tersely. "The least you can do is respect them."

"I would if you could just accept they were farce and stop pretending all the time."

"The gift and spiritual enlightenment often skips a generation, I'm afraid, amongst other things," Miskaelah told Yuki and Tohru while affectionately stroking her grandson's hair.

Sarima heaved a frustrated sigh, facing the two outsiders as well. "Look, it's probably best just to do what she says, I've found. Let the baby have her bottle by telling your fortunes or whatever the hell it is she wants to do. Otherwise she'll be on my case about 'letting you slip' for weeks on end."

"Weeks of nagging is nothing compared to a lifetime of ignorance and regret," said Miskaelah, but her daughter seemed to ignore it.

"How much do you charge?" Yuki questioned to distract mother and child from their obviously tense and troubled relationship. He didn't want himself and Tohru to find themselves trapped in the middle of some family feuding. They both had enough of it already from the Sohmas.

"I already told you, you go free," Miskaelah said irritably. "You _and _your friend."

"Mama," Sarima whined, "if you keep offering free sessions like this, we'll never make any money."

"These two are special, Sarima," Miskaelah said softly, smiling at them. Soto nodded solemnly in affirmation.

"That's what you said about the last customers."

"You'd know it too if you had the gift."

"Whatever, you old crone," Sarima rolled her eyes before turning them to Tohru and Yuki. "So, will you take up my mother's offer or not?"

Yuki hesitated, not sure what he wanted to do. Despite telling himself not to be stupid, Miskaelah's intensity and careful, mysterious words made him shudder. Curiosity and some strong instinct compelled him to take her up on her offer. Perhaps, he wondered, Miskaelah could help him. Perhaps Soto's stealing had been a call from the fate he had been trying to deny and escape ever since he was a boy. Miskaelah certainly seemed to think so. But then again, Miskaelah's own daughter called her a 'batty old woman'…

"We have nothing to lose," Tohru shrugged, answering his unvoiced question when he turned to her, but she looked awfully nervous. However, it was all Yuki needed to hear to convince him.

"Okay," he finally answered both Tohru and Sarima at once.

"You've made the right choice, my dears," Miskaelah startled them, beaming and beckoning them forwards. "Come, follow me."

* * *

In the chivalrous and courteous manner of the old-fashioned, Miskaelah insisted that 'the lady goes first in all things', and briskly ushered Tohru inside the red tent. Annoyed that he had not been aloud to sit in on his best friend's session, and anxious because of it, Yuki was left to wait just outside with Sarima while Soto played in the grass a short way off. He spent most of the time sitting in the wet grass beside the advertising board, wondering what was being said beyond the red curtain behind him while Sarima told him more about herself than he thought anyone should be told about a person on first meeting (or ever, even). She chatted about everything from her fairly severe lower back pain, to her recent separation from Soto's father and the trials of having to live with her 'crazy parents' again, to accidentally stumbling upon her late father's secret porn stash while cleaning up after he died.

"Tell me about your mother," Yuki eventually interrupted her, the words surprising them both.

Sarima laughed. "What is there to tell? The woman is crazy, that's all there is to it. I'm so sorry she dragged you in here like this."

"I take it this happens often?" Yuki asked, remembering what Sarima had said earlier about there being other 'special' people who had come to Miskaelah.

"Oh yes," Sarima nodded, "it's very embarrassing. She's got it stuck in her head that she's mystical or something. You know, seeing into the future…looking into your soul…that kind of thing. She's been like this all her life, or so I hear. I think it's because she's quite a good actor – so good she's managed to fool herself into believing she has powers. She must play the part to perfection, because she does manage to get a lot of work and it pays the bills. If only she put her acting skills to more use in a reputable profession. Then we'd be millionaires."

"How long have you been with the carnival?"

"Not very long. My mother used to set up shop in her house back home, where she had a few regular customers. My father was always the one who brought in the most money and my mother's career was really only a hobby to her. When he died and money became an issue, I suggested that we go with the carnival for a while. I figured there'd be more customers that way – and I was right! Also, it enables me to travel around a bit helping her. I've never really traveled before."

"Does your mother enjoy the traveling?"

"Not at all. In fact, she hates it. Keeps saying that if she makes a trip anywhere now, it will be the last trip she ever makes. Thinks she's had a vision that tells her she's going to die if she leaves her home, which is completely insane. I think she just says that stuff because she knows how much I want to travel and its her way of getting at me. I doubt she realizes she does it. Superstition is her bible, you know. She won't even wear red or open an umbrella inside or anything."

_And you probably would open your red umbrella inside just to spite her, _Yuki couldn't help thinking. He'd already decided he didn't like Sarima, but she had a lot of interesting stories to tell.

"I hate this life too, actually," she said as she absently pulled at the grass. "Believe me, if I made a million today, I'd be out of here so fast you wouldn't even see me go. I hate being poor and I hate having to put up with my family and I hate the fact that all I've seen so far of the world, while supposedly 'traveling', is the inside of this carnival."

"And Soto? What about him?"

Sarima shrugged. "Soto can do whatever he pleases, as far as I'm concerned. He actually _likes_ my old crone of a mother. She likes him because she thinks he has inherited the psychic gift. Really all my son has is kleptomania."

Deciding he wouldn't say anymore, Yuki turned away from her and his eyes found Soto's instead. The boy only watched him for a minute before getting up off the ground and walking a few more paces away from him. He ran over the last conversation with Miskaelah in his mind, unable to work out what she had said to turn her grandson's emotions towards him from resentment to awe and respect.

He was contemplating excusing himself from Sarima and going to ask the boy about it when Tohru emerged from the tent. He noticed the difference in her instantly, but he wasn't sure whether it was good or bad. She was visibly shaken, her expression bland, and her eyes reflected that she was deep in thought.

"Miss Honda?" he asked softly as she silently sat down on the grass beside him, hugging her legs to her chest and resting her chin on her knees, her eyes staring at nothing. "Are you okay?"

She only nodded at him, giving him a quick and feeble smile. Something was wrong about her, but it took him a few moments to realize that it was because she wasn't wearing the large grin he had grown accustomed to seeing plastered on her face.

"Looks like it's your turn," Sarima put in, jerking her head in Yuki's direction and then the opening to the tent. "I hope I haven't whined or bored you too much."

"Not at all," Yuki smiled politely, only half telling the truth. Sarima wasn't his sort of person, but he didn't think she was a _bad _person either. "It was nice to talk with you."

Sarima grinned. "Well, good luck dealing with my mother. Believe me, you're going to need it."

After seeing how pensive Tohru had become, Yuki didn't have an ounce of doubt that Sarima was right

* * *

The inside of the tent smelt heavily of incense, mingled with the scent of burning candles and wet grass. It would have been pleasant if it were not so overwhelming, and Yuki struggled not to clamp a hand over his nose as he cautiously walked in.

Miskaelah sat facing the entrance to the tent, at one of the two chairs at a small round table draped with red cloth. A stack of cards, a thick candle, an incense holder, and a small statue of a dragon curling around a crystal ball was all that was placed on the table. Apart from that, the tent was empty. Yuki found it very puzzling that the whole space should seem so bright when he couldn't find any sources of light. The candle on the table was hardly enough to illuminate the entire tent. But, with more pressing things to think over, he didn't give it much thought.

For a while, Miskaelah didn't even do so much as look up at him, continuing to muse over the scribbles she was making on the notepad in front of her. Assuming she mustn't have heard him come in, Yuki cleared his throat loudly. Miskaelah pretended not to hear him, and Yuki realized indignantly that she was deliberately ignoring him. He didn't know what else he should do, so he waited where he stood for her to notice him, hoping it wouldn't take too long. The smell of the incense was making him feel even more sick than he was already.

Finally, the woman stopped writing and placed the pen down, gazing up at him. She smiled politely, but her eyes reflected that she was seeing him more deeply than she let on. Yuki felt some kind of force pass through him. Without needing to be told, he slowly lowered himself into the chair opposite Miskaelah, folding his hands neatly in his lap. Still, she said nothing, staring at him with that knowing smile as if she was waiting for him to speak first. Yuki only frowned back at her, nonplused by her behavior, wondering what would come next. Seemingly disappointed, Miskaelah finally looked away from him, and, to Yuki's astonishment, tore the page she had wasted so much time working on out of her notepad and carelessly tossed it into the corner of the tent.

"What did you do that for?" Yuki asked her, baffled. Even though he had never asked for this session in the first place, he couldn't help being irritated that she had made him stand there awkwardly for so long while she wrote down something that evidently was of no importance.

Miskaelah only shrugged, picking up her pen again. "What's your name?" she asked with lowered eyes, acting as though he'd never said anything.

Yuki was so astounded that he didn't hesitate to reply. "It's Yuki. Yuki Sohma."

Miskaelah nodded to herself, making a fresh mark on the notepad. She made no effort to conceal what she put down, and Yuki could clearly see she had printed his first name and second initial on the page in the messiest and most unkempt handwriting he'd ever seen.

"Birth date?" she continued to question him.

"September 21st. I'll be eighteen."

"Hmm…that's not too long away. Only a few weeks, really," Miskaelah mused, though Yuki had no idea what was significant about this. "And you say you're turning eighteen? Interesting…very interesting."

"How so?"

Miskaelah studied him carefully. "Are you familiar with the Chinese Zodiac at all, Yuki?"

Yuki almost spluttered. "_Familiar _with it? One might say I practically live by it!"

"Is that so?" Miskaelah seemed intrigued. "For you see, I have also always had an interest in the Chinese Zodiac. I have studied the different years and the common personality traits in all of them. Usually, when someone comes in for their first session, I can guess what year of the Chinese Zodiac they belong to just by studying them for a short time. And usually, I find that I have guessed right about them. It's a small game I like to play – trying to guess what year a new client was born in before I ask them their birth date."

"I was born in the year of the ram," said Yuki, feeling as though it was necessary to add.

"Of course, if you are right in telling me you will turn eighteen this autumn. And I'm sure you know your own age. But…it's odd…not to say you look younger or older than you actually are, but for some reason I was almost certain you would have been born in the year of the rat. I was picking up on a certain vibe from you…ah well, it is no matter."

Yuki just stared at her, dumbfounded. _Now that definitely couldn't be some coincidence or a lucky guess. Was she really picking up on a vibe from me…can she tell I somehow have links with the rat from the Chinese Zodiac? _He began to doubt that he should have made the comment about 'living' by the zodiac in case he gave something away. He knew it was stupid – Miskaelah couldn't know about the curse, could she? – but he still felt very edgy. He was quite sure Miskaelah knew more about him than she let on, though he wasn't sure how or why.

But Miskaelah, it seemed, had already forgotten about the Chinese Zodiac, and was smiling at him again in that same eerie way.

"I don't go in much for tarot," she said, gesturing to the cards beside her. "I find my power permits me to probe into the other realm without material assistance. The cards are really just for show. I won't use them now. However, I _would _like to see your palms, if you don't mind. Whatever hand you write with."

Gingerly, Yuki unclenched his right hand from where it was nestled protectively in his lap and laid it, palm-upwards, on the table. Miskaelah glided her fingers over the lines in his palm almost reverently, gently picking up his hand. Yuki watched as she squinted at it with frown lines creasing in her forehead, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. A range of emotions crossed her face – at one stage, he could have sworn he heard her utter a breathy 'wow' – before she gave an affirmative nod of the head, confirming something to herself.

"I was right about you," she said, never taking her eyes off his hand. "You have a lot of power. The most I've ever seen, in fact and I'm not just saying that either. The power is very strong. But…it's buried very deep inside of you, and it's not quite ready to come out yet. You're waiting for something to bring it out first."

Yuki wasn't sure what to think or make of this. Whether the woman was just insane or whether she actually saw power in him or not, he couldn't tell. He was just amazed she was making such an accusation (about him, of all people!) at all.

"What am I waiting for, exactly?" he managed to choke out.

Miskaelah looked up at him, her eyes gleaming. "I think you already know. But don't let it bother you now. It will all become apparent in time."

She returned her attentions to his palm, and he was too stunned to ask anything more.

"You carry a heavy weight on your shoulders," she continued, brows furrowed as she traced one of the lines in his palm with the tip of her index finger, "a heavy burden…a curse."

Yuki felt his heart miss a beat. _She knows! She can see into me after all! She must be a real psychic!_

"You are…aware that you are cursed. This is unusual, as most people who are cursed are not. This curse consumes your life. You feel it in a very strong way, and it causes you a deep and profound sadness, as well as great anger and…frustration? Yes, _especially_ frustration. It's like a force you can feel pushing down on you all the time…boxing you in…confining you…restricting you. You hate it, more than anything else. You wonder why such a curse has befallen you, because no one has ever explained much about it to you properly and somehow you know it's not your fault you are branded with it," Miskaelah paused, then said as though she was talking about the most normal thing in the world, "is it a family curse, perhaps?"

"Yes…" Yuki murmured weakly. Beneath the privacy of the table, his left hand was shaking, and he knew his right would be too if Miskaelah did not have such a firm grip on his wrist. He had never heard anyone describe him and the way he felt about anything so accurately before. It was better than he could have described it himself. But he was too shocked and, to some extent, excited by it to be frightened. He didn't think anyone, let alone a complete stranger, could ever give him this kind of understanding.

Miskaelah grinned and nodded at him. "Yes, I thought it was. It's an incredibly strong curse. _Incredibly_ strong. I've seen cursed people before, but never anything quite like this. Whoever put this curse on your family must have been very powerful."

"Can you tell me who that person was? How to get rid of it?" Yuki asked eagerly, rising slightly out of his chair with anticipation. He had always wondered these things since he found out about the curse, but whenever he had asked questions about the origins and the nature of it at home growing up, he had been punished. The elders of the family said he was insolent, and it was unnatural for a boy to ask so many questions. He soon learnt his lesson, but suppressing his thirst for knowledge only drove it to be inwardly stronger. He felt like everyone was hiding something from him, and if he could only obtain some real information, he might be able to find some hidden message in his family history that would show him the way to break the curse – his own personal hell. To him, the curse had always been worse than anything else he could think of on earth, and he would have given anything to be rid of it.

Now, perhaps, all his hopes and dreams would finally be answered in the form of the wise old woman sitting opposite him at the table.

But the smile had fallen from Miskaelah's face. She placed her own hand properly over his and looked at him seriously. He already knew the answer would not be what he wanted to hear.

"I have performed exorcisms before, but only on remedial curses. Curses are not my specialty, and something like this is far beyond me," she looked at him in genuine heartbreak on his behalf. "I'm so sorry, Yuki."

"No, don't be," he replied dully, slumping back in his seat, defeated and disappointed. He didn't want Miskaelah to know, but he was kicking himself inside. _I should have learnt by now not to get my hopes up…_

"Do you want me to continue?" Miskaelah queried, still holding his hand with a motherly sort of kindness.

Yuki sighed to himself and nodded, permitting Miskaelah focus on his palm once more.

"Though you are constantly surrounded by people, you still feel very isolated and lonely inside. You crave for real acceptance and companionship more than anything, but you push others away from you because you tell yourself you can't be close to anyone. The curse stops you, you tell yourself. But deep down, I think you know it's not _just_ the curse that keeps you from being too close to anyone. The curse may push down on you, but you grab it and use it like a security blanket. You _let _it control you, because you like to have something to blame your own insecurities on."

A lump had formed in Yuki's throat. He hated what Miskaelah was saying to him, because although he had tried to for so long, there was no real way to deny that it was true. Nevertheless, he opened his mouth to protest. Only a strangled sound managed to escape his lips.

"Don't go saying I have it all wrong now," Miskaelah interrupted before he could form the words, reading his mind again. "Consider what I am saying to you. Consider _yourself_. You feel as if you have to hide behind a mask in order to fit in. You're a very perceptive person, Yuki, and you see all the bad qualities in yourself. You're so scared of letting others see those qualities too that you shy away from them. You think it's the only way to make other people like you. Of course, you don't want to admit this to yourself, so you blame your detachment from others on the curse. In this way, the curse protects you, in a sense, from yourself. You might despise it, but you also feel you need it. Am I right?"

Yuki bit his lip and nodded at her. _She's so right, I couldn't have phrased any of this better myself. But…how can she know all of this just by looking at my hand? Is everyone this transparent to someone with psychic powers? _Miskaelah's words were really starting to scare him, and the truth of them shook him up and stung. The self-hate and shame that constantly lurked within him rose to surface. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes, which was crazy, since he never cried in front of other people anymore.

Miskaelah sensed his unease and put her hand on top of his once again, adapting a much more motherly tone.

"Oh Yuki, there is no need to feel so ashamed of yourself. _Everyone_ has bad qualities, it is part of being human. Surely you already know this? So why do you still fear letting others see your bad qualities when you know that we all posses our own? Are they really _so_ bad? Is it enough to justify all the self-hate you carry? Can _anything_ really justify that?"

Yuki turned away, once again finding that he was unable to look at or answer her. He stared, instead, at the swirling, pearly pink and white patterns in the crystal ball on the table. The glitter-covered green scales of the dragon coiled around it sparkled in the light from the candle, and its two black opal-like eyes glared back at him intently. The creature bore all of its shining gold teeth, and it looked to Yuki as if it were smirking at him…

"Ah wait, there is more to this than meets the eye," Miskaelah said suddenly, her usually clear green eyes clouding over as she formed a connection with the other realm, "I see it now…others in your life who have influenced you…who have made you hate yourself so. You were an abused and neglected child, and despite all the praise and compliments others have given you, you have never fully recovered from the anguish of your past. There was also another…a love, who you've opened up to. You let her see both the good and the bad and she accepted all of it. Though you weren't ready to show her everything yet, you felt you could be more of yourself with her, and you were happy. But then she broke your heart, and it hurt you more than words can say."

"That's all in the past now," Yuki replied tersely. He hated talking – or even thinking – about his childhood. Over the years and after moving away from the main house, he had managed to suppress most of it, so that only a few scattered memories of his past remained in his mind. Having someone else speak about it so bluntly like this brought up things he felt were much better left dead.

However, Yuki was also glad to see that Miskaelah was finally wrong about something to do with him. When Tohru broke his heart, it had hurt him, but he had gotten over it, and memories of the previous summer were no longer painful. It had taken him a while, but he had realized his affections for Tohru were really only brotherly, and had been all along.

"Perhaps, but those events have stayed with you all the same, and they have contributed to your decision to distance yourself so much, along with the curse. Yuki, you do need to move forward with life, but don't try to bury the past so quickly. That mask you feel you have to wear every day…what lies beneath it? You won't know for sure unless you look, but maybe the key to finding yourself – to setting yourself free – is hidden in your own past," Miskaelah smiled at him sagely. "Don't be afraid to dig deeper into yourself sometimes because you aren't sure what you may discover. You don't have to be perfect in a godlike sense, Yuki. You are human, after all, and it is my firm belief that humanity is perfect because it has flaws. You have so much to offer the world…too much to be squandered on your fear of being seen as less than you are. What a waste that would be! If anything, people would only respect you more if they knew you could see and admit to your own personal faults."

She leaned over closer to him, lowering her voice to an intimate whisper. "All your life, people have put you on a pedestal. Let them take you off it now, because we both know deep down that you are so much more than that. Accept your bad qualities like everyone else must learn to do, but please, focus more on all your good qualities. You have so many of them. Your kindness…your intelligence…your perception and compassion and sensitivity. It's all right here on your palm…right here inside of you. And you're athletic and damned attractive too, I won't forget that," she winked, "not to mention creative."

"Creative?" Yuki said, perplexed. In truth, he had heard the other things Miskaelah listed said of him before. But no one had ever called him especially creative.

"Oh yes," Miskaelah nodded, faintly surprised. She grasped his wrist and held his hand up in front of him, tracing around its shape with one finger. "Look here, your hand makes the symbol of a water drop when you put all your fingers together like that. It's a sign of true creativity – man's greatest gift. You have that gift, Yuki, you just haven't realized it yet. Or maybe you have? Do you play music, write, or paint?"

_I can't believe I'm actually considering this, _Yuki thought to himself as he scanned his mind for any talent he had that could pass as being creative. He had always liked to draw a little in his spare time, he supposed, but he never thought it made him especially creative. He wasn't even any good at it, and saw it just as some stupid little hobby of his. But he had vague memories of lying on his stomach and sketching the gardens on stolen pieces of paper when he was still only very little and living at the main house…of finger-painting in the early years of elementary school being his favourite thing to do during the school week…of the little quick sketches he did on a blank page in his notebook in classes whenever he was bored. His pictures were never worthy of being called 'art', but doing them always brought him great happiness, even when he was down. He still liked to pick up a pencil in the few snatches of spare time he had these days.

"I draw…a little," he finally settled on telling her, slightly embarrassed at it.

Miskaelah looked at him seriously. "You should. You should do it more. It doesn't matter how good or how bad you are at it. Your creative outlet can also be your emotional outlet. It's a means of expression. You're a very sensitive person, and you feel things deeply. Sometimes you have so much emotion that you don't know what to do with it all, so you bottle it up inside and pretend it doesn't exist. Instead, why don't you draw what you feel? Let it out. You might be pleasantly surprised with the results, and not just artistically either."

Yuki took a moment to consider this. He remembered how good it felt to create something – even a very insignificant something – and wondered if Miskaelah was right about drawing assisting him emotionally. He mentally noted that he would try to find more time for it in the near future. After all, there was nothing to be lost in experimenting with the concept.

Thinking about the 'near future' instantly reminded him of something so obvious, he could hardly believe he'd forgotten it so quickly.

"Miskaelah?"

"Yes?"

"I-I just realized…you haven't told me my future yet."

Upon hearing this, Miskaelah threw her head back and howled with laughter.

"Don't you think you need to understand yourself better before you can understand your future?" she reasoned once she had calmed herself. "Besides, what's the point? You don't even believe in fate."

Yuki scowled, more at himself than at her. After everything that had been happening to him recently and on this night, he had no idea whether he believed in fate or not.

"In this case, I'll make an exception for my beliefs," he replied solemnly. "Let's pretend I do."

Miskaelah only laughed again, shaking her head knowingly. "Let me show you something, Yuki."

She let go of his hand and slowly stood up. While he remained seated, she seemed to tower over him in height, though he didn't find it at all intimidating. In seconds, she dragged her chair over so that she was sitting closer to him, motioning for him to turn his seat slightly to one side so that they could face each other. She sat on an angle, yet they were so close Yuki could feel her knees lightly touching his own.

"Hold out your hand again," Miskaelah instructed, "and close your eyes."

Yuki hesitated, but did what he was told. Darkness consumed him, broken only by the particles of golden light that still swirled in his vision. He could hear Miskaelah starting to breathe more heavily, and wondered what she was doing. The air in the tent was so warm, and he could feel it getting hotter and hotter by the minute. His hand was left suspended in the air between him and the fortune teller, and he had an instinctive urge to pull it back. He barely managed to keep his hand in place, fighting to stop his fingers from trembling.

"Try to relax…" Miskaelah murmured soothingly, "…concentrate. Become aware of the atmosphere around you. Let everything flow through you."

Feeling a little foolish, Yuki attempted to do as she was telling him. He ignored his own insecurities, picturing the tent in his mind to try and make himself feel more comfortable about having his eyes closed. He imagined the tent exactly as he recalled it, with Miskaelah sitting opposite him and watching him with her wide green gaze, which he made far less piercing and intent than it was in real life. He imagined until he forgot he even had his eyes closed at all, barely noticing as the tension in the muscles of his hand eased. He imagined until what he saw in his mind became all to real.

Then, somehow, he wasn't imagining anymore. Even with his eyes shut tight, he could still see the world, but not as he would have been able to see it otherwise. Miskaelah hadn't been watching him at all – her own eyes were snapped shut, her expression placid, as she curled and uncurled her bony fingers over the top of his palm in strange, claw-like movements. What was more, not only could he now feel all the heat in the room, but he could actually _see _it. Red and orange sparks of light, flashing and dancing around the tent…fading away all too fast, only to be swiftly replaced by another. There was an odd kind of beauty and power about it, a strange warmth and strength that radiated from it. He could feel that warmth and strength clustering together…grouping and forming together between his hand and Miskaelah's. His palm began to sweat with the heat that it created, and he knew that, although there was plenty of it in the atmosphere around him, the focused energy was being channeled through Miskaelah. She was gathering it from the environment and letting it pass through her, concentrating it in a particular spot. Yuki let a gasp of awe and realization escape his lips, but didn't dare to open his eyes.

"You feel that?" Miskaelah whispered to him, and this time Yuki eagerly nodded back to her. He didn't trust himself to speak. "That's fire."

She stopped moving her hand and clicked her fingers, causing the energy to disappear instantly. Yuki fought to contain his disappointment, but was soon sated again by the presence of a new energy which flowed and washed over everything with a cool, soothing blue. He could feel an icy substance trickle down from Miskaelah's fingertips and puddle in the center of his hand.

"Now that cold liquid?" asked Miskaelah, not waiting for his response. "That's water."

Two more clicks followed, in which Yuki experienced the blurred, swirling greys and balmy breeze of 'wind', as well as the deep, rich colours and warm, electrified energy of 'earth'. When Miskaelah allowed him to open his eyes once again, it was to a dull and sedated world he half wished he didn't have to return to. It left him slightly dazed and disoriented.

"Those were the four mystic elements," Miskaelah explained seriously as she released his hand, "fed through me and passed on to you. One day, you'll be able to channel those elements yourself, and so much more."

By no means for the first time that night, Yuki was rendered completely shocked.

"Are you saying I have psychic powers?" he asked in disbelief.

Miskaelah smirked at him, "I'm not saying anything. I've told you already that you posses a great power in you, but it's waiting for something to bring it out. The day that happens is not too far away, and when it does, you will learn your fate. That is why I will not tell you your future, Yuki. The time has not yet come for you to know that kind of information. But don't worry, you won't have to wait very long."

Yuki slumped back in his chair. There was so many questions he wished to ask Miskaelah, but he wasn't sure how to put any of his thoughts into words so that they would make sense. Besides this, he wasn't even sure if Miskaelah would answer him anyway.

Seeming to mistake him for being disappointed rather than overwhelmed, Miskaelah sighed and took his hand again, looking at him with pity.

"I'll let you in on a little secret," she said, as though to try and make him feel better. "There are some people in this world, Yuki, who are born for three purposes only: to live, to breed, to die, and that's it. But there are others who are meant to touch lives…to change something in the world, for better or for worse."

"Uh-huh…I take it you think I'm not just a 'breeding machine', then?" Yuki eyed her skeptically.

Miskaelah frowned. "Don't take this the wrong way now. All human life is mystical, wonderful and beautiful. But not all of us can have that kind of purpose. I'm telling you this only because I know you can understand, and because I can see you have that sort of purpose in you. But with great power comes great responsibility, as the saying goes. You'll have an important mission to complete in the near future that will effect the lives of many who are close to you. Any more than that, I cannot say."

Yuki sat stiffly in his seat, feeling so much at once that it simply filtered through him and felt like nothing at all. _A power deep inside of me that is waiting to emerge…an important mission in my future that will effect the lives of many…destiny…great responsibility. It all sounds so absurd, so how come it is so hard for me to doubt it?_

"Should I be afraid?" he asked quietly.

Miskaelah let go of his hand and sat back in her own seat, one eyebrow raised at him and a smile playing about her lips.

"Are you?"

Yuki searched himself, and the answer he found surprised him more than he thought it would have.

"No…I'm not."

Miskaelah smiled again, and now Yuki smiled with her. _This strange gypsy knows me better than I know myself…I'm sure she knew that was going to be my answer, even before I did._

"In that case, you shouldn't be. Remember always, there is no need to fear destiny. Especially not in your case. Whatever happens, I see bright and beautiful things ahead for you. Freedom…glory…a great love…"

"Love!?"

"I'll say no more," Miskaelah stopped herself, clearly having said more than she originally intended to. She looked as though she wanted to hit herself over the head for becoming too carried away. She stood up, motioning for Yuki to do the same. "We shan't meet again, you know. Our paths have crossed, and our purpose with one another is complete. You'll find that we have little more to say to each other."

Yuki wanted to tell her that he still had plenty to say, but something told him it was best to hold his tongue.

"I hope something I've said to you tonight sinks in, but don't let it go to your head now," she gave him a playful wink.

"Don't worry," Yuki smirked in return, "we both know I'm not that kind of person."

They regarded each other for a moment, each feeling more than they could express. Yuki wasn't sure what to do. They had just spent so much time talking about his most intimate and personal thoughts, and yet he wasn't close to her and didn't feel the need for a sentimental farewell. He settled for staring into her eyes, knowing she could read him and could understand what he was feeling better than he even could. He wondered, fleetingly, if he stared into the fortune teller's eyes long enough, he would fall right into them and be transported to a whole other world. A world where nothing was as it seemed, and where he might be lost forever.

It was a great effort to pull himself away…to turn his back on her and to walk towards the entrance of the tent. But he did not need to be troubled by other worlds just yet. He was having enough trouble coping with the one he was in already.

"Yuki…wait…"

The pleading tones he heard in the voice caused him to turn back more than anything. Though the whole night had been an experience Yuki knew he would never forget, it was the image he saw then which would stand out most of all when he later reflected on these events. It was of an old and feeble woman, fueled and kept together only by the strength of the power she possessed. A great woman, who seemed so small and frail in the fading candlelight, staring at him with those luminous green eyes. It took him a good minute to recognize the expression printed onto her worn and weathered face, as he had rarely seen it in elders before. It was the look of someone who was worried…for _him_.

"You'll face many hard choices in your life," she said with an eerie kind of seriousness, overshadowed with a hint of premonition. The words would echo long in Yuki's ears after they had been said. "Don't ever hesitate, or dare to let a single moment slip you by. Follow your instincts whenever you can. For if you learn nothing else from me, Yuki Sohma, I hope you will heed this. You must walk on the path, before another path finds you."

Yuki stared at her, locking the memory firmly into his mind, then nodded solemnly at her. He left the tent gazing down at his own palm, and with a head filled with a jumbled mess of thoughts. He would need to stay up all night if he planned to sort them out.

* * *

**Note:** I must apologize here for the lack of Yuki/Haru stuff in this chapter. But never fear, a massive scene between them will most definitely follow in the next update, along with many other scenes after that. After all, this is first and foremost a Yuki/Haru story…

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to reviews**

**Adi88:** # giggles # all the nice things you said about the last chapter I wrote aren't good for my already inflated ego, but thank you all the same! I hope you liked this chapter as well, even though Haru wasn't exactly featured. And yes, I loved that part where Yuki made Haru grin like that in the manga and in the anime. I think I've watched that part in the manga at least a dozen times by now…

I understand where you are coming from about the dizzy-spell seeming convenient, but all this weirdness between Haru and Yuki is going somewhere later in the plotline, I promise! It has a point. Well…sort of…but yeah, I mainly used it as an excuse to get them alone together – XD

Anyway, I apologize sincerely for the super-long wait. I hope you stay with me!

**Flonshoe:** Thank you so much for your last lovely review – reading yours always makes me so happy (a very Tohru thing to say, I know :P). I made Haru freak out like that at the end to try and convey his frustration about his situation with Yuki. It was kind of meant to be like…the person you've been madly and unrequitedly in love with for years suddenly starts saying all these sweet and complimentary things about you. It brings up all these feelings you wish you didn't have and it's frustrating because you know that the person you're talking to will never return those feelings. Trust me, it can be enough to make you angry like that, I've been there. I hope this explains it, even though it probably sounds very confusing.

If you look at the note I wrote at the beginning of the prologue, you'll see definition for 'Desiderata' which I copied out of some dictionary. 'Desiderata' is also the name of my favourite poem, if you are bored one day and have nothing better to look up on the web.

I am so sorry for the long wait. I hope this chapter makes up for it!

**Jessiegurl43953:** Hello, thank you so much for your review! Trying to manage so many characters at once was really hard, so I was really pleased to get such positive feedback on it. Sustaining the relationship between Haru and Yuki has been difficult with all the other stuff I've incorporated into this story as well, so I'm glad you're enjoying reading this part. I plan on having some major scenes between H/Y in the next chapter now I have all the establishing plotline stuff out of the way. Because, after all, that's what I'm really interested in writing XD

I'm a self-confessed angst-lover, so of course my characters are going to have complications in their relationships, but hopefully I won't overdo it. I have the basic outline for this story in my head now, so I can tell you that the connection between Haru and Yuki, and what it all really means, will be discovered around chapter ten.

Thank you so much for reading, and I can't wait to here what you thought of this chapter…

**Pocky-Pocky-Chan:** Hey, I can be a sadist as well. Angst really should be my middle name, as you can probably tell from reading all these chapters. Everyone loves an emo Yuki, well I do anyway – XD. Can't you just see him in the dark, torn clothing with dyed hair and running mascara?

I was intrigued that you picked up on Yuki's unintentional distance thing in the last chapter, since I was planning on really touching on it a lot in this one. What did you think of it? Eagerly awaiting your review )

**IloveMoony04:** gwee hee! Thank you a ton for my review. It really made my day when I received it, though I must confess I wasn't really sure what you were talking about for the first half! I am not very familiar with the manga, as I only actually have read two volumes of it. I'm addicted to the anime, though. But who is Kakeru?

I know what you mean about the Tohru/Kyo thing. Kyo really isn't my favourite character either. Don't get me wrong, I do love him, but sometimes I find he can get a bit repetitive and annoying, especially when you're trying to write him! I just wanted to pair him with Tohru in this story because it seemed to fit somehow. Ah well, the Kyo/Tohru in this is only really a background thing. As for Yuki, as far as I'm concerned, there is no one else for him but Haru. I'm a bit of a hardcore shipper.

Of course I will continue to write this! I am loving every minute of it. But I really hope you continue to review. What did you think of this chapter?

**Slaughtergirl:** # runs towards you through a field of flowers # Thanks for reading XD


	6. Shades of Grey

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket. The line, _'The mask wasn't real, but then who was he when he took it off' _was borrowed without asking from my most beloved author Pixelgoddess, and the quote Yuki uses in his letter to Haru was by Maya Angelou.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** Once again, I apologize for the slow update, but it's been hard to find the time what with all the festivities of Christmas and New Years. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Note from my Beta, Minerva276:** Many squees contained below. Author has been duly pummeled by beta for leaving us hanging but author assures beta more is to come in later chapters….

* * *

** Chapter Five – Shades of Grey**

Haru grunted as he heaved his pushbike along the highway's narrow bike lane, teeth gritted together tightly as he forcefully propelled the peddles forward, his black, leather gloved hands gripped painfully tight around the handlebars. The noisy sounds of the oncoming traffic zooming past him were deafening, doing nothing to improve his already foul mood. It had been a long time since he last felt this frustrated and angry – angry enough so that even all the anger management techniques he had spent a lifetime practicing were not enough to stop the darker side of his personality from showing its ugly face. Although he never had any recollections of his 'other self' when he changed into his alter ego, experience had taught him to recognize that at some stage in the last half hour he had morphed into Black Haru.

It was the day after the carnival, the first weekend since he had gone back to school for the new year, and what had started off as a rather dismal looking Saturday morning had shaped up to be a very beautiful autumn day. But not even the clearing skies and the gentle breeze in the air could calm Haru's spirit. He'd gone home to bed the previous night in a bad mood, then had woken up feeling no better the next morning. After suppressing his emotions for hours, he'd finally snapped for no good reason when his mother asked him to help her with household chores, and ended up yelling some really horrible insults at her. Then, knowing he needed to get out of the house, he had taken his bike (preferring an ordinary one at a time like this to a motorbike, which required less physical energy and therefore wouldn't help him to release all the tension he felt as much) and left without letting anyone know where he was going, without even knowing where he was going to himself. But Black Haru couldn't have cared less about any of that, even having hurt the woman who had reared him with no good reason. He would let White Haru worry about more sentimental, remorseful emotions when he eventually calmed down and changed back – _if _White Haru would even remember any of this at all (which he probably wouldn't).

A truck sped past Haru in the opposite direction, travelling at least two times faster than the legal speed limit. The big, burly driver blared his horn and shouted something at Haru from the open window which he didn't quite catch. Nonetheless, he stopped his bike anyway and yelled curses over his shoulder at the retreating vehicle – words that certainly had no place in any kind of conversation, polite or otherwise. To any other, it would have seemed lucky that the truckie was driving too fast and was already too far away to hear the words that were being called out to him, but Black Haru was always half-looking for a way to provoke someone else into a fight. Fighting was the best means he could think of to get rid of the unbearable emotional tension he always experienced whenever he changed into this personality.

The most annoying thing was, Haru realized as he continued to peddle down the highway, he wasn't even completely sure why he felt so angry in the first place. It couldn't just be his mother asking him to do chores. He was no longer the little insolent brat he had been as a child, who was sent over the edge and into a violent temper tantrum even when faced with the slightest and most insignificant of things. White Haru, he knew, _liked _helping his mother anyway. So what exactly was his problem?

Of course, it was all that irritating Yuki Sohma's fault. _Everything_ seemed to come back to _him _these days, as he was all that ever seemed to be on Haru's mind. Stupid, naïve, selfish Yuki, who only had to glance at him with those stunningly bright, deep amethyst eyes and it would send him into oblivion. What really was so great about him anyway? Why was he so _bent _on him and only him? Why couldn't he just hate him as easily as he found himself hating the rest of the world when he was like this? It had been so easy to hate him as a child, before they knew each other, when Yuki was nothing more to him than a symbol of something to despise. What made everything so complicated when it came to him?

He had known the answer to all of these questions since he was eight years old, when he met Yuki for the first time. But gods above, he loathed using _that_ word. What was love anyway, but a sweeping generalization for a million different things? Nothing was ever as simple as 'love' with Yuki, yet nothing else ever seemed to fit. Certainly not hate, even though a lot of the time he wished it did…even though he could always think of a lot of things about Yuki that he did hate, and even though hating Yuki would have made much more sense somehow using his own twisted logic. It was always much more simple to hate someone – not that he ever could hate Yuki.

When he was White Haru, it was different. White Haru knew how to control himself and the way he felt. He could pretend to smile, laugh and joke, and no one ever suspected there was anything wrong when he proclaimed that 'nothing was bothering him' or that he was 'fine'. He could ignore his emotions and go about being happy and polite for the sake of other people, even when he was miserable inside. He had learnt to live with unrequited love and all the things that came with it – crushed hopes…that awful sinking sensation in his stomach. But Black Haru couldn't. Once he snapped, there was no means of control, especially when it came to Yuki.

Each and every time he managed to convince himself that he was over it (whatever 'it' was), that he was no longer in love, something would always happen to make him realize that he was only lying to himself to say such things. Now, after he had spent an entire summer recovering from what had happened to him last year, something had happened again, this time on a much bigger and more profound level than before. He had always felt drawn to Yuki, but never this much. Long separations were soon going to drive him crazy. He needed to be with him, to talk to him…but what was there that he could possibly say? Yuki didn't seem to want him near, so what choice did he have but to keep his distance? Even Black Haru wasn't careless enough to ride all the way over to Shigure's house and pound down the door, demanding to see Yuki for no good reason he could think of. Not after what had nearly happened between them last night, when Yuki had looked at him with those amazing eyes and had told him how much he appreciated him. He wanted to hear it all so badly, but at the same time it was driving him insane because he knew that Yuki could never feel the same way about it as he did.

Haru paused again to wipe the sweat off his brow, scowling to himself, before setting off at the same steady pace. He wondered if the thing that was _really _causing him so much angst at this moment was not Yuki Sohma, but Saki Hanajima, a girl he considered more of an acquaintance than a friend, whom he had sought out to speak with the previous night after Yuki had gone home. All week, he had been noticing the odd way she would stare at him and Yuki, as though she could sense something particularly strange in them. His curiosity finally had gotten the better of him, and he had made the decision to confront her about it, seizing the opportunity to speak with her alone when she parted ways with the rest of the group and he made an excuse to follow her…

* * *

"So when are you going to tell me the real reason for following me all the way over here alone, hmm?" Hana cast him a sidelong glance as they walked away from the carnival together. "Strange how you should be walking the same way as I am to get home when Sohma House is in the opposite direction, don't you think?"

_She smirked at him mysteriously through her long, elegant waves of black hair. Haru suddenly found an intent interest in his own shoes. He never really thought much about Hana, other than that she was a friend of friends and also that she was a tiny bit creepy. But he didn't like the way she would always look at him as if she knew more than she was willing to let on._

"_I wanted to ask you something," he muttered almost inaudibly, hands jammed in his pockets as he walked along beside her._

_Hana rose a single eyebrow at him, looking, much to Haru's annoyance, as though she were thoroughly amused. "Is that so? I was wondering how long it would be before you came to me seeking advice."_

"_I don't want your advice on anything," Haru replied more curtly than he meant to, "I just want to know why you've been giving me those looks all the time."_

"_What looks?" Hana teased, her smirk broadening._

"_Don't toy with me, you know exactly what I mean," Haru grimaced, now looking her directly in the eyes. "So is there something going on that I don't know about, or what? Is this just another sick joke of yours, to try and creep me out?"_

_Hana only smiled placidly. "Funny…I was hoping you could tell me what's been going on."_

"_What do you mean? I have no idea!" Haru exclaimed, baffled. "But weren't you going to offer me your advice a few minutes ago on something? So what do you know? Tell me!"_

"_All I know is that ever since you came back from summer break this year, you're electric signals have been very, very different. I mean, you're entire family has always had strange signals that I've never been able to place, but now there's something even more strange and particularly intriguing about your signals, and Yuki's, for that matter."_

_Haru felt his heart skip a beat. He knew Hana's psychic abilities enabled her to read human 'electric signals' (whatever they were) but he'd never considered that she would be able to tell something was wrong about him and Yuki. Was this a sure sign that something was happening to both of them? And, for that matter, was this something a good or a bad thing?_

"_Just…different," Hana continued, almost as if she was reading his mind. "The same, but different."_

_Haru contemplated this a moment, then decided that for now it was best not to ask what she meant by 'the same, but different'. _

"_Different how, exactly? And why do you think they are?"_

"_Well, it's hard to explain to someone who can't see all the things I can, but…"_

"_But what?" Haru prompted her, not sure whether he really wanted to hear the answer or not._

"_But your electric signals keep doing strange things whenever you're near each other, like Yuki's did today when you turned up. It's sort of like you're being pulled towards each other," Hana said thoughtfully. "The truth is, I don't really know, but I don't think it's anything to be at all concerned about. It's just…peculiar. Naturally, I assumed you and Yuki would know more about this than I do, and naturally, I assumed you would end up coming to me asking for help. I am the only person you know with psychic powers, after all."_

"_That's true," Haru admitted, although the thought of turning to Hana had never even crossed his mind. At least he had his answers now._

"_We're almost at the train station. I'll have to leave you here," said Hana, suddenly stopping. "But…before you go, may I ask you something?"_

"_Why not?" Haru replied dryly, though he had a bad feeling about this._

_Hana smirked at him again, eyes glinting with mirth. "If I had been trying to play a joke on you and scare you, would it have worked?"_

_Haru stared at her in disbelief for a moment before he rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Oh sure, you had me trembling in my boots for a while there."_

Laughing to herself, Hana turned her back on him with a twirl of her billowing black cloak, and set off for the train station by herself without another word. Haru watched her go, despite all circumstances finding it funny that Hana would never know how true his last statement had really been.

* * *

The sound of another blaring horn tore Haru from his reverie, and he let out a gasp when he realized that he'd become so distracted with his thoughts, he'd forgotten to steer his bike. As a result, he'd gradually been pushed out of the bike lane and closer towards oncoming traffic. The truck that was heading straight for him beeped again, urging him to get out of the way. There wasn't enough time for either of them to apply the breaks. Thinking quickly through his panic, Haru turned the handlebars sharply and swerved off to the left, narrowly avoiding a collision. But the force behind the turn had been too strong, and it sent him over the edge of the highway, plummeting down the steep grassy slope on the other side.

Haru yelped, the wheels of the bike whizzing and spurring as they turned faster and faster, gathering speed. There was no way he could stop it – no way to stop the bike from crashing into the shallow canal of water that lay directly below. With a jolt of pain, he realized there was only one thing he could do. Closing his eyes and inwardly cringing, Haru leapt off the bike with a cry and landed on the grass in an awkward position. A tell-all splash of water thundered through his ears as he rolled a short way down the hill, finally coming to rest some way down the slope, somewhat bruised, and with his skin and black clothes stained with grass.

For the longest time, he lay completely still, panting as he gazed up at the sky above him and not daring to move. All the pent-up emotion he had been carrying seemed to drain away after such a shocking episode, and once he managed to stop shaking and to calm himself down somewhat, he found himself feeling only exhausted and spent. He was White Haru again. But…now he had no idea where he was, or what had happened. The last thing he remembered was being at home, helping his mother with chores…

He was still trying to catch his breath and recollect his memories when he suddenly sensed that there was a presence directly beside him, and had been the whole time he had been there. He glanced to his left and gasped, his mind going momentarily numb when he met with a pair of very astonished amethyst eyes…

"Uh…hello."

Haru was rendered instantly dumbfounded. Yuki sat with his knees bent and pulled up close to him, balancing a notebook on his legs as though they were an easel, eyes fixed unblinkingly on Haru and lips parted slightly with surprise. But Haru knew that what Yuki felt was nothing compared to how stunned he was. _What am I doing here? What am I doing with **him**? I must have been……oh God, what did Black Haru do?_

Suddenly, it all came rushing back to him: the bike ride, his musings over Yuki and Hana as he tried to work out why he was so angry, and his rather unfortunate accident. For a long moment, Haru's thoughts were completely numb to all else, and he was stunned into complete stillness as he stared up at the one person who had just been on his mind. All he could think about was how ironic life was, to lead him straight to _him _at a time like this.

Yuki blinked, momentarily breaking what had been constant eye-contact between them, and Haru's mind whirred. _What are you doing, you idiot? _He berated himself, _get up and say something to him!_

Slowly, Haru pulled himself up off his back and into a sitting position, bringing a hand to his forehead to check for any bumps and bruises. He sat opposite from Yuki, yet slightly to one side, scarcely an inch further down the slope than he was. Glancing around him, he realized, with another twinge of irony, that this was the same slope beside the same highway he had been resting on when he first met Tohru Honda, almost two whole years ago.

"Hi," he managed to say evenly, chancing a small smile.

There was a brief silence, then Yuki blinked again and shook his head, as though bringing himself out of a stupor.

"Are you alright?" he asked in genuine concern. "What happened?"

Haru made a sweeping gesture up at the highway. "I had to swerve off the road at the last minute to avoid getting hit by a truck. I'm fine though, thanks. Not much bruised but my ego."

He noticed Yuki glance him over once before seeming to agree that this was true. Although he was touched, Haru couldn't understand why Yuki seemed so worried. He should have known that Haru's many years of martial arts training had built up his physical tolerance to minor accidents like this.

"Only your ego is bruised?" Yuki said teasingly, raising an eyebrow and grinning. "If anything then, it will do you the world of good."

Despite everything, Haru had to laugh. "You think so, do you?"

"Of course not. I was only joking," Yuki chuckled, then his expression sobered as he looked over at the canal. "Your bike, however, seems a little worse for wear."

The bike lay on the shallow, crooked banks of the canal. The front half had been buried under sand and water upon impact, while the back jutted up into the air. Haru noticed, with a grimace, that the back wheel was still spinning slowly, making awful and unhealthy creaking sounds.

"Ah, it's okay," he said with a shrug, after twisting over his shoulder to look at it. "I can always just fix it when I get home. No big deal."

Yuki nodded, then visibly jumped a little when something occurred to him.

"What're you doing out here anyway?"

Haru shrugged again and looked away. "Just going for a bike ride, trying to clear my head."

Yuki must have seen something in his face when he said the words, because his expression swiftly changed from one of curiosity to one of concern again.

"Is everything okay, then?" he asked in a soft undertone, as though he wasn't quite certain that he should be asking at all.

"Oh yeah, sure," Haru could only lie. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," Yuki replied, now looking away as well and down at his knees. "I just came here to get away from the house and everyone for a little while. You know, spend some time alone."

Sensing there was something he should pick up on in these words, Haru ran them over in his mind again.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, when he finally understood. _Yuki wants to be **alone**! _"I'm sorry, I'll just – "

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" Yuki cut him off instantly. Their eyes met again, and Haru was startled by the amount of emotion he could see in his face. Was it fear? Was Yuki…_afraid _he would go?

"Yuki…"

The other Sohma hurriedly looked away again, his pale cheeks turning a flushed shade of pink. "The truth is…I actually am glad for the company now that I have it."

Haru studied him a silent moment longer, uncertain of what to make of this.

"You sure?" he finally queried.

Yuki cast him a shy smile from behind bangs of sleek lavender hair. "Yes, it can get lonely being by yourself after a while."

"Don't I know it…" Haru muttered without thinking. He hated that little smile of Yuki's. Hated it because he loved it so much.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Oh, it's nothing. What were you saying?"

"Well…it would be kind of good if you wanted to stay for a bit," Yuki continued, still blushing, "but if you have somewhere else to be…"

"No, not at all," Haru replied, unable to deny how good it made him feel inside to know Yuki wanted him to stay with him. "Actually, I'm kind of glad I ran into you."

"You are?" Yuki said with surprise.

Haru nodded solemnly. "You took off so fast last night at the carnival. I was worried. I've been meaning to call up or something to see if you're okay."

Everything he said was true, but Haru thought it best not to also mention how angry he had been that night. Mostly at himself and his own stupid emotions, but also with Yuki for leaving without even saying a proper goodbye to him…for being sick and for making him worry so much…for everything he'd said and everything he _hadn't _said. Why had he been ignoring him? Sure, Haru knew why he would, essentially, and granted, he _had _been keeping his distance from Yuki as well and was probably giving off the vibe that he wanted to be left alone. But did it really have to be so awkward? Couldn't Yuki have said or done anything to assure him he was alright, instead of just taking off with Tohru, without even thanking him for his help?

Haru caught himself, realizing that he was being stupid. Of course Yuki would rather go home with Tohru than face Haru at that time. Of course it was awkward between them. When had it ever been otherwise?

Yuki was smiling at him again, oblivious to everything that was going on in his mind. That mysterious, shy smile that could drive him crazy…could make him so easily forget that he had ever been angry or annoyed with Yuki, or that he had made up his mind not to be in love with him anymore.

"I'm feeling much better now, thank you," Yuki said politely. "It was just some stupid dizzy spell. I'm sorry I made you worry."

"It's okay," Haru replied in kind, "don't worry about it."

A steady silence consumed them. Haru searched for something to say. He could think of a thousand things he wanted to talk about, but knew he couldn't possibly mention any of them. What would Yuki do anyway, but avoid being asked them? How was he meant to explain how he had been feeling drawn to him so much recently? How was he meant to ask about electrical waves, or if Yuki felt everything he did too? He wanted to get to the bottom of everything, but not desperately enough to risk their already delicate, yet highly important relationship.

"Hey, is that homework?" he questioned, noticing the notebook resting on Yuki's legs. He was pleased he'd managed to find something simple and everyday to talk about.

Yuki went pink again, automatically bringing his knees a little closer to his chest. "Err, no, not really. It's just…some drawing I've been doing."

"Really?" Haru tried not to look too taken-aback. "I didn't know you drew."

"Neither did I, until recently," Yuki grinned. "But I've started trying and I've sort of been enjoying it."

Haru's eyes widened with genuine interest. "Can I see?"

"I'd rather you didn't. It's very embarrassing, actually. They're not that good."

"I bet they are," Haru reasoned, though he already knew he wasn't going to get anything from Yuki like this.

"No really!" Yuki cried as Haru suddenly seized the notebook from the safe bed of Yuki's lap, "Haru! Hey!"

With a cry of frustration, Yuki lunged forward with arms outstretched as a laughing Haru held the notebook well out of his reach. Yuki lost his balance and fell forwards, landing on top of the younger Sohma and knocking him to his back. Ignoring the fact that he was lying on top of Haru, Yuki continued to try and wrestle the notebook out of Haru's hands with frequent remarks of 'give it back!' and 'Haru, be fair!'. Haru only laughed harder, waving the book around teasingly as clothes were stained, hair was rumpled, and limbs became awkwardly entwined.

It was only when their eyes accidentally met that both boys caught themselves, and all laughter died away instantly, the notebook forgotten. In the newfound silence that surrounded them, the sound of them both panting was almost deafening, even drowning out the noises made by the passing traffic above them. Although he hadn't exactly done any strenuous exercise, Haru found himself breathing heavily, and there was a sweat breaking out across his brow. Yuki was the same, now more physically close to Haru than he had ever been. Haru's heart pounded faster. He could make out every soft line and feature in Yuki's face…feel his breath lightly tickling his skin…see right into his eyes, as he'd never seen them before.

Their lips were only inches apart. Any closer and they would have been touching. Haru watched quietly as Yuki glanced over his face. He saw it there: confusion…fear…and…was it lust? _Could _it be? Yes; he was parting his lips, tilting his head slightly to one side…considering…hesitating. Haru was already beginning to feel his body starting to take control over his mind. He knew he had to say something.

"C-Can I…?"

Yuki froze, staring intently into Haru's eyes. A hard, stone-like expression suddenly crossed his face.

"Okay," he said softly, wasting no time in pulling away and untangling himself from Haru, "you can look."

It took him at least a good minute to realize that Yuki was talking about his notebook.

Pretending a lump hadn't just formed in his throat, Haru picked up the book he had dropped and sat up again, crossing his legs and resting the thing in his lap. Yuki had pulled his knees up to his chest and had wrapped an arm protectively around them, politely taking an interest in the strands of grass he was absent-mindedly pulling up from the ground with his other hand. He was blushing furiously, yet his expression remained completely bland. Haru tried hard not to look at him.

"These are really good Yuki," Haru said earnestly as he flicked through the pages, "better than good."

Yuki frowned at the grass. "Don't be stupid. They're awful. I told you so."

There were only five pictures so far in the whole thing: rough sketches done with a blunt pencil that left smudge marks on the page, with little notes made around the outside on how things could be improved. But the proportion and positioning of things was accurate. Yuki didn't draw from real life, Haru realized, at least not entirely. He took things from reality and blended them in with elements of his imagination. Like his sketch of the slope they were sitting on from the angle where Yuki had been sitting before, but with a dragon coming out of the canal water, and three suns in the sky instead of one.

"No, I really think so," Haru smiled. "Of course, I don't really know much about this kind of thing, but…"

"You're my friend," Yuki cut him off, still unable to look at him. "Your opinion is important to me. Thank you."

Haru's smile broadened as he handed the notebook back, placing it on the ground beside Yuki.

"That one's my favourite," he said, pointing to the page he had left it open at.

Yuki glanced down at it. A sketch done from inside Yuki's room, sitting at a chair and looking into a mirror. Only the person reflected in the mirror's glass was not Yuki, but a person clad all in black and wearing a strange mask. A smiling mask, with hollow eyes shaded in and tears rolling down its cheeks. It was hard to tell whether the tears were real, or whether they were part of the mask. Beside the picture was a caption in neat, cursive handwriting: _'The mask wasn't real, but then who was he when he took it off?'_

"It's my favourite too," said Yuki, though he had already gone back to picking at the grass.

Haru turned to gaze out at the canal, pausing to gather his thoughts before he spoke. He really did like that caption. It reminded him of something…a soft-featured face, long dark hair, and kind grey eyes…strong, calloused hands, and a gentle, loving smile.

"Journeying through life is all about finding yourself," Haru whispered to himself, repeating the words he heard through memory, in his father's voice.

"What was that?" Yuki glanced up briefly to ask.

Haru smiled softly to himself. "Before my father died, he said something like that to me – that human beings are so diverse and complex that it's impossible for any of us to truly know someone, even our own selves. So we spend our entire lives trying to find it out. That journey of self-discovery is one of the best, most exciting things about living…learning about ourselves through everything we experience…trying to find out what lies beyond the mask."

He turned back to Yuki, bemused to find that the other boy was now staring at him in full. Something in his eyes made Haru suddenly feel very exposed and stupid. _What the hell were you just babbling about? As if Yuki wanted to hear any of that!_

To his surprise, however, a pensive expression soon crossed Yuki's face as he continued to stare at Haru intently.

"But what if you don't _want_ to find out what lies beyond the mask?" he asked, sounding almost nervous about what he was subtly admitting. "What if you're afraid of what you might find there?"

In the gentle caress of warm sunlight, Yuki suddenly seemed very small and frightened in Haru's eyes. He wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't dare to. He wondered whether he should pursue the conversation – it was hard to know where the limit was when it came to their relationship anymore, and he didn't want to overstep any unspoken boundaries in case it upset Yuki. But all the same, something behind Yuki's words was like a siren that cried out for help, and Haru cared too much about him to let it go on ignored.

"Life is about facing your fears as well, you know," Haru said slowly, "you can't live your whole life being afraid of yourself. I mean…why? What is it about yourself that scares you so much?"

"I was speaking hypothetically. I don't know when this became about me."

Haru sighed to hide his frustration. "It was always about you, Yuki."

Yuki shrugged, expression reflecting that emotional walls were already being set in place. Haru knew already that his questions would go on unanswered, or at least they wouldn't be answered in the way he wanted them to be.

"They put that mask on me," Yuki said, resting his chin on his knees and hugging them to his chest, his tone nearly completely empty of any feeling.

"Who did?"

"Everyone. Mainly Akito," Yuki shrugged again. He was pretending the topic wasn't effecting him, but Haru could see the tension in his shoulders. "I know its foolish, but when someone tells you that everyone would hate you if they knew the truth about you when you're a child, it stays with you."

Haru's stomach churned unpleasantly at the mention of Akito's name. Though it was never outwardly spoken of, everyone knew Yuki had endured a lot of physical and emotional abuse under the head of the family throughout his childhood and the bulk of his adolescence. The thought of it pained him greatly, but oddly enough, it wasn't enough to make him hate Akito with the same passion the rest of the family seemed to. The idea of anyone hurting Yuki was too surreal, and perhaps Haru still hadn't fully come to terms with it yet.

"I know how other people can influence us…make us into something we don't think we are," Haru paused, contemplating his words to make sure he was saying them the right way, "but did you ever think that this mask you think you wear is a part of you as well? More so than you realize? Maybe this mask _is _you, or at least one side of who you are, if that makes sense. There are many layers to a person's character, and even if people have influenced you it's still in you and part of who you are."

Yuki was gazing at him with wide eyes. Haru wasn't entirely sure what he had done, but somehow…miraculously…something he said was finally getting through to him.

"Yuki, I can't think of one single person in your life who would ever reject you in any way, even if everything about you suddenly changed. Despite what Akito says, other people like you for who you are, not what you are. And there is more to who you are than just a mask," he caught himself at the dumbfounded look on Yuki's face. "Am I making any sense?"

"Honestly?" Yuki said in a surprisingly small voice, "no one has ever made that much sense to me before in my whole life."

Haru couldn't help it, he beamed.

"It's the same reason I really don't like it when people see me in black and white – as either just 'Black Haru' or 'White Haru'. They forget there's a hundred different shades of grey in the spectrum," he laughed as Yuki grinned back at him. "Glad to know someone understands what I'm on about, for once."

Yuki shook his head, laughing a little too.

* * *

Fading sunlight cast elegant shadows in the bedroom, which penetrated the still glass surface of the window. Golden beams struggled against contrasting shadows in the battle for dominance that always meant evening sunset – a battle between darkness and light. A battle which, despite the strength and warmth of the light, darkness always won.

Propped up against pillows where he relaxed upon his bed, Yuki watched the sunlight dissipate from his room with the same quiet relief he always experienced at the end of a difficult day, and contemplated the metaphor of the battle at sunset. 'Darkness' was often used to symbolize something morbid or evil…something bad. But Yuki didn't like to think of it that way. In fact, he preferred the cool serenity of night to the hot and hectic day. There was something very soothing and private about the darkness. Darkness didn't have to be a bad thing.

_There's never any one side to things…never just black or white…a hundred different shades of grey in the spectrum, _Yuki remembered what Haru had told him earlier that day and sighed to himself. _This _was his most favourite time of either day or night. Late afternoon sunset…the in-between…the shades of grey, when the sunlight and the shadows would create so many patterns and colours together on the walls of his bedroom. There was something so much more beautiful, so much more meaningful, in the levels of dense complexity.

Haru had been right today in so many ways, about everything he had said. There was always more than two sides to everything…and all sides of his personality were a part of who he was. But damn him if he didn't wish the world wasn't a less complicated place! Damn him if he didn't sometimes wish there was nothing more than black and white. And damn Haru for always being so intelligent and right!

Yuki sighed heavily to himself. Ever since childhood, he had been wearing the same mask – that of the good, golden boy of the Sohma household, the person everyone wanted and expected him to be. Perhaps that _was_ who he was, in some respects, but there was so much more to him as well, that he had spent years hiding. The part of him that yearned to be ordinary…the so-called artistic part…the selfish part. He only showed the parts that people wanted to see, and that would make them like him. He'd done it for so long that now he was quite sure it was all he knew how to do.

_Did _he want to take the mask off, anyway? Did he want to be exposed like that, to have all parts of him displayed out before the world? He knew that when Haru had said, 'I can't think of one single person in your life who would ever reject you in any way' he had been right. His friends all accepted the good and bad in each other, just as he accepted it in them, did he not? But what about the rest of the world…those who didn't love him unconditionally, like he believed his friends did? He wasn't like Haru or Kyo or Uo…he couldn't just be himself all the time and say, 'screw anyone who doesn't like it'. The shame, embarrassment and disappointment was too much. He wasn't strong enough for that.

Shame…embarrassment…disappointment. These were feelings Yuki knew all too well. Despite how many years had passed since the memories of all his childhood friends had to be erased when they learned of the family secret, back when he was seven years old, the words Akito had said to him that day still rang true in his ears every time he even contemplated growing closer to a person.

"What do you think they would do if they knew? They'd know you're a freak. They wouldn't come near you. They'd hate you."

Perhaps the reason why he had been turning to Haru since childhood, why he was never hesitant about telling him nearly everything and anything, was because didn't have to be the good, golden boy around him. He wasn't sure why, but even when they were young boys Haru had always been able to see through that façade. He was never critical of Yuki, nor did he ever criticize, and emotions like shame, embarrassment and disappointment were ones that he rarely (if ever) expressed. Yuki could say everything on his mind – be everything he was and felt – and didn't have to worry about losing Haru's love or respect. He trusted him enough to show him things he didn't think he could show anyone else, not even his best friend Tohru.

"_You know, it must be pretty hard to try and be original in this world," Yuki had said to Haru earlier that afternoon, as he escorted him back to the main house to prevent him from getting lost._

_Haru pushed his broken bike alongside him as they walked along the suburban Japanese streets. "I agree. Sometimes, it can seem like its all been done. But you know what?" he stopped abruptly as they reached the front gates to the main house, a small smile forming on his lips, "anything is original if it's the first time you do it, because it hasn't been done by you before. So there."_

_Yuki only stared at him, both annoyed and impressed that he could come out with such insight. Without giving him much time to think up a response, Haru parted ways with a casual 'see you at school' remark, before wheeling his bike forward and disappearing beyond the large gates. _

"Damn him," Yuki muttered aloud to himself as he remembered the way Haru's grey eyes had come to life in the sunlight when he said those final words. He wasn't sure why he was so irritated – it wasn't Haru's fault – but something had definitely changed recently, and there was no way he could deny it to himself any longer. Why did he experience such a horrible, sinking feeling in his stomach after Haru left? Why did he find himself wishing he was with the other Sohma when they were apart? He…he nearly…when he was lying on top of Haru in the grass……no, Yuki couldn't even bring himself to think about it! What was it that drew him to Haru, and what on earth was going on?

A soft knocking on his door shook Yuki out of this reverie, making him jump. The sunlight had faded significantly in his room, immersing him almost completely in darkness. He hadn't realized how much time had passed.

"The door's unlocked!" he called out, "come in!"

The door opened with a creek and Tohru entered slowly, the warm smile on her face fading into a look of concern when she saw him reclining on the bed.

"Yuki?" she asked in a quiet, timid voice. "Why are you sitting all alone here in the dark?"

Yuki opened his mouth to reply – to assure her that everything was alright – but he couldn't form the words somehow.

"I-I'm fine," he eventually murmured, his tone even softer than hers.

Tohru observed him from the doorway a moment longer, not without a strong sense of worry. She had come upstairs to inform Yuki that dinner was ready, but she could tell already that he was in no mood to eat and socialize. Whatever had been bothering him the past few days was really starting to take its toll on him. It was so strange that he wouldn't talk about it, he told her nearly everything. But perhaps whatever this was, was so personal that he couldn't even tell her. Tohru felt her heart go out to him.

Not knowing what else to do, she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click, and went to sit on the edge of the bed. For what felt like the longest time, neither of them spoke, and Tohru didn't press Yuki to. He would speak to her if he needed to. She just wanted to stay close by…to let him know that she was there if he decided he needed a friend.

The skies grew steadily darker, and Tohru was about to give up hope of Yuki telling her anything, when suddenly he began to speak.

"I saw Haru today," he said slowly and with trepidation, his eyes never leaving the window, "and as glad as I am that I did…I wish that I didn't."

Tohru puzzled over his words, failing to make sense of them. She thought back to when she spoke with Momiji on the phone before the carnival last night, and what he said to her about Yuki and Hatsuharu having been involved. As unrealistic as it seemed, she was beginning to wonder if Momiji had been right all along.

Yuki finally looked at her with wide, confused eyes. "I feel drawn to him, Miss Honda. I can't really explain it…but something mysterious is drawing me to him, and I don't know what to do."

Tohru reached over and patted Yuki's hand, which rested listlessly beside him on the mattress. She knew herself how hard it was to come to terms with feelings, especially when they were for a close friend. She could only imagine how much harder it might be if those feelings were for someone of the same sex. She didn't really understand what Yuki meant by being 'drawn to him', but could only think that her friend really was falling for Hatsuharu. As strange as that was for her to comprehend, Tohru cared for Yuki greatly, and would stand by him no matter what.

"Yuki, I don't really understand it," she struggled to find the right thing to say, "but maybe…maybe you _should _start spending more time with Hatsuharu. Maybe…the more time you spend with him, the easier it will be for you to figure all this out."

Yuki listened to her words carefully, and decided that she was probably right. How could he hope to understand it if he didn't follow his instincts, no matter how much they scared him? Besides, he didn't know if he could stand to keep himself away much longer…

"I think you're right, Miss Honda," he said warmly, feeling himself starting to smile again. "Thank you."

He received a relieved, friendly smile in return. "It's okay, Yuki. You're more than welcome."

* * *

Haru slumped exhaustedly in his seat the following Monday in class, struggling to pretend he had an interest in what he was learning. His class teacher droned on in the same tedious monotone he used everyday to explain this and that, his voice sounding throughout the stony silence of the bland classroom surroundings. The daily grind was broken only by the occasional lesson of interest, the social intrigue of his peers (which was never intriguing enough to capture Haru's interest for long), and perhaps the irregular whispered joke or comment from Momiji. Haru was convinced that if it wasn't for these things, he probably would have to shake his head more often than not in an effort to try and keep himself awake.

Checking his wristwatch, Haru barely suppressed a groan when he realized he still had four and a half hours of school left to go. This wasn't shaping up to be a very good day. Haru didn't even get a chance to see Yuki and the other older students before school started, having slept in and missed the first few minutes of socializing that came before the first bell each morning. This always put him in a bad mood. It was hard to believe he learnt anything under the conditions he attended school in. _They could at least do something to brighten the classroom up a little bit. I swear, some days it feels like they're keeping me a prisoner in here._

These mundane thoughts were interrupted when he felt a sharp prod in his side. Momiji sat next to Haru in every class, so he didn't even need to look up from the book he was pretending to take notes in to be sure of who it was.

"Hey Haru," Momiji whispered to him even when he received no response to his insistent tapping, "Tohru's here."

Interest sparking at the name, Haru glanced up just in time to see Tohru Honda knock shyly on the already open classroom door, cutting the teacher off from the lecture he was giving.

"Yes, may I help you?"

Tohru gave a little cough to clear her throat, then sunk into a polite bow. "Excuse me for interrupting, Sir, but if it's alright, I need to give a private message to Hatsuharu Sohma out in the hall, please."

All eyes immediately fell on Haru, who gazed back at his class with evident surprise. Even the class teacher seemed confused.

"A private message?" the teacher queried, looking from Tohru to Haru, and then back.

Tohru straightened up out of her bow and graced the teacher with a charming, if awkward, smile. "Yes, Sir. A message from the Student Council President."

It was as if time was stopping all over again. Haru was certain his heart had skipped a beat. _What private message would Yuki want to give me, and in the middle of class? If I know Yuki, then it would have to be something urgent, given the circumstances…Yuki would never interrupt a whole lesson…_

To his right, Momiji was biting on one of his fingernails and watching Haru intently, his face having gone slightly pale. Haru frowned, his friend's apparent worry only increasing his own.

"Very well then," the class teacher made a gesture to Haru with his hand, "Hatsuharu."

Haru took a deep breath and hastily got to his feet, crossing the room to the door.

"Thank you very much, Sir," Tohru bowed again before stepping outside and closing the door. Whenever she spoke to adults, Haru realized, every word seemed to scream 'please don't hurt me!' deafeningly loudly. He wasn't sure whether he found this to be an endearing quality of hers or not.

Once they were alone in the corridor, Tohru swivelled around to face him and leaned on the back of the closed door, a wide grin plastered to her lips.

"So what's going on?" Haru couldn't refrain from asking. He stood as he usually did, slouched, with his hands in his pockets…pretending he was indifferent because it was simply easier.

Tohru's grin broadened, only confusing him more. She reached into her school skirt pocket and produced a neatly folded piece of paper, holding it out to him.

"Yuki wrote this during our last lesson and asked me to give it to you immediately, before he lost his nerve. So I excused myself from class to use the bathroom but came here to give this to you instead, on Yuki's behalf."

"You rebel you," Haru replied teasingly, feeling himself relax a little now that he knew nothing too awful had happened. Something about Tohru's words still left him with butterflies in his stomach, though it was for entirely different reasons.

A deep blush crept across Tohru's cheeks, but the smile never left her face as she pressed the note into Haru's waiting palm. Wasting no time, Haru unfolded it and held it out in front of him while Tohru watched on in anticipation, revealing a page of neatly-printed handwriting.

_Haru –_

"_Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning."_

_I had a good time with you this weekend. How would you feel about doing something with me next weekend? Or maybe after school? If it's not too weird for you…_

_ Yuki_

Haru read the brief note through twice, not sure whether he should believe what he was seeing.

"Hatsuharu?" Tohru asked him curiously, waiting expectantly for a reply.

Haru looked up at her, not caring that he was probably grinning like an idiot. "Do you have a pen I could borrow?"

Taking the chipped pencil she offered him, Haru leaned the paper against the wall and hurriedly scribbled a few words.

_What? Weird? Never. Yuki, We have a whole revolution ahead of us._

_Meet me outside my locker after school_

_ Hatsuharu_

Not quite certain where those words came from, but liking them all the same, Haru passed the note back to Tohru and thanked her. Then, still grinning, he retreated back to the classroom.

* * *

**Note:** Just to mention here that the next update won't be for at least two weeks. I'm going off on vacation for a week and it usually takes me about a week to finish off each chapter. But I promise to try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Stay with me!

Thanks for reading, please review!

Replies to reviewers 

**Hatsuharu and Yuki forever:** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I hope I didn't make you too anxious and got this chapter out quickly enough!

**Jessiegurl43953:** I would never abandon my favourite fandom, and certainly not this story! I like to think I always finish what I start. I'm glad you liked the last chapter…I was worried it would come across as being too cliché, or that my characters would be overly-done. Your review relieved me of much anxiety. Once again, thank you so much! Eager to hear what you thought of the new chapter.

**Adi88:** Wow…it's safe to say that's the best review I've ever received. So long and in depth – I really loved it. Thank you a thousand times over! What did you think of the new chapter?

**PenguinGirl:** One, three or four syllables, it's all very flattering. I am honoured to be on your last # tee hee # thank you so much!

**Flonshoe:** Yay, I was so happy when I got your review! It made me want to get the next chapter out sooner. I'm not sure what I plan to do with the title in relation to the story, but I could throw a twist in here and there. You never know. I hope that this chapter makes up for the lack of Haru in the last. Maybe now I can _finally _start writing the Haru x Yuki bits, thankfully. Can't wait to hear your opinion on that poem, too. Stay with me, I promise you lots of slashy goodness in the chapters to come!


	7. Together

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** I AM SO SORRY FOR MY SLOWNESS! PLEASE OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!! Note that it was not my fault, but my damned computer. Technological issues have prevented me from writing this chapter any faster. Don't worry, I will spare you the long and boring details. I just hope this chapter makes up for it!

This chapter title is lame, but it is very late on a Sunday night and I am about to post this. Have mercy on me.

* * *

** Chapter Six – Together**

In the next few weeks leading up to his eighteenth birthday, Yuki was rarely seen without Haru somewhere close by. After school and on the weekends, he and Haru would trek about the city and surrounding neighbourhoods, usually just walking and talking, but occasionally finding something else to do as well. Yuki never cared what they did, exactly. All he knew was that when he was with Haru, any emptiness inside of him was filled. He could forget about the rest of the world and feel content, something he had never experienced with anyone else before. And even though being drawn to Haru and having a strange, supernatural sense of premonition whenever he was near the other Sohma scared him, it wasn't enough to keep him away from Haru and the pleasant, carefree way he felt while they were together. He wasn't sure why or how, but in the brief few hours they would spend together in each day, all his troubles and angst could so easily melt away into nothing…

…if he chose to let himself forget them.

After spending a couple of weeks almost entirely in Haru's company, Yuki was convinced that Haru could sense the same things he did…was being pulled towards Yuki in the same way Yuki was being pulled towards him. A number of times, they almost discussed it, before Yuki would find a way to change the subject. He knew how much his constant avoidance of the topic annoyed Haru, but he couldn't bring himself to face it just yet. It scared him too much, and somehow, he felt that talking about it would make it seem too real.

Besides, if he did outwardly admit that he was being drawn to Haru, he could find himself admitting things he wasn't even ready to admit to himself yet. How he liked the way Haru would look, all sweaty and breathless, after he had been for a bike ride…how the glint Haru always got in his eyes whenever he was talking about something he really loved or was passionate about made Yuki smile…how he was finding himself starting to like the way Haru smelt up close, and how he felt his fingertips twitching when he thought about running them through that messy mop of black and white hair.

The whole thing was completely ridiculous. Yuki wasn't attracted to guys, and certainly not to Haru, of all people! So…why then, was he being drawn to him? Why did he suddenly feel jealous and possessive when they were with other friends, as though he wanted Haru all to himself all the time? Why did he have trouble taking his eyes off him…pretending he didn't notice all the little things Haru did and said that made him feel 'funny' inside? And, most importantly, if Yuki wasn't attracted to him in the slightest, why did he ask him on that rebound date in the first place, when, curse aside, he could have easily asked any girl in the school instead?

It was this last thing that made Yuki wonder if perhaps there had always been something there…something Haru had always recognized, but something Yuki had been refusing to even acknowledge up until now. But none of it mattered, anyway. Haru hid it very well, but Yuki had realized after speaking alone to Haru on the night of the carnival how much their 'date' had affected him. If Yuki ever _were _to express his newfound feelings, it would seem like he was toying with Haru's, and might end up hurting him. No matter what happened, Yuki never wanted to hurt Haru that much again. He cared about him too much.

In order to distract himself from all this, Yuki allowed himself to forget whenever he was with Haru so that he could better enjoy the time they had. Out of everything, it was the conversations they had that Yuki liked the most. Haru had a quirky sense of humour, a very relaxed and calming air about him (when he was White Haru, at least), an open mind and a unique perspective on a lot of different things. He was the sort of person, Yuki knew, who would give the impression of being crude, rough, and altogether indifferent upon first acquaintance. Detached and only coldly polite, if he thought it was necessary. One of the best and most surprising things about him was that no one ever realized how interesting, intelligent and deep he could be until they truly got to know him.

They could talk for hours on any one subject. Yuki felt both keen and comfortable to discuss nearly everything with Haru, whether it was some branch of philosophy or something more simple, like school matters. Once, they had even spoken about the rebound date, one sunny Friday afternoon while they sat together in a park near their school.

"Yuki, that was ages ago, you really need to stop apologizing," Haru said, looking up from the motorbike magazine he had been flipping through to where Yuki had been sketching beside him. "I was there through that whole thing, and I remember how upset you were. Don't worry, I get it. It's all in the past now."

The understanding and sincerity in his eyes brought a lump to Yuki's throat. He spent the rest of that afternoon remembering that day at the markets, and how good it felt to have his head against Haru's chest. The 'date' was never mentioned between them again.

Despite loving their conversations, their weekends and afternoons together, and Yuki's own firm resolve to try not to think or speak of anything to do with being attracted or pulled towards the other Sohma, he still couldn't help but to wonder how long it would be before what he denied was inevitable finally happened…before he did something he thought he shouldn't, but secretly knew he should.

As it turned out, it happened only shortly after his eighteenth birthday.

Unusually enough, Yuki never really looked forward to his birthdays, mostly because of all the unwanted extra attention he knew he would receive. The girls who were in charge of running the source of his constant humiliation, the Prince Yuki Fan Club, seemed to think that his birthday was the perfect opportunity to compete with each other for his affections. Uo and Hana had once explained to him that the girls believed the bigger and more expensive the gift they gave him, the more thanks they would receive from him and the better chance they had of attracting his interest. Although this never made any sense to Yuki (why did they feel the need to give him a gift at all? They barely even knew each him!), he never once doubted that Uo and Hana's theory on this matter was correct. On the day of his birthday (or the Friday before it, if it happened to fall on a weekend), he would be showered with countless cards, enormous bouquets of flowers, and lavish boxes of chocolates from girls (and occasionally even guys) from all different grades and classes in the school. Often, he would be approached by over ten gift-bearers before lessons even began, and it always resulted in a very embarrassing and awkward situation for him, especially when he couldn't recall the name of the person giving him the present.

After school, it always took ages to cart everything back home with him again and find a place to store it in his room. The bright and abundant bouquets of flowers positioned in every available space Yuki had were dazzling. Shigure joked that the flowers made it look like he was in hospital recovering from some horrible illness – that no one could possibly be popular enough to receive _that _much on their birthday alone. The remarks always made Yuki blush and wonder how long he would have to wait before it wouldn't seem impolite to remove the embarrassing presents from a place where everyone could see them.

Of course, the Prince Yuki Fan Club weren't the only ones to bring Yuki gifts. There was also the annual birthday card sent in the mail from whatever exotic location his parents happened to be visiting at the time. Yuki wasn't sure what his mother and father did for a living. All he knew was that they were away on 'business' more often than not and he couldn't remember them ever being home for his birthday. Other than seeing them sporadically at New Years, the birthday card was the only contact he dared to expect from his parents within a year. They were so out-of-touch with him that for the first two years after he moved to Shigure's, his birthday cards had to be forwarded to him from the main house, even though Yuki had already contacted his parents at least half a dozen times by that stage to let them know he had moved.

There was a time when his parents' absence from his life had bothered him, but any feelings of anger and self-pity brought on by this had long since left him. Yuki had survived a parentless childhood, and he could survive a parentless adulthood as well. Now the only emotions he had left for the strangers he called 'parents' were ones of emptiness and cold detachment. The card was always the same: shop-bought with the words 'Happy Birthday' already pre-typed on it, his name printed in the top corner, dated, and signed professionally in the bottom corner by both his mother and father with a few notes of cash stapled to the opposite side. Yuki knew well enough by now not to expect anything more or less. The fact that he was turning eighteen this year was no exception to the rule.

Apart from getting a few phone calls from thoughtful Sohma relatives at the main house, Yuki received little else from his family. Shigure, of course, never failed to get him something, whether it was new books, clothing, or stationery (this year he received a fairly expensive-looking ball-point pen with his full name engraved into the side) and he was always more than grateful for it. Hatori usually got him practical gifts, such as a dictionary for school, or a new pair of shoes – things he needed but would otherwise forget to buy for himself – and had presented him with a well-made silver wristwatch for his eighteenth that he was very thankful for as well. Ayame, who had only started giving him things in the past three or so years, came to him this year with a box wrapped in fluorescent green paper and tied with a loud yellow bow. To Yuki's horror, it contained the pinkest, frilliest, most feminine nightgown he had ever seen, obviously from Ayame's shop, with a note reading _'Designed and made by me especially for you, little brother'_ pinned to the breast pocket. Even though he would never wear the thing in his wildest dreams, Yuki couldn't deny that he wasn't at least a little touched by the effort his brother put into it all the same.

Although he had asked them not to, Yuki's friends had also given him something. Tohru and Momiji had organized for Uo, Hana, Kagura and Haru (Kyo, of course, refused to participate) to chip in with them and buy him a large hamper filled with new tools, plants, herbs, fruits and vegetables for him to use in his garden.

"For your secret base," Tohru told him with a large smile as Momiji handed him the gift, complete with a card they had all signed. Yuki hadn't been able to reply straight away, too emotional and touched by all the thought and effort his friends had spent on giving him such a wonderful present.

However, Yuki could safely claim the best gift he received that year (and probably also the best in comparison with previous years too) was the one Haru insisted on giving to him separately as well: a huge sketchbook of far better quality than his old one, complete with a set of paints and brushes, and a case filled with proper pencils. Yuki stared in awe at all of them when Haru gave them to him after school, running his fingers almost reverently over the pencils and brushes. Haru watched him with apparent indifference, although his constant shifting from one foot to the other and the anxiety in his eyes gave him away. Yuki wanted to thank him, to find the right words to describe what the present meant to him, but a lump had formed in his throat and he couldn't force anything out.

"I wrote a message on the first page of the sketchbook," Haru mumbled almost inaudibly, hands jammed protectively into his pockets. He had dragged Yuki over to the local park as soon as school ended, promising him it wouldn't take long. He knew it was stupid, but he wanted to be able to give him this gift…_properly_. "It's kind of cheesy, but…I thought you might like it."

With trembling fingers, Yuki set the other things back into the bag Haru had given them to him in and opened the sketchbook to the first page.

_"An artist's palette is just a thousand shades of grey." – H. E Clark_

_Happy 18__th__ Birthday, Yuki_

– _Hatsuharu_

"I didn't get you another card, since I already wrote on the one Tohru and Momiji organized. Plus, you've probably got more cards than you could ever want from all those annoying fan girls of yours," Haru grinned, though he didn't say the words 'fan girls' without a twinge of resentment behind them.

"This stuff is really expensive, Haru. You shouldn't have," Yuki managed to choke out, immediately berating himself for it. _Of all the things I could have said…that came out first?_

Haru only shrugged. "You'll need some proper art supplies if you plan on keeping up with your drawing. And I know you'd rather draw than paint, but I got you the paints anyway because you might want to try something new one day. There was a lot of stuff I wanted to get you but by this stage I was already running out of money, and well – "

"Haru," Yuki cut him off by stepping closer to him, resting a hand on his shoulder and looking directly into his eyes, "thank you."

A small smile broke out across Haru's face, and Yuki had to step away quickly, making an excuse for it by putting the sketchbook back in his bag. Lately, he'd been finding that he couldn't stand too close to Haru for very long. Close proximity made it much harder for him to resist and deny the recent temptation that had been plaguing him – to just throw Haru up against a wall and kiss him senseless every time they were near each other.

"Yuki? Are you feeling okay? Your face has gone all red."

"It's fine," Yuki replied hastily, cursing the treacherous colour in his cheeks. "Haru, didn't you have something you needed to do this afternoon?"

"Oh yeah," Haru jumped suddenly, checking his wristwatch, "I promised Kisa's mother I'd watch Kisa and Hiro after school today while she goes out. I better get going."

"I'd offer to come keep you company, but well…it is the main house," Yuki replied awkwardly. He hadn't been inside the main house since he last went with Tohru to meet Akito two whole years ago, and didn't have plans to go back there anytime soon. Although it was somewhat unnerving that Akito hadn't complained about his absence during the New Years, Yuki thought it best not to question it too much.

"Yeah, I don't blame you for wanting to stay away," Haru said with a grimace. "A whole afternoon with that Hiro brat? No thanks. I'd get out of it too if I could. I'm only helping out as a favor to Kisa and her mother."

"All right," Yuki laughed, "good luck trying to manage the brat. Will I see you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Sure, and at school too, don't forget," Haru gave a little wave as he turned and began to walk away, "I'll see you then."

"See you," Yuki called after him, "and thank you again, Haru!"

He watched Haru depart with his birthday present clutched in one hand, trying very hard to pretend he wasn't admiring him from behind as he left, until Haru waved to him again at the end of the street before disappearing completely from view. Then, welcoming the now familiar lonely feeling he experience every time he and Haru parted ways, Yuki turned and headed back to the school to collect the rest of his belongings.

* * *

"Hatsuharu will probably come over today," Yuki stated casually the following Saturday afternoon from his usual seat at the dining room table, where he was attempting to concentrate on some school homework. "He's been teaching me how to ride a bike."

Shigure glanced up over the top of his newspaper, dark eyes glinting teasingly from behind his reading glasses. There was a look on his face that Yuki wasn't sure he liked…the look Shigure wore whenever he knew more about something than he was going to let on.

"My, you certainly have been spending a lot of time with Hatsuharu lately," he remarked in his usual expressive tone, pretending he was still more interested in the article he was reading than the conversation his younger cousin had started. "You've seen him nearly every afternoon and every weekend for the past four or so weeks."

Yuki only shrugged in response, plainly stating that he didn't wish to discuss the matter any further. Shigure didn't bother to press for additional information, sensing that Yuki's silence was saying more than his words even could. He turned to the next page of his paper with a flourish of his hand, carefully hiding his smirk behind the business section where he knew it wouldn't offend anyone.

"When he found out I didn't know how to ride, he said it was a sin," Yuki smiled to himself, resting his chin in his hand as he stared into space, "he thinks every kid should know how to ride a push bike, at least. He still rides his a lot, even though he's got a motorbike now…."

"Why don't you invite him to stay for dinner?" Shigure suggested casually. "He may as well stay if he's coming all the way from the main house."

Yuki blinked, wide-eyed, as though he'd almost forgotten where he was for a moment, then broke into another grin. "Sure. Why not? As long as Miss Honda doesn't mind cooking for an extra person."

Shigure's smirk broadened as he flipped to the next page.

"Somehow, I don't think she'll mind at all."

There was a knock on the door at that moment, almost tuning out Shigure's words. Tossing the paper aside, he hurriedly scrambled to his feet before Yuki had a chance to stand up, eager to be the first to greet the expected house guest.

"I'll get it," he sung out, half-dancing, half-skipping, towards the front door. Yuki rolled his eyes and shook his head, not bothering to follow him out.

"Completely insane," he muttered to himself, though he couldn't help but to smile at his cousin's antics.

"Hatsuharu!" he heard Shigure exclaim from the next room, "Yuki has literally just finished telling me that we could expect you this afternoon."

"I hope I'm not intruding, Shigure," Haru replied in an even tone, polite as always.

Shigure giggled, "not at all! You're always welcome here. In fact, I'm glad you came. There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Come in!"

The sliding door to the living room opened, and Shigure led Haru in with a hand resting on his shoulder. Yuki felt himself sit up straight as Haru cast him a sidelong glance and smiled, a glint in his grey eyes. It had been a particularly windy day, and Haru's black long-sleeved shirt was disheveled about him while his black leather pants seemed to cling to him even more. His hair was more windswept than usual, framing his face almost exquisitely. For some unknown reason, Yuki had the sudden urge to lick his lips at the sight before him.

"Oh, it's you," Haru said dryly, though he still smiled to show that he was joking, "hello."

"Hey," Yuki somehow managed to respond sounding halfway normal.

Shigure looked from one Sohma to the other and smirked to himself. Yuki felt the action spike annoyance in him for some reason, but he was too afraid to ask his cousin what it was supposed to mean.

"What was it you wanted to show me, Shigure?" Haru turned to address the older man, evidently having not noticed the smirk (or at least acting as though he hadn't noticed).

Shigure clasped his hands together happily and chuckled to himself. "Oh, just a bit from my new manuscript. I'd like your opinion on it, if you wouldn't mind."

Haru rose an eyebrow at his rather elaborate use of hand-gestures, but managed to reply nonetheless, "uh, yeah sure."

Yuki smiled. For as long as he had known him, Haru had always had a great love of literature, and spent almost all of his free time reading whatever he could get his hands on. Although it had been quite some time since Yuki had been in Haru's bedroom, he still had vivid memories of every spare amount of space being clogged up with dog-tailed old volumes from various second-hand bookstores. It was difficult to think of a book, whether it be fiction or non-fiction, from contemporary Japanese literature, to poetry, to great English classics, that Haru _hadn't _read, and he most certainly had a strong opinion on nearly every single page he'd studied.

Between Shigure's talent and aptitude for drama, and Haru's somewhat eccentric personal traits, appreciation and obvious natural intelligence, the two of them had engaged in some fairly interesting debates and conversations surrounding their shared love of literature, and it was well known that each had a mutual respect for the other's opinion.

It was, after all, one of the scarce few topics Shigure was ever halfway serious about.

"Oh, you don't have to do it right away," Shigure said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "we've got ages, and you boys should hang outside and enjoy the last few hours of daylight while you can. Yuki mentioned something about learning to ride a bike…"

"Yeah, can you believe he never learnt how to when he was a kid?" Haru shook his head in mock annoyance, "I think it's a sin."

"Believe it or not, Haru, but there are some people who actually go through life never learning the joys of bike-riding," Yuki shot back with a grin.

Haru laughed, turning to him. "Well, as my friend, I can't allow you to be one of them."

Yuki's only response was to roll his eyes, getting to his feet to subtly suggest they head out. He was getting sick of the way Shigure kept looking between him and Haru as though he knew some secret they didn't.

"We'll just be around outside then," Haru held up a hand in parting as Yuki all but dragged him away.

"Okay, have fun boys!" Shigure waved back in his usual limp-wristed manner. "Oh, and Hatsuharu, you're welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like to!"

"Sounds good!" Haru managed to shout in reply before he was literally tugged out the door, turning to Yuki and pulling his hand free only after it had closed behind them. "Hey, slow down! Why'd you rush out of there?"

Yuki turned to face Haru with a sigh, "I was just eager to start my bike-riding lesson, that's all."

Haru coaxed his head to one side, studying his friend through narrowed eyes. Yuki suddenly had a feeling he was being analyzed, but he wouldn't have expected anything less from Haru. Only…it made him feel slightly guilty. He hadn't meant to sound so sarcastic and irritated. In truth, he wasn't feeling irritated at all (except maybe at Shigure). Admittedly, Yuki wasn't terribly enthused about bike riding, but any excuse to be around Haru would do.

"Hey, good answer," Haru replied, glancing around him wildly, "where did I leave that stupid bike, anyway? Ah, I can't even remember…"

Yuki wrapped his arms around himself as sudden breath of wind washed over him. It wasn't particularly frosty weather, but he'd always been sensitive to the cold. He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm just surprised you remembered how to find your way over here, what with your poor sense of direction."

"My sense of direction has been drastically improving, thank you very much," Haru answered, pretending to take offense, "In fact, I actually managed to pass my geography class for the first time ever last year. It had a lot to do with mapping and direction, so I take that as a good sign."

"Perhaps you're in improving, but I bet you still can't tell me which way north is," Yuki continued to joke.

"Of course I can tell you where north is," Haru pointed with his finger and spun around in a quick circle, "it's got to be one of these directions, right?"

Yuki laughed. It was one of the many things he liked about Haru – his ability to make off-the-wall statements while still keeping such a straight face. He grasped Haru's wrist with one hand to stop him from spinning around again, grinning, "You're just about the only person I know who can be incredibly clever and incredibly stupid at the same time."

"Oh yeah?" Haru laughed and tried to pull his hand back, but Yuki's grip was strong and he ended up stumbling forwards instead so that they were closer together. He moved in so close that Yuki could feel him breathing…could see straight into the depths of eyes that were storm grey. Full red lips, so close to his own, seemed awfully inviting, and he almost…_almost_…

"Right then," Haru pulled away sharply and so suddenly that it startled Yuki into letting go of him easily. He coughed unnaturally loudly as he did so, bringing the hand Yuki had been holding onto against his mouth to wipe away imaginary spit, "we should get started."

"Oh…right," Yuki replied with a slight hiccup, strangely put-off by Haru's actions as well as his own. _What _had just happened, exactly? He decided it was best not to find out. "Where'd you leave your bike again?"

Haru's eyes quickly scanned the space around him, widening as they came to rest on something directly over Yuki's shoulder. Glancing behind him, Yuki didn't know whether to laugh or not when he noticed the bike had been leaning against the side of the house the whole time.

"Miraculous," Haru smirked, causing Yuki to laugh. The awkwardness of the moment past was already forgotten.

It didn't take long for Yuki to master Haru's bike. Years of martial arts training coupled with a natural sense of good balance meant he had developed exceptionally good stamina. Although he didn't like to admit it, Yuki was confident he would have been riding perfectly by himself sooner if he wasn't enjoying having Haru's hands resting on his hips to steady him so much. As a result, he feigned falling over more times than he would ever be willing to let on, before eventually his pride ascertained that he had suffered two times too much.

"Hey, you got it!" Haru called out enthusiastically as Yuki peddled himself in a low, graceful circle.

Yuki smiled, basking in the familiar sensation of self-satisfaction that always accompanied completing and triumphing over a task that made someone he cared about proud of him. He couldn't resist ringing the bell and winking as he rode past Haru a second time, causing the other Sohma to laugh and even blush a little. Yuki had grown very fond of the idea that he seemed to be the only person alive who could make Haru blush, and he had no problem with milking it for all it was worth.

It was not, however, Yuki's only new idea for the evening. Smirking to himself at the almost delicious prank that sprung to mind, he broke free of the little circle he had been tracing for the duration of several laps and steered the bike over towards the mountain wilderness without a word to his friend.

"Yuki…where are you going?" Haru shouted after him, starting to sound nervous. "_Hey!_ Yuki!!"

Yuki laughed, his only response to peddle harder and increase his speed. The wind worked in his favor for once, propelling him along the winding dirt track that led deeper into the tangled woods, Haru by this time in close pursuit after him on foot.

"Yuki, if you don't stop that right now, I swear I am going to turn Black on you," Haru yelled as he struggled to keep up, having figured out the other Sohma was trying to tease him.

Yuki couldn't help taunting him. Haru sounded irritated, but not to the point of irrationality, and in some odd way he still seemed to be having fun.

"This is what you get for teaching me to ride!" he said over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of Haru running, scowling, laughing behind him.

Finally realizing he had probably tortured his companion enough, Yuki saw the perfect opportunity to break approaching him and slowly began to veer off to the left, guiding the bike down a short, steep slop with steady hands before gracefully breaking to a stop and dismounting in the small clearing he'd arrived in. Haru followed not soon after, and Yuki could tell from his expression that he wasn't sure if he should be annoyed or amused.

Eventually settling for both, Haru charged at him with a flurry of playful punches to the stomach.

"And _that's _what you get," Haru managed to say through both their splutters of laughter, "for thinking you can get away from me like that!"

Yuki couldn't respond, laughing too hard even to keep himself upright for too long. He wasn't even sure what was so funny, though it hardly mattered at all. All that mattered was that he was actually having fun.

"Would this, by any chance, be the secret base Tohru told me about?" Haru asked once they had both settled down somewhat.

Yuki felt that it was now his turn to blush. It had always been a childish obsession of his…his secret base…his place to come and rest where he could be and do whatever he wanted. It was something very personal to him, and, he realized, unlike with most people, he didn't have to think twice about letting Haru see it.

"That would be correct," he replied, watching Haru survey his thriving herb, fruit and vegetable garden. "Not too impressive, is it?"

"I can't say I know anything about gardening, but I think it's very impressive. It's impressive that you have a secret base at all. There's absolutely no chance of finding solitude at the main house."

"Something I remember all to well."

Haru looked up and smiled, "So…want to tell me exactly what it is you're planting here?"

Yuki shrugged, seating himself on the grass then slowly reclining onto his back with his arms tucked behind his head. Above, he watched the sun face in wispy swirls of colour and touched the peaks of the treetops, completely absorbed in shadow and darkness. With the wind caressing his face and his body free of all tension, Yuki felt as if everything surrounding him was very near close to perfection. Thinking back, he couldn't remember the last time he felt so relaxed, content to immerse himself in the moment…to admire the smallest of things in nature and appreciate their great and profound importance to the world he lived in, while he sat with the person he really did care most about on the planet and discussed basic topics. When was the last time he'd 'wasted time'? It had been a lifetime too long…

"Basil…strawberries…leaks…anything I think will grow, really," he sighed, "I've always been interested in nature, and the way things mature and change. It's what I find really magical about gardening. Then there's the thrill of being able to create something by myself, _for_ myself and for other people as well. It's a good feeling."

"Do you reckon you might grow chili someday?" Haru asked as he lowered himself onto the ground beside his friend, eye-level to him on the earthy floor.

"You like chili?" Yuki turned his head to one side in time to see Haru nod his in response. "But it's so…hot. How can you stand it?"

"It's easy. Are you saying you don't like chili?"

"To be perfectly honest with you, I think it's gross."

"_Leaks_ are gross!"

Yuki chuckled, turning his face to the skies, "I must admit they're not my favourite either. I only grow them because I know that stupid cat hates them so much."

"That'd be right," Haru sniggered and rolled his eyes, "when are the two of you going to stop calling out death threats to each other every time you're in a room together? You know, Kyo might seem a bit, well…Kyo-ish…at times, but deep down he isn't that bad of a guy. I mean, he mustn't be if Tohru likes him so much, right?"

"Miss Honda likes everyone. It's part of her ability to see the good in all the people she meets," Yuki replied, suddenly finding himself frowning. He wasn't sure he liked where the conversation was going.

"Yes, it is a very rare gift she has," Haru concurred, "but…you still haven't answered my question."

Yuki groaned, "I just don't like him, and I'm sure it's evident to everyone that he doesn't like me either. That's just the way it is."

There was a pause, and for a moment Yuki worried that perhaps he had sounded too angry and made Haru annoyed with him again. His fears were confirmed when the other Sohma pulled himself onto his side, staring levelly into Yuki's eyes. There was a powerful determination about him that made Yuki's heart speed up. It was the look of someone who had made up their mind about something they should have a long time ago.

When Haru spoke, Yuki could tell it was with words he'd been wanting to say during all the time they spent together in recent weeks.

"Why won't you ever tell me what's really bothering you? Why don't you tell me the real reason why you can't get close to anyone? Why you feel that way?"

Yuki stared at him blankly, not having expected such…forwardness, even from Haru. He turned away slowly, gazing down at his knees, unable to meet the intensity of the other Sohma's eyes as he wondered how to answer him.

"I'm not sure if I can…"

"Why?" Haru asked in a whisper, sounding more gentle, although the same forcefulness still fueled the words.

Yuki could feel Haru's eyes on him…could see them, penetrating and filled with emotion, clearly in his mind. He wasn't strong enough to look up. He was barely strong enough to speak.

"Because…because I can't. I'm not like you, Haru – I'm not strong. I'm…afraid."

"You're afraid I'll see you differently to what you really are?" he could hear the smile in Haru's voice.

Yuki sighed, "no, I'm afraid you'll start to see me for what I really am."

"I already do, Yuki," Haru replied quietly.

"No you don't. You think you do, but really you have no idea!" Yuki suddenly exploded, "Nobody ever sees it…nobody knows…but there's this real ugliness inside of me that lurks below the surface. I'm not sure how to describe it, other than to say…it feels like this blackness that corrupts me from inside. A dark presence I'm acutely aware of, but that no one else can ever see."

He could sense Haru's surprise, clear and crisp in the air, as close to him as his own. Haru knew him better than anyone else, understood him in ways no one had before, but still there were certain things Yuki would never talk to even him about. Haru had only been curious – concerned even – when he asked those questions so bluntly. Yuki hadn't meant to snap at him the way he had just done. He wanted to end the conversation…to tell Haru he should just forget it.

But now that he had started, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop.

"They all think I'm the 'Great and Perfect Prince Yuki'," Yuki continued in a much softer, emotive tone, sarcasm practically dripping from his mouth when he said the same his classmates had bestowed upon him, "but it's only a charade to deter people from the truth: that this darkness can – and sometimes does – make me do bad things to hurt other people. I wish I could cut it out of me, but I can't. The best I can do is to keep it hidden…to keep everyone at arms length, so they can't ever see or know how bad I really am. So I inwardly cringe ever single time someone praises me or tells me how wonderful I am, because deep down I know that couldn't be further from the truth. Inside I feel like some kind of fraud. The crazy thing is, despite everything else, this is enough to make me sometimes wish people could see me properly, even though I am afraid of it."

Nothing but silence followed these words. Feeling vulnerable and oddly exposed in a way he hadn't experienced in many years, Yuki glanced up nervously and saw Haru studying him closely with his head coaxed to one side. It was impossible to say he seemed unexpressive at that moment, yet it was equally as impossible to judge just what he was feeling.

"So…now you know," Yuki eventually said when Haru made no attempt to speak.

Haru only continued to stare, and Yuki wondered what thoughts were racing through his mind. Had he accidentally said too much? Risked losing the friendship they had developed? Knots formed in his stomach at the thought.

Finally, Haru spoke. His tone deep and soothing…words comforting.

"Now I know," he steadily replied, "but, Yuki, I don't think it's as bad as you make it out to be. And believe me, I see it, I always have."

Yuki's eyes-widened and he felt himself sit up straighter.

"Really?" he asked, stunned.

Haru bit his lip almost shyly and nodded, as if afraid he was going to take things too far again.

"It's not so awful. Just…just this odd kind of selfishness that doesn't really fit in with the rest of your personality."

"Selfishness?" Yuki pressed him, intrigued.

"A sort of disregard you have for other people and their feelings sometimes. I know you don't mean to…it just happens at odd intervals, and it can be a little frightening to witness. I don't mean to sit here pointing out all of your flaws like this. To say I was perfect myself would make me a hypocrite. I just want you to know that I do see it, and I don't think any less of you for it. In fact, the way you are so acutely aware your own personal flaws is very admirable."

Yuki felt his heart beginning to beat faster.

"You…think so?" he said, nothing more than a meek whisper.

Haru nodded again, much more assertive now. "It means you understand yourself. You're not a bad person, Yuki, at least no worse than the rest of us. But stop letting other people put you up on a pedestal and make you out to be more perfect than anyone could ever possibly be. It'll only disappoint everyone in the end."

"You never saw me on that pedestal…" Yuki realized suddenly, knowing it was completely true. He wasn't sure how he did it, but Haru possessed the unique ability to understand people in ways most never could, in all their strength and vulnerabilities.

"No," Haru shook his head and smiled, looking into his eyes, "I always knew there was more to you than that."

A lump formed in Yuki's throat.

"How?" he whispered, "How do you know?"

Haru drew his leg closer to his chest, suddenly defensive, like he was when about to say something very personal to him. He lowered his eyes to the ground and spoke softly…passively…as if he were afraid of his own voice.

"Because you've always let me see you for what you really are. Ever since the day we met, when you showed me that you could see me for what I really was as well."

"Haru!"

Before he knew what he was doing, he was on his feet, scrambling and almost tripping over in his effort to make it to the other man. Haru had frozen where he stood, drawn back by the sound of his own name. He spun around with his mouth open, lips pursed to ask a question he would never have a chance to answer.

Without giving another thought to what he was doing, Yuki grabbed Haru roughly by the back of the neck and pulled his head down until their lips met in a passionate kiss.

Perhaps he had known this was inevitable for a long time. Perhaps part of him had _always _known. He soon became lost in the sensations surrounding him – the cold wind in the air stinging his skin…Haru's warm, soft lips gently against his own sensitive ones, too shocked to do a thing…Haru's scent washing over him…the warmth of Haru's body surrounding him, overwhelming him and protecting him, just like he'd always dreamed of being protected.

Every doubt, every trouble, every _thought _was drained away from him in that instant as he gave into the biggest temptation he had ever battled against in his short life. The feeling he had experienced on the first day back at school returned, a thousand times stronger than it had been before. A feeling of completeness…of belonging…of everything being right in the universe…

But if it was so right, then why wasn't Haru kissing him back?

It was then that Yuki remembered, and with a gasp he hastily drew back. Haru remained motionless and unresponsive, his face blanched with such bewilderment Yuki had never dreamed of or imagined before.

_Oh God, _he asked himself in the crowded mess of his mind, _what have I done?_

He had told himself he wouldn't toy with Haru's emotions like this. That he would keep his distance, and ignore his own desires until they went away. That was the way he dealt with everything else. But this _wasn't _like anything else Yuki had experienced before. His heart was hammering in his chest. Planet earth seemed like a million miles away. He could smell Haru on his clothes…taste him in his mouth. His lips tingled where they had touched.

Yet…still…

What was Haru thinking…feeling? All Yuki could assume was that, once he recovered from his baffled state, he would be angry. And rightly so. He had been so _stupid _to kiss him.

Yuki lowered his head in shame, at the same time savoring the way it felt to be so close to Haru…knowing he may never experience that again.

"Say whatever you want. I deserve it."

He'd blown it. He really had. Why had he been so blind before? Why had he so selfishly broken Haru's heart? Now he'd never have him, and the thought was beginning to tear him up inside. Tears were gathering in the corners of hi eyes…it had been so long since he last cried…so long he couldn't even remember the last time.

A few teardrops escaped his left eye, sliding down his cheek and leaving a mark behind them. He was so ashamed of himself, sobbing like the weakling that he was. He didn't want Haru to see him this way, yet he couldn't find the strength to even run away…

It was then, before the first tear even reached the base of his jaw, that he felt warm, strong fingers lightly caress his face. Gasping at the sudden touch, he tentatively lifted his eyes, and was astounded at what he saw. Haru…no longer angry…no longer stunned…but looking at him with a kind of love so real it took his breath away.

"I can think of a thousand things to say to you right now," Haru breathed against his skin, "But…I can think of a thousand more reasons to do this."

He leaned in to kiss him, much gentler than the first time, passionate and needy, yet comforting and loving at the same time, his hand catching the tears that now fell freely onto Yuki's left cheek.

"There are always more reasons to love," Haru whispered, pulling his beloved into a tight embrace as he let out a relieved, chocking sob.

* * *

**Note:** Finally, they are together! I hope this chapter made it worth the wait. I understand that there are a lot of things to clear up and go over, but that is what the next chapter is for. Which, hopefully, will be out sooner than this one was. Hope you stay with me until then!

Please note also that my Beta has not had time to edit this chapter (seeing as the Beta for this is actually my mother and studying for her masters in law – I kid you not – I am sympathetic to her lack of complete and utter dedication to this fic and I hope you will be too).

**Replies to Reviews**

Just so you all know, I printed out your last reviews and carried them around in my school bag last week when I was having a tough time. They helped to keep me happy. Thank you all so much!

**IloveMoony04:** XDDD – I loved your review, I was so happy you've kept reading my story. I know exactly what you mean about authors who take forever to update. Don't you hate it? Yes, I realize I am being hypocritical (eep…don't hurt me! # cowers #). Just so you know I loved reading your review / rant subject thingyness and I can't wait to hear from you again!

**Hatsuharu and Yuki forever:** As always, thank you so much for your review. Yes, I decided it was high time Yuki worked up the courage to approach Haru – I'm so sick of him being so meek all the time. It's good to do something different, and I'm glad you thought I kept it in character. That's an incredibly important part of writing, in my humble opinion. Can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter.

**Pocky-Pocky-Chan:** Hey, you don't have an excuse for reviewing…I don't have an excuse for updating…it's all good. I loved your reviews…they made me so happy. ESPECIALLY the cookies and milk. Yay! I love giving my characters quirks, like making them good at drawing or making them help their parents with the housework…no idea why, it just makes them seem more real. It's so cool you liked those parts! There's not much I can say to such great reviews except that I love you soon much too (I rarely get creeped out, don't worry XD). By the way, we share many of the same fantasies. The tackling scene…and a hardcore emo Yuki # drools #

I sincerely hope you continue to read and review xoxo

**Jessiegurl43953:** I loved your review, so in-depth and interesting. And you really do flatter me. I'm getting worried about my ego getting too big. Ah well, only have to read other people's great work to fix that little problem. In the meantime, please keep reading and reviewing. Your reviews always make my day!

Perhaps he had known this was inevitable for a long time. Perhaps part of him had _always _known. Of course, he had never expected this to happen when he first set out to find Lachlan early that afternoon, but if he hadn't always known it, then why did it feel so real…so _right_? He soon became lost in the sensations surrounding him – the cold water rising and falling around his body…Lachlan's warm, soft lips gently moving against his own sensitive ones…Lachlan's hands on his chest, lightly pressing down on his rapidly beating heart…Lachlan's legs straddling him…Lachlan's scent washing over him…the warmth of Lachlan's body filling him, overwhelming him and protecting him, just like he'd always dreamed of being protected.

**Adi88**: Wow…wow is all I can say. You seriously write the best reviews in the world! I LOVE hearing from you. Hope you've stayed with me because I really want to know what you thought of the knew chapter.

**Flonshoe:** Say you forgive me for the slow updating? Your review made me so happy and I'd hate it if you stopped reading. I'm so glad you loved the poem too. It certainly does put a lot of things in perspective, huh? # grins at you # No one could ever be as good as Tohru but we can all dream (and try) to be better. I'm trying really hard these days…and part of that is updating faster than I have been in the past! Hehe, hope you enjoyed the chapter…

**PenguinGirl: **It was awesome hearing all your reflections on certain lines and sections because it helped me to understand how you reacted to it better, if that makes any sense – XD. I'm especially glad to hear you didn't find it too rambling. I worry about doing that sometimes. I'd love to hear from you soon!

**Atawalpa:** First and foremost, you have the coolest screen-name ever, dude! So jealous here. Thank you for such a deep and insightful review. As Tohru would say – and I really do mean it – you made me so happy! Please read and review the next chapter!

**Selindryl:** Your review inspired me to try my hardest to get this together faster. I hope it was well worth the wait. Thanks for such a great review!


	8. Memories

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** In case anyone has forgotten, I would like to restate that this story is in keeping with the Fruits Basket ANIME and has absolutely nothing to do with or relating to the MANGA (unless it includes something mentioned in both the Anime and the Manga)

Chapter title suggestions anyone??? I have a mental blank…

* * *

**Chapter Seven – **

Faded blue clouds drifted lazily across the rosy sky, passing over the setting sun and casting dancing shadows on the grassy pools coating the earth below. Wet blades of uncut grass moved along with the wind, as if playing along to nature's secret melody. An ancient tree grew high above the ground, its branches home to numerous birds, crying out their songs as if to give thanks for the beauty that surrounded them.

It was there, in that moment, as he leaned against a tree, surrounded by so many wonderful things, with his arm enfolding the love of his life and drawing them contentedly close together, that Hatsuharu Sohma had never felt so happy to be alive.

"You know, this is quite possibly the best day of my life," he spoke into the relative silence, mostly because it was true and partly because he wasn't sure what else to say.

Yuki only mumbled something inaudible in response, half asleep with his head resting on Haru's chest, arm wrapped tightly around his stomach as though he didn't dare let go. Haru knew how he felt, his own hand instinctively tight around Yuki's shoulders. _He knew how he felt…exactly!! _He was still in a daze over what had happened. In all his wildest dreams, this was the last way he had expected his day to turn out when he rode his bike up to Shigure Sohma's house earlier that afternoon.

For as long as they had known each other, Haru had loved Yuki. For the duration of almost nine whole years, counting from the moment they met when Haru was just eight years old, right up until now, and if anything his feelings had only grown stronger as time progressed. He had spent more than a great deal of time during these years trying to shake these feelings – ignore them, destroy them, push them aside, anything he could to get rid of them – because for almost as long as he had known he loved Yuki, he had also known that Yuki didn't and could never hope to love him back. After nearly a whole lifetime of dealing with the stark pains of this reality, it was bewildering and very hard for Haru to believe that Yuki's head was resting on his chest now, so light against him that it barely felt as though it was there at all…that they had kissed…that Yuki wanted to be with him…

Haru ran his fingers lovingly over Yuki's back, feeling the muscles of the other boy relaxing under the soft touch, breathing in the vanilla-cinnamon scent of his hair that was so uniquely him, close to his nose. He could still clearly remember the first time he had told Yuki he loved him. It was not long after they had met, having struck up an uneasy sort of friendship, both of them shy and slow to trust. He was still just nine years old, and Yuki was ten, both of them still too young to really understand what love even meant. All Haru knew then was that Yuki made him feel like no one else did, bringing him calm clarity and peace of mind so effortlessly, quelling the angry, bitter, twisted person that lurked inside. That out of every boy and girl, man and woman Haru had ever known, Yuki was the most beautiful inside and out, and he wanted to be with him always.

"I think Yuki has been a very good influence on Haru," Haru could remember overhearing his mother telling her friends once during this time, "ever since they've become friends I've noticed such a change in him. He's a lot less hostile and he doesn't get upset as often as he used to. I guess all you can say is that he's just…happier. The other day, when I mentioned Yuki's name, he gave me the biggest, warmest smile! It almost knocked me off my feet, I was that surprised. I haven't seen him smile like that since before his father died."

Indeed, being with Yuki made him so much happier, and he could tell that everyone else in the Sohma family had noticed changes in him too. The few simple words Yuki had used upon their first meeting had given him renewed hope and determination. He wanted to prove wrong every single person who had made fun of him, had hurt his pride and self-esteem by calling him a fool. Because, despite what everyone believed, he _was _smart. And, since Yuki had faith in him, he felt like he could do anything. Off-handed comments about him being stupid, lazy or clumsy now bounced off him like light on a mirror, and he launched himself eagerly into his martial arts and his schooling. When he achieved his black belt…when he managed good grades, everyone had been so proud of him, including Yuki and his mother. It made him feel so good, especially when a few relatives who had ridiculed him before congratulated him on his efforts and told him that his father would have been proud.

At school, Haru took to following Yuki around the playground like a lovesick puppy. Yuki was, of course, very popular with the other boys, but he always made sure he had time and room for Haru in his life. Haru had his own friends too, but none of them were as important to him as Yuki was. When he convinced Yuki to start martial arts with him, Kagura and Kyo, he had been nothing short of delighted. Of course, just like he was with everything else he ever attempted, Yuki was perfect at martial arts in every way, excelling all of them eventually even though he had been studying for the shortest time. Unlike with the others, this never bothered Haru even slightly. There was never any competition between him and Yuki, and he would much rather have Yuki as his equal anyway. He loved to sit and watch Yuki train, his fighting as fluid and graceful as a dance…

There was one time, just one time, in these early stages of their martial arts careers, that Haru actually beat Yuki in a sparring match. Catching the other boy off-guard, he had knocked him to the floor and straddled his hips, holding his wrists down to the ground to keep him from having any chance at getting up. Yuki didn't even struggle, graciously accepting his defeat, staring up at his rival with stunning amethyst eyes shaded by wisps of silken silver hair. The sight below him had taken his breath away, making the fight and the victory forgotten. It was then that the words just slipped out of his nine-year-old mouth for the first time, and even though he was so young, he truly did mean it.

_I love you…_

Yuki hadn't responded, just continued to stare at him in the same way until their teacher Kazuma ordered them apart. They said not a word to each other and parted in silence at the end of the day, leaving Haru to return home feeling confused and embarrassed. Although he hadn't said anything, Haru knew then already that Yuki didn't love him back. At least, not in the same way Haru loved him. The sorrow and disappointment he felt then had been the most overwhelming experience of his short life.

When they saw each other next, things returned to normal and they didn't mention that day or Haru's confession again. But just because they both decided to ignore it, didn't mean that Haru's feelings ever changed. They grew stronger and stronger everyday until Haru was sure they would somehow burst out of him any second if he didn't find a way to express them. He couldn't risk telling Yuki again, although he was sure the other boy still knew, so he had to find other ways of showing him. Innocent brushes of the hand, a friendly hug, sometimes, if he was feeling bold, a chaste kiss on the cheek. He told himself it they were only friendly gestures, that none of this meant anything. Yuki never confronted him about it, and in that way, Haru survived.

Of course, the onslaught of puberty made everything more difficult. The horrible memory of his first wet dream at twelve still brought a red hue to his cheeks, as he recalled waking one morning after a peculiarly pleasant dream involving the cute girl who lived down the street thinking he had wet the bed. His mother caught him washing his own bed sheets in the early hours of the morning out of shame, and after inspecting the mess herself, had proceeded to give him the infamous 'talk'. Going to an all-boys junior school meant that this wasn't the first time Haru had heard about sex, but it made him realize there was a lot he still didn't know about it. Not only was this overall a difficult time in the life of _any _budding adolescent, but Haru also had to deal with the fact that his primary feelings of love and lust were for a boy, and not a girl, unlike the majority of his peers and how everyone expected him to be. At first, because no one spoke about it and because he didn't have anyone he could talk to, he thought he simply wasn't normal, that there was something wrong with him, and that was part of the reason why Yuki could never love him and he wasn't supposed to love Yuki. It was another year before he learnt anything at all about homosexuality, that it was okay to be gay, and another year after that before he properly defined himself as bisexual. For him, his sexual interests were about fifty-fifty boys and girls, but there was never anyone he met who quite measured up to Yuki, even in physical attraction. Yuki was a whole other story on his own.

All this time, he and Yuki remained close, attending middle school together and practicing martial arts as sparring partners, as well as spending whatever little free time they still had together when they could. Despite the feelings he still fought to keep well-hidden, there was no one else Haru felt so comfortable with, not even his own mother. He told Yuki everything, even some of the deepest, darkest secrets of his soul, like how he felt about his father's sudden death, and how it had profoundly effected him even years later. He discussed in depth with Yuki the books he had loved and read, how he felt about the world, what his hopes were for the future, the agonizing restrictions the curse placed on their family (and pretended he wasn't jealous or hurt when Yuki told him he hated how he could never embrace the _girl _he might fall in love with). Yuki listened to him with such sincerity, offering his insights, and conversation was always good. But still there was something missing from the relationship, and for once it had nothing to do with how Haru felt about Yuki.

It took him sometime to work it out, but once he did, Haru couldn't believe he had missed it before. Although he unguardedly poured out to the other Sohma all his emotions, secrets and thoughts, it was hardly ever a sentiment returned. Yuki was such a private, secretive person, who didn't like to reveal too much about himself. Perhaps, Haru had considered at the time, part of Yuki's allurement was his great mystery. They might have practically grown up together, Haru realized, but there was still so much he didn't know about the person he loved. How did he feel about the fact that his family was so estranged from him? Why did he find it so hard to get close to people…to trust? How did he really feel…think…experience life? Haru wanted to know everything about him, on every kind of level, just as Yuki knew everything about him. He wanted it to be equal. That's all he ever wanted.

Haru knew, just like everyone else in the Sohma family who lived at the main house, that Yuki was the prime subject of Akito's constant physical and mental abuse. Nobody was sure why this was, and nobody dared to question it, although there was still much speculation. Akito was jealous of Yuki's abundance of gifts…Akito was afraid that Yuki might one day do something to end the curse or overthrow him as leader of the family (though this was a long shot)…Akito was simply bored and looking for a way to amuse himself. Whatever the reason, it was obvious to all that what Akito had done had left a deep and prominent scar on Yuki's young mind, body and soul. He hid it well to the untrained eye, but it was this, in Haru's opinion, that made Yuki so afraid of his own shadow. That made him wary of everything and everyone he encountered at first. That clouded his mind with troubled, dark thoughts that might have been enough to drive any other person insane. Yes, they all knew about it, but there was nothing that could be done. Akito's word was law in the Sohma family, and no one ever dared to defy him, even if defying him meant standing up for what was right.

Haru hated it. He hated it more than anything else. For years, he helplessly watched his beloved summoned time and time again to Akito's rooms, only to return hours later bruised, bleeding and limping with tear stains marring his cheeks. He hated Akito for what he was doing, but he hated himself even more for what he couldn't do. It filled him with such blinding, pure rage that just thinking about it became enough to turn him Black. Several times, he almost tried to take action against the injustice, before some knowing adult was able to talk him out of it (it was no secret amongst anyone in the Sohma family that Haru's feelings for Yuki ran deeper than friendship, though it was only something to be secretly understood and not discussed for a range of different reasons). Just like any other Sohma, Haru also knew that really there was absolutely nothing he could do. The curse forced him to obey Akito's every word and desire, and not even the strength of his love for Yuki could change that.

There had been times when Haru had subtly tried to ask Yuki things about his family and Akito without outrightly stating the obvious, but because he was so vague it was never hard for Yuki to find a means of avoiding the question. Finally growing tired of this, Haru confronted him head-on. He could still see that late afternoon not unlike this one clearly in his mind's eye, beside the lake in the gardens of the main house. He had gone to visit Yuki two days after he had been sent into Doctor Hatori's care following one of his routine 'visits' to Akito's rooms. It was the day everything would change between them forever…

* * *

"_Does it still hurt?" thirteen-year-old Haru asked with concern where he sat on the small bridge crossing the lake in the Sohma gardens next to his friend, "your back, I mean."_

_Yuki only shrugged, feet dangling in the water over the edge of the bridge. Neither of them looked directly at each other, staring down instead at their blurred reflections in the smooth, glassy surface of the water. Although he was a whole year younger, Haru was taller than Yuki and stockier than two of him put together. Next to him, it was easy to see just how small and fragile the boy really was. It was a strange experience. Yuki always radiated such strength…_

"_It's a lot better now," Yuki said, "compared to yesterday, I hardly notice it. Hatori says I'm very lucky."_

'_Lucky' wasn't the word Haru would have used. Yuki looked so pale and shrunken, as though he were shrivelling away to nothing right before Haru's very eyes. Although he couldn't see it, Haru knew there would be ugly purple bruises all over Yuki's back, and that there was a gash stitched up he kept well-hidden underneath his fringe. Hatori had told him the damage was bad. Yuki had been kept sedated in Hatori's office for almost two whole days without permission to be seen by anyone. Only hours ago had he been allowed outside for some fresh air before sundown…had Haru been allowed to see him. It was like this after almost every beating. Haru cringed to use the word, but that was still exactly what it was, and everyone knew it. A __**beating**__…_

"_How did it happen again?" Haru ventured to ask. He already knew the answer. Already knew what Yuki was going to say. Already knew that it was all a bunch of pre-arranged lies to keep everyone from having to face up to the truth._

_Yuki couldn't look at him, not even in the reflection of the lake._

"_I fell down the stairs on my way back from visiting Akito," he said so quietly Haru had to strain to hear him, "you know that."_

_Such insolent propaganda. Haru had resented that cover-up story from the moment he first heard it. Every time Yuki went to see Akito he would hear a few hours later that Yuki had come under some type of misfortune, whether it be falling down the stairs or getting attacked by a pair of angry birds protecting their nest. The stories were steadily becoming more and more ridiculous every time. Whoever coined them these days wasn't a very good liar. Haru wasn't sure he could take it anymore. He knew why people chose to believe these stories rather than admit to the truth about what was happening to Yuki. Once they had to admit the truth, they would also have to admit that there was nothing they could do about it. In some way, Haru understood it. But it also made him sick._

"_You know it's funny," he mused aloud, "I've seen you training in martial arts. You move so gracefully and your balance is so good. I can't see you as the type who would just fall down the stairs, to such an extent that you get injured this badly."_

_Yuki was still…quiet. Below them, a swarm of fish, both large and small, swam about their ankles. When they were younger, both boys used to play in the same pond during the summer. They would take off their shoes, roll up the legs of their pants above their knees, wade out into the water and try to catch fish with their bare hands, always letting them return to the water afterwards, of course. They had figured out that if they kept perfectly still and silent, the fish would swim up to them of their own accord. That was the time to strike, once their trust had been gained…once the fish realized they weren't a threat._

"_Tell me what really happened, Yuki," Haru said firmly. His voice had only recently broken; lately it had been hard for him to keep it at the same pitch (something Yuki had laughed about jokingly in happier times). But when he spoke now, his tone was level, deep and even._

_Yuki hung his head down, staring into his lap, ashamed. "You already know what happened," he whispered hoarsely._

"_Of course I do, I'm not a fool," Haru turned to look at him properly now, "but I still want to hear it from your lips. I want you to say it out loud – to acknowledge what's been happening to you, because sure as hell nobody else is going to."_

_Yuki shut his eyes, scrunched them tight, to block out the sounds of the world and everything else. Clenching his hands around the railing he had been leaning so casually on just moments ago, he steadily pulled himself to his feet._

"_I have to go," without another word, he turned and began to walk away, but Haru wasn't going to let him get off that easily. He scrambled to his feet._

"_Akito did this, didn't he?" he called after him, "Akito's the one who's been hurting you. It was always Akito. It has been since you were a little kid."_

"_No!!!" Yuki froze in his tracks and covered his ears with his hands, crying out so painfully it stopped Haru right in the very core of his being, "no, Haru, don't!! I don't want to hear it! I don't want to talk about it!"_

_Haru could feel his heart breaking in two yet again. He couldn't stand to see Yuki so upset, but at the same time he knew this was the only way he could help him. He had to do this…because he loved him._

"_But you have to, Yuki, don't you see? You can't keep putting your hands over your ears and shutting your eyes and pretending it will all go away, just like everyone else does. This is the only way it can get better. This is the only way I can help you."_

"_No, you're wrong," Yuki swivelled back around to face him. His eyes were dry, though he looked as though he was about to cry, "no one can help me! No one can do anything! So just stop, Haru, okay?"_

_There was such raw emotion pouring from him that for a moment Haru was at a loss for words. He had never seen his calm, passive Yuki like this before. Part of him wished he had never opened his mouth to begin with._

"_I want to help you, Yuki," Haru said as softly as he dared to utter, looking him directly in the eyes, "I…I love you."_

_Yuki let out a groan of frustration that almost completely drowned out the aftermath of Haru's words._

"_Stop it, Haru!" Yuki all but screamed, then let his voice drop to a mere whisper as he lowered his hands in a sign of defeat and looked away, thick with emotion, "…just stop…"_

_They remained silent and motionless on the bridge together for what felt like an eternity, three feet apart although they couldn't be further from each other. Unable to bear it any longer, Yuki turn and ran for the safety of Hatori's office, leaving Haru alone behind him with nothing but a broken heart and broken dreams for redemption._

* * *

After that day, they were never so close to one another again. Not long after, Yuki moved away to live with Shigure, and that was that. It was months before Yuki could even bear to look Haru in the eye, let alone speak to him or be in the same vicinity as him for more than a few minutes. When they finally recovered enough to face each other, they went back to doing what they did best – pretending. Not once did either of them mention that day on the bridge, although for a long time it lurked in the back of their minds, preventing them from ever being the close friends they once were again.

As Haru continued to grow and mature, he came to accept that this was the way things had to be. He immersed himself in his books, his then gradually developing new interests in motors and mechanics, and allowed himself to simply drift along as an average student when it came to school and martial arts classes while Kyo and the others seared ahead of him. He saw a doctor for anger management to get better at keeping his own emotions bottled up inside. He came to have more of a sense of humour about himself, which helped a lot of the time. He became less of a romanticist and more cynical, more condescending, of love and life and the other beautiful things in the world he cherished. He learnt to live with what he had, to _make _it good enough, because there really wasn't anything else he could do. He let himself grow more indifferent to everything that surrounded him. And so it was, in this way, he found a new method of survival.

Never in the two years that followed did Haru once speak to Yuki in the same way he had on the bridge again. Nor did he say that he loved him, not to his face at least, and relished instead in the off-handed little comments he made every now and then in front of others or during the very few times they were alone together about his sexual attraction and the crush he had on him, which always succeeded in making Yuki highly uncomfortable. Perhaps due to this, Yuki came to believe that Haru's feelings for him had diminished over the years into nothing more than a harmless joke. Only Haru himself and the rest of the world knew better.

Then Tohru Honda had suddenly entered all their lives, and everything changed again. _Yuki _changed. This time, Haru watched from the sidelines as Yuki became bolder, happier and more at ease than he had ever been before in his entire life. And as much as Haru loved that bright, innocent, deeply caring girl in his own way, he couldn't help feeling more than a little jealous. But these negative feelings were always brushed aside to make way for the more positive ones Tohru left in the lives of all the wounded souls she touched. In some ways, she even helped his relationship with Yuki to heal a little. She became special to him, as Yuki was special to him, and the happiness of them both was equally important in his eyes. That was what made it possible for Haru to help Yuki when he came to him with his feelings for Tohru (though the fact that Yuki would come to him at all had initially been something of a shock)…to coach him through the hurt and confusion Haru understood came all to well with the experience of a first love.

He was grateful with how it had ended for everyone. _Very _grateful, in fact, he thought as he breathed in deeply, feeling the soft strands of Yuki's hair tickling his cheek. Tohru and Yuki were still best friends, and Yuki was here. With _him_! Despite all the doubts Haru knew should be circling his mind right now, he still had the unshakable feeling that at last, everything was right in the universe. That he and Yuki were both exactly where they were supposed to be, in each other's arms.

He had been nervous about being so confrontational with Yuki, pushing at the boundaries that held their already delicate relationship intact. But he had grown so weary of pretending, and there were so many things he wanted to discuss. He wanted to ask Yuki directly about the strange new things happening between them, to tell him about Hana and the electric signals, to find out what made Yuki write that note to him weeks ago inviting him to spend more time with him. He didn't receive any answers to those questions (although the kiss Yuki had given him had been more than enough of an answer in itself, he supposed), but what he had managed to get out of the other Sohma had, admittedly, scared him a little. The fact that Yuki could think so low of himself…that he felt he had this darkness swelling up inside of him…that someone blessed with so many gifts could have such low self-esteem, was frightening. But Haru had chosen to be honest with him. He _knew _Yuki; he _did _see him for what he really was. He always had. He saw the perfections that were defined through his flaws, and he still loved every inch of him. After nine long years and everything they had been through, he was confident that was something that would never change.

Still…he was worried about him…even if he _had _managed to convince him somewhat that it was okay to not be perfect all the time. That it was not as dramatic as having 'darkness' inside of you, like some kind of evil monster. All human beings have their strengths and weaknesses. For reasons unknown to him, Yuki had gotten it into his head that it wasn't okay for him to be human. That he always had to be perfect, to live up to everyone's ridiculous expectations.

It was insane.

Almost as insane as the idea that Yuki had kissed him…as the hope bubbling up inside him again, after being torn down so many times, that the love of his life might actually love him back.

He turned his head so that he could place a soft kiss on Yuki's hair, guiding his hand soothingly up and down his back.

"I love you…" he whispered, three words strung together he hadn't dared to utter in four years. Words that, after all this time, he still yearned to say.

Yuki mumbled something, slowly opened his eyes, lifted his head so that he could see the other Sohma, kept his hand fixed fast around Haru's waist.

"What was that?" he mumbled, bleary and sleepy with contentment.

Haru smiled down at him, "I said we should go back. It's getting late."

Yuki yawned, nodding, reaching up to push his hair out of his eyes.

"Why don't we just stay here forever?" he said all the same, "I doubt anyone would miss us…or at least they'll forget about us after a while."

Haru chuckled. How he wished he could just say _yes_…

"That's where you're wrong," he lovingly ran his hands through the back of Yuki's hair, then shifted them both in an effort to get up, "come on, I'll get the bike."

* * *

Walking back to the house was like walking into a strange and unknown territory. In some ways, Haru supposed, that's exactly what it was. He drifted down the path in an odd kind of trance, pushing the bike along beside him at the handlebar with one hand, Yuki on his right clutching the other. Fingers delicately entwined, palms pressed gently together, it seemed to be the most natural thing in the world, and neither of them fought against it. Haru's mind was still caught up in the daze of it all. Briefly, he wondered what Tohru, Shigure and Kyo would make of it when they saw him and Yuki emerge from the forest together, hand in hand. He wondered how much Yuki would want them to know, if anything at all, if he eventually chose to tell them.

Tell them _what_, exactly? Haru still wasn't sure.

But the moment the house came into sight at the end of the path, Yuki's hand slipped from Haru's, and it was in that split second that he knew everything he needed to for now.

The sound of chaos echoed through the paper-thin walls of the living room and drifted throughout the house, evident from the moment Yuki opened the front door.

"Believe it or not, this is actually one of the more sedate levels of dinner conversation," he managed to say over Kyo's shouting in the next room, "they must be behaving themselves since you're here."

"Oh, I believe you," Haru grinned at him, "with housemates like Shigure and Kyo, I bet dinner conversation can be very_…_interesting."

"And it's about to get a whole lot _more_ interesting," Yuki sighed almost reluctantly as he prepared to open the sliding door, "brace yourself."

Haru glanced from Yuki to the silhouettes of his friends on the other side of the door, ready to do just that.

"Ah, there you boys are, I was about to get worried," Shigure smiled with closed eyes over his steaming cup of miso soup, "hurry up and sit down – Tohru's made us a feast, but you better be quick about eating or fatty over there will gulp it all up before you have a chance to start."

"I am _not _fat, I am a growing person!" Kyo choked out through a mouthful of noodles, causing Tohru to giggle.

"So he keeps telling us," Shigure chuckled.

Yuki shut the door behind him and sat down graciously, choosing to ignore them both completely. "It looks delicious, Miss Honda, thank you."

"You're welcome, Yuki, it was no trouble at all," Tohru grinned in her usual cheerful way, "and it's nice to see you again, Hatsuharu."

"You too," Haru smiled back at her politely as he took his seat, gesturing to the food before them, "it looks great, thanks."

"So how did the bike riding go, Yuki?" Shigure asked casually, offering both the new arrivals the bowl of miso from the centre of the table.

Yuki glanced at Haru. "Well…it was an experience," he said, much to Haru's amusement.

"You know I was watching you both from the window and I must say I was impressed," Shigure smirked mischievously, casting Haru a snide wink, "Yuki certainly has a lot of stamina, doesn't he Haru?"

Both Kyo and Yuki spat out their food, while Tohru glanced around her in bewilderment.

"Uh yeah, he does," Haru responded awkwardly, for once unwilling to play along.

"That's my little cousin for you," Shigure chuckled, seemingly pleased with the reaction he'd caused, "great strong biceps. Nice firm behind. Good body for riding, right Haru?"

"Shigure!" Yuki pleaded with him, head bent as a strong blush crept across his face. For Yuki's sake, Haru pretended he didn't find any of it funny, while Kyo continued to stare at them all looking positively revolted. Tohru just seemed perplexed.

"Just saying, just saying!" Shigure gave an innocent wave of his hand. "Honestly, I don't know what your problem is. I'm only talking about bike riding…"

"You were being gross and you know it," Yuki muttered embarrassedly. Haru refrained from the urge of wanting to put an arm around him and kiss that cute little flushed face.

"Yeah, and some of us are trying to eat here!" Kyo pointed out, taking another mouthful from his bowl.

"Alright, I won't say another word," Shigure assured them.

The silence barely lasted a minute before Shigure interjected again.

"Say Hatsuharu, still interested in seeing my manuscript after dinner?"

* * *

The sky was completely dark by the time Haru left the house after bidding farewell to its occupants, a copy of Shigure's manuscript tucked securely under one arm and the taste of good conversation fresh on his lips. Yuki followed him out without a word to anyone, sliding through the front door and down the veranda steps after him so silently he could have been a ghost. Haru didn't turn to him or say a word all the way to his bike, knowing that Yuki would speak when he was ready. All the while, his heart was pounding in his chest. It was the first time they were alone together again since they returned to the house.

"So, uh, what are your plans for tomorrow?" Yuki asked nonchalantly as Haru lifted the bike upright by its handlebars.

Haru shrugged, turning to him, "I guess I'll read Shigure's manuscript, try and finish it as fast as I can. From the sound of it he wants me to get back to him on it pretty quickly."

Yuki nodded, eyes shyly fixed on his own hands. "Something tells me he just wants an excuse to invite you back to visit as soon as possible."

"Something tells me his reasons behind wanting me to visit again as soon as possible have less to do with me spending time with him and more to do with you," Haru grinned, "Something tells me he's a fair bit more observant than he looks."

Yuki laughed, "Something tells me you're right."

"So," Haru cleared his throat awkwardly, "what do _you_ think?"

"About Shigure? Personally I think he needs to get his head checked."

Haru shook his head, laughing. "No…about me coming back to visit again as soon as possible," he paused, treading over his words carefully, "because…I can come back tomorrow, if you want."

Yuki fell silent, thinking. Haru wasn't sure why he felt so anxious. The worst that could happen was that Yuki would say no…and after hearing that so many times in so many different ways from him over the years, how bad could that be? But when Yuki looked up at him again, he was smiling, and the anxiety Haru was feeling rushed away in one relieving instant.

Without any warning, Yuki wrapped his arms around Haru's neck and planted a soft, chaste kiss on his cheek. The action was so suprising and intimate that it brought butterflies to Haru's stomach.

"I think I'll see you at school on Monday," Yuki smiled at him, and Haru nodded. They both had a lot to think about in the time between then.

"See you then," Haru gave him one last smile, took one last look, before mounting his bike and peddling off into the distance, that last image of Yuki burnt into his mind, consuming his thoughts for the whole ride home.

* * *

**Note:** Another chapter finished, I hope it was well worth the long wait! Gah, life is so hectic and all I want to do is write Desiderata all day! Urgh…the lameness of high school, no? Anyway, a lot of flashbacks and tension and all the good things like that in this chapter. If you liked, please continue to read and review, and if you didn't, constructive criticism is always appreciated as it helps me to improve. I promise to try and update as soon as I can!

**Replies to Reviews**

**Jessiegurl43953:** Hehehe…never fear, Yuki will hopefully get around to 'throwing Haru up against a wall and kissing him senseless' very soon! Thank you very much for all your feedback, I'm especially glad you like how Yuki is developing. I always thought his character was very interesting and complex too and I always wanted to write him for that reason. I'm so glad you like my writing… (For lack of better use of the adjectives other than 'glad', I must apologize), I do aim to please! Sexual tension galore in this chapter. I hope you liked it and can't wait to hear back from you!

**Yariee:** Thank you so much for your review!! Yes, I was worried about them taking too long to get together too, but there was just so much to work through first, you know? Gah, annoying when all you want to read is the 'cuteness' (as my Beta calls it, ha!) I'm really glad you like the story and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint! Let me know what you think… D

**Hatsuharu and Yuki forever:** I'm glad you enjoyed the new chapter, it was very emotional!! I hope the surprise factor wasn't too much of a turn-off. This chapter is full of surprises…I can't wait to hear from you again! xoxo

**T.I.B.E –sway–:** LOL – how I love made up words. I found your review to be very cromulent and entertaining! I know what you mean; the Haru/Yuki forum deserves to be much, much bigger as they are such an awesome couple. It's up to people like us to keep it alive! And yes, there will be lots more gypsies and kisses and weird tension to come! Please don't evaporate for too long, at least not long enough so you can't leave a review. I hope you keep reading and enjoying! D

**IloveMoony04:** # massive hugs # YOU ARE AWESOME TOO! I'm working on finding the magic so we can have each other's babies and continue your awesome lineage of awesomeness. Hehe…I'm really glad you liked the chapter. I love expanding on characters and things like that. Fwee…hope the awkward sexual tension in this chapter was equally as satisfying. Can't wait to hear from you soon

**Zozma:** Yay! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading my story…I hope you liked the new chapter as well!!

**Yaoni:** Eep, I didn't know the last chapter was that powerful, but I'm glad you liked it…at least I think you liked it? If you like being turned into an emotional wreck LOL! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter!! D


	9. Excuses

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** I would like to say a special thanks to everyone who has stuck with me through this story, especially since my updates are slow and the plot progresses so slowly! The pace, however, will pick up very soon, I promise! I have the whole story planned out in my head from beginning to end, so you can trust me on this...it IS going somewhere! Stay with me!

Chapter named for relatively obvious reasons

* * *

**Chapter Eight - Excuses**

Haru awoke promptly and eagerly the following Monday morning and bounced out of bed as soon as dawn broke across the distant horizon, anticipating the school day ahead of him more than he ever had before in his life. The day before had moved slowly, hours creeping torturously by as he wandered aimlessly about the house. When he finally settled down into bed and restless slumber, it had felt as though the night was set to drag on forever. Several times he had been roused from sleep and fitful dreams he could no longer recall, only to be disappointed that more time had not passed. Now, at last, the new day had arrived.

He would see Yuki again.

The thought filled him with an unsettling blend of anticipation and dread. What could he expect from the day ahead of him, if anything at all? He felt nervous, although he wasn't sure he could justify why. But these feelings of doubt and uncertainty were outweighed by something far more powerful dwelling within him. The need to see the one he loved.

He was dressed and ready to leave the house before his mother was even awake, a rather amazing feat, he thought, since he rarely even emerged from bed before midday unless she came in to force him up. He ran the distance across the vast Sohma grounds to Momiji's house rather than to stand and wait for him at the front gate so they could walk to school together as usual, reaching it in record time, and entered by climbing the tree outside the small part of the house and letting himself in through his friend's bedroom window.

"Urgh…Haru!" Momiji cried out with a start, jerking awake as the large black and white mass that was Haru tumbled onto the bed just below his window.

"Rise and shine, partner," Haru replied in his usual calm, stoic manner, as though it were perfectly normal to launch yourself through somebody's window and on top of them while they were still asleep.

Momiji pulled himself up properly and rubbed his bleary eyes, "Haru…what are you doing?"

"Waking you up, of course," Haru replied, stating what he assumed to be obvious. He tried to hide the fact that he was disgruntled Momiji wasn't awake already, "hurry, or we'll be late for school."

Momiji blinked back at him, dumbfounded. Since when had Haru ever cared about being late for school? Had they both accidentally slept in? He shifted so as to glance at the clock resting beside his bed.

"It's six am!" he groaned, "We don't have to be at school until eight thirty! What's your problem this morning?"

"There's nothing wrong with getting an early start," Haru said with a shrug, climbing off Momiji and bustling around the small bedroom, getting his uniform ready, "let's get going as soon as possible, okay?"

"There's _everything_ wrong with it!" Momiji complained, lying down and pulling the covers back up over his head so that his voice became muffled beneath it, "you do what you want to, you crazy person, I'm going back to bed."

"Momiji," Haru said, grabbing the covers and attempting to pull them off the boy against his whimpering and protest. He didn't know why he felt so eager to get going, Yuki wasn't going to be at school any earlier than usual. But he didn't feel like hanging around until it was the right time to leave, nor did he fancy waiting at school by himself.

"Get off! Get off!" Momiji shouted and whined, pulling desperately at the covers Haru was trying to wrench off him.

The commotion they caused soon woke Momiji's 'Aunt Miko', his father's unwed second cousin who he mostly lived with. The fairly young and undeniably beautiful Mamiko, usually sweet and placid in nature, turned out to be quite the opposite in a sleep-deprived state, and angrily ordered both young men to leave her house immediately if they insisted on causing so much racket.

"Great, just great," Momiji muttered as he trudged grudgingly down the main street that led to the school a short time later, "now Aunt Miko's furious with me."

"I'm sorry, Momiji," Haru replied, and he truly meant it. He hated to see his normally upbeat and cheerful friend so gloomy – it was unnatural. He had only wanted someone to walk with him to school, to share in his joy and his anxiety, but he'd allowed himself to become too carried away. "I'll make it up to you somehow. Here, see, I have some money. Let me buy you breakfast."

The prospect of food perked Momiji up instantly, and swiftly the bitterness and upset he had been carrying that morning lay forgotten.

"What's got you all worked up this morning anyway?" Momiji asked out of curiosity while he munched on the sweet cakes Haru had bought him, once they continued on their way. "Last time you burst into my room all excited like that was the morning before you were set to get your black belt in martial arts."

Haru smiled at the memory, taking a cake from the bag Momiji offered to him, although he wasn't sure whether or not he could stomach food just yet.

"What, can't I just be excited by the prospect of a new school day?" Haru retaliated, although it sounded so fake and pathetic to his own ears he thought it would make him sick.

Momiji snorted. "Don't insult my intelligence, Hatsuharu Sohma, I know you! What is it, really?"

Haru stared down at his friend; taller than he was last year, yet still nowhere near his equal in height. The other Sohma's gaze did not falter from his own…searching…questioning…

"Does the reason why you're so…um…enthusiastic today, have anything to do with Yuki, and the fact that you've been spending so much time together recently?" Momiji said in a low voice Haru could barely detect, as though he were afraid of breaching dangerous ground.

Haru couldn't help the small smile that crept into the corners of his lips.

"Maybe," was all he said in reply, but apparently that was enough.

"Yes!" Momiji punched the air, all trepidation suddenly replaced with an exuberant delight, "I knew it! I thought so! Tohru didn't believe me at first when I suggested it…but I _thought _something was up between – "

"Momiji," Haru tried to sound stern, though he couldn't help laughing a little, "nothing's really happened yet."

Momiji looked bemused.

"So what _has _happened, then?" he waited expectantly, but when he received no reply he continued in annoyance, "come on, you drag me out of bed at the crack of dawn, get me in trouble with Aunt Miko, then pull me off to school early…"

"I thought breakfast made up for all of that."

"I've had a change of heart. This is the least you owe me!"

Haru's smile faded, he turned away. He didn't feel right in telling Momiji, or anyone else for that matter, anything. It was as if it were all a secret meant for himself and Yuki alone, and letting someone else in on it would somehow diminish how sacred and special an experience it had all been. But he couldn't just leave Momiji hanging, he knew, and he supposed if he had to tell anyone at the present time, it would be him. Momiji was, after all, a close friend of both his and Yuki's, and the trustworthiest person he was sure either of them knew. Besides, Haru mused, it would be good to have someone to talk to…

"We kissed," he stated simply, eyes on the pavement below him as they walked, "once. That's all."

"That's…great!"

Haru could hear the bewilderment in his friend's voice, and chanced glancing up at him. Momiji's wide eyes gleamed like shining golden orbs, and it was only when he saw this that Haru could be sure his words were genuine.

"It is," he grinned, then added more solemnly, "but Momiji, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone. Anyone at all, okay? Not yet, at any rate."

"I won't tell a soul," Momiji nodded sincerely in reply, and Haru nodded his approval, knowing his friend would not betray him. "But it's going to be hard. I'm so happy for you, Haru. Happy for you _both_!"

"Thanks," Haru said, hoping his smile would express more than his words could. He felt a great, bonding love well up inside of him for Momiji. The kind sentiments of his friend meant a lot.

They continued on in silence, each leaving the other to their own thoughts. Haru could sense in the air between them that Momiji longed to know more…that further, perhaps even more personal questions were bubbling, unsaid beneath his lips, but the other Sohma maintained a respectful distance. For this, Haru was grateful, not wanting to give away any more of the secret he now felt he and Yuki shared…of the increasing connection between them he could sense growing deeper and deeper with every second that passed…

"Hey Haru," Momiji finally interjected into the stillness between them, his tone troubled and edged with doubt, "I was just wondering…what are you going to do about…I mean, when you and Yuki…?"

"What?" Haru probed gently, though he did not like the uncertainty he heard his friend express.

Momiji looked uncomfortable, "you know…what are you going to do about…Akito?"

That terrible name, whispered like a bad curse, fell upon him like a strong, biting hail. Up until now, Haru hadn't even thought to consider this, too swept up in his own emotion. Although he was never sure why, Akito didn't really condone relationships, especially those that formed without his knowledge. Surely, he would find out about it eventually, that was not even a question. All relationships involving a member of the Sohma family had to be first approved by the Head in order to be permitted to continue. That was the way it had always been. If Akito did not approve – and Haru was more than sure he wouldn't, seeing as the relationship involved his least favourite person Yuki _and _two men being together, which Akito wouldn't like – then they would be forced apart. Not only that, but Akito could grant himself the authority to punish either of them for it on choked up charges, if he chose to. Haru didn't know if he could live with it…if Yuki got hurt on his account…if they weren't allowed to see each other anymore…

"Haru?" Momiji asked tentatively, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. The touch shook Haru from his reverie, and he became aware that he had stopped walking dead in the middle of the pavement.

"I don't know," he replied, surprising himself by how steady he managed to keep his tone, "I have no idea."

Momiji nodded, patting his friend's shoulder soothingly. "Don't worry, we'll think of something, but it's not like you'll have to worry about it for a while."

"No…" said Haru, though he still did not feel at ease. He would need to talk about this with Yuki, he decided, the next moment they had alone together…

The joy, the energy, the excitement he had experienced earlier that morning, so quickly swept away by Momiji's practicality, returned to him the moment he entered the school and spied Yuki in the deserted corridors yet to be filled with students. Waiting, no doubt, for him.

Haru felt as if his heart had stopped beating. He had honestly forgotten that Yuki would be at school early. Student Council meetings took place before school on Monday mornings, and as President, it was Yuki's duty to attend. The Student Council meetings must have finished already, and now, nearly half and hour before any students were expected to arrive at school, he was already waiting for the one who loved him. It was an unexpected surprise Haru would surely welcome, and the excitement he felt tripled. He didn't think he'd have a chance at all during school hours to have Yuki all to himself…

"You go on," Momiji whispered in his ear from behind, placing a hand on his shoulder. Haru could hear the smirk in his voice; "I've got some stuff to do…catch up with you later."

Haru nodded numbly, having momentarily forgotten Momiji was with him. He listened to the other Sohma's retreating footsteps, growing softer and softer behind them until they became completely inaudible, fading away as he disappeared around the corner at the other end of the hall.

Haru leant against the wall at the corner between two adjoining corridors, grinning to himself as he took in the sight before him. Yuki did not seem as anxious as Haru felt, although Haru knew better than anyone that looks could often be deceiving. A tiny, secretive smile was playing about Yuki's lips as he immersed himself in his own thoughts. As Haru had hoped, he was completely unaware of the piercing grey eyes locked upon him, memorizing and studying each of his effortlessly graceful movements.

_He's so beautiful…still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, _Haru mused with unabashed awe, no longer making pitiful excuses for the torrent of emotions he felt inside of him every time he saw the one he loved. He doubted he would have the strength to look away, even if he had the will to. He continued to gaze at him, never feeling the need to make his presence known. He was simply content to know the two of them were alone together…content to watch him from afar, for a while, at least.

With a small sigh, Yuki seemed to break from his morning reverie. He reached up leisurely and slid a hand inside his black uniform shirt to scratch a spot on his chest. Haru stared at Yuki, biting his lip to hold back a heavy sigh that threatened to escape. Once again, he felt the strange pull on him that directed him towards the other young man, reminding him that what was happening to him was almost out of his control.

But wasn't that the way it was supposed to be?

To prevent himself from brooding any longer, Haru glanced down at his wristwatch. Not much time left, before other students would start to arrive. Although he would have been happy to hide and simply watch Yuki a while longer, he knew there was more that needed to be done…to be said. He hated to bring up Akito in front of Yuki, but more than that he wanted to be sure that Yuki knew exactly what he was getting himself into...if he hadn't changed his mind already...

Haru took a deep breath and swallowed. Without giving it much more thought, he stepped out into the corridor. It seemed like the easiest thing to do in all the world – and really, it was – but because of all the conflicting emotions raging beneath his calm exterior, it could have been just the opposite.

Yuki saw him at once, but didn't seem at all surprised by the sight. He merely smiled warmly at the newcomer, unaware of the effect that single smile had on him, and held out his hands.

"Hi," he said softly, though his voice seemed to echo in the space around them, "I've been waiting for you."

"I know," Haru replied, ignoring the slight tremor in his voice, and even though it sounded completely irrational, added, "I've missed you."

Yuki averted his eyes to the floor, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks, and Haru could feel that the other Sohma had missed him too.

He could _feel _it…

_Why am I so in-tune with Yuki's emotions? _Haru asked himself with silent frustration, _why does it feel like I know everything he's thinking and feeling? Why is it that, despite all this, the only thing I can think about is how damn beautiful he is…how I just want to push him up against those lockers and put my hands under his shirt and…_

Yuki reached out and took his hands, which had remained hanging limply at his sides, and without a word, backed himself against the lockers, pulling Haru back with him. Haru didn't fight him, allowing himself to be weakly steered along. He could sense Yuki's uncertainty…his worries…his fears…his desire. Their eyes met, and Haru once again glimpsed the battle that, despite everything, continued to rage inside of Yuki between rational thought and supposed fate. Desperation seized him – he did not want rationality to win.

"Don't," he whispered, drawing himself closer to the one who had been his first love. "Don't try to fight it…not today. Not now."

He could feel Yuki trembling and knew he understood. Of course, he always would. Their every thought and feeling was all somehow connected. It was the pull he had been feeling all this time. Nature, or some other force that was beyond his control, wanted them together. That was why everything about Yuki had always felt so _real _to him.

_And to think…all this time…the answers to everything were hidden in Yuki's eyes…_

It was the last proper thought to enter his head before he filled the space between them until it was almost completely obliterated. Everything that was Yuki surrounded him…overwhelming him…intoxicating him. He gazed into Yuki's eyes, and knew instantly that, regardless of his earlier attempts to push the feelings away, this was what Yuki had been waiting for. What he wanted…

No, Haru realized, not just 'wanted' – _'needed'_.

"I need you now," he murmured, his lips inches away from Yuki's own.

Yuki's eyes had already closed, his lips parted slightly in anticipation by the time Haru leant in further, closing the final gap between them. Haru moaned the instant their lips touched, an expression of all the passion and yearning he had been feeling. He was barely aware of Yuki's bag dropping to the floor with a thud, the contents spilling out across the floor.

Haru automatically wrapped an arm possessively around Yuki's waist, the other arm supporting himself against the lockers. Yuki's hand went to the front of Haru's shirt, clutching at it while the other hand tangled in the mess of black and white hair, lightly pulling at it, making Haru moan again. Their lips slid together perfectly. Yuki seemed to know exactly what Haru wanted from him, and Haru somehow knew just how to give Yuki the most pleasure he could as well, grinding their bodies together to make him writhe against him…

They broke apart all too soon, interrupted by the sounds of laughing and shouting in some not-too-far off corridor. All of Haru's resentment was directed instantly at the unknown approaching intruders, students to arriving at school. It had been so easy to forget his surroundings, and he could still feel Yuki's hand clenched around his shirt…warm fingers on the back of his neck…their bodies pressed against each other…Yuki's slender waist still embraced by his arm…their chests heaving…Yuki's breath on his face…

"Come on," Haru murmured to him, taking his hand from around Yuki's waist and placing it over the top of Yuki's own instead, removing it and holding it tightly.

They bent together and silently gathered the things that had been split, stuffing them back into the bag. Haru shot Yuki a series of furtive glances – his face was flushed, eyes darker than they had been before, and he was breathing heavily. The mere sight of him caused a stirring within Haru. He couldn't let it end here.

Once they had reassembled the content's of Yuki's bag, Haru reached for his hand again. Yuki didn't emit a single protest, allowing Haru to lead him hurriedly up the corridor…around the corner…into the nearest classroom, which thankfully remained empty. Yuki slipped past him as he forced the door shut, fingers fumbling with the lock as they shook with anticipation. How had it led to this? He hadn't meant for this to happen, but the fact hardly mattered. It _was _happening, and it was good.

But when he turned back to Yuki, saw him standing before him, he knew instantly that something was not right.

"What is it?" he asked quietly, head coaxed to one side in question.

Yuki only shook his head, drew closer to him, took Haru's hands once more and placed them on his waist. Haru bent his head in order to graze Yuki's neck with his lips, gently sucking on the soft, supple flesh, and he felt Yuki's breath catch in his throat. The reaction he knew he had caused in his beloved was more pleasurable to him than he could have described, but that still did not change what he could sense. It felt right…but it was all wrong, he felt in Yuki's soul. Yuki was uncomfortable.

"No," Yuki finally said, his tone pleading, although with whom no one could be sure.

Haru brought his lips away instantly, though kept his hands in place, if only to be a comfort. He knew Yuki did not want him to relinquish all touch.

"What is it?" he repeated, firmer this time…questioning.

Yuki shook his head again.

"We can't," he said sadly, though his voice was filled with lust, "not here. I'm sorry."

Haru peered down at him, confused.

"Why not?"

"Because this is our school, that's why," Yuki said with a sudden outburst of frustration, making wild gestures with his arms at the surrounding empty classroom.

"So?"

Yuki said nothing, but Haru sensed his annoyance and anger all the same, stronger than he had sensed emotion from Yuki yet before. Perhaps now was not the best time, Haru reasoned, to remind Yuki that he had been the one to start it. It was then, accompanied by a strong jerking sensation he experienced in the pit of his stomach, that he felt some foreign thought rush into his mind, conveyed through an eerily disembodied, yet painfully familiar voice.

…_just too different…should have known…doesn't understand…_

He knew what it had been. Knew, beyond doubt, despite how insane it sounded, that he had heard fragments of Yuki's thought. Instead of filling him with curiosity or wonder, it blinded him with rage.

"Yuki, I wasn't going to _do _anything," Haru had to laugh so as not to completely flip out, shocked that Yuki would even think such a thing, "nothing more than we were doing already, anyway, and where's the harm in that? I mean, did you really think…I would suggest…in the school!?"

Yuki frowned, shook his head once more, and suddenly Haru felt guilty for losing his temper. However, it didn't change what he had heard. How could Yuki think that? That he didn't understand? He understood better than anyone else ever could.

But perhaps that still wasn't enough.

"It's not that, I knew you wouldn't do that," Yuki finally said, "it's just that we can't…can't be together at school. At all. Ever again. Not like this. We can't let people find out…"

"What does it matter if they do?" Haru demanded, feeling his temper rising again. "I know why you don't want it to get out to anyone in the family, but who cares about what a bunch of idiot kids at school think? Tohru and Momiji…they would never tell, and Kyo won't either if Tohru asks him not to. It's _safe _here, safer than it would ever be at the main house."

"I know all that, Haru, I've thought this through. You might not see it the same way. But, you see, it matters to _me _what they think. I'm Student Council President," Yuki finished, as if this was the answer to everything.

"I know," Haru answered. He understood now, but he so wished he didn't have to. "But I love you."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. For a split second, he regretted having said them, but then he felt a sudden wave of emotion burst forth from Yuki, so powerful it could not be contained. Unmistakable love.

"I love you," Yuki replied, with the air of someone who was more sure of themselves than anything else in the world, "I love you too. I know it now…I understand, and I'm not afraid of it."

Haru felt overwhelmed. He wanted to seize Yuki and kiss him again, but now there was something stopping him. _Always _something stopping him.

"Then let me show you…"

Yuki bit his lip, and Haru was sure he knew just how much this was frustrating him…hurting him…

"Not here," Yuki all but whispered, "please."

The corridors outside were now filled with students, bustling past one another and calling out to friends, hurrying to ensure they would be on time to their first class. Haru couldn't help feeling bitter and agitated. With a final, sweeping glance at Yuki, he turned on his heel without another word and went to join them.

(o)

The moment school had ended, Haru rushed off so as not to run into Yuki. He did not feel like being confronted, reasoned with, or even apologized or explained to. All he wanted to do was go home to be alone…to _think_! He could hardly believe that after all his excitement that morning, after wanting to see Yuki so badly, he was now running from him. The whole situation was so ironic it made his head spin.

He walked briskly, and arrived at home well before he expected to. A dull sense of emptiness filled him as he pushed through the main gate. There was nothing for him here. His friends had not yet arrived home from school, and his mother, he knew, would still be at work at the dry cleaning place down the road. He did not want to return to his house and sit in the darkened rooms by himself. Instead, he roamed aimlessly about the vast gardens just as he had done for most of his summer vacation, finally settling beneath a tree beside the very same lake he and Yuki had frequented so much as young boys – the place where their friendship had almost been completely destroyed.

Haru pulled his knees up to his chest and sat as still and stiffly as he possibly could, so that he might have been nothing more than a statue. Beneath the surface, he was still fuming, although not enough to make him turn to Black. The love he felt for Yuki…the love he now was certain Yuki felt for him…outweighed his anger somewhat, but that still didn't change what had happened.

Excuses. _Always _there seemed to be excuses, reasons why they could not be together. More than anything else, he felt frustrated. Finally, after so much heartache and self-denial, maturing and learning and growing, Yuki was his. But how, _how_ could it actually work? Not at the main house, where the chances of being caught and brought to Akito's attention were too high…not at school, where Yuki's precious reputation could be threatened. Yuki was right. Haru didn't understand. He had never cared what other people thought of him. The only people whose opinions were worth anything at all in his eyes were those of his friends, or others he admired and respected. He'd never cared about being accepted…embracing, never denying, his bisexuality…always the first to speak out and voice his opinions in class. Why did it matter so much to Yuki? Couldn't _he _understand, just as Haru did, that his friends would always accept him for who he was, no matter what? Wasn't that enough?

Haru rested his head on his knees and sighed heavily. It all seemed too hard. He loved Yuki so much that sometimes it was a physical ache. He wished he could show it to everyone, even to Akito and any others who might want to hurt them, because he wanted everyone to know. He wanted them all to see the depth of his love, how _proud _and privileged he felt that Yuki was with him. He thought that, with time, perhaps, they could be openly together at school, if nowhere else. It would have been fun. It would have been what they both truly needed. It would have meant so much.

But Yuki would never do that. He was too wrapped up in the importance of his reputation, of how others saw him at school. Haru figured most of it had to do with him being with another man. But was that all? Was Yuki just plain ashamed to be with Haru, one of the labelled, residential 'bad influences' in school? Was he embarrassed to be linked with him through anything more than the loose family association most of the students assumed they had?

The thought made him crumple up inside, and he could feel his shoulders starting to shake from the weight of it all. He allowed the tears to fall freely from his eyes. He was not afraid of his emotions. It didn't matter what other people believed. Being brave enough to express how he felt made him strong. That's what his father had always taught him.

_Be strong…be yourself…be who you want to be…stand out from the crowd…make sure everyone knows how you feel…always be honest, and always be true to yourself…_

A hand was laid softly on his back. He let out a strangled, gasping sob, lifting his head immediately in surprise. He had been so utterly absorbed by his own feelings that he hadn't noticed anyone approaching.

"Haru…" Momiji said gently, gazing at him with evident concern. He must have just arrived home – Haru had forgotten he needed to pass through these gardens to reach his house. His uniform hung about him in a dishevelled manner, his schoolbag had been dropped carelessly to the ground some few feet away where he must have noticed his friend's distress for the first time.

Haru stared back at him, making no attempt to mask the tears that continued to streak his cheeks.

"I love him, Momiji," he managed to gasp out, shocked by the choking, strangled sound of his own voice, "I really do. I love him so much…"

Without a moment's hesitation, Momiji pulled his friend against him, enveloping him in his arms, letting him cry all over his shirt.

"I know, Haru," Momiji replied, sounding as if he were almost about to start crying too, "don't worry, we all know…"

* * *

**Note:** Agnsty, I know. Sorry I can't help it! And to think this is the toned-down version too...hmm...

I was thinking of, perhaps, putting some song lyrics into the next chapter. Not a song-fic or anything cheesy like that (I detest those) but just put in randomly at the end of the chapter because the lyrics tie in really well with the action and I can work the song into the actual plot of the story as well in a way that doesn't sound too random...I think...I hope. Anyway, I wanted to ask the people reading this first, what they would think of it. Because if no one thinks it's a good idea and it will ruin the flow of the story, I won't do it. Please let me know what you think!

**Replies to reviews**

**Yaoni:** Urgh, I hate it when people do that huge FLASHBACK thing, I always find it really irritating and unecerssary as it interupts the flow of the story. I aim to be professional - I hope to write an original story of my own someday and have it published - but I've always found that writing a fanfiction piece is a whole different medium, the audience becomes more important somehow because you are writing it in sections so it's not like a full story. The readers sort of keep it going more. Thank you so much, hence, for liking Desiderata so much and leaving such great reviews! Really interested to hear your opinion on what I stated in the note above

**Aasha-Chan:** I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please don't die!!!!! oO

**Lotus Head:** Hehehe...thank you so much! I sometimes think I go so in-depth with the characters in this story it will seem like they are OOC, but I'm glad you don't think so! Yeah, I usually like manga better and I've wanted to get into the Fruits Basket manga some, but I've already seen the anime so it's hard to kinda, and plus it would also screw but the plot for this story (apparently it fills in a lot of blanks the anime doesn't, which is what I eventually hope to do here, but with a Haru-Yuki spin on it). I have been considering naming chapter seven (last chapter) 'Sexual Tension in honor of Lotus Head' but then perhaps that title is too long? 'Sexual Tension might have to do (insert random laughing face here)! I hope you liked the new chapter!

**Allicat6:** Nice new name! Yes, I myself am a bit of a floater, don't stay in one fandom for too long! I hope you liked this new chapter oO ...equals a face...

**Jessiegurl43953:** Yes, I agree, Haru wet dreams are goood, especially to write (evil laugh) I loved writing all of those flashbacks and exploring the sort of journey he went on. I agree, also, that a mature person recognizes that you have to "make it good enough". I try very hard to convey what I can without blatantly stating the obvious - I think only real writers can do that (though I have a long way to go before I can be a real writer). Your review made my day as well, by far the most interesting to read! Can't wait to hear from you soon!

**Mousecat:** Damn straight Haru is good for Yuki!! I mean gay I love re-reading my favourite stuff too. Hope you liked the new chapter!

**Latinerica:** Of course, I always aim to finish what I start. Thank you so much for you kind review!!

**IloveMoony04:** Omigawsh...this face oO...it is my spawn. Everywhere my name is written you shall now see this face thing linked to it. I had never seen it before I read your review and now I am offically in love with it (spastic dance of spasticness) our Awesome liniage of Awesomness is expanding - I love all your names, by the way. Yeah, I love Haru/Yuki for that reason too, the anime just leaves you with so many places to go and you can put your own spin on things. Characters like Shigure are fun to expand on too (especially since you can make them say things other characters wouldn't and get away with it - mwahaha). Agnst really should be my middle name. It haunts my writing like a plague. Ah well, what can you do? Hope you liked the new chapter - of course I can always not wait to hear from you, your reviews make my day (returns huggles)! whee!

**Billy the Kangaroo:** Yay, Kangaroo! (Australian Pride Moment) Thank you so much for such a kind review, it made me incredibly happy, and I also checked out your page and felt privilaged to be in your favourite stories section! Yay again! Hopefully the plot shall continue to develop in an interesting way. Hope you enjoyed the new chapter, and by the way, I was wondering if you could tell me...what does cannon mean oO


	10. Proximity

**Desiderata**

**_By fallen-angel-b _**

**Rated:** M 

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn

to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse? 

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket. The song lyrics included here are property of the band Carbon Leaf and I claim no ownership over them either. 

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC 

**Note:** As stated in the disclaimer, the song lyrics included in this chapter are by a band called Carbon Leaf (yes, I decided to include them after all, due to the support of my readers!). The song is called 'Life Less Ordinary' and I recommend strongly that anyone who reads this chapter gets a hold of the song and listens to it after reading or when the song lyrics are included. It will just make more sense of their inclusion and of the chapter as a whole. You can find the song 'Life Less Ordinary' and others by Carbon Leaf at http://profile. I also apologise in advance if this chapter has a wanky layout. My computer is being a fucktard. Here's hoping you enjoy the song and the new chapter!

* * *

**Chapter Nine – Proximity**

Yuki sat cross-legged on his bed with the house phone in front of him, gripping the receiver painfully tight. He chewed on his lower lip as he gazed absently into his lap, watching the muscles in his fingers tense and his knuckles whiten with the effort from which he held the phone. He had been like that for almost half and hour...motionless…stiff…waiting for a sudden burst of courage that would never come. He knew he couldn't sit like this forever, nor could he back down from the task set ahead of him. Something had to be done.

With a deep breath, he hastily dialed the number he knew off by heart and pressed the receiver to his ear before he could back down again. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous…wasn't even entirely sure why he felt the need to apologise when he hadn't done anything wrong…but he had subconsciously sensed Haru's emotion all day. He had just seemed so _angry_. If anything, Yuki needed to make sure he was all right.

The call was answered on the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

The sound of the familiar voice on the other end of the phone caused Yuki's anxiety to triple.

"Hi," he managed to choke out, clutching the receiver to his ear even tighter.

The response was greeted by a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Hold on a second," Haru finally said, his tone dense and bland, before Yuki heard him call out into his house, "Mum, I'm gonna take this upstairs!"

He could faintly hear the sound of Haru's mother hollering something back at him, but the words were too indistinct to make out.

"…No, Mum, I'm not talking to a 'girl'…no, not a 'boy' either…it's Yuki…yeah, okay…" Haru's voice sounded distant, before he must have brought the phone back to his ear again and spoke directly into the mouthpiece, "Mum says hey."

Yuki grinned, feeling his hand muscles relax a little, "Hello to Yoriko-San."

Haru either didn't hear or ignored him as he did not repeat the greeting to his mother, and soon Yuki heard only static as the phone was carried upstairs. The sound of faint scuffling and a door opening and closing was followed only with a brief silence.

"What's up?" Haru replied in the same stoic tone. Yuki could tell already he was not in the best of moods, and guessed he was still upset about what had happened at school.

"We need to talk," Yuki replied, "about today…"

He heard Haru heave a sigh.

"Yeah…I know."

Yuki swallowed, feeling himself choke up with emotion. When he spoke, his voice sounded weak and unsettlingly pathetic to his own ears.

"Haru…are you mad at me?"

He heard Haru sigh again, and somehow already could tell the answer to his question.

"No, I'm not mad, Yuki. Just…confused."

"About what?" Yuki said gently, sensing this was something Haru was sensitive about. "Haru, if you don't tell me, I can't help you fix this."

"I'm not sure if you can fix it, Yuki, or if it's even something that needs fixing," Haru continued, "I'm not even sure if I can put it into words."

"Please try," Yuki urged him, "I think I can understand."

After a moment's hesitation, Haru seemed to give in.

"I don't get it, Yuki," he said in frustration, "I don't get you, I don't get…this…and the more I try to understand it, the more confused I become."

"I know the feeling," Yuki said sincerely, "but still, I think you understand me well enough. More than I even understand myself most of the time. You know almost everything there is to know about me."

Haru chuckled. "Well, I don't know about that. There's a lot I don't know or understand. I mean…what is this, Yuki?"

Even though he was alone in his room, Yuki felt himself blush.

"I don't know," he replied truthfully.

This was followed by more silence. Yuki could sense Haru was bracing himself

for something big.

"Are we…are we in a relationship, then?"

Yuki turned to gaze out the window. At that moment, something seemed to shift in his consciousness, and he could see Haru in his room at that very moment. He was sitting on his chair with his school uniform draped over the back from earlier, gazing out the window over his desk at the fading sunlight in the elaborate Sohma grounds, his feet resting up on the surface in front of him, the tip of his toe poking through the hole in his old, white sock. He was wearing his black jeans, hanging loosely around his hips without a belt, still dressed for warm weather in his black vest, several necklaces draping down over the perfect triangle of exposed flesh beneath his collarbone. Yuki saw clearly the expression on his face…somber, serious and contemplative. It didn't seem strange to him that he could see Haru then in his mind just as clearly as he saw out his own window. As always, to Yuki he was beautiful, and that was all he could think about.

"Yes," Yuki finally replied, knowing it couldn't be anything else, "but Haru, you know we can't be open about it. Not at home, that's for sure, and I just can't handle it at school. I'm sorry."

Yuki knew what he was saying hurt Haru, and the thought tore him up inside. Still, he couldn't betray himself and what he was really feeling, not even for his beloved. If Haru wanted him, then this was how it had to be.

"Is it…because I'm a guy?" Haru said, sounding uncharacteristically thrown off balance.

"Partly, I think," Yuki admitted, "I'm not like you, Haru. You're so lucky; you can just be yourself and not worry about what other people think. That's impossible for me. Besides, all this is new to me…I've never been attracted to a guy before."

"I worry about what _you _think. I still don't see why it has to be such a problem for you, but I do understand," said Haru, sounding much more like himself, "and what do you mean 'attracted'?"

Yuki spluttered. "You know I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too," said Haru, and Yuki could sense the smile in his voice, "…so what's the other part?"

"Part?"

"Yeah, you said it was only partly because of the whole 'gay' thing."

"I'm not gay," Yuki immediately leapt to his own defense.

"Bisexual then, whatever," Haru sounded nonchalant.

Yuki huffed in annoyance. Truthfully, he hadn't given too much consideration to his sexuality since the night he and Haru had kissed the first time. His love for Haru and everything that came with it had consumed his entire being, and whether or not it meant he was gay had simply seemed irrelevant. Now that he thought about it, he definitely didn't think he was completely gay, nor was he entirely sure if he was even bisexual. He had been attracted only to girls in the past, but now Haru was the only person he could ever see himself wanting to be with, male or female…

"Maybe I'm Haru-sexual…" he mused aloud, much to both his and Haru's amusement.

"Works for me," Haru laughed, "but now you're avoiding my question."

"So it seems," Yuki said solemnly, all mirth instantly evaporating, "…I guess, it's because…I'm just not comfortable, yet, with public displays of affection or anything. It wouldn't matter if it was with a boy or a girl, I would still feel the same. But it doesn't mean I love you any less. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, Yuki. This is something you have to work through on your own. And even though it might frustrate me sometimes, I promise I'll wait for you to work it all out."

The kindness and understanding he heard in the other Sohma's voice filled him with such relief, and in that moment he didn't think he could possibly love Haru more.

"In the meantime," Haru continued, "I take it we'll be keeping this a secret from everyone, including our friends?"

Yuki frowned to himself as he considered this.

"For now," he said, "just because I don't want to take the risk of having the news spread. I don't think any of them would betray us, but accidents still can happen and it would be easy to let something slip. Hopefully, though, we can tell them soon. It's bound to become obvious eventually, at any rate. I know Tohru and Momiji already suspect something's up." "Actually, Momiji already knows," Haru said apologetically, "I told him this morning." "Haru!" Yuki cried indignantly. "What did I just tell you?" "You didn't tell me this morning. But seriously, it's just Momiji, and he's already sworn to secrecy. Besides…like you said, he already suspected. It was only a matter of time before he found out anyway."

"You're right…" Yuki conceded, "we can't keep it a secret forever…"

Both fell silent at this remark, and Yuki knew they were thinking of the same thing. It didn't matter whether it was years from now or the day after next, Akito would find out soon enough…and then what?

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Yuki found himself saying suddenly, desperation in his voice. "After school?"

"You can see me anytime you want, airhead," Haru chuckled, "want me to meet you at your locker?"

"Okay," Yuki grinned, "I really do love you, you know."

"I know," said Haru lovingly, "thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you." Yuki laughed mockingly, "Yes, the one thing I can do right, unfortunately." "Don't be stupid," Haru brushed this aside, and Yuki couldn't help but smile as he heard Haru open a draw and rummage inside it. "Well…seeing as we _are_ in a relationship, and therefore, you _are _technically my boyfriend," Haru said evenly, although sounding somewhat nervous, "do you want to go on a date with me? I'm currently holding two tickets to go and see Kings of Leon in a couple of weeks. I bought them a month ago but I haven't actually asked anyone to go with me yet, so…" Yuki was speechless. He had been asked on dates numerous times before, by both girls and boys, but not quite in the same way as Haru had asked him. He spoke bluntly, eager and hopeful, yet cool and collected at the same time. Before he knew it, Yuki found himself blushing furiously. "I'm sorry," he said, breaking out of his stupor, "Kings of where?" "You don't know Kings of Leon?" Haru sounded aghast. "No, I'm afraid I don't. Who are they?" "Only one of the most fantastic bands to come out of the early 21st century," said Haru, rummaging some more, "although that's just my opinion. I'm going to burn you a mix-tape tonight with some of their songs on it, just so you can see for yourself." Yuki laughed, "Okay then, if you must." "Yes I must," Haru shot back, then added seemingly offhandedly, "so was that a yes, by the way?" "A yes to what?" "To going out with me." "That all depends on whether or not I like these Kings of Leon, doesn't it?" Yuki teased. "Well even if you don't, I thought that it might be kind of fun. You know, being together," Haru replied, and Yuki was surprised to find he actually sounded a little hurt. "I was only kidding. Of course it's a yes, idiot, even if they do turn out to be the worst band in history." "Cool," Haru said warmly, as his mother's voice echoed out through his house and over the phone, calling his name, "I better go. The woman obviously wants something."

"Better," Yuki laughed, although he hated to have to hang up, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night...boyfriend."

"You too," said Yuki as Yoriko called out for her son again, demanding he get off the phone, "bye."

The line went dead, and Yuki sighed as he placed the receiver back down, not realising that the tension in his hand had long since passed. Outside his window, the sun had long since set over the distant city skyscrapers, submersing the world in darkness. Inside, however, Yuki was glowing with light. Things were far from perfect, but for now he was content. More than content. He was in love.

Sensing that his legs had gone numb from sitting cross-legged so long, Yuki stretched them out before him and wriggled his toes in his socks, before drawing them back up and hugging them to his chest, tucking them under his chin. It was strange, he knew, that he could go from denial to love so quickly…that Haru had been in his life for almost as long as he could remember, yet he had never felt this way about him before. Perhaps it had always been there, and he was too blind to see it. Whatever it was, it was something different now. Something far more powerful…far bigger than he could ever comprehend. He wasn't sure how or why, but he knew something big was about to happen, and the time for it was drawing close. The thought didn't scare him. Rather, it made him feel secure. He knew this was how it was meant to be.

He reached across the bed to grasp the phone, returning it to its rightful place on the table beside his bed. The clock next to it informed him that it was almost seven. Soon, it would be time for dinner, and he would have to go downstairs and endure Shigure and Kyo's company, with only Tohru's sweet mannerisms to help him fight for his sanity. He relaxed back against his pillows and closed his eyes, letting the cool autumn breeze from the open window wash over him, savoring the peace while it lasted.

* * *

The day that followed did not go according to plan. Once school had finished, the school cross-country team had training for the afternoon, an obligation that had completely slipped Yuki's mind when he made plans with Haru the night before.

"Don't worry about it," Haru assured him when they met at Yuki's locker and he began to apologise profusely, "I'll come and watch you train, it'll be fun."

Although Yuki didn't see how sitting on the cold, hard bleachers at the school sports oval and watching him do nothing but run around aimlessly all afternoon could be deemed fun, he was glad for the company nonetheless, and was touched Haru would give up his afternoon for the chance that they might spend time together. Side by side, they walked to the sports oval, talking and laughing all the way. To anyone else, they would have appeared to be an ordinary set of friends, but the electric charge of sexual energy Yuki felt coursing between them the whole time made them anything but. It made him edgy and agitated. The fact that the skies had been grey and overcast all day gave him reason to hope that further development of poor weather would force the coaches to end practice early. In any other circumstance, Yuki would have looked forward to athletics training, but given the choice he would much rather have spent the time alone with his boyfriend.

Yuki smiled to himself as the word occurred to him. Boyfriend…he was still getting used to the way it sounded, but he would be damned if he didn't like it. "I have your CD, by the way," Haru said as they walked, reaching into his bag and then passing Yuki a disk. "It's mostly Kings of Leon, but I've put other stuff on there too. Pay special attention to track one." "Why?" Yuki said curiously. "Because," Haru said with a sly grin, "I was listening to it last night and the lyrics made me think of you." "Fair enough," Yuki grinned back at him, knowing somehow that when Haru said 'you' he meant 'us'. He placed the CD away in his bag, anticipating listening to it when he got home.

They parted at the bleachers with friendly banter and a chaste brushing of arms that sent a tingle down Yuki's spine. He hurried to join his fellow competitors on the field while Haru settled against the bleachers, taking a cigarette case from a hidden compartment in his schoolbag and lighting up. The afternoon hadn't turned out the way he would have planned it to, but that didn't mean Haru wasn't still going to enjoy the sight of Yuki's lithe, muscular legs and biceps flexing as he ran, sweaty in his lose sports uniform, across the field. He smirked to himself as he blew smoke rings from the corner of his mouth. As of late, the sexual tension between them had increasingly grown to the point where it was almost impossible to ignore. He knew it was still only early days, but perhaps it wouldn't be long now before the time came to take the relationship to the next level.

Well, it would have to be soon, Haru resolved. Otherwise he didn't know if he could take it.

"Well now, what do we have here?" an eerily familiar voice spoke into his ear, causing him to jump almost right out of his seat.

"You!" Haru gasped, causing the other girl to smirk. It was unnerving how silent she could be, creeping up to him like that without him noticing.

"Yes, it would be me," Hana said as sat down beside him carefully, tucking her long school skirt beneath her. Her long black braid fell over one shoulder as she regarded him with her penetrating dark eyes, a secretive smile playing about her lips. Haru realised, warily, that this was the first time they had spoken directly to each other since he confronted her after the carnival.

"What is it? Is there something you want?" he asked her, decided to play it cool and casual for the time being, although something about the girl always made him somewhat anxious. He kept glancing over at Yuki, but his boyfriend had not yet noticed he now had company on the bleachers, being too intent on his training. Haru wasn't sure whether or not this was a bad thing.

"Since when do you smoke?" Hana answered serenely, choosing to ignore his questions. She inclined her head to the cigarette that lay almost forgotten now, between two fingers in his right hand.

Haru glanced at it and shrugged. "Since I was twelve. My mother is a chain smoker, or at least she has been since my father died. When I was a kid I used to steal her cigarettes and smoke them just to piss her off. She never wanted me to get into the habit, you see, so it was my best means of getting back at her when she got angry at me. Stupid, I know, but we're all guilty of doing stupid things every now and then. It's not something I'm proud of."

Hana stared at him intently, "I never noticed. I bet most of your friends don't like it."

Haru took another drag before extinguishing it on the bench between them. "Yuki and Momiji hate it. I know Tohru and Kyo disapprove as well, but they're either too nice or too indifferent to me, respectively, to say much about it. Meanwhile Shigure, Hatori and my mother have all been on my case for ages, although they're all hypocrites since they smoke themselves, so there isn't much they can do. As for Kagura…well, we used to smoke together a lot, before she quit. I've been trying to quit too, but you know what they say…old habits die hard. I've managed to limit it to two or three a day. It's been a challenge, but I'm getting there."

Hana nodded her head, seeming intrigued. "Well, I guess you learn something new everyday about people, don't you?"

"I guess so," Haru said as he offered her the packet.

"No thank you," Hana replied firmly, "I value my body and its health above almost all other things. You should too, you know. Especially with power such as yours."

Haru suddenly felt himself sit up and take notice.

"What do you mean, power?" he said skeptically, eyes narrowed.

Hana smirked, but kept her lips pressed firmly shut, turning her gaze to the sports oval instead.

"You're here for Yuki, I take it?"

Haru shrugged again, "we were supposed to hang out this afternoon, but he had athletics training, so…"

"Ah yes," Hana said sagely, "Yuki has been quite busy lately, with schoolwork and sports and of course the student council."

"You couldn't say he's had it easy this year," Haru agreed, "but he copes. Better than anyone I know could in his situation, really."

"And you, Hatsuharu? How are you coping?"

The question took him by such surprise that for a moment it rendered him utterly speechless.

"With what, exactly?"

"Anything and everything, really. Tell me…I'm curious to know."

Turning away from her, Haru lit his third cigarette for the day. "I cope very well, thanks."

"If that is true, then you are a lot better off than most people in this world."

Watching her from the corner of his eye, Haru was certain he saw something like sadness reflected in her features. In a flicker, it was gone.

"So what are you doing here, anyway?" Haru felt compelled to ask, "I take it you're not here to sign up for the athletics team."

Hana sniggered. "Of course. You know how much I love to run." "That's what I thought," Haru grinned back at her, amused at the thought of her training with the athletics team. "Actually, I'm here because of your electric signals," Hana continued in a more serious tone, "I'm always attracted to interesting electric signals, and right now yours are the most interesting I know of." Haru rose an eyebrow at her. He didn't know anything about electric signals or psychic abilities, and wondered, nervously, how much they could tell a person. "Interesting how, exactly?" Hana made to take the cigarette from his hand, and without thinking Haru passed it to her, only to have her extinguish it almost immediately. "I've told you before, it's hard to explain. But right now, I'm sensing something is about to happen. Your electric signals, which changed only recently over the summer, are preparing to change again." Subconsciously, Haru swallowed. It made sense to him…for a while; he too had somehow been sensing that things were about to change. He didn't know how, what, or why, but he did know it was going to happen soon. "I've seen a similar thing happen before, although I must admit this is the first time I've encountered something quite like this," Hana said pensively, "usually, this sort of transition in a person's aura takes place shortly after they reach puberty, which is normally when a person with potential psychic ability fully inherits their powers. Of course, that wouldn't make sense in your case. I strongly doubt a person such as you has been prepubescent up until now." "What's that supposed to mean?" Haru shot back, glaring at her darkly. Hana brushed him off again, absently toying with her plait. "You don't have any history of psychic blood in your family, do you?" Haru stared at her blankly, wondering why he was even considering this. "Not that I know of," he said, "not in Yuki's either." For the first time since they had met, Hana appeared genuinely confused. "I thought Yuki _was _part of your family." Haru couldn't help but smirk at the expression on her face. "Sort of. He's not my blood relative, though. It's a long story." "Hmm," Hana mused, surprising her companion by not feeling the need to ask further questions, "very interesting…" "How so?" "That would mean you would both have had to inherit psychic ability from separate family sources. Psychics – genuine psychics, at any rate – are very rare these days. Power is usually only handed down through the direct bloodline. Even if you and Yuki were distant relations, it would be highly irregular that you _both _inherit power, and at the same time, no less, years after you first began adolescence." "So what are you saying?" Haru questioned, "Yuki and I are going to inherit some kind of power?" "I am guessing so, although truthfully I don't know," she said evenly, watching him. Haru turned away, staring out across the field. Could Hana be right? Could everything he and Yuki had been going through, up until this point, be leading to some strange, psychic phenomenon? Haru wasn't sure if he could accept that, but after everything he had gone through recently, he was prepared to believe anything. "I think I should go…a storm is about to start," Hana told him distractedly, getting to her feet as gracefully as she had sat down, "until later…farewell." She strode away just as the first drop of rain fell onto Haru's forehead, followed by a low, threatening rumble of thunder across the skies. Haru watched her leave, burning with curiosity. Down on the field, he saw Yuki pause to stare up at him, perplexed, having seen Hana departing. Haru only had time to shrug his shoulders in response to the obvious question on Yuki's face before his coach hustled him along. The storm soon came on quickly and strongly, brought on by harsh winds from the east. After continuing to struggle through the weather for another tedious few minutes, the coach finally, if reluctantly, dismissed his athletes, who eagerly hurried through the rain and mud to reach the sanctuary of comfortable change rooms and hot showers. Yuki left them the instant he was sent off, heading in the opposite direction for the bleachers. "Hey," he said as he jogged over to Haru, cheeks flushed and slightly out of breath from the hard training, "was that…?" "Hana," Haru cut him off, not need to ask what he meant. Yuki frowned, glancing in the direction from which she had left, even though she'd left ages ago, "what did she want?" Before Haru could answer, a streak of lightning crashed somewhere nearby, causing them both to jump. Getting to his feet, Haru reached for Yuki's hand and led him down over the bleachers to the grass. Thunder roared above them as they passed the now empty oval and ducked beneath the bleachers. The strong scent of wet grass and mud greeted them as they hid from the storm, and water continued to drip between the seats above them, the spray blown onto them as a result of the wind. It was a far from comfortable shelter, but it would do for now. Yuki leant against one of the polls that supported the bleachers, eyes fixed curiously upon his boyfriend, waiting for an answer to his question. "Haru…" Haru rubbed the back of his head, shaking raindrops from his hair, his eyes kept deliberately from Yuki's gaze. Yuki knew from experience with him that he wasn't trying to avoid the question. He was searching for the right words to answer it. "She wanted to know if either of us had a history of…of psychics in our families," Haru said, "something about how our electric signals are…changing." "Changing?" Yuki asked tensely, "how?" Haru turned to him, and Yuki could see the turmoil reflected in his usually serene grey eyes as he murmured softly, "She didn't say…" Yuki fell silent. He recalled the way Hana had stared at him and Haru during those first few days back at school, as if there was something distinctly wrong with them. He remembered how the mysterious Miskaelah had seemed to look right into him when they met at the carnival, her psychic abilities enabling her to read his unique aura. He thought of all the changes he had been through recently, and of all the changes he could sense were to come. And although he knew he should have been afraid, he felt completely calm, as things finally began to make some sense. "There is no history of psychics in either of our families," said Yuki, "is there?" "Right," Haru nodded affirmatively, "so how come the idea doesn't seem so ridiculous?" Yuki frowned as he concentrated, calling to mind the scent of burning incense mingled with freshly cut grass… "On the night of the carnival," he began slowly, "Miss Honda and I didn't end up going straight home. A boy tried to steal Miss Honda's wallet and we chased him all the way to the tent his grandmother was running. Her name was Miskaelah…" As Yuki told the story, Haru listened intently, overcome with shock and bewilderment when he learnt of how the strange old woman had known everything about Yuki…all the things he thought only _he_ knew…of how she had demonstrated her power by calling forth the four mystic elements, and had shown him how he could do the same. "She said she could sense great power in me," Yuki explained, "and everything she has said so far has come true. She told me I would fall in love. She told me I had a gift for art." "Did she tell you anything more? About this psychic stuff?" Yuki bit his lip and shook his head. "No, she was so vague. Every time I tried to ask her something she found a way to change the subject. I had the impression that…she knew a lot more than she was willing to say. Still, when I eventually left she said we would no longer have anything important to say to each other. That I would never see her again…" Hearing the sadness in his tone, Haru reached out at took Yuki's hand, thumb lightly caressing the soft skin of his palms. "What did she say to Tohru?" he asked gently. "I don't know…we never discussed it," Yuki said, "Haru…what do you make of all this?" After contemplating a moment, Haru heaved a sigh. "Well, she sounds genuine…knowing about the curse and how you're connected to the rat from the Chinese zodiac…and then there's the fact that she could summon the four elements. You could really feel that?" "Yes, especially when I conjured them myself…it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt," Yuki said, eyes glazing over slightly as he recalled the sensation. Haru smiled. "I guess we really have no choice, in that case, than to accept that there is something going on that's a whole lot bigger than us, and that we're just going to have to go with the flow." Yuki felt ill at ease. This was not the sort of thing he ever wanted to hear. Words like 'no choice' and 'go with the flow' were the kinds of things he used to despise. Until recently, he hadn't even believed in fate. Now, he wasn't sure what he believed in anymore. The only thing he could really be sure of was Haru, and the fact that the words had come from Haru's lips gave him comfort. "You don't have any idea what's going to happen…what's going to change?" said Yuki, although he smiled as he did so, "You aren't worried, even a little bit?" "Nope, nope, and definitely no," Haru said in his usual off-handed manner, before taking Yuki's hand and bringing it to his chest, placing it over his heart, "because I know _this _isn't going to change." Yuki felt Haru's heartbeat beneath his fingers and instantly felt himself relax again. Of course, Haru was right. As long as they had each other, they would be fine… Haru leant in closer, his hand still placed securely on top of Yuki's own. It occurred to him then, as he gazed into amethyst eyes, that Yuki looked exquisite with raindrops caught in his lavender hair, his expression soft and filled with adoration, the sports clothes he was still wearing unusually disheveled. It had felt like an eternity since they had last been in such close proximity, and he felt, as sure as he knew his own name, that Yuki was thinking the same thing. He wasn't certain who moved first, but before he knew it they seemed to melt into one another. Their kissing was gentle at first, tentative and reassuring, though it gradually became more heated as their desperation to be closer to one another grew, intensified by the raw heat that radiated from the storm. Driven by the sheer, incredible need he sensed pouring from his beloved, Haru pushed him further than they had gone before, grinding their bodies together, letting Yuki feel just how much he loved and wanted him. It wasn't long before reality was lost to him. He knew nothing except Yuki's body, emotions and desires…the thunder as it rolled across the sky…the lighting that split the dark clouds and illuminated the dismal grey haze in flickering, electric brilliance…and the constant rain, that hammered the sodden earth with all the force and dangerous beauty of nature. Yuki succumbed to desire, kissing Haru back as fervently as he was kissed, exploring, without reservation, the deep, moist caverns of his mouth. He felt glad for the pole behind him…for his hands on Haru's waist and Haru's arms wrapped around him. Without the support, he was certain he would have been brought to his knees. They broke apart only as he gasped when Haru's wandering hand glided down the side of his body and slid up under his shirt, fingertips slightly grazing his firm stomach…eventually traveling further up to his chest, thumb gently caressing each hardened nipple and making him shiver with pleasure, before trailing back down to tease the skin just above his pants…then lower, over the fabric of his pants…to his thigh and then back up, tracing his spine. Yuki relished in each moment of contact, willing it to last longer and wanting much more. Still, even in such passionate abandonment, he knew he could not have it. Not yet, at any rate. Certainly not now. The thought of waiting agonized him, racked him with greater desire, so that when they touched he had never felt such bliss. Finally, as their kissing grew less urgent, and the storm began to lessen, Haru took his teasing fingers away and replaced his hands around Yuki's shoulders, drawing them into an embrace. Yuki clutched at Haru's waist, sighing as Haru placed slow, lazy kisses all down the side of his neck before returning to claim his lips, lingering for what seemed like the longest time. "Stay over tomorrow night?" Haru breathed, his voice still etched with longing. Yuki breathed heavily as he tried to calm his racing heart. He knew what Haru was really asking of him in that question, and although he was certain of himself and of Haru, _knew _more than anything that he was ready to take that step, he was still not prepared to agree. He couldn't, no matter what, make this kind of decision without thinking it over first. All the same, he found himself nodding a 'yes'.

* * *

Yuki could tell something was wrong before he even opened his front door when he returned that evening. The loud, overly flamboyant voice of his older brother rang out from the house and all over the surrounding area, causing Yuki to cringe. He didn't know Ayame was planning a visit…then again, he reasoned, since when had Ayame ever informed them he was planning a visit? It didn't matter. Yuki doubted he would be able to put up with any estranged relatives that evening. He had too much else weighing on his mind.

He crept around the house as silently as he dared and slipped through the back door and into Shigure's secluded study, any sound he made muffled by Kyo's angry shouts and Ayame's loud, obnoxious voice. Yuki shuddered at the thought of the two banes of his existence together in one room. Over the years they had lived together, he hadn't grown to like Kyo any more than he did when they first met. Circumstances meant that he had been forced to learn to tolerate him, which meant it was possible for them to be in the same room without trying to kill each other…for a short amount of time, at least.

But Ayame…Yuki _really _couldn't handle Ayame. There was just too much space between them as a result of a difficult childhood, a gap that could never be closed. Not to mention all the baggage Yuki still carried from an upbringing of neglect didn't leave him with a positive view of anything to do with family. Even now, when he looked into his older brother's face, all Yuki could see was the boy who had brushed him aside so much during his childhood… making him feel like he was worthless…nothing…abandoning him whenever he needed someone the most. Yuki knew he was a person who found it difficult to put trust in others, especially after they hurt him, and that was something he didn't think he would ever recover from.

Yuki sat on the floor in front of Shigure's desk, knees pulled up to his chest. He had tried. The Gods knew he had tried his hardest to overcome childhood trauma and learn to accept his brother. He had thought that with Tohru's help it might be possible for them to grow closer. Naively, he had even thought that perhaps, one day, they might become like real family. Experience soon woke him up, and he learnt that it was impossible. Ayame was extroverted, glitzy, outrageous, witty and often downright rude. Everything Yuki wasn't, and everything he didn't understand. They were just too different…too different to ever be real brothers, even if they were tied by blood.

Yet still, much to Yuki's disdain, Ayame fought openly and diligently to bridge the gap between them.

Yuki relaxed against the wall behind him, frustration flowing through him. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was discovered, but he hoped he could remain hidden for as long as possible. Maybe, if he were really still and quiet, no one would notice he had returned home until after Ayame left. No…that was too much to hope for. Why couldn't that idiot just _go away?_ Didn't he realise Yuki just wanted to be left alone?

No, he didn't want to be left alone. He wanted to be with Haru. They _would _be together, tomorrow night, although in what way Yuki still wasn't sure. Every ounce of his being told him that it was right, but how could he be sure he was ready? Until that lingering ounce of doubt became obsolete, he knew he could never go through with what Haru wanted. The thought made him sad and angry with himself, because he wanted to be able to give Haru everything.

Reaching into his bag for his water bottle, Yuki's fingers brushed over the CD Haru had given him earlier that day and he jerked his hand back in surprise. With everything that had happened since then, he had completely forgotten about it. Retrieving it along with his water, he studied it carefully, remembering the words Haru had told him when he passed it on, that sly little smirk playing about his lips…

_Pay special attention to track one. I was litening to it last night and it made me think of you..._

Without thinking, Yuki reached for the CD player that sat on Shigure's desk and tugged it down to sit beside him on the floor, along with the pair of headphones that rested beside them. Ironically, Shigure had bought the player and headphones to tune out the noise of Yuki and Kyo's fighting while he worked. Now, Yuki was using it to tune out Shigure and the rest of the world. As Kyo would say, damn it all. He put the CD into the player and switched it on, track one exploding into his mind

Live a life less ordinary Live a life extraordinary with me  
Live a life less sedentary  
Live a life evolutionary with me  
Well I hate to be a bother,  
But it's you and there's no other, I do believe  
You can call me naive but...  
I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell)  
And I know what I need

The night you came into my life  
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me  
You blew away my storm and strife  
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me  
By the way, I do know why you stayed away...  
I will keep tongue-tied next time

Yuki sat in silence as track one faded into track two, the lyrics playing over and over in his mind. Suddenly everything to do with Ayame, Kyo and all their ridiculous disagreements seemed utterly insignificant. All he could do was smile as his eyes filled with tears of joy. All he could think about was Haru, and how much he meant to him. It didn't matter that to anyone else it was just another love song, or that it was stupid to allow a song to make him want to cry…to make his mind up for him so quickly. But Haru had chosen that song, of all the songs in the world, to represent them, and the relationship they had, and therefore it meant a great deal. He knew now, without any hesitation, that he was prepared to give Haru everything he could, just as Haru had always given him everything he had.

He listened to the song thrice more before removing the headphones, returning the CD to his bag and putting the player back in its rightful place. Then, with a deep breath, he opened the study door and went out to face the inevitable.

* * *

**Note:** Success! Chapter Nine is finally done! I'm actually pretty proud of this one. It took a lot of re-writing and considering to get it just right, and I reckon I've done a pretty good job. The one thing I'm a little apprehensive about, however, is the inclusion of the song lyrics. Here's hoping they don't mess up the flow of the story.

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to Reviews**

**Yaoni:** Eee, I was totally thinking about that as I was writing the last chapter!! I thought Haru might come across as being too unsympathetic to Yuki or something. I wanted to convey that Haru understood what Yuki was going through, but that didn't mean he liked it. They are precious indeed, are they not? Sometimes I re-read these chapters and I seriously can't handle all the cute fluffy pieces and I feel like I'm going to float away on a pink fluffy cloud of fluff to a land of rainbows and unicorns because it's just too darn sweet (curses, why can't real life be like that!?). Nothing else I've ever written has been quite like Desiderata in its over-the-top romance, but writing this kind of thing makes me happy and gives me some stress relief, so it's all good fun! Anyway, that's enough of me. I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**Jessiegurl43953:** I really like writing the 'I don't feel comfortable with coming out just yet' characters because, like you pointed out, I feel like a lot of people can relate to that. If not in respect to sexuality, then in respect to something else, because I believe everyone has something they eventually have to 'come out of the closet' about and that takes a lot of courage, time and hard work. Also, I like watching characters go on journeys of self-discovery, where they grow through what happens to them and come out of it all as a different person in the end. That's sort of what I hope to do with Yuki in this story. Haru too, but particularly Yuki. I always had the impression that Haru was the sort of person who was kind of comfortable in his own shoes and had worked a lot out for himself. On the other hand, Yuki is more vulnerable and obviously really unsure about himself and a lot of things, and it just seems that he has the most growing to do out of the two of them. I've especially been trying to portray that element of his character in Desiderata, juxtaposed with Haru being confident and more relaxed, more or less one of those 'just be yourself' people. I figured in that way the characters could sort of balance each other out. It will be interesting to see where Yuki ends up at the end of the story, because I don't even know yet! I can tell you, though, that the connection between them is definately going to develop, particularly in the next couple of chapters. The window scene was my favourite to write in the last chapter as well, by the way! I could picture Haru and Momiji doing that. As always, can't wait to hear what you thought of the new chapter!

**Vampire Ifruita:** Yay, thank you so much for your review! Made my day! I try very hard to keep everyone in-character as well as in conjunction with the plot. It's hard, but I do my best, and I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job! I just LOVE writing Haru. I think, out of all the characters in every anime or manga I've ever encountered, he's the one I can relate to the most. I see a lot of my own personality in him (or at least a lot of what I've always wished I could be like in him) and I guess that's what makes him easy for me to write convincingly. I've imprinted a lot of myself onto him in Desiderata, especially, with him liking the same bands as I do, his long struggle with unrequited love (the prolouge is literally a scene from my life), loving to read and discuss literature, and even the little story in this chapter about his relationship with my good old friend tobacco. I hear a lot that the best writing is taken from real life and I really think that's true. We imprint a part of ourselves and our own experiences onto every character we write. Otherwise we couldn't write them. Please excuse this fat rant, I tend to get carried away sometimes. What I'm really trying to say is...I hope you liked the new chapter, and please continute to read and review!

**Billy the Kangaroo:** # bows # why thank you so much. I'm beginning to worry that writing Desiderata is going to be unhealthy for my already inflated ego, but all the same, thank you! And LOL, I know what you mean. I seriously would have loved to have seen Yuki and Haru get together in the manga, but I'm kind of glad they didn't, because it means I get to have all the creative freedom and fun of making up their story! Thank you for answering my question too, by the way # feels less ignorant # I am most definately a shipper, predominantly. Canon pairings are rather boring, I usually find, and I often only have them as a sub-plot, if at all. I was going to develop more of a Tohru/Kyo thing in earlier chapters but I really couldn't be fucked, although it will probably develop more after a while. Anyway, I hope you liked the new chapter!

**Lotus Head:** Yeah, I completely agree with you on that. Usually I love the manga much more than the anime, but because I only picked up the Fruits Basket manga AFTER I'd watched the anime, I found I just couldn't get into it. Plus, all the annoyingly, seemingly far-too-conveinient heterosexual pairings just pissed me off. I mean, what the hell? It seemed like the author just wanted to quickly tie up any loose ends so she just randomly paired everyone with everyone else, declared it was a 'happily ever after' and made her characters dance off into the sunset together. I really, truly can't stand those stories, the agnst-ridden freak in me just can't handle it. I will read the manga one day though, if for no other reason than for the sake of saying I've read it (and to shut up my friends, who keep trying to spoon-feed me volumes of the manga, god love 'em). LOL I'll name a chapter after you somehow...and I'm glad you like the kissing scene. I can assure you, there's plenty more of those to come! Do you think I should write a lemon in my next chapter, or a lime?

**Mousecat:** Yes, pretty much the whole Sohma family knows in Desiderata. Well, they don't know that Yuki and Haru together, but they do know Haru suffers from unrequited love. I figured they would have to be pretty oblivious not to notice it, especially since he makes no attempt at hiding it, even to complete strangers (he told Tohru about it only a couple of hours after meeting her, after all). I think Yuki is smart to be cautious, even though it upsets Haru that they can't be openly together. Of course, though, as someone (forget who) said in this chapter, they can't keep it a secret forever. I have the whole plot planned out so I can tell you, it ain't going to be pretty. The next few chapters are going to get a lot gritter, but not before I let Haru and Yuki have a bit of fun first. Sex scene next chapter, probably, or maybe just a lime. I haven't decided what to do yet. Suggestions? I hope you liked the new chapter!

**IloveMoony04:** Huzzah! Yes, master, teach me the ways of the ASCII-ed faces, and together we shall build an army from our awesome linage of awesomeness. I'm very fond of all the names you've picked, and I think we should leave the pronounciation up to interpretation, to illustrate the point that everything in life is relative. Yes, THAT will confuse them # manic laughing # Yeah, I heard from someone else about the ending of the FB manga, and I was really irritated by the sound of it. It just seemed like Takaya wanted to wrap everything up really fast, after spending ages developing this really intricate, complex plot, by putting all her characters in happy, healthy, heterosexual pairings (I have nothing against heterosexuals, by the way, I just thought that with all the underlying gay tension there would be at least ONE queer couple in there somewhere towards the end...or at least there should have been.) and then made them all skip off into the sunset. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!? It just sounded so...lame. Especially the Ayame thing, considering I thought him to be flamboyant homosexual. Oh well, that's the beauty of fanfiction, aye? You can control the characters and change any of the yucky things you don't like. Which is why in this story Ayame is going to be out and proud (when he eventually gets introduced). Some advice: don't really on your mind too much. It has a habit of being rather unhelpful. My mind resents that last statement and is going to stop functioning soon as a result, so I have to wrap up this loooonnng response. You are awesome (of course) and I hope to hear from you soon! o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O o. O times one billion! XD

**Allicat6:** Teehee, it's all good, I can appreciate people who have lives outside of fanfiction...unlike SOMEONE I know # sniffles and hides in a dark corner # I certainly was in an agnsty mood when I wrote the last chapter, I'm very glad you liked it though! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter!

**Minerva276:** I'm in your life…spendin' all your money! # evil chuckle # Feel free to invade my review section anytime. I love you!!!!


	11. Defining Perfection

**Desiderata**

By fallen-angel-b

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** I just realised, depressingly, that fanfiction decided not to allow my link to the Carbon Leaf song to appear on the website. Grr…how irritating! No matter, though, I'm sure it isn't terribly difficult to find if you are at all bothered looking it up # grins #

I would also like to apologise again for the wanky layout of last chapter. I assure you it's not my fault. Blame technology. I hope it wasn't too difficult to read and I really am sorry if it was annoying.

Please note that this chapter contains several more original characters. I know not many people like this, but I thought to myself, 'Bugger it, this is my story and I'm going to do it anyway!'. I kind of couldn't write this story without them anyway, as they become far more significant in later chapters. But just letting you know in case you simply can't stand original characters of any kind and would rather not read this chapter.

Warning that this chapter contains sexy bits (blush/giggle/blush). If you are uncomfortable or don't like reading that sort of thing than I suggest skipping the latter part of this chapter. If, however, you_are_ into that sort of thing, than please enjoy!

Chapter dedicated to Watermeluhn, whose review helped me to come up with a theme for this story and inspired me to write this chapter faster!

* * *

Chapter Ten – Defining Perfection

Haru couldn't help but feel mildly surprised when he found Yuki waiting for him after school by his locker after school the day after they parted at the sports field. He knew, as this was the only day of the week in which Yuki had a free afternoon, they had already made vague plans to spend time together, but considering what had happened the last time they met, he hadn't been entirely sure of what to expect when the final bell rang for the day…

"_Stay over tomorrow night?"_

Haru cringed inwardly a little every time he thought about it what he had said during the heat of the moment when they had taken shelter under the bleachers from the torrential storm. It wasn't that he didn't want Yuki spending the night with him – quite the opposite, in fact – but he was irritated with himself for asking something of the other Sohma that was so obviously out of the question. There was no chance of Yuki ever spending a full night at Sohma House. The place held too many disturbing memories for him…and right under Akito's nose, too. Although Yuki had agreed at the time, he'd remained oddly quiet during the walk home after the storm had died down, and Haru couldn't help worrying that perhaps Yuki felt pressured into doing something he wasn't ready to handle.

Despite the impressions he'd left on Haru, however, Yuki was still waiting for him, as diligently as ever. Haru didn't even dare to consider this meant Yuki was keen on the overnight plan after all. Rather, he supposed, they would spend an afternoon together as per usual. Although it wasn't everything he wanted, just being with Yuki was always enough in itself.

"I didn't think I'd see you today," Haru admitted as he reached his locker and began changing his shoes.

To his amusement, Yuki actually looked stunned by this confession.

"Of course not," the older Sohma rolled his eyes, "like I'd have anywhere else to be. I'm sorry to tell you but you're stuck with me this afternoon and probably for the rest of your life too."

Haru laughed. "Sounds good," he said teasingly, "but did it ever occur to you that _I_might have plans?"

Yuki rose a single, slender eyebrow at him in response, arms folded casually across his chest as he leaned on the adjoining lockers.

"Are these the kinds of plans I would want to know about?" Yuki said, and Haru smirked when he heard his boyfriend sounded a little annoyed.

"Probably, seeing as you're included in them. Kagura rang me last night. She had some of her friends from college are meeting for coffee this afternoon. I thought I'd go. I haven't seen her since the carnival."

Straightening up from tying his shoes and stretching, Haru grinned at the confused expression that graced Yuki's lovely features.

"Uh-huh," Yuki replied slowly, keeping his arms folded squarely across his chest, "and _how_ am I included in those plans, exactly?"

"Well, you're invited too, of course," Haru stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world (and to him, it was), "that is, if you'd like to come with me."

"I would," Yuki smiled back at him, "just as long as you're sure I'm not turning into your perpetual, unwanted tag-along."

"No way. You should always feel welcome wherever I go."

The smile on Yuki's face broadened visibly, and instinctively Haru took a step closer to him, only to step backwards again suddenly when one of Yuki's classmates passed them in the corridor, startling them both by calling out in greeting as he went. The unconscious action did not go unnoticed by either of them, and for once Haru had to look away as Yuki blushed. He jammed his hands protectively in his pockets and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Do you want to get going, then?" Haru said once the intruder's footsteps could no longer be heard.

Yuki nodded, still smiling, although much more reserved than before. He wasn't sure what irritated him the most, himself or Yuki, but he ignored it for the time being. Adjusting the strap of his schoolbag over his shoulder, Haru fell into step beside his boyfriend, and was content to relax into an easy conversation as they ventured into the outside world.

Since the storm the day before, the weather had been temperamental, beginning with dismal grey clouds and a depressing, drizzly rain in the early morning and ending up with almost clear blue skies in the late afternoon. A cold, biting breeze lingered in the frosty, late-autumn air, a constant reminder of the onslaught of winter and the bad weather that was soon to come. Although the city would remain dry well into the evening, none doubted that it wouldn't stay that way for long. It was only a matter of time before easterly winds brought the storms upon them again.

Yuki shivered as the wind went through his school uniform, walking closer to Haru than was necessary to ward off the cold. He wished he could take Haru's hand, but the streets were crowded with shoppers and school students making their way home, and he knew it would be impossible for him. It was hard enough to avoid accidentally crashing into a member of the opposite sex without losing Haru in the process. The last thing he needed was to find another way to possibly make a spectacle of them both. Just imagining all the scrutinizing, disapproving gazes fixed on him made him sick.

It was with relief that they finally left the streets and entered the warmth and security of the small café. The scent of ground coffee beans and freshly baked cakes overwhelmed them the moment they stepped through the door, powerful enough to make any person's mouth water. But it was the atmosphere that proved most alluring. The walls and furniture were all in rich shades of reds and browns, with customers relaxing together around intimate coffee tables on the cushy, pinstriped couches, talking in politely soft tones over gentle background music. Yuki smiled to himself as he took it all in. He didn't normally come to places like this, finding them to be far too 'western' for his more traditional taste, but he had to admit there was something comfortable and serene about it that made him surrender to the fact that Kagura certainly knew of good locations in the area.

It didn't take him long to spy the older, female Sohma, sitting towards the back of the café on a particularly worn-looking couch, surrounded by people Yuki didn't recognise. Even from a distance, she looked especially pretty that afternoon, in tight-fitting denim jeans and a bright orange turtleneck jumper. Her long brown hair fell neatly to her shoulders, and there was a definite rosy colour to her cheeks. When she caught sight of the new arrivals from across the room, she gave them a wide smile that reached the large grey orbs of her eyes.

"Well good afternoon, Hatsuharu Sohma," the young woman said teasingly as she embraced him, kissing his cheek, "you, my friend, are late."

"Give us a break, we had to walk all the way from school, you know it's impossible for to use the subway when it's so packed," Haru replied in a low voice, "turned out the streets are almost as bad. It gets so crowded at this time of day…"

"You need to hurry up and get your driver's license, kid," Kagura teased, "I don't think transforming into a cow on the middle of the train is really a good look."

"Neither is transforming into a boar in the middle of gym class," Haru reminded her snidely of an incident that had occurred during her high school days.

Kagura merely smirked and whacked him on the arm. "You shut up," she said simply.

Yuki watched this small exchange and contemplated, curiously, how he had missed witnessing Haru and Kagura develop into such good friends. When she'd trained in martial arts with them as children, Kagura had always been next to indifferent to both Haru and himself, only having eyes for Kyo. Since the only initial contact they'd had with each other had been at the dojo, Yuki supposed their friendship must have developed after he left the main house, and, in conjunction, martial arts. Haru never seemed to have much patience for Kagura when they were younger, tolerating her at best, but when Yuki thought about it more, he supposed now they were older there was a lot the two of them had in common – for a long time up to and including, he considered not without a lump of guilt forming in his throat, a shared sentiment of unrequited love. Perhaps it was this, more than anything, which had brought them so closely together. He wondered how Kagura would react when inevitably she discovered that Haru's love was not so unrequited after all…

"Glad you could make it, Yuki. Haru told me you might be coming," Kagura beamed, greeting him with a hug and kiss on the cheek as well.

"Sorry to be such an imposition," Yuki returned the gesture a little more awkwardly than his boyfriend had. Despite having known her nearly all his life, Yuki had never felt particularly close to Kagura. He had bonded with her once some years ago, on that fatal night during Kazuma's last visit when Kyo and Tohru ventured into the woods while the two of them remained behind. Although it felt like an eternity had passed since then, it was a moment Yuki was sure neither of them would ever forget, and something that linked them together in a silent understanding of one another.

"Don't be stupid," Kagura shook her head dismissively in a way that made Yuki think of Haru, "now come over here and let me introduce you to everyone."

For the first time, Yuki properly noticed the five others sitting around Kagura's table, who Haru was proceeding to greet like a group of old friends. They seemed quite older than him, making him feel small in his school uniform: a huge bear of a man who had to be at least six foot tall and twice as wide took up almost one whole couch on his own, with deep-set features, curly brown hair and a wide, mischievous grin; another young man sat next to him, strikingly short in contrast, although next to anyone else he would have appeared close to average height, with spiky black hair and the friendliest face Yuki had ever seen; a sombre youth with a neatly cropped pudding-bowl haircut, a pasty face and a smart attire, whose shy smile failed to reach his serious dark eyes; and a giggly, cheerful looking girl with long, wavy black hair and highly expressive facial features.

The one who stood out the most, however, was the young woman who sat sedately by herself to one side. She was dressed differently from the rest of her peers, who – all but one – presented themselves fairly casually. Her baggy black jeans were ripped deliberately at the knees, held securely to her slender waist by a spiky black belt. Her tight-fitting black shirt was ripped in places all the way down the long sleeves and gaped slightly at the front where a gothic cross hung off a silver chain. Her short black hair was cut at odd, uneven angles, yet it framed her face remarkably well. Beneath the bangs that nearly masked her entirely from view, was the most beautiful face Yuki thought he'd ever laid eyes on. It was a face with character…expression…depth, enigmatic but also perfect and picturesque at the same time. Stunning blue eyes stared out at him, accentuated by heavy eyeliner and the chalk white powder on her face. She was the only one who didn't smile, resting a biker's boot very similar to the ones Haru owned on the edge of the table, arms protectively crossed over her stomach.

Kagura introduced each of her companions respectively, "Kenta Nagano, Atsuo Yamada, Masato Shimane, Megumi Akasaka…and Shiho Hinnatoki."

Yuki smiled and inclined his head politely towards each person in turn. Kenta and Atsuo beamed back at him while Megumi waved enthusiastically. Masato and Shiho each nodded once in response, their expressions serious. Hatsuharu, meanwhile, had dropped casually into a chair and was gesturing for Yuki to join him. Yuki obliged, awkwardly climbing over Kenta's beefy legs, much to the amusement of his new acquaintances. While he blushed and fidgeted into his seat, Kagura took her place on the adjacent couch beside Shiho. It was then that Yuki noticed the definite division between male and female in the seating arrangement. Apart from Megumi, who had Atsuo's arm around her shoulders, male and female sat at opposite sides of the coffee table, most likely the unconscious effort of the Sohmas.

"Yuki, we've heard a lot about you," Atsuo began with a warm smile, "what's the relation between you and Kagura?"

"No real relation," Yuki replied, finding it easy to converse with the well-natured young man. There was something special about Atsuo, he noticed even then. It was as if a kind of positive energy seemed to constantly radiate from him in waves. Yuki could literally sense it in the room.

"Ah, so same as Haru," Megumi continued with an infective exuberance to her tone, "interesting. Not so many distant relatives are so close."

"Well, we're pretty special," Haru replied, casting Yuki a sidelong glance that caused him to grin.

"You could say that again," Kagura added, "hey Yuki, Haru told me you're interested in being an artist now."

"Really?" said Yuki, turning to Haru with a quizzical expression on his face. He was surprised Haru would think this kind of thing was worth mentioning. He felt his boyfriend studying the contours of his face, trying to work out if he'd accidentally said the wrong thing or not. He cast him a sincere yet fleeting smile to assure him that everything was all right.

"Not only that, but he says you're quite good at what you do too," Kagura went on.

"N-Not really," Yuki stammered, feeling his cheeks reddening. He was more than receiving a lot of attention, but he couldn't quite get used to the idea of other people praising him over his newfound hobby when it was something so personal to him.

"He's very good," Haru continued, not without a hint of pride in his tone. Yuki felt himself blush deeper.

"Megumi's an artist too," Kenta put in, the broad grin never once leaving his face. His voice was startlingly deep.

Megumi smiled graciously back at her friend, "I dabble with a bit of drawing every now and then, but none of them are any good. All the little people look like they've got legs for arms and arms for legs so the end result doesn't actually end up making much sense."

"There you go – her pictures don't make much sense. Spoken like a true artist," Atsuo said in jest.

"You know, just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist," Megumi replied, "isn't that right, Yuki?"

"I'm not sure whether I agree or not, but I have to admit that's a nice turn of phrase," Yuki said lightly.

"Oh, I'm full of them; you haven't heard the best of me yet."

"Megumi would like to think she's a bit of an intellectual," Atsuo half-whispered jokingly to Yuki, receiving a slap on the back of the head from his girlfriend as a response.

"I'm a third-year university student majoring in psychology, what else would I be?" said Megumi in a mock-serious tone, causing everyone to laugh.

"Of course the _real_intellectuals are Masato, Shiho and Haru," Kenta put in.

"What do you mean _real_intellectuals?" Megumi sulked, only to be slapped on the back of the head by Atsuo.

"Everyone knows Masato's brains have almost grown too big for that thick skull of his," Atsuo said in jest, "and have you seen him practicing his kata? It's pretty unbelievable."

"I don't know when that became a deciding factor in what makes an intellectual, but thank you all the same," Masato replied evenly. His tone was very serious, almost completely empty of all emotion. At the same time, Yuki couldn't say that there was anything boring or monotonous about the way he spoke.

"You study martial arts?" Yuki queried, turning to the stone-faced young man with interest.

Masato nodded, "Mostly karate and jujitsu, but I have studied various other forms throughout my lifetime."

"And all that spiritual mediation and study," Kenta put in, "that's got to count for something on the intellectual scale."

"Masato once took on intensive training and study with Buddhist monks. He even took a vow of silence that lasted a whole year, or so I've heard, but this was a while before I met him," Haru explained quietly to Yuki, who was somewhat reminded of Kyo in his serious approach to martial arts.

"Alright, I'll pay that," Megumi held up her hands in defeat, "but what about Shiho? How is she more intellectual than me?"

The girl Shiho rose a single, shapely black eyebrow at her accuser. It was then that Yuki noticed, for the first time, the way that Kagura seemed to look at her.

"I have mixed feelings about being an intellectual," she said as she reached for her cup of coffee. Her voice was a serious as Masato's had been, but it was difficult to tell whether or not she was joking. She offered a half-smile that made her face all the more beautiful. Yuki considered that she would be a very interesting subject to draw.

"Up all night cooped up in her room," said Atsuo, "of course she's an intellectual."

"Yes, we intellectuals must keep anti-social hours," Shiho continued in much the same way, "It does us good."

She leant back in her seat, this time with Kagura's arm casually resting on the back behind her. Neither of them complained or moved. Yuki studied his old acquaintance carefully. This was a side of her he had never seen before. Everything from her behaviour to the way she looked was different to what he saw of her when she was with Kyo and the others.

"Shiho, Shiho, Shiho," Megumi laughed and shook her head, "what are we going to do with you?"

"Sometimes I myself don't know what to do about being an intellectual," said Shiho, "it's difficult. Do you agree, Hatsuharu?"

Haru laughed, "If Megumi's not an intellectual than I certainly am not one."

"Oh come off it," Megumi pulled a face at him, "you're the one person whose name was mentioned that I wasn't going to argue."

"Haru's read more in his lifetime than most of us put together," Kagura added, "and he's mature for a high school student…most adults, too."

"That doesn't really define anything," argued Haru, and Yuki could tell the compliments were making him a little edgy. He was glad Haru was getting attention well deserved.

"Don't be modest;" said Megumi, "we all know you're one of a kind."

"My one and only," Yuki added quietly so that only Haru could hear. He felt a surge of pride wash through him; similar to the way he supposed Haru must have felt when he was complimented on his drawing…proud to be Haru's boyfriend.

"You all should know by now that compliments are wasted on me," Haru chastised.

Kenta cast him a snide smirk, "So why are you beaming like an idiot?"

"Enough out of you," Haru muttered as his companions chuckled, turning instead to Yuki, "Yuki, you want a coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee," Yuki replied, "but tea, perhaps."

Haru smiled and got to his feet, "Okay, back in a second."

Sensing his boyfriend was now at ease in the group, Haru set off to buy drinks at the counter, narrowly avoiding Kenta's now deliberately extended legs as he went.

"It's amazing how little things can make such a big difference," Atsuo mused as they watched Haru approach the counter from afar.

"What do you mean?" asked Yuki.

"I know what you mean, love," Megumi answered her boyfriend than turned to Yuki with a smile, "Haru's different today…more, I don't know, _alive_than usual. Probably because you're here. Atsuo wasn't lying when he mentioned that we've heard a lot about you. Haru talks about you a lot, you know."

"Still not over you, believe it or not," Kagura rolled her eyes, "I keep telling him it's time to move on."

"It's a little more complicated than that, Kagura," Atsuo said softly, sparing an awkward glance at Yuki.

Kagura only shrugged, "If I can do it than so can he."

For the first time since the conversation had begun, Yuki couldn't help feeling a little uncomfortable. He wished he were able to tell Kagura that Haru _needn't_'move on' at all. Even if this wasn't true, it wasn't the sort of talk he felt he needed to hear. He didn't blame Kagura for touching on a difficult subject – she had never really been known for her tact.

"Maybe we should change the subject," Atsuo suggested, seeming to sense Yuki's discomfort.

When Atuso glanced at him Yuki decided he would take the opportunity to ask the question that had been on his mind from the moment he'd sat down.

"So, apart from Kagura, how long have you all known Haru?"

"Three years," Masato was the first to bring the answer to mind.

"It feels like longer than that, though," said Megumi, "a _lot_longer."

"Kagura introduced Haru to us towards the beginning of college, when we all first met," Kenta informed him, "except for Shiho; she only came along at the beginning of this year."

"The resident newbie," Kagura teased, causing Shiho to glare at her. Shiho ice blue eyes made for the most intimidating of death stares. Kagura, however, appeared unthreatened, and poked the smaller girl in the stomach, resulting in her loud process and an immediate play-fight.

"Not anymore now the famous Yuki has graced us with his presence," Masato pointed out, giving Yuki another one of his shy smiles.

"Yes, Yuki, we owe you for saving us from impending boredom," said Atsuo.

"It's been so long since I had someone knew to pick on," agreed Kenta, "although Shiho will always be good for a laugh."

"Hey!" Shiho exclaimed as Kagura continued to attack her, with Megumi now stepping around the coffee table to assist.

Yuki laughed as he watched the raucous play out, feeling himself at ease. Haru returned with their drinks, reaching out to lightly and affectionately touch his arm just as he sat down again. He knew his boyfriend was glad he was having a good time, and gave him more to smile about when he commented on the surprisingly good taste of the tea.

Already, he was fond of the small, obviously very close group of friends he'd become acquainted with. Unlike with most of the people he'd only known a short time; he felt he could relax with Haru's friends. He could tell they were an open-minded group, accepting and respectful of one another despite their differences. There was no pretension anywhere amongst them, leaving the dynamics refreshingly genuine.

He was particularly intrigued by the way Kagura acted in this setting compared to the way she had acted at the carnival earlier in the year. He realised that neither personality was fake…they were both just different faces of Kagura. He had felt that way himself, divided by the various personalities her had to undertake each day. Watching Kagura so at ease within both sides of herself made him wonder if perhaps Haru and Miskaelah had been right all along – that all the aspects of his personality were a part of him. Surely, they were, but…

…if only he could make them _feel_like him.

As conversation progressed, Yuki came to learn more about the group of friends surrounding him. Atsuo and Megumi were, in fact, engaged and living together in an apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo while they finalised their studies, with plans to move to the far less populated and much more scenic area of Izu where they would run their own business and start a family, beginning this time next year. Masato was studying philosophy, planning on joining the Buddhist monastery permanently once his education had been completed. Shiho was only half-Japanese and an aspiring journalist, with wit to match a sharp tongue (when she rarely chose to speak), and for some reason was the butt of nearly all jokes. Kagura was often the first to attack and defend her, and Yuki soon learnt that everyone pretended not to notice the way the two women looked at each other. Haru acted as a sort of pacifist between arguments, and despite consistent playful teasing about his age, was by far the match of all six others in maturity and intelligence. Kenta was training to be a massage therapist. He also practiced martial arts in his spare time – and had recently been dumped by his girlfriend.

"Don't let it bother you, Kenta," Megumi tried to reconcile him when he unexpectedly put his head in his large, leathery hands and moaned at the mention of the ex-girlfriend's name, "You'll find someone much better."

"There_is _no one better," Kenta replied, his voice muffled by his enormous hands, "she was perfect."

"Nobody's perfect, Kenta," Haru reasoned, resting his shoes up on the coffee table beside his now empty cup.

"She has really beautiful eyes…" Atsuo mused aloud, but caught himself when both Kenta and Megumi glared at him and added hastily, "but aside from that she's an ugly whore. Haru's right, no one is perfect."

"She was perfect to me," Kenta lamented, hiding his face away again. Atsuo patted him gently on the back while Megumi and Kagura watched on in sympathy. Masato remained as detached as ever. Yuki accidentally met eyes with him but turned away swiftly, a feeling of awkwardness returning to him. Silence fell upon the group for the first time since they had all sat down…

"How so?" Shiho suddenly intervened.

All eyes turned to her, none having expected her response. Even Kenta lifted his head to stare at her blankly. Shiho remained undeterred, watching Kenta as though expecting an answer. When none came, she sighed impatiently.

"How is she perfect to you?" she asked, sounding genuinely interested, "I'm not trying to undermine you, I'm just curious to know…what sorts of things define perfection."

More silence followed this. Yuki wondered if Shiho always asked such difficult questions.

"Perfection is love," Kenta eventually answered, "Haru _is_right. No one person is perfect and it would be wrong to ever expect them to be. But being in love…that is truly perfect."

"Why?" Shiho prompted, confirming Yuki's earlier suspicions. She _did_ask hard questions.

"Because love makes you feel complete," said Kenta, "and things that are perfect are always complete."

Shiho pursed her lips, forehead creased as she thought to herself carefully.

"I don't know…if I necessarily agree," Shiho paused so as to get her mind around her words, "you're still in love with her, aren't you? And right now, you are not together. So you are in love, yet you do not feel complete? I think there's got to be something more to it."

Yuki turned back to Kenta. The young man did not appear enraged or irritated by such criticism. Rather, he gazed pensively into space as he contemplated her words.

"There's many different ways of defining perfection," Haru pointed out, "perfection is only what each individual perceives it to be. To some, the most irrational thing or person might be perfect. There doesn't have to be a logical reason behind it. Since when are emotions reasonable anyway?"

"Good point, as always," Kagura murmured, not without a hint of cynicism to her tone as she glanced at the girl sitting beside her.

Shiho still seemed unconvinced, "I just don't think…there really is such thing as true perfection."

"Maybe not," Haru argued, "but what has truth got to do with the way most people perceive the world?"

When no one could answer him, Masato spoke into the silence.

"Buddhist philosophy teaches that perfection can be achieved after longs years of study and meditation, in the form of nirvana. In order to truly appreciate nirvana, one must first understand what it means to suffer. So not only is perfection considered a state of eternal bliss and happiness, it is, ironically, the product of misery and hard work. All Buddhist followers aim to reach nirvana. I may not have yet experienced this total perfection, but to me, being with the people I care most about, like here and now, is perfect enough in itself."

"Well shucks," Atsuo beamed at Masato as everyone laughed.

"I once met a woman who told me that humanity's perfection is defined through its flaws," said Yuki, Masato's thoughts on spiritual awakenings taking him back to a candlelit tent what seemed like an eternity ago.

"So someone doesn't have to be perfect to be seen as perfect in the eyes of another," said Megumi, "I like that. It's kind of like what Haru was saying. It also explains how I manage to put up with you!"

At this, she whacked Atsuo on his thigh, and he yelped so loudly nearly the whole café turned to look at him.

"I think I agree with everyone to some extent," Atsuo said once all the laughter had ceased, "but to me, Megumi will always be the most perfect thing in the world."

As the couple exchanged a tender kiss, Kenta, who had cheered up significantly once the conversation and steered away from his ex-girlfriend, now looked the most miserable Yuki had yet seen him. Although he felt terrible for what the older man was going through, he found it hard to sympathise. He knew exactly how Atsuo felt when he looked at Megumi. It was the same way he felt whenever he looked at the person sitting directly beside him.

"Even when she does abuse me!" Atsuo added as they broke apart, earning himself another slap on the back of the head from his beloved.

* * *

"So what did you think of this afternoon?" Haru asked as he and Yuki walked home in the early evening,

Yuki smiled to himself in contentment. The suburban streets were almost abandoned at this time of day, younger children having already been called inside by their parents for dinner. In the absence of pedestrians, Yuki even felt happy and comfortable enough to take Haru's hand, a gesture which had given the other Sohma obvious pleasure. The weather remained the same as it had been in the afternoon, clouds kept well at bay, and the prospect of a beautiful autumn sunset just on the horizon. Yuki let the cold wind wash over him, allowing himself to relish in the moment. It felt like a long time since he had been so relaxed.

"You never told me you had friends outside of school and the family," he remarked.

"I don't know why that is, we're all pretty close. Well, Masato and Shiho tend to keep to themselves a lot more, but on the whole it's like one big happy family," Haru cast him a wary glance, "you sure you didn't mind coming along?"

"No, I had a good time," Yuki said quickly, "I didn't know you and Kagura were that close either. I saw a side of her today I don't remember ever seeing before."

"Kagura and I started being friends not long after you left the main house," Haru explained as Yuki had suspected, "We used to go halves on packs of cigarettes…talk about you and Kyo…"

Haru smiled when Yuki scowled in disapproval, "It's like I keep saying…people are a thousand shades of grey."

Yuki fell into a reverie as he walked, thinking back to what Kagura had said earlier about having moved on…to the way in which she had looked at Shiho.

"She really is well and truly over Kyo now, isn't she?" it was a statement rather than a question, but came out sounding like one nonetheless.

"I was wondering how long it would take for somebody from the family to notice, actually. It has been two years now since she stopped being so besotted with him."

"She_acts_ like she still loves him," Yuki frowned, contrasting his more up-to-date images of Kagura with those of her at the carnival.

"I think some part of her always will love him," Haru said thoughtfully, "but at the same time I think she knows it isn't meant to be."

Remembering what Kagura had said to him when they were alone together in Shigure's house scarcely two years ago, after Kyo had changed into his true form and taken off into the night, Yuki finally understood.

"Do she and Miss Hinnatoki always look at each other like that?" Yuki asked more quietly, sensing this was something he needed to proceed to with trepidation.

Haru sighed, eyes fixed dead ahead of him, "All day, and every day."

Yuki only nodded. Somehow he knew this was a topic he wasn't supposed to pursue.

"Well, I like your friends very much," he continued on a lighter note.

Haru turned to him and grinned, "They are great, aren't they? I think you could make a sitcom based entirely around that whole group dynamic."

"It would be highly successful," Yuki laughingly agreed, "you could set most of it in the café. We'll call it, 'The Coffee Club'…."

They continued on, discussing in-depth what the sitcom would be like and which archetypal everyone would play. Some time passed before Haru suddenly stopped walking, letting go of Yuki's hand.

"What?" Yuki questioned, perplexed.

"We missed the turn off for your place ages ago," he declared, "damn…my sense of direction screws things up again. Why didn't you tell me?"

Yuki blinked at him, bewildered.

"I didn't think I _was_going home."

Haru stared back, just as equally bemused, "Where else would you go?"

"To your place," Yuki stated, his tone solemn, "or would you rather I didn't now?"

Despite this clarification, Haru still felt confused. Was he to take this to mean Yuki _was _planning on spending the night with him after all? _Yes,_he realised with a mixture of shock, concern, and even some excitement, _he's serious…_

"Yuki, you do recall I live at the main house, don't you? The same main house Akito lives in?"

Yuki merely rolled his eyes, "Yes, I am aware of that after over nine years of friendship, what do you think? Now do you want me to stay over, or not? You seemed keen on the idea yesterday."

"I was…caught up in the moment," Haru mumbled embarrassedly when Yuki laughed at his reaction, "Yuki, this is serious. Of course I want you to stay over, it's hard to think of anything I'd like more tonight. But in reality it's too dangerous."

All amusement instantly left Yuki's tone as he reached out and took the other Sohma's hand again.

"I'm willing to take that chance."

Large, bright eyes filled with love and adoration gazed into his, melting his resolve to keep them both out of trouble. Haru wasn't used to having to be the careful one. That was Yuki's job, while he was more accustomed to reckless kinds of behaviour. More than anything else, he yearned to just take Yuki up on his offer, whisk him straight up to his bedroom and – _fuck rationality_! Why did everything always have to be so complicated?

"I don't know if you're really thinking this through. It's not going to work," Haru replied, treading over each word carefully, "Anyway, there are other options. I could…stay over at your's…"

He wasn't sure how he expected Yuki to react, but he was sure he didn't expect him to frown the way he did.

"Well that would be a waste, seeing as Shigure went to all the trouble of getting Akito out of the main house for a couple of nights," Yuki continued in a pensive tone that reeked of suspicion.

Haru couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"He what?"

Yuki smiled serenely, "Shigure is taking Akito down to the family baths for a short stay. He's convinced him that it will greatly benefit his health. Oh, and he's even managed to talk Ayame into going too, which is excellent news for me. It's like killing two annoying birds with one stone…now if only he could somehow convince that stupid cat to go with them…"

As he listened to his boyfriend go on, Haru's mind was racing. He didn't think he could believe a word of it, but he wanted to so badly. It was far too good to be true.

"Yuki, how? I mean…what did you do? Did you tell Shigure about…?"

"All I had to do was mention that I wanted to spend the night at your house, and Shigure immediately said that it was a 'funny coincidence' because he was planning on taking Akito away at the same time," Yuki could no longer hide his own exuberance, "It's like you said, Shigure is far more observant than he looks."

Haru laughed to himself, still shaking his head it disbelief, "You're amazing. Do you realise that?"

"I'll pass that on to Shigure when he gets back."

Haru could only grin, marvelling at how the person he knew best could manage to surprise him more than anyone else. The thought made him want and love Yuki more.

"Come on, then," he leaned in to whisper seductively in his would-be lover's ear, "Let's make the most of this night."

* * *

No matter how he might have prepared himself for it, Yuki was positive he could never prepare himself enough for walking into Sohma House after two whole years of avoiding it at whatever means possible.

As far as he could tell, nothing had changed during his absence. In fact, everything was much the same as it had been during his childhood. Gardens ridiculously neat…ponds filled with fresh, clear water and healthy fish…no tiles missing from the roofs of all the little houses that lined the little streets within the huge Sohma front gates…everything polished, trimmed and scrubbed to a shiny, presentable finish. It was perfect. It was eerie. It was filled with dark memories. It was not his home.

But it was Haru's home.

They used one of the side entrances rather than the main gate, both agreeing that even in the present circumstance it was best to exercise caution. Haru led the way casually and confidently, passing streets, secret passageways and gardens they had both played in as boys which Yuki would have stopped to get a better look at if left to his own devices. They moved quickly, not wanting to be seen in plain sight or draw any unwanted attention upon themselves. It seemed to take no time at all before they reached Haru's house, a small, sturdy building indistinguishable from all the others that surrounded it. Yuki wouldn't have been able to tell which one it was if he hadn't come knocking on that same front door more times than he could count in years gone past.

Haru rummaged through his bag for the house key while Yuki waited beside him on the porch, anxiously glancing over his shoulder more often than he meant to. He wished that in reality he was as brave as he had sounded when he told Haru he was 'willing to take a chance', but Sohma House made him edgy. Standing so close to the large tree in Haru's street made it feel like he had been sitting under it just yesterday rather than six years ago. A boy of twelve…bruised…sobbing…defeated…

Using memory-suppressing skills he had been working on almost all his life, Yuki hurriedly shook these images from his mind. He knew he would feel much better once he stepped inside Haru's house. He tried to focus instead on much happier recollections of being inside that house. The cramped, cosiness of all the cluttered furniture…the smell of Haru's mother's cooking…

"Damn lock…" Haru muttered as he jammed his key into the door and jingled it around before it swung back on its hinges with a loud creek, "finally!"

He stepped back to allow Yuki through first, following close behind and locking them back in securely. Nobody who lived at Sohma House ever left their doors unlocked at any time. Generations of experience left everyone in a mutual acceptance of the fact that it was simply safer that way, even with Akito gone. One could never guess when Akito might come back knocking at the door, wanting to punish them for crimes never committed…

Once inside, Yuki instantly felt all his muscles relax. Haru's house, too, was just as he remembered it, with the scent and taste of freshly made rice, prawns and soba noodles thick in the air. The sound of a woman humming to herself and fussing about with pots and pans could be heard all through the house, carrying down the cluttered, narrow corridor to the front door. Yuki followed the smell automatically, passing the small staircase and the door to Haru's mother's bedroom, and clambering over old books, boxes and Haru's bicycle as he went.

Pushing past the navy blue and white curtain, which hung in the doorway at the end of the hall, Yuki stepped into a messy kitchen and dining room space. Almost every available kitchen counter top was covered completely. A pot bubbled on a stove still stained with last night's meal while the rice cooker issued a continuos strand of steam. Dirty dishes were piling up beside an equally dirty sink while a mop rested idly in the far corner of the room. Every window was hidden from view by curtains firmly pulled shut to the extent of allowing no gaps to be seen, so that only artificial light could ever brighten the room. The back door leading onto the next street was locked just as securely as the front. Yuki knew exactly what he would see even if he could look outside: no garden, but rows of other houses on both sides of the street, all with their curtains closed and their doors locked just as firmly. It was all very well to be cosy, but the confinement made him a little queasy. He remembered all too well what it was like to live like this.

"Haru, is that you?" Yoriko Sohma called over her shoulder when she heard someone approaching. She turned around from the stove in one fluid motion so that her waist-long black plait of hair fell over one shoulder, warm dark eyes wide and her mouth gaping in shock once she saw who it was that filled her door.

"Yuki Sohma!?"

"Hello, Yoriko-San," Yuki said, offering a short, polite bow.

He was still trying to figure out what to say next after having not seen her for four years when suddenly she was upon him, wrapping him in a tight embrace. He only had seconds to comprehend what was happening to him before he experienced the familiar tingling sensation throughout his body that always occurred before he changed…

"Oh goodness! I'm so sorry, Yuki, I'm such an idiot," Yoro fretted, her pale cheeks turning a dark shade of red, "I was just so excited to see you and I completely forgot."

"It's alright, Yoriko-San," Yuki said calmly, fighting to keep himself from blushing as well, "there are worst things that could happen."

He decided then that there was nothing quite as humiliating as being transformed into a rat in his boyfriend's mother's kitchen.

"Just make sure you don't end up accidentally squashing him," Haru joked as he emerged from behind the door curtain, having watched the whole incident play out.

"Shut up Haru!" both Yoro and Yuki exclaimed in unison, causing Haru to snigger.

"Why don't you do something useful and take Yuki and his clothes into my bedroom? He can wait there until he changes back," Yoro cast her only child a scathing look, "in the meantime, you can help me get dinner ready and do something about all this miss. Hurry up now, we have company!"

"Yes M'am," said Haru, still laughing as he scooped Yuki up and laid his clothes over his arm.

"Very mature, Mr Intellectual," Yuki said sarcastically as Haru laid him carefully on Yoro's double bed, placing his clothes at his side.

"You have to admit that was pretty amusing," Haru reasoned, "the joys of being cursed, huh?"

Yuki groaned, glad that at least in zodiac form Haru couldn't tell he was fighting to keep a grin at bay. It was always so hard to stay irritated at Haru for too long.

"Just get out so I can transform and get changed in peace."

"I don't know…maybe I'll stick around until you change back. It would save me all the bother of having to get you undressed later…"

"Haru! This is your mother's bedroom!"

"Just relax, I was only kidding," Haru replied, still managing to keep a straight face, "don't take too long though, okay? I don't want to face the Spanish Inquisition all by myself. You know she's going to have a million questions…"

"I can assure you I'm enjoying this a whole lot less than you are. I'll come out as soon as I can."

Haru nodded, smiling and closing the door on his way out.

As he waited in the darkened room, Yuki listened to the sounds of Haru and Yoro's family bickering, overcome with a sudden pleasant nostalgia. In truth, he held a great amount of respect for Yoriko Sohma. She was a strong woman, a relatively young single mother who had already suffered through the deaths of both her parents as well as her husband. She had married into the Sohma family without being aware of the curse, given birth to a child of the zodiac and raised him with all the love and affection she could give him even though she could never hold him. She was a remarkably open-minded person, accepting of most things, often joking that 'her son turns into a cow – nothing much can shock her anymore'. Trapped in Sohma House and in a dead end job, she worked diligently nonetheless so that both she and her son had an independent income from the Sohma family. Yuki remembered clearly a time when Haru was getting teased at school because of the peculiar colouring in his hair. When Yoro learnt what was happening, she went out and bought peroxide so she could bleach white streaks into her hair, just so her son wouldn't have to suffer alone. She'd kept the white streaks ever since, even when ignorant women at the drycleaner's where she worked scoffed behind her back.

Sometimes, during his childhood, Yuki had been jealous of Haru having a mother's unconditional love, as he had nothing of the sort to brighten his own miserable life at that age. But Yoro had made herself as much his mother as Haru's, adopting him as almost a second son before he had to leave the main house. For that, Yuki knew she would always hold a place in his heart.

Once he changed back, Yuki hastily pulled on his clothes and went to join the family in the kitchen once more. Straight away, he sensed that something had changed about the room. It took him a few long seconds to realise Yoro had opened all the curtains.

"Right on time, Yuki," Yoro said without looking up as she placed a serving of soba noodles on the plate Haru held out for her over the counter, "dinner is served."

"I was just telling Mum why you're here," Haru explained casually as her carried the plate back over to the table.

Yoro turned to him and smiled in a way similar to her son, hands on her hips and wooden spoon still in hand. There was a sticky substance splattered down the front of her pink plastic apron.

"So Akito's gone away…I haven't heard such good news in a long time. And I'm so glad you've taken the opportunity to come visit us!"

"I hope I'm not too much of an imposition, Yoriko-San," said Yuki, "I thought Haru would have told you I was coming."

"Please Yuki, how long have we known each other? Call me Yoro, everyone else does anyway," the woman said warmly, "of course you're never an imposition…although some warning _would_have been nice!"

"There was a bit of a misunderstanding. I didn't know he was coming either until this afternoon!" Haru said defensively when his mother glared daggers at him.

It was remarkable how quickly her scowl could transform into a grin.

"It's fine, none of that matters now. The important thing is that you're here! I only wish you didn't have to see the house in such a state. The mess usually isn't this bad, honestly. A certain someone has been neglecting his chores as of late."

"You mean yourself?" Haru smirked at her, "shame mother, shame."

Yoro sneered as she hurled a wet dishtowel at him.

"Well, sit down and have something to eat. I want to hear what you've been up to all this time. It's been what…four years since I saw you last? And that was at New Years, too, and only briefly. How are Shigure and Kyo, and that charming young girl everyone's been talking about? Is she still living with you? So strange that Akito…oh, but let's not talk about that. No, Yuki, don't sit over there. Give that seat to Haru and sit up here. You're our guest of honour tonight!"

After three courses, lots of animated discussion, and just as much time dedicated to cleaning up (in which Yoro and Haru kept trying to push Yuki out of the kitchen whenever he attempted to help), Yoro finally suggested they retire to bed, bidding goodnight to them both at her bedroom door before leaving them to climb the stairs to Haru's bedroom on the second level of the house.

Until he saw Haru's room, Yuki had thought Shigure's bedroom was the messiest he'd seen, but he was utterly blown away when he saw the chaos and disorder that lay beyond Haru's door. Granted, the room was small, but every bit of available space was taken up by strewn clothing, books, paper, CDs, shoes, and various anonymous objects. There was more clothing hanging out of the half-closed draws in the chest under the window, and even more still draped over the edge at the top of the bunk-bed. Because he had no need for it, Haru had had the lower bunk removed completely so that he could replace it with shelves, in order to store all the books he owned. The bunk bed, taking up most of the space in the room, was now more of a bed mounted on top of a very large, very packed bookshelf.

Yuki walked slowly into the room as Haru strode ahead, leaving the door to slam shut behind him while he kicked aside some of his possessions carelessly in order to get to the chest at the opposite end of the room. Yuki ran his hand across some of the books lightly and read the titles. Still more books were piled up on the actual bed, which, to Yuki's surprise, was impeccably made. He supposed it was mostly redundant due to all the stuff covering its surface, and the much more convenient futon sofa with a blanket and pillow on it pressed up against the opposite wall.

Despite having always hated untidiness and enclosed spaces, Yuki felt completely relaxed. Everything about his surroundings reminded him of his boyfriend, even in the way things smelt. As if he'd done it thousands of times before, Yuki climbed up the short ladder and sat comfortably on the bed, his back against the wall and his shoes kicked off onto the ground below so they wouldn't dirty the streets. He stared around at the posters hanging on the walls (mostly crooked) of motorbikes and music bands he'd never heard of, before picking up a nearby book and only half-interestedly reading the blurb.

"That's a good one," Haru said to him, barely looking up from emptying the contents of his pickets into the coin bowl on top of the chest.

"If I asked you, you'd say _all_these books are good," Yuki replied as he put the book aside, "Somehow, I doubt that can be true."

"You're right, that's not true," Haru said, "I have a 'hate' shelf on my bookcase where I keep all the novels I didn't like."

"Something in your room was actually organised?" Yuki feigned shock.

"It's just about the only thing that is," Haru grinned, nodding to the book that was still in Yuki's hands, "you should really consider borrowing that, you know. I think you'd like it."

"These days I don't think I'm going to have much time for reading," Yuki sighed, curtly reminded of the large work load that awaited him at school tomorrow.

A pensive look played about Haru's features, a tiny smile on his lips. He had opened the curtain to the only window in his room, directly under his desk. Behind him, the sun had almost completely set in a beautiful mesh of rich gold and reds. Yuki smiled to himself at the sight. If he were a better artist, and if he had means of freezing that moment in time, he would have loved to capture it on paper to remember it forever.

"You know, I'm going to have to culture you more if we are going to be seen together so much in public," Haru jested, "I'll assign you one book to read a week. How does that sound?"

Yuki narrowed his eyes, "Please Mr Motorbike-riding, mess-maker with multiple personalities, if anyone needs culturing, it's you."

"Ha! You know some might find that offensive."

"You know I'm joking, don't you?"

"Of course! No sane person could seriously call me uncultured.

Yuki laughed to himself. Despite how Haru looked and sometimes acted, he always managed to come off as 'cultured' all the same. He supposed it just came naturally to him.

"I find you perplexing, you know that?" Yuki couldn't help saying with a smile.

"Of course you do," Haru grinned back, "it's part of my charm."

Yuki sniggered. Taking a box of matches in hand, Haru lit the scented candle on his desk, closing the window so that the breeze outside wouldn't extinguish it, but leaving the curtains open.

"Smells like roses," Haru murmured more to himself than to his companion, gazing fixedly at the small flicker of light in the steadily growing darkness.

"How romantic," Yuki said dryly, though he truly meant it.

"Think so?" Haru said hopefully.

His grin broadened as Yuki nodded quietly, and he climbed up onto the bed so that they were sitting side-by-side.

"What're you doing?" Yuki asked him, not that he minded at all. Haru was sitting so close to him they were almost touching, and the smell of him mingled with the scent already coming from the candle was more than a little pleasing. Everything in the room suddenly seemed to get much hotter.

Haru turned his head and met his eyes, their faces so close their noses were almost touching. Without warning, he gently removed the book from Yuki's grasp and set it aside, leaning in mere inches further to capture his lips.

Tongues and lips burned like fire, sending a series of electric jolts through him, and Yuki knew this was exactly what he had been feeling he needed. Unconsciously his fingers tightened in Haru's hair and clenched the front of his shirt. He was quite convinced it was his own doing when he ended up lying down on the bed with books piled up around him, Haru on top of him and still exploring his mouth.

Yuki soon became lost to a wave of senses and sounds. The smell of the candle…Haru's lips and mouth…the way Haru's hands were sliding up under his shirt to caress his stomach almost tenderly, contrasting with the way they were kissing and making him shiver…

"I love you," Haru whispered, his voice a husky, desperate whisper in his ear.

Yuki was unable to reply, gasping as Haru began to lick and suck at his neck. The sensation was blissfully wonderful, causing him to arch his body towards Haru's with a desire for more contact, his hands automatically sliding around to Haru's shoulders to try and push his shirt off.

"Just relax, baby," Haru said with ill suppressed amusement. He took Yuki's hands in his again and guided them to the buttons at the front of his school uniform.

Yuki's fingers fumbled with the effort to remove the shirt as quickly as possible, pushing it back over his shoulders. He gazed reverently at his boyfriend's sculptured chest, muscles well-defined as a result of years of training, skin still pale yet a shade darker than his own, his whole body evenly toned. He watched Yuki with love evident in misty grey eyes. Yuki expelled all the emotion he felt in one long, breathy sigh. Had he ever beheld something so beautiful?

Haru undid the buttons on Yuki's shirt at a much slower pace, seeming to savour each second as each new inch of flesh was revealed. He pushed away the flimsy black material, hands moving across his now exposed chest in slow, massaging circles while Yuki waited in longing. Soon enough, he replaced hands with tongue, tracing all the contours of his skin.

It was then that realisation suddenly set in. For the first time since the beginning of their relationship, they were completely alone in a private place, where they wouldn't be interrupted for the rest of the night. Rather than feeling nervous or excited at this prospect, he felt his lips stretch into a smile that refused to go away, not even distracted by the wonderful things Haru was doing to his body. Before he knew it, he was laughing.

"What?" Haru asked in confusion. He sat up, one leg on either side of Yuki's slender waist so that he was straddling him, and looked down at him with pursed lips and a puzzled expression that was simply adorable. Yuki didn't think he could possibly have loved Haru more at that moment.

"Nothing," Yuki said simply, smiling as he reached out to hold both of Haru's hands in his, "I just never thought my first time would be on a bunk bed."

Haru spluttered, leaning forward to for a lingering kiss that seemed to hold all the emotion he felt.

"You don't mind, do you?" he asked softly, gazing into amethyst eyes glazed over with passion.

Disentangling one of their hands, Yuki reached up to touch Haru's cheek softly with his palm.

"No," he replied with a smile, "this is perfection."

They made love long until after the candle had burnt out, finally falling asleep just before dawn began to break across the distant horizon.

* * *

**Note:** Well, as you probably can tell, they have sex. I didn't want to include an all-out lemon as I am paranoid about this story being taken off the site for inappropriate content (yes, I know there are stories out there that are worse than this, but still) and plus, I'm not very good at writing them anyway. Perhaps I might write something a bit more…uh…detailed later on, but chances are I won't be game enough to. I know, I know…I'm a pussy. : P

Please also note that my Beta has not edited this chapter. This is my fault, as I was not entirely comfortable with my Beta/mother reading something I had written that implied sex. Blame me for any spelling or grammar errors.

Apologies again for the slow update. Had to take a few weeks off fanfiction to get ready for my exams. High school can be such a pain. Thankfully I am on holidays now!

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to Reviews**

**IloveMoony04:** I know what you mean; I too struggle with wondering what to come up with in next review response that will sound just as cool as what you say. But nothing to fear – no writer's erectile dysfunction on my part! Man, OOC is what fanfiction is all about, in my opinion. If people wanted to keep the characters completely the same as the text, they wouldn't bother writing fanfiction. Or maybe they would…if that's what they're into, and who am I to judge? Personally, though, I like the stories out there that are constantly pushing boundaries, fanfiction or otherwise.

I must admit, original characters really get on my nerves though (despite having a lot of them myself!). Some of them can be really good, but others are just painful to read – 'Hello, my name is Mary Heather Ariel Huffington Ponyweather Sue,' said the young girl whose impeccable beauty and skill could be matched by no other, 'and my whole purpose in this story is so that the author can indulge in their own narcissistic tendencies.' – stuff like that.

I think your guesses on the plot can't be too far off. I myself have not yet read the manga (I might have already mentioned that but my memory sucks so you will have to forgive me!) and quite frankly I just can't be bothered. The only reason I get interested in popular culture is to find all the gay references, as lame as that sounds. My favourite for finding gay references is Harry Potter. Considering your username I am assuming you are a fan. It's just so great…the whole book is a gay allegory. Surprisingly though didn't much care when the whole Dumbeldore thing became public. I could kind of see that coming for a long time, but the seventh book just sort of confirmed it.

To get back on track, I completely agree with you about the manga. She tried to tie up all the loose ends in a way that just seemed too unrealistically perfect. Life just isn't like that, you know? But again you are right; the part about Kagura was good. It actually seemed plausible, and I think a whole lot of people can relate to her unrequited love complications. Hence why she is one of my favourite Fruits Basket characters. How did you like the Kagura in this chapter? OOC much? Perhaps.

I can totally see Yuki and Hiro skipping off into the sunset sometime. I think sarcasm often goes hand in hand with being a writer. Such is life for people like us XD

I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Never fear, plenty more happy moments and angst-ridden issues to come!!!

**Anon:** I have to tell you that reading your review made my day! I'm glad you liked the inclusion of the song lyrics as I was rather nervous about that. I like adding little quirks here and there to the characters I write about, such as making Yuki oblivious to popular culture and stuff, because I think it makes them more real somehow. Often though I think I might overdo it. I hope you know you are amazing too. Please let me know what you thought of the new chapter!

**Jessiegurl43953:** Yay! I'm really glad you like the story and the way I portray Haru and Yuki. Whenever I envisioned them being a couple, this is how I saw them, sort of tense and awkward at times while they are trying to work out their relationship. I hope the last part of this chapter met up to your expectations, reading over the make-out scene in the last chapter I've come to think that it is a lot better than this one, but this was the best I could come up with. Didn't end up going with a full lemon for the reasons I stated above. Maybe I will write one later down the track though…and no doubt next chapter will include some reflections on this whole 'first night' thing.

I know what you mean, about Haru and Yuki coming to accept these new developments in their lives after struggling to grasp with it so much in other chapters. I figured though, it sort of happened like chapter one when Haru just accepted those weird dreams and feelings he had at the beginning of this story. There's a reason for all of that too. Hopefully it will all get explained in two chapters' time from now.

Hope some of that managed to make sense. And yes, Yuki wriggling his toes is a nice picture! Please let me know what you thought of the new chapter as your opinions really help me to improve!

**Lotus Head:** Oooh, Yuki angst, you've got to love it! Can you picture him as an emo kid, all in black with a little fringe? It would just be to die for. Maybe I might write a story portraying him like that when I finish Desiderata XD

It's interesting to think of the characters in the manga being different to those in the anime. The characters in this fanfiction must seem awfully OOC to you then, huh? Is Haru portrayed any differently?

I decided to go with the lime in the end, taking on your great advice. I definitely do not want to get kicked of the site anytime soon. Urgh…I know what you mean! The website can be evil. It won't even let me do the equals sign so all the little smiley faces I posted last time came out with a mouth and no eyes! Curse fanfiction for constricting our means of online emotional expression!

I hope you liked the new chapter!

**Allicat6:** Really sorry about the huge paragraph in the middle. My wanky computer wouldn't let me save the document that chapter was typed on, so a lot of cutting and pasting was involved to finally get it onto the site, and when it was done it was less than perfect! I'm glad you liked the chapter. Am looking forward to writing much, much more delicious Yuki angst!

**Billy the Kangaroo:** I hope this chapter was alright. I didn't go with the all-out sex scene for the reasons I stated above. Maybe I'll write a proper one a bit later on, but I don't want to get in trouble with the site! Yay for shipped pairings! And yay for Haru and Yuki finally having sex (took me ten chapters and a prologue to finally get them there, but hey, at least they did!). Hope you liked the new chapter!!

**Watermeluhn:** I sat in front of my computer for ages wondering how to respond to such a positive review. Once again, I fear for my already inflated ego. But thank you so much! The reason I write this story is so that people can enjoy it, so please if you have any suggestions for improvement let me know. Your mention of the word 'Perfection' gave me the theme for this chapter. Please note that it is dedicated to you!


	12. Delirium

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:**Finally, I have finished the new chapter. My slowness was mostly due to the stress of end-of-year exams, and then the even greater stress of the festive season! Thankfully all that is behind me now and I can try to update this story more regularly again!I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I am now a paid author. I wrote most of this at work. Where I get PAID!!! I can't help but feel somewhat proud. Yes, I know what people are probably thinking...but let me have my moment.Chapter named for obvious reasons.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven – Delirium**

For the first time in all his living memory, Yuki awoke feeling wholly warm and contented, a pleasant trail of images streaming through his half-conscious mind. As he drifted further and further from sleep, he gradually became more aware of a comforting presence beside him…surrounding him…enfolding him in a secure embrace. Slowly opening his eyes, he gazed up at the ceiling for a long while, taking in the soft golden sunlight drizzling in from beyond the bedroom window and the seemingly distant call of the birds. A totally different setting from the one he usually met with.

Finally…tentatively….he turned his head to the left to fix bleary eyes on the face of his boyfriend and lover and was instantly filled with overwhelming joy and complete adoration for him. Haru slept deeply, eyelids closed and mouth slightly open as he breathed steadily in and out. To Yuki, the rise and fall of Haru's chest against him was the most soothing thing he had ever felt. It was a gift just to watch him, not daring to move or even touch him lest he wake him from his sleep. Yuki had never seen anyone look so peaceful. Had never felt so peaceful himself. Then again, he had never woken up to find himself not alone either.

Memories of the night before flooded through his mind in a blissful haze of unabashed ecstasy. Haru had touched him in ways no one else had before, showing him pleasure he had never dreamed possible. Tongue, teeth, lips and fingers covered every inch of him…needy and aching with desire…yet seeming to assure him that he was loved at the same time. Yuki remembered how it had driven him wild, how he'd wanted to worship every inch of Haru's body, how he'd begged to have Haru inside of him and how incredible it felt to be inside him in return. He didn't know that allowing his more humanly instincts to take control of his mind and body – that giving in to such reckless abandonment – could feel so good.

Somehow(probably due to lack of room), they ended up leaving the bunk bed and on the much more comfortable futon. Too tired to even speak, Haru had kissed him not with longing but with such a passionate love that words would have paled in comparison had they been uttered. He'd covered their naked bodies with a blanket and wrapped his arms around Yuki, holding him as they fell asleep. Though exhausted, Yuki recognised that he had never felt so sated and fulfilled. Not just sexually, but on another level he couldn't explain. He supposed it was because he had been so drawn to Haru all the while leading up until that moment, subconsciously driving him to a state of unease. Now that he finally had him, he could rest again. He knew this was _meant_ to be…

Yuki observed silently as Haru shifted closer to him in his sleep. In many ways, Haru had been his first. His first real friend. His first true love. His first boyfriend. His first kiss. And now, his first lover. Almost everything significant that had ever happened to him was connected to Haru in some way or another. He'd never felt so close to another human being. So understood. It was this more than anything that made his first sexual experience all the more beautiful.

It was hard for him to believe that life was continuing as normal in the world beyond Haru's bedroom. This was a fact he was reminded of abruptly when he heard the voice of Haru's mother hollering up from the bottom of the stairs.

"Hatsuharu Sohma! You better get up right now or you are going to be late for school!"

Yuki felt something click in his mind as he came hurtling back down to reality. Today was, indeed, just another normal day, and he had school to get to, exams to study for, and tons of people to please. Beside him, Haru groaned loudly as he was stirred from sleep, but made no effort to get up. Yuki rolled his eyes as he slid from his boyfriend's arms and scooped up the clothes that had been dropped over the bunk bed last night, proceeding to dress himself hastily.

"Hatsuharu, did you hear me? Up! Now!"

"Alright!" came Haru's groggy, frustrated reply from behind Yuki, "okay, I'm up!"

"I'm off to work then. Make sure you fix Yuki a nice breakfast, and say goodbye to him for me!"

"Okay Mum!" Haru said before Yuki had a chance to respond, then added dryly to himself, "…not that he'd still be asleep after all that yelling…"

They heard the front door slam soon after, and the definite sound of a lock being turned. Yuki had only just managed to fasten his pants when he turned back to face the makeshift bed. Haru was barely sitting up, the blanket around his waist having slipped down to reveal his bare chest. Still looking as though he were half awake, he reached up with one hand to rub the sleep out of his eye. Yuki watched with a mixture of intrigue and arousal as the spiral tattoo that curled around Haru's entire muscular bicep flexed at the gesture. Sensing his boyfriend was watching him for the first time, Haru blinked at him, lips stretching into a wide, sleepy grin. Yuki couldn't help but chuckle at the sight, causing Haru to laugh in response. Before he knew it, they were both laughing at nothing at all, eyes locked on each other's as they expressed their shared exuberance.

Still laughing, Yuki strode back over to the bed and crawled up over Haru's legs, kissing his upper lip first before meeting him full on the mouth. Haru responded eagerly, automatically snaking a hand around his waist, pulling him down onto him so abruptly it caused him to gasp.

"We're going to be late," Yuki stated as he pulled away for air.

"Yep," Haru responded bluntly, rolling them both over and onto the floor so that he was on top. Yuki laughed, only feebly trying to push his lover away before his mouth was completely devoured once again.

Soft fingertips glided over his chest, pausing to stroke a hardened nipple before lightly teasing the skin just below his waistband…trailing lightly over the fabric of his pants. Yuki moaned, seizing Haru's wondering fingers and guiding them back and under his waistband.

"What do you want, Yuki?" Haru whispered in his ear before lowering his head to gently suck on his earlobe.

"I…I want you to t-touch me…" Yuki stammered breathlessly, both hating and loving what Haru was doing to him at the same time.

"I am touching you," Haru replied, and Yuki was annoyed to note the smirk that graced his features. He was teasing him.

"No…you're not," Yuki said pitifully, taking Haru's hand and guiding it further downwards, "t-touch me…_here_…"

"Like this?"

"Oh yes, Haru! Please!" Yuki moaned, having already learnt how much Haru liked to hear him beg.

Haru groaned in response, driven onwards by the sounds emitting from his lover. Yuki was sure he was about to lose himself once again, as he was pulled closer and closer into the realm of passionate abandonment…

The sound of someone banging on the door downstairs shook him down to the core of his very being.

"Haru, I know you're in there. Hurry up, I don't want to be late for school!"

At the sound of the familiar voice, Yuki threw both arms over his head and groaned, feeling his cheeks grow hotter by the moment. For the first time in his entire life, he was thankful for the Sohma custom of always keeping the front door locked.

"Damn," Haru muttered in annoyance as he removed his hand. Unable to reach his lips, he bent down and placed a kiss in the centre of Yuki's chest, "you don't need to feel embarrassed. It's fine."

"Easy for you to say," Yuki replied, his voice muffled by his own arms.

Haru shook his head and sighed, pulling himself up to answer yet another impatient knock at the door. Deciding he would risk exposing himself to the outside world again, Yuki opened his eyes and sat up just in time to see Haru cross the room, stark naked, throw open the bedroom window and lean out of it.

"Jeez, Momiji, no need to wake up the whole street. I'll be down in a second!"

"Haru, put some clothes on!!" Yuki hissed just as Momiji's voice echoed the same remark at a much louder volume from down below.

Haru turned back to face him, arms stretched out and looking utterly bemused.

"What?"

Without pausing to think, Yuki grabbed hold of the nearest coverable item – the blanket – and hurried over to wrap it around his boyfriend's exposed waist. It was only after he had Haru respectively covered that he noticed his young, blonde friend gaping up at them from the doorstep.

"Oh boy, that was fast…uh, I mean…morning, Yuki!" Momiji laughed awkwardly as he held up a hand in greeting.

"Could this get anymore embarrassing?" Yuki said through gritted teeth as he shrunk back into the shadows, suddenly very conscious of his naked chest. "Momiji, it's not what you think!"

"Um, actually it probably is exactly what he thinks," Haru replied as he casually leaned on the windowsill, loud enough for both Yuki and Momiji to hear. He only received a piercing glare from his boyfriend in response.

"Hey Yuki, don't worry about it. Just so you know, I'm one hundred percent fine with the whole thing. Actually, I'm really happy for you guys," Momiji desperately struggled to redeem his humiliated friend, but only succeeded in making Yuki bury his face in his hands once again, "…I guess I could just wait down here until you're ready for school?"

"Yeah, that's probably a really good idea," Haru called back, "we'll be down in a second, okay?"

He didn't wait for Momiji's reply before closing the window and drawing the curtains, darkening the room significantly.

"What!?" he repeated as he turned back to Yuki, growing increasingly more aggravated at not being able to understand the situation.

Yuki's only response was to kick him half-heartedly in the shins.

* * *

"So…how about this weather?" Momiji said lightly sometime once they had left Sohma House and were making their way down the busy streets of Tokyo, "Pretty crazy, huh?"

"They say it's going to start storming later today," said Haru, choosing to ignore the obvious awkwardness in his friend's tone.

Momiji nodded, eager to spear on the conversation, "Hard to believe at the moment. I'm glad the skies are going to stay clear for gym class!"

"I'm not. I hate gym class."

"That's only because you don't like Sensei Tebuka. But you know she's not so bad…once you get past the scary part…"

Yuki walked alongside Haru, half-listening as his boyfriend eased into idle conversation with Momiji. The embarrassment from earlier was almost forgotten in his rush to get ready, but now he was experiencing something much worse. He couldn't understand why, but he was starting to feel slightly dizzy and nauseated…

"…Yuki?"

Yuki blinked, puzzled to find Momiji standing right in front of him, concern fixated in his piercing gold gaze. He stared around in confusion, immediately noticing Haru's deeply troubled expression as he stood beside him, gripping his shoulder almost painfully tight. Everything apart from Haru seemed blurred and distorted, a mesh of sound and colour his mind couldn't quite comprehend. He didn't understand. How could everything, from his surroundings to his perception, _change _so suddenly?

"Yuki, can you hear me?"

Yuki nodded, though Momiji's voice ringing in his ears sounded a million miles away. He clung to the sensation of Haru's hand on him, steadying him…holding him to reality.

"I'm alright," he mumbled, as he slowly felt his sense of sight and sound return to him. He wished Haru would hold him – maybe then the dizziness would go away completely – but he couldn't muster up enough strength to ask him, "just feeling a bit sick. Maybe I ate too fast this morning."

"Do you want me to take you home?" said Haru, and Yuki could tell instantly from his tone that he was deeply worried, "It's not too late to turn around, you know. I'll stay with you, if you want."

Yuki firmly shook his head, doing his best to appear reassuring. No matter what was wrong with him, no matter how tempting Haru's offer sounded, he couldn't afford to miss a day of school. He had too much work to do. Besides, it wouldn't be fair on his boyfriend. He was already in enough trouble for missing too many days. As all this ran through his mind, Yuki considered that he mustn't be too sick anyway if he could maintain his train of thought.

"I should be fine now, thank you," he said calmly, ignoring the look both his companions exchanged that showed they were clearly unconvinced, "let's just focus on getting to school on time."

He didn't think it were possible, but this last comment seemed to trouble both Haru and Momiji even more.

"But Yuki…" his friend said, sounding highly unnerved, "…we're already _at_ school."

It was then that Yuki suddenly registered the sound of anxious chatter congregating around him…the polished floors…Momiji and Haru's lockers.

"Why is the Prince staring like that?"

"Is he feeling sick?"

"He looks like he's on drugs."

"That's a horrible thing to say!"

"Should we ask Haru and Momiji?"

"What's going on!?"

Panic flooded through him as he took in the bemused faces of his peers, some staring at him with concern, others with perplexity, and still more as though they believed something to be freakishly wrong with him. And they were probably right.

It had happened again. Just like the night of the carnival. Something had shifted inside of him and he had…_lost time_. Only this time it had not been a few seconds, but a whole twenty minutes of walking to school. How was this happening? More importantly, what had he done in the time that was lost?

"You didn't notice anything?" he whirled suddenly on Haru, eyes pleading as they searched for some kind of explanation in his boyfriend's worried expression.

"You weren't saying anything on the way to school, but I thought that was because you were still pissed off at me," Haru replied, and for the first time since Yuki had known him, he actually sounded distraught, "Yuki…you really don't remember anything between now and when we left for school?"

Before Yuki could reply, a loud voice broke through the commotion caused by the students, and several teenage girls from grades across the school muscled their way through the crowd, all wearing identical badges on the collar of their uniform, shaped in a disturbingly close resemblance to his face.

"Hey, stop that! Stop _ogling_ him! The Prince doesn't like to be stared at!! You with the camera, get out of here right now!"

Despite all his turmoil, Yuki breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't think he'd ever be so glad to see the Prince Yuki Fan Club.

"I hate to agree with them, but for once they're right." a more familiar voice boomed over everyone else's, "Come on people, move it! Nothing to see here!"

The crowd dispersed immediately with students scattering in every direction at the slightly more intimidating appearance of Uo, armed with her lead pipe and accompanied by a highly sinister-looking Hana. Even the Prince Yuki Fan Club paled and fled when the two young women approached, leaving the corridor empty apart from the small group of friends.

"You okay?" Uo asked as she took in the scene.

Yuki nodded, "Thank you."

"Yeah," Haru added as he lightly squeezed Yuki's arm, "we owe you one."

"And I won't let you forget it, either."

They were interrupted by a streak of blue and brown flying towards them, Kyo following closely in pursuit.

"Yuki!!" Tohru cried as she stopped in front of them, taking a hand and placing it against his forehead beneath his fringe, "I heard you were sick! What's wrong? Is it your asthma? I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner!"

"I'm alright, Miss Honda," Yuki said gently, taking her hand in his.

"You're gonna to have to stop scaring her all the time or it'll give her a heart attack," Kyo put in, doing his best to appear as nonchalant as possible.

Yuki frowned at him, "Believe me, that's the last thing I want to do."

"We should head back to class," Uo winked in Yuki's direction, "the Student Council President shouldn't get any late slips. At least not in the first term."

"Miss Uotani is right," said Yuki, "none of us should be late."

"You really think we're going to let you go to class after that?" Haru said, pulling Yuki back when he started to move away.

"I'm_fine_," Yuki stressed, and in truth he was feeling much better, "it was just another dizzy spell. Will you all please stop worrying?"

"I never worried in the first place, so I can't say that's any skin off my back," Kyo shrugged his shoulders.

Yuki only scowled at him briefly before turning back to his friends.

"I'm going back to class."

"Yuki, you can't!" Tohru cried.

"You're friends know what's best for you, Yuki," Momiji said unusually sternly, "let Haru take you home so you can get some rest."

"Well I'm his friend too, and I say that if he says he's fine, then he's fine. It's not like you can tell him what to do anyway."

"Thank you, Miss Uotani," Yuki answered, finding himself warming to her more and more by the second.

Haru threw her a dark look, "He was about to pass out just a second ago."

Yuki wanted to ask more about this, but feared it would destroy any chance of him getting to class. What he knew that even Haru would have trouble understanding, was that he needed to be in that classroom working and surrounded by all his peers. He needed to feel normal.

"Well hurry up and make a decision then," Kyo said impatiently, "we can't just hang around out here all day."

All eyes turned immediately to Haru, whose brow was furrowed in deep concentration.

"You start to feel sick, you will go to the nurse, won't you?"

"I'll make sure he does," Tohru said firmly.

Yuki was not too pleased. It was one thing for his best friend to mother him. It was an entirely different matter when his boyfriend started to join in on it.

"See you after school," Yuki told Haru and Momiji as the group parted ways, giving Yuki what he hoped was an encouraging smile. Haru seemed unconvinced, but let him slip from his grasp nonetheless.

The moment the contact between them was gone, Yuki felt something shift inside of him again, but he ignored it for the time being. He was determined not to look back as the group parted ways, but focused his energy instead on trying to stay healthy. He could see Haru clearly in his mind's eye, watching him with those intelligent, penetrating grey eyes, even after he had turned the corner at the end of the corridor and approached his classroom. It was this that made him completely oblivious of Hana's presence until she fell into step beside him.

"We need to talk," she murmured in a dense undertone so that only he could hear, "you, me and Hatsuharu. As soon as possible. Come and find me when you can."

Before he could reply she hurried ahead to catch up with Tohru and Uo, leaving Yuki to trail behind in confusion, regrettably next to Kyo.

"Damn, this morning couldn't _get _any worse!" he lamented as they neared the door to their classroom, and the inevitable lecture that awaited them all for being so late.

Yuki frowned as he felt his stomach lurch painfully. He had to agree.

* * *

It was only fifteen minutes into the first lesson of the day when Yuki realised he was not going to make it even through the next hour.

The moment he had parted with Hana and the others at the door to take his seat, he started to feel ill again. The vague headache that he had experienced after returning from his trance-like state in Haru's arms was now a sharp, stabbing pain that threatened to break his skull in two, and there was a sloppy, bubbly, sick feeling in his stomach that wanted to return the meagre amount of breakfast he was able to consume in the rush to get to school back from where it came. The result left him desperately counting down the minutes until he could excuse himself to the nurse's office without causing a scene. He didn't want anymore unwanted attention from his classmates. All he had to do was hold on for fifteen more minutes and he could quietly slip away when the class got up to move to a different room for their languages lesson. If he could hold on until then, he would be fine.

It was easier said than done.

He knew that today's morning lesson was meant to be an important one, but he had given up taking notes long ago. All around him, his classmates were scribbling away with their heads bent down over their paper, taking notes so frantically that they were oblivious to his predicament. He wasn't sure if this was something he was grateful for or not. Not knowing what else he could do, he focused on the partially-filled piece of paper in front of him, nothing more than a blurred mass of strange black and white shapes to him, and prayed that the bell would ring soon.

At the front of the classroom, the teacher sighed when she only received silence in response to a question she had just asked her star pupil, Yuki Sohma. The boy's lavender head was bent over his paper, but even from such a distance, he seemed distracted, as though he were lost in his own world. The teacher wasn't sure what had gotten into him lately, acting so absent-minded and dreamy all the time. It was highly unusual, surprising behaviour for him. At first she had been lenient, assuming that since Yuki was ordinarily such a good student there must be something deeply troubling him that was distracting him from his study. Personal issues? Trouble at home, perhaps? But enough was enough. Whatever it was, she couldn't allow his academic career to suffer any further. He was far too bright for that.

"Yuki Sohma," the teacher said in the stern voice she usually reserved for her more difficult pupils, "please answer me when I am asking you a question."

At this more abrupt tone, Yuki slowly lifted his eyes in a struggle to meet with hers, and the teacher felt her mouth fall open in shock at what she saw.

Yuki hadn't been able to tell someone was speaking to him until they were right up close. The effort involved in lifting his head to meet with theirs was simply too much, and he heard a soft whimper expel from his lips as he tried and failed to focus his blurred vision on the person who was addressing him. He was barely aware of the fact that every pair of eyes in the room were once again fixed on him.

"Yuki, are you feeling alright?"

The person spoke in a much gentler tone than before, yet it still ripped through his senses like knife. He tried desperately to explain what was happening to him, but his mouth felt dry and he couldn't seem to make the words form. He could feel his connection to the world slipping further out of his control with every second that passed. It was all too much, and his body couldn't take it anymore. The universe was leaping up to swallow him into a cold, dark abyss. A thousand different colours flashed across his mind…golds, silvers, purples, greens, and reds…the last thing he remembered coherently thinking was that he needed to find Haru…

He heard someone screaming his name from far away just before he let himself slip into darkness…

* * *

**Note:** I was really excited to write this chapter. It was about time something more interesting happened, in my opinion! As I have mentioned in the past, all the seemingly random occurrences that led up until this point do have a purpose (at least most of them do...I hope) and I hope to expose what all this has been building up to in the next couple of chapters.Again, I did not ask my Beta to edit this for the reasons stated in the last closing note. Have done my best to make sure it is 100 spelling and grammar correct but I was never good at that sort of thing so once again I am sorry if there are any errors in this chapter. Hopefully I can get my Beta to edit the next chapter.Thanks for reading, please review!!Replies to Reviews 

**Jessiegurl43953:** I'm really sorry for taking so long to update and thank you for being so patient with me! I was worried about the original characters taking away from the plot somewhat like they can do in fanfiction stories. Since these characters come out of my head I often assume the reader knows them as well as I do so I can imagine it might get confusing. Maybe later I will right up a character profile sheet and stick it in an author's note? I don't intend to make Kagura a full-on lesbian (after all, some part of her is still in love with Kyo) but she did happen to fall for a girl in this story. And fall pretty hard, I might add. There will be more development on her relationship with Shiho throughout the story, but only minor. I really liked writing Shiho for some reason. I think she will be fun to play around with...I have also written a lemon to post in a later chapter. Don't know how confident I feel about posting it yet (I find them really embarrassing - childish of me, I know) but I will definitely consider it maybe a few chapters down the track. I'm really glad you liked the perfection theme and were able to pick up on all of that, it was also really enjoyable to write as well )And that line, is actually a direct quote from my best friend in a remarkably similar situation. Hehehe...I shall pass on that bit of praise!Thank you so much for your review. It made my day!!****

**Billy the Kangaroo:** Good to be back. Sorry it took me so long to update. The pains of having to live in reality - XD . Yeah, I didn't want it to be one of those super serious and mystical and 'Oh wow, what an epiphany!' kind of moments because I feel that's overdone on fanfiction. Besides, it's not often like that in real life, especially not the first time. Okay, so maybe it went on a bit like that, but you have to throw some of that serious and mystical stuff in there, it's fiction after all! Anyway, I hope you like the new chapter and I can't wait to hear from you!****

**Allicat6:** Yay! I'm glad you liked the chapter. I will try harder to update faster because I really do love writing this, and getting back such awesome responses is even better. Thanks for reading!

**my black crimson rose:** Thank you very much for your review and support. I hope you like the new chapter!


	13. Transformation

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** I am so incredibly sorry that it has taken me this long to post anything. I have had the chapter done for a while now, but being the stupid idiot I am, I forgot my account password and it has taken months upon months to get it back. Thank you to all for being so patient with me! For those who still read this story, I sincerely hope that you (finally) can enjoy the new chapter…

* * *

**Chapter Twelve – Transformation**

_Something is wrong, _Haru thought to himself as he lay on his back in the grass, _definitely wrong…_

He wasn't sure what it was, but it had been troubling him from the moment gym class began that morning. He had been worrying about Yuki…about whether he had done the right thing in letting him go to class (he really didn't like mothering him, but he knew Yuki could be so _stubborn_ sometimes, and was likely not to take care of himself when he should)….whether he should have insisted he take him home, when suddenly he felt a jolt of incredible, indescribable anxiety rush through him. No matter how much he tried to tell himself he was just being superstitious, he knew that he wouldn't be able to shake the feeling. It bothered him greatly.

_I shouldn't be here, wasting my time in gym class, _ he continued to stress, _I should be making sure everyone is okay. What if something's happened? Kisa…Mum…Yuki…_

He knew it wasn't Yuki's fault, but Haru couldn't help feeling somewhat irritated at him for what had happened on the way to school. It was just that he was so damn _worried_! The night before had been so beautiful and perfect, and now he felt as though this morning's events had brought him back to a reality he didn't want to be a part of. The worse thing was, he was positively certain that Yuki wasn't just feeling unwell. It was something more than that…what that thing was, however, he couldn't say for sure…

_It's going to be alright, _he made another desperate attempt to reassure himself, _I would know if anything serious had happened to the people I care about. Tohru promised she would take care of Yuki…but still…_

He had to know for sure himself. That was the only way he could relax again. If he'd been in any class but gym, he would have made some excuse to leave ages ago. Call to check on home. Walk by Yuki's classroom. But the teacher, Sensei Tebuka, really wasn't fond of him, to say the least. There was no way he was getting away until the next class, that he knew for sure. The question was, would he be able to hold on that long?

"What's got you in such deep contemplation?" Momiji asked as he wondered over from across the sports oval. His shadow blocked the sunlight from view so that Haru was able to stare up at him with unshaded eyes.

"Where did you learn a fancy word like that?" Haru replied simply, not bothering to pull himself into a sitting position.

Momiji shrugged, grinning, "I do study, you know. You should try it sometime yourself."

"No, thanks. Everyone knows that anything worth learning can't be taught."

Momiji laughed as he sat down beside him. His friend was dressed in the boys' green regulation sports uniform – he never once forgot to pack it for the right days. Haru, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. Not that he ever cared too much. He detested gym. Physical activity was okay, but the mere thought of actually participating in some kind of team sport made him what to throw up.

"Trying to get out of gym again?" Momiji asked teasingly, noting he was still attired in his highly dishevelled ordinary school uniform, "what's your excuse this week?"

"Can't be bothered," Haru replied as he lifted an arm over his eyes to block the intensity of the sun, "exhausted."

"Exhausted, eh?" his friend rose an eyebrow suggestively.

"No, I am not going to tell you anything whatsoever about last night, so you are wasting your time," Haru smirked back at him.

"Who said I was asking?" Momiji shot back, "I certainly don't want any _details_, thank you very much. This morning was almost more than I could handle."

"Shut up," Haru laughed as he leaned over to hit his friend, only managing to make it to his knee.

"Hatsuharu Sohma," a crude, impatient voice interrupted them from behind, "get off the ground right now and start doing something useful with yourself."

With a groan, Haru heaved himself onto his back and turned to look over his shoulder. Sensei Tebuka was glaring down at him, her beefy arms placed squarely on bulky hips. A short and stumpy woman, she seemed to tower over her pupils nonetheless, teeth clenched so tightly that she could only breathe through her large nostrils. She was always angry, and especially seemed so whenever Haru was near. Haru often marvelled at how quickly her face could turn such a beet red.

"I am doing something with myself, Sensei Tebuka," he replied simply with what he hoped wasn't too cruel a smirk.

"Not from this angle, you're not."

"Perhaps then a different angle is in order. Maybe something slightly more obtuse?"

Sensei Tebuka attempted to scowl, but ended up smirking in response instead. Although she disliked him, Haru knew there was a part of her that also found him endearing. He wasn't sure whether or not this was a good thing.

"What you need, boy, is a few good laps around the oval. You too, Momiji Sohma. I won't have you standing around all day either. Come on, get to work. You're wasting time."

"Yay! Laps!" Momiji cried exuberantly, immediately beginning the process of stretching his calf muscles.

Haru rolled his eyes, but eventually (if reluctantly) prepared to join his friend. There were times in life, he knew, when it was necessary to make a stand against authority. Times when making a stand meant standing up for what was right, in order to protect and assist the needs of others. Gym class was, however, not one of those times. More often than not when it came to personal matters, it was best to abide by the laws of a superior, choosing instead to engage in small acts of rebellion, if one wanted to survive. These were lessons Haru had been taught the hard way, and it had taken him right up until his senior years to fully understand and appreciate them.

Just as he was about to head off on his torturous tour of the oval, he caught sight of a figure approaching from across the school grounds at rapid speed and stopped instantly. His breath seemed to catch in his throat the moment he realised who it was. Somehow, he knew that this couldn't be good.

"Hey Momiji," Haru murmured, tapping his friend on the shoulder and pointing at the approaching girl.

The blonde boy squinted at her with perplexed golden eyes.

"Tohru?" he queried in bewilderment, "…Haru, she looks worried about something. _Really _worried."

Tohru's face was ashen as she drew closer towards the oval, eventually skidding to an abrupt halt in front of the two Sohmas. She seemed completely oblivious of any attention she received from the rest of the class, struggling to catch her breath after exhausting herself in getting there. The lines of anxiety marked her features and cast a shadow across her normally vibrant green eyes, familiar to anyone who knew her, yet all the more disturbing to those who knew her best.

"Momiji…Haru…" she gasped, fixing each person in turn with a look of desperation, "you have to come quickly…something awful's happened…it's Yuki…"

"Yuki!?" Momiji exclaimed, glancing anxiously in Haru's direction.

Haru didn't at first respond. He felt as if the whole universe had frozen into place so that he would be forever trapped in this terrible moment. Seconds later, however, his hands automatically found their way to Tohru's shoulders.

"What happened?" he demanded, frightened by his own strangled voice, "Where is he? What's wrong?"

"I don't know! He past out in class just before," Tohru replied hastily now she had regained her breath, "they've taken him to the school nurse's ward. Oh Haru, it's horrible! They won't tell us what's going on. Kyo and I don't know what to do. We're afraid he might…you know…"

She lowered her voice at the last sentence despite speaking in vague terms, fully aware of the fact that most of Haru and Momiji's class was listening in intently and were whispering amongst themselves over what they had heard.

"Miss Honda, ordinarily you're one of my favourite students, but I'd appreciate you not intruding and interrupting my class like this," Sensei Tebuka spoke above all the background chatter with a frown.

"I'm very sorry, Sensei, I won't be much longer," Tohru uttered breathlessly before addressing her friends again, "you have to come, please!"

Without needing to be told twice, Haru seized Momiji's arm and tugged him sharply.

"Come on!" he hissed in frustration, dragging his friend after him as they started out back across the school grounds, Tohru in close pursuit.

"Hatsuharu! Momiji! Just where do you think you are going!?"

Only Tohru paused to answer her, bowing and stammering a profusely sincere apology before continuing on her way.

"I'm very sorry again, Sensei, but something has come up that Haru and Momiji need to attend to right now. I hope you will forgive us!"

Haru barely listened to a word she said, Sensei Tebuka, the class, and the restful uneasiness of the morning already left far behind him. All he could think about was Yuki, and reaching him as soon as possible.

It was the fastest trip through the school he had ever experienced. Kyo, Uo and Hana waited outside the nurse's office at the end of the corridor, all three appearing slightly shaken, yet undoubtedly, Haru knew, more together than their three approaching companions.

"Where's Yuki?" Haru asked the second he came within hearing distance of his three older peers, "What are you all doing outside like this?"

"They won't let us in," Kyo explained gruffly, "and none of the damn teachers are telling us what's going on. We've just been standing around here waiting to hear form somebody."

"It's like a circus around here," Uo put in irritably, "people keep rushing in and out, kids from our class parading around, running into all the other classes and telling everyone what's happened. Just about the whole school knows now."

"It's a fuckin' nightmare," Kyo growled his agreement, "that stupid Yuki. How could he do this? He has no idea how much he affects people sometimes. He should have just gone home like Tohru told him to. Damn him to hell!"

"Will someone please just tell me what's wrong with m– _Yuki_?" Haru cut himself off before accidentally using the words 'my boyfriend'.

"Like any of us have a clue, he just passed out in the middle of class!" Kyo replied, "None of us could really see what was going on, Sensei made us stand back. Then she picked up Yuki and literally carried him all the way here from our classroom. Told the whole class just to stay there until she got back."

"Obviously, no one listened," Uo continued, gesturing around at the group, "the four of us tried to follow Sensei, but she made us wait out here. That's when we decided Tohru would go and get you two."

Not knowing how to respond to this, Haru settled for silence. He sensed Hana watching him closely, her presence ever unsettlingly stoic and quiet. To avoid looking anywhere at her, he locked eyes first with a very worried Momiji and then an equally as troubled Kyo and Tohru. He knew without a doubt that the same thought lurked in the back of all of their minds, contributing to the apprehension they felt: they were lucky Yuki hadn't transformed yet, and they had to get him out of the school quickly in case he did.

Haru studied Kyo more closely. He could sense that the other Sohma wanted to appear angry at Yuki, worried only about the secret of the curse being revealed. But whether he would ever admit it or not, Haru was sure Kyo must have felt at least some genuine concern for Yuki. Despite himself, he must have developed some sort of caring sense towards him along the line. Perhaps he now even saw the value of Yuki as an enemy. That he needed him. Yang could not exist without Yin, after all. Black without white. He watched, only half-aware, as Kyo took Tohru's hand once they were standing beside one another and held it securely, a subconscious gesture that seemed to bring a great deal of comfort to them both. If anyone else noticed, no comment was past.

_Damn it! _Haru felt his anger building, erupting from the fear flooding through him at the mere thought of Yuki in such jeopardy. He was furious with himself. He should have insisted Yuki went home…he should have paid more attention to him that morning…he should have done something about it the minute he started to feel like something was wrong…

"What if it was an asthma attack?" Momiji said thoughtfully, "Remember the time Yuki passed out because of an asthma attack that day Tohru met Haru?"

"Sounds likely," Kyo added.

Haru shook his head, "Yuki's almost completely grown out of asthma by now so he only ever gets mild attacks. Besides, I was with him all morning and the night before and he didn't show any signs of having an asthma attack, like coughing or feeling out of breath."

"So what? The attack could have just come on suddenly," Kyo reasoned.

"These attacks don't just come on suddenly," Haru snapped, perhaps a little more forcefully than he should have. He could feel the anger starting of poor off him in waves, and he wasn't sure where it was even coming from. He felt ready to pick a fight.

Kyo glared at him with deep red eyes, "Oh yeah? How the hell do you know anyway?"

"I know because I know, okay? Are you gonna ask anymore stupid questions today or what?"

"You little brat!!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Momiji interjected with more force than most knew he even possessed. "The last thing Yuki's going to need when he wakes up is Black Haru and an angry Kyo."

Kyo turned and practically snarled at Momiji, and for a moment looked as though he was ready to attack the younger Sohma. Haru was almost certain _he_ would have attacked someone if…

"It's not asthma."

All eyes turned immediately to the young woman who seemed to hover just on the edge of their meeting like an ever-prominent dark cloud. Black eyes gazed out at them through a fringe of raven hair so that everyone felt as though they were being stared at all at the same time. Hana's lips were pressed into a thin, sombre line. She waited, studying their reactions as she waited for a response. When none challenged her, she continued in the same deep, even tone.

"I've seen this kind of thing happen before. Many times, in fact. Yuki's body is temporarily shutting down, reducing him to a comatose-like state. This is so he can conserve all his energy – in order to prepare for the transformation."

Glancing around at his companions, Haru noticed they were staring at the psychic as though she were speaking an entirely foreign language.

"The transformation?" he eventually dared to ask when no one else would.

Hana focused her full attention on him, a sensation that sent cold shivers rippling down his back. He'd never met anyone else with eyes so intense.

She nodded once slowly as she regarded him, "When a psychic comes into their full power."

A stunned silence followed these words. Haru felt as if something was tugging at the edge of his consciousness…something that frightened him almost as much as not understanding what was wrong with his boyfriend. It led him to wonder if understanding the truth was, in fact, worse. Psychics…magic…supernatural…it all seemed to have been haunting him the past few months, trailing after him, connected to him in some shape or form. Could what Hana was saying be true?

Uo laughed suddenly, "That's impossible! How can the Prince be a – "

She was cut short as the nurse's door swung open suddenly, and the stricken, bemused teacher of Yuki's class emerged looking as though she were in some kind of trance. She regarded the small group of friends belonging to her deeply unwell star pupil with evident surprise. It seemed she did not expect to find they had grown in number, and were still waiting outside the door.

"Sensei, please – " Tohru began imploringly, but Haru cut her off abruptly, having no time to waste with pleasantries.

"What's wrong with Yuki?"

The teacher took a handkerchief from her pocket and hastily wiped her brow.

"None of you should worry," she replied in a way that came across as patronising, "Yuki is fine. All of you need to get back to class as soon as possible and forget this ever happened."

"Fine!? He's practically in a coma, for Gods' sake!"

Leaving the teacher in the aftermath of this violent outburst, Haru pushed her aside and strode determinedly through the nurse's door. He sensed the others following him, but couldn't have cared whether they did or not. His main goal lay unconscious just within, and he was willing to do anything to reach him.

The nurse stood up from her desk when she saw the crowd of students invading her office, nostrils pinched in contempt.

"What are you all doing here?"

It was then that the teacher rushed in behind them.

"I tried to stop them," she declared, "but – "

Haru ignored her completely, stepping forward and slamming his hands on the desk.

"We want to see Yuki."

The nurse regarded him with a cold stare, turning up her nose in a particularly disgusted manner at Haru's hands on her glossy school files.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," she simpered.

Haru gritted his teeth, feeling himself growing dangerously close to Black.

"I'm not leaving until I see Yuki."

His hands automatically clenched around the files beneath them, crumpling the paper and causing the nurse to draw a sharp intake of breath.

"Please," Momiji begged at the desperate state of affairs, "we just want to make sure our friend is alright."

"Yuki is in a highly fragile state at the moment," Yuki's teacher added from behind, "any intrusion would not be in his best interest."

"Fragile? I think it's a bit more than just fragile! And how the fuck do you know what's in his best interest?"

"Haru!" Momiji cried, more out of shock than anything else. White Haru hardly ever swore. But, Momiji supposed, Haru was most likely already in the process of crossing over into his darker personality – a situation that only complicated matters further.

"Young man, that is no way to address a teacher," the teacher replied in indignation.

"Just ignore him, Sensei, he's not in the right frame of mind," Momiji rushed to both of their defences, "he's just really stressed out about Yuki. If you could only let us _see _him…"

"Yuki is unconscious. I don't think you realise that whether or not you visit him now will not change this state of affairs," the nurse reasoned.

Kyo scowled, "I don't think _you _realise just what that moron Haru is capable of if you let him get too pissed off."

At this, the nurse seemed to pale significantly, no doubt at the recollection of stories she'd heard about the younger Sohma's reputation. Haru was considered a mature, polite and intelligent student who hardly ever lost his temper, but when he did, it was rumoured to be quite a spectacle.

"_Please_, Miss Nurse," said Tohru, who by this stage appeared to be on the verge of tears.

The nurse glanced around the room, her eyes lingering particularly on Haru's rather ferocious expression, before finally emitting a resigned sigh.

"Just family then."

With a murmur of relief, all six students walked towards the adjourning door that led to the nurse's ward.

"Hold on," the nurse stopped them before they could even reach it, "didn't you hear what I just said?"

Six pairs of perplexed eyes fixed her with an identical stare.

"You said family only," Kyo spoke for all of them, lifting his arms slightly to indicate his confusion.

The nurse sighed heavily. She didn't think this day could get any worse.

"Yes, that means you three only," she pointed to Haru, Kyo and Momiji, "the rest of you will have to remain here."

Hana frowned in annoyance while Uo clenched her jaw in frustration. It was only when he saw the anguish in Tohru's face, however, that Haru finally exploded.

"Oh, **fuck off**!!"

The nurse and teacher shrinked away as Black Haru stepped forward.

"Who or what gives you the right and insight to define what a family is? Are you defining it by the fact that three of us share the same last name? Even if any of us were biologically related, what the hell has that got to do with family? Tohru, Uo and Hana are just as much a part of Yuki's family as we are. We are a fucking family, don't you dare try and tell me otherwise."

The nurse was only able to emit a strained whimper in response.

"Haru…" Kyo said in a voice that was softer than usual, yet somehow all the more filled with concern, "this is not helping."

"Shut up Kyo," Haru snapped without so much as a glance over his shoulder.

"You shut up!" Kyo replied haughtily.

"Okay, now _neither_ of you are helping!" Momiji said hurriedly, sounding almost as fearful as the teacher and nurse.

Brushing this comment aside, Haru took another few steps closer to the pitiful mass of authority. There were times in a person's life, when it was necessary to make a stand against authority. Times when making a stand meant standing up for what was right, in order to protect and assist the needs of others. This, he was certain, was one of those times.

"You better let all of us through without complaint – because whether you like it or not we are all going to get to Yuki – and you better take back those ridiculous assumptions you made about family, or I swear I'm going to leave you with something that's going to make you spend the rest of your lives regretting the day you ever messed with me, schoolteachers or not. Understand?"

As the teacher and nurse mouthed wordlessly at him in a futile attempt to regain some control, another intruder who had watched the entire scene play out, but had gone unnoticed up until this point, decided to make his presence known.

"Well, I think that's enough excitement for one day, don't you?" Shigure Sohma said brightly as he placed a hand on Haru's shoulder, startling him into a momentary stupor.

"Shigure!" Tohru exclaimed, honestly never having felt so especially delighted to see him.

Despite being still dressed in his at-home _yukata _and wearing a playful smirk, Shigure automatically seized control based on his ability to put at stop to Haru's rampage. He crossed the room confidently and shook hands with the still-trembling school staff as though he noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

"I'm Shigure Sohma, Yuki Sohma's registered guardian? I came as soon as you called."

The schoolteacher took a moment to reassemble herself before clearing her throat roughly.

"Ahem! Yes, yes, glad you are here, we'll take you straight in."

With a slight inclination of the head, Shigure turned back to the seven friends and offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"I'll take care of it from here," he informed them calmly, "I know you're worried about Yuki, but you have to understand when something like this happens, the school becomes liable for it and it's important they do things by the book. Go back to class, and once I get Yuki home and figure all of this out, you can all come and see him."

"With all due respect, Mr Sohma," the nurse interrupted hesitantly, aware of the risk she was taking following the recent outburst of aggression, "I think it would be wise if you take Yuki straight to a hospital. We would have called an ambulance long ago if his medical form didn't specifically say not to."

"Yes, well, we have a family doctor that we prefer, who is more than capable of dealing with things like this," Shigure cast her a sly wink, "with all due respect."

The nurse pursed her lips but chose to say nothing. If Haru and Kyo's temper came with the family name, than she certainly didn't want to provoke anything further, even when it came to risking the health of a student.

Having silenced the staff, Shigure placed a hand on Haru's shoulder and squeezed it gently, looking directly into his eyes.

"I'll take Yuki straight to Hatori and he'll figure this whole thing out, I promise. As soon as school finishes, come to Hatori's and we'll tell you everything we know. I know it's important for you to see Yuki now, but it's more important I get him to Hatori as fast as I can. I'd take you home with me if I could, but I'm not your guardian so I don't have the authority. You'll just have to hang tight until this afternoon. Do you think you can do that, for Yuki's sake?"

Haru nodded blindly, trying to recollect himself as he had changed back to White. Shigure gripped him on the shoulder once more before releasing him, briskly following the nurse into the adjacent room. Once the door had been snapped tightly shut behind them, silence descended on the room as each person struggled to come to terms with the events that had just occurred. Finally, the teacher chose to take charge.

"Alright, back to class with all of you. You can check in on Yuki after school."

Haru was the last to be ushered out of the room, all the while his eyes fixated on the door to the room which contained his beloved. He could feel that Yuki needed him, even in his unconscious state, and the thought of being torn away from him in a moment of crisis made him feel as though his heart was breaking. In his mind's darkest fears he could see Yuki's frail form sprawled over the nurse's bed, desperately grappling for consciousness. He needed to be there when Yuki woke up…needed to throw his arms around him, so he could feel Yuki's heart beating against his chest, and assure both of them that everything would be alright. The thought that Yuki might not wake up at all didn't even enter his mind of a second. It was beyond painful, for without Yuki, he couldn't see himself going on living now at all.

* * *

Haru spent less than five minutes in class before he decided he couldn't take it, and had to storm out of the classroom, Momiji in close pursuit. The teacher in charge of their math lesson didn't bat an eyelid. Aware of what had happened that morning and realising both his Sohma students were close friends of the boy who had passed out, he allowed them to leave without stopping his lesson.

Momiji chased the other Sohma along the school corridor, down two flights of stairs and out into the cloudy afternoon, all the while calling out after him. Haru didn't hear him, never once slowing down in his mission to reach the school gate, where he planned to break into the fastest sprint he was capable of until he came to the Sohma house. He felt sick deep in the pit of his stomach, and it was starting to spread throughout his entire being, making him slightly nauseous.

"Haru, can you just hold on a second!?" Momiji cried, finally reaching his companion and tugging him to a halt.

"No, I can't hold on a second!" Haru replied angrily as he tried to push the smaller boy away, "I should've left straight away instead of wasting all this goddamn time. I need to be with Yuki!"

Momiji's eyes filled with sympathy, "Haru, I know how you feel, but…"

"No you don't, Momiji, you have no idea how this feels!" Haru exclaimed, and then gasped suddenly when pain shot through him. He let out a whimper has he crumpled slightly, doubling over and clutching at his stomach with a heavy groan.

"Haru!!" Momiji shouted, lunging forward to steady him.

Angrily, Haru pushed his hand away, turning and staggering past the school gate and onto the road, using all the strength he possessed to push on past the dizziness that was clouding his vision.

"Don't be stupid, Haru!" Momiji called out as he hurried after him, "we'll figure something out, I promise. We can get to Yuki, but there's no point killing yourself in the process!"

Haru didn't reply, unable to concentrate on anything else but making it to Sohma House and Yuki's bedside without passing out. He had no idea why he was feeling this way. It had started that morning with the anxiety, or so he had thought, but now…now it was something more. It was almost as if there was a monster inside of him, clawing and tearing away at everything that held him together, and he was almost at breaking point. Through his oncoming delirium one thought alone fuelled him to press on: that being with Yuki was the only thing that could make him feel any better, and he needed to get there as soon as he could.

He had made it three blocks before he dropped to his knees, feeling the world swimming before his eyes, drawing him closer to an unconscious darkness. He was barely aware of Momiji steadying his fall, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding them tightly.

"We'll call Shigure and get him to pick us up, or a taxi or something," Momiji said softly in his ear, knowing that anything louder would pain his already sensitive headache.

"Take…too long…" Haru panted, scrambling gracelessly to his feet.

"Don't do this, Haru!" Momiji made one last desperate attempt, "you're exhausting yourself. You'll turn into a cow in the middle of the street!"

Haru managed to chuckle to himself as he trudged along the street, leaning on the walls of nearby houses for support. As if changing into his zodiac form was the greatest of his worries…as if it really mattered to him at this point. The family secret could rot in hell if it meant he could make his way into Yuki's arms faster.

But he remained the same as he finally reached the Sohma gate, almost crawling on his hands and knees, Momiji helplessly watching him from a few steps behind. With reserves of strength he never knew he had, he struggled past Akito's rooms, through the gardens and up a narrow, pebbled pathway. The first rain had only just begun to fall as he heaved himself onto Hatori's doorstep and collapsed before he had the chance to slam his fist against the sliding door. Momiji reached him in seconds and pulled him upwards, throwing his limp arm across his shoulders, and knocked fiercely. It was a good few minutes before Shigure answered.

"Momiji, Haru," he uttered in surprise as he took in both faces, "you look terrible."

"Haru needed to come here," Momiji explained quickly, "and it's probably a good thing he did."

Haru, who had let his head slump on Momiji's weight, now lifted bleary, unfocused eyes and fixed them on the older man.

"Yuki…" he choked out, in a low, husky voice, "need to see…Yuki…"

Shigure studied him carefully, and to Momiji's surprise a kind smile spread across the older Sohma's face as some kind of realisation dawned upon him.

"Yes, this all makes perfect sense to me now," he said pensively, "I should have seen this coming a mile away."

"Seen what coming?" Momiji asked curiously.

"I'll explain later, Momiji. For now we need to get Haru to Yuki, as quickly as we can."

Stepping back to allow them inside, Shigure slid himself around Haru's other side and supported him into a warm, dark bedroom that lay just to the side of Hatori's office.

From the moment he entered the room, Haru could smell Yuki's scent on almost everything, and this alone granted him the energy to lift his head and discard his two companions at the door. The sight of lavender hair on the pillow in front of him sent a wave of relief over him, and he threw himself onto the bed without hesitation.

"Yuki…" he whispered as he gazed into his lover's comatose face, wanting to reach out and kiss him but unable to find anymore strength.

Entirely wasted and spent, Haru felt himself drift into a sweet oblivion, and welcomed it now he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

* * *

A thunder storm had long since begun when Momiji was sent home later that night, having seen and heard the most amazing events of his young life, yet still nursing many more questions that would have to wait until later. From the warm, dry comfort of Hatori's office, Shigure watched him disappear into darkness before pulling across the sliding screen door, a wide grin stretched well across his face.

"So this is how it's going to happen," he said as though he were amused with himself, "I don't think any one of us could have guessed it."

A few feet away, Hatori leant against a desk strewn with messy papers and sucked on the cigarette dangling from his mouth. He looked dishevelled, his dark hair unkempt and his smart office clothes hanging off him in a way that was unaccustomed to him, and yet somehow accentuated the attractiveness of his form. His face remained placid…expressionless…and yet a sea of turmoil lurked not too far below the surface of his countenance.

"It could've been anyone," was all he replied, "at any time."

Shigure shook his head in disagreement, "No, I knew I'd live to see this day, but I don't think I expected it."

"Especially not from those two," said Hatori, "how long have they been together?"

"Not long, at least not from what I've seen, but I'd say no more than a couple of months. Looks like Hatsuharu finally got what he's always wanted. Yuki too."

"That, and a lot more."

Shigure paused and smiled sagely to himself, "Yuki and Hatsuharu…they're going to change everything for this family."

Hatori inhaled one last drag on his cigarette before extinguishing it in the ashtray on his desk, and then met directly the eyes of his oldest friend for the first time since the night began.

"Not just this family, Shigure," he said just as thunder rolled across the skies, "They're going to change the world."

* * *

**Note:** Lots of plot development in this chapter. Hopefully it will make up for my stupidity in losing my password and taking so long to upload!!

Thanks for reading, please review!!

**peace love hugs:** Thank you for such lovely compliments! Wow, you really do read fast! I only wish I could update this story fast as well ^^

**Playing Scrabble with Orcs:** Thanks a lot for the review and for reading my story! Haru and Yuki really are the best ever, and I love writing about them. Hope you continue to read!

**EJR-Blue-Rose:** I really, really loved getting your review, it was just so detailed and interesting to read, and it put a huge smile on my face. It's awesome that you liked the beginning the best, I really try to make my writing as interesting and realistic as possible, which as a fellow writer, you can relate to as being hard to do! I want to put a lot of effort into all the characters, not just Haru and Yuki, and keep it as close to the manga as possible, because I hate reading stories where the characters are really OOC!

I liked your advice about Kyo and Yuki being more sympathetic to each other. I tried to demonstrate that a bit more in this chapter, with Kyo's reaction to Yuki passing out, so I'll be eager to hear what you thought of that part. It's also cool what you said about dizzy spells…I mean, not that you get them of course, but that my writing is similar to what you've experienced. It's something I've never gone through myself so I was making most of it up, so it's kind of a relief to know that it isn't too unrealistic.

As for your question, I definitely would have to agree. No specific reason for it, it's just how I write. I hope I'm getting at the right thing ^^

I'll try to update faster if you continue to review. Again, thank you so much!

!-- /* Style Definitions */ , , {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-AU;} page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} 1 {page:Section1;} -- **thegreatwhitewolf: **Yay, makes me happy I turned someone else onto the Haru/Yuki pairing, because they really are great together. Thank you for being understanding, life has been horrible. Since I'm in my final year of high school now it takes me a while to find the time to write, and then when I do, I go and forget my password! Reviews like yours definitely help with the inspiration though! Hope you keep reading.

**DramaQueen1193:** *cowers* Don't worry, Yuki should be back to normal in the next chapter…almost. Must make note to self to not piss off the President of the Prince Yuki Fan Club! Thank you muchly for your review = ]

**Phantom and Potter Obession:** You are way too flattering, but I definitely think any help is always welcomed, so if you have any criticism, please feel free to let me know. Thank you so much for reading!

**Haruilikeyou:** I'm really sorry for taking so long with this, and for my stupid password problems. Thank you for taking the time to review, I hope you like the new chapter!

**Jessiegurl43953:** That's exactly what I was trying to get at with Haru/Yuki, I don't think I could have explained it better if I tried! LOL yes I was really embarrassed about writing that part, I don't think I could have handled it. But your suggestion of writing a scene where Yuki is dominant sounds like fun, I'll definitely give it a try later on. Hopefully this chapter makes some details of the bonding thing more clear, or at least keeps your interested! Can't wait to find out what you thought!

**Billy the Kangaroo:** LOL I definiately agree, she more or less said what I was trying to get across in the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed it…I was beginning to think some of the characters in this might be a little OOC, but it was hard to keep the plot moving without making them act a bit differently to situations than they might otherwise have done. All the same, let me know what you think, and please review!

**sabrinaw:** Sorry for making you cry! I promise to try and keep updating faster if I can! Thanks for reading!

**my black crimson rose:** I know, I know, it's been well over a month now, epic fail on my part! I hope you keep reading all the same, and I'll try my best to continue this story despite all my exams…and not forget my password again LOL. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I went with your idea of making them both pass out, although Momiji was the only one who got to see it happening. Pretty weird for him though ^^ I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!

**cantaabsolucion:** I'm happy I'm back too! I plan to have a bit more fun with Yuki's embarrassed-ness before I finally let him become comfortable, but I did enjoy loosening him up a bit! I hope you continue to like the story, even though it does take like a million years for me to update!!


	14. Awakening

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** Okay, so it's been like 7 months since I've updated. Permission to assassinate me (or whatever it is you might want to do) granted. In a desperate attempt to make up for my slowness, here is an extra long chapter! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen – Awakening**

Before Yuki had even opened his eyes, he knew that everything was different.

It was the sensation of the bed beneath him that he noticed first. It wasn't just the warmth of the blankets or the softness of the sheets…he could _feel_ every individual thread that made them up, every little lump and crease…the exact weight and exact location of every misplaced stitch on the blanket covering him. Every tiny detail was just as important as the next, forming a larger, and more encompassing sensation…_touch_.

He could _hear_ things as well. And _smell _them. There was a faint scent of wooden floorboards, as well as plants and trees through the glass window, and the sterile, almost metallic stench of medicines and bandages. But most overpowering was the lemon fabric-softener which the sheets he lay on top of seemed to be drenched in, so powerful that it would have almost blocked out the smell of the other human person somewhere near by him, were it not the smell he was the most interesting. It was a familiar smell, but stronger than it had ever been before, and he felt his senses cling to it. It was accompanied by the sound of someone breathing, so deafeningly loud that it seemed not to be coming from anywhere other than inside his own mind. Yet, it was the only thing that allowed him to know he was completely safe.

_Haru…_

Yuki could feel the full weight of his eyelids as he attempted to open them, but forced them to nonetheless. He immediately wished he hadn't. A strange mix of light and colour filled his eyes, dazzling and almost blinding him. He wasn't just seeing things as they were anymore; he was seeing every little detail of every little thing all at once. Every colour…every line…every ounce of texture. Even pure light itself seemed to have a distinct shape and form: a golden yellow glow that vibrated and rebounded off the room. It was the most intense experience of his young life, and he found himself needing to shut his eyes almost straight away, unable to take it as pain shot straight up into his head and he was overcome with nausea.

He heard himself call out and the sound travelled back into his own ears, causing them to quiver with pain at the level of volume he heard. He moaned again, tossing about on the bed so that it created a kind of unpleasant friction between himself and the sheets. He had no mental strength to question what was happening to him, where he was, or how he had ended up there. All he knew was that he wanted it all to go away.

It was not long before the sound of his moans attracted attention. He heard the footsteps approaching somewhere in the distance long before they reached him, but he was still not prepared for the achingly loud sound of other human voices, and doors bursting open as their owners attempted to reach him. Suddenly, there was a new sensation of a heavy weight on top of him and hands pressed down on his chest, binding him to the bed. Frightened, he struggled to open his eyes again to see who it was, but this only caused him more anguish when he was greeted with overwhelming colours mixed with the new feelings, sounds and smells.

"_Don't_ try to open your eyes, Yuki," the female voice belonging to the person on top of him boomed in his ears, "you're only going to make it worse. Just relax and let me take care of you."

But the voice was too loud for him to recognise the meaning behind the words, let alone who had spoken them. He could think of nothing but his desire to be set free from this terrible experience and to welcome sweet release. He could feel his body struggling against the slender arms of the girl against his will, but her uncommonly firm grasp kept him in place. Without warning, a jolt of pure energy was sent through him, seeming to come directly from the girl's hands, seeping into his chest. Almost instantly he felt a stillness growing in him, and his mind slowly grew quiet as his senses were numbed. He began to breathe heavily as a rush of relief overcome him, enough to make him praise whoever it was who had just bestowed him with this small mercy.

"It was nothing," he heard the girl say just before he slipped back into unconsciousness. "Just remember, it will never be this bad again."

* * *

He was almost afraid of waking up again, lest he experience the same kind of intensity of the senses, and for as long as he could he struggled against consciousness. Yet it wasn't long before Yuki realised that things were already different. He could still feel every fibre of the sheets of the bed beneath him...the blanket above him, and smell very fine details in the air, but this was slightly less of a discomfort than it been before. For one thing, he could think clearly again. These sensations were quickly forgotten, however, in the wake of something which instantly caught his attention. Haru continued to breathe beside him, but each breath sounded more laboured and desperate than the last. He sounded sick...very sick...

Not only that, but he could hear a second person breathing, very close to his lover.

Unable to resist the temptation a second longer, Yuki chanced opening his eyes and was relieved to find that he was able to focus on the person in the bed beside him. He noticed instantly that his vision was highly precise, as though all the colours he had seen before had fallen into place, so that every minute detail suddenly became as important as the last. Lying on the bed to his right, Haru was moaning loudly and thrashing from side to side as though in agony. The sight caused Yuki to draw in a sharp breath as he was able to make out each and every detail of pain in the face of his beloved. There was an eerie, faint grey light floating about Haru, attempting to project itself but barely stretching beyond his body. It did not occur to Yuki to wonder what it was, or why it was so weak in the face of the strong, violet glow emanating from the person hovering over them.

"Hold still, Hatsuharu, I can't do anything for you if you insist on squirming so much," Saki Hanajima said softly, not without a hint of frustration, "you're the worst case I've ever seen."

Terrified, Yuki attempted to reach out to Haru, but found his body so weak and exhausted he was unable to do so much as lift a finger. Helplessly he watched as Hana managed to secure Haru's arms and climb on top of him, pinning him to the bed.

"What're you doing...?" Yuki managed to choke out. The sound of his own voice was deafening to his sensitive hearing, but he was still surprised by how weak he sounded.

Hana only glanced at him briefly, her expression calm as she turned back to Haru and focused herself on his agonised expression. Yuki watched in amazement as the deep violet surrounding Hana slowly seemed to seep into Haru's pale grey. As the colours fused together, the tension in Haru's muscles relaxed, and he stilled as his breathing slowed to a regular, even peaceful state. As the sickly grey colour surrounding him gradually transformed into an inviting, pearl-white glow, Hana released her grip on him and withdrew to a standing position.

"That's better, don't you think?" she asked no one in particular. It was clear even to Yuki that Haru had already passed out. "Hopefully he'll sleep comfortably now."

She crossed the darkened bedroom slowly...almost ethereally. It hadn't occurred to Yuki until now that it was, in fact, nightfall. He could still see everything perfectly in the darkness, better than he had ever seen before.

"You don't need to worry about Hatsuharu, Yuki. He's going to be fine," Hana stated enigmatically as she perched on the end of their bed, "in fact, you _both _are, as long as you both remain in my care."

"...where am I?" was all Yuki could manage to ask of the many questions that were slowly staring to form in his mind.

"You're in a safe place, that's all you need to know for now," Hana replied with a small smile, "as soon as you get better, the answers will come. That I can promise you."

Knowing he had few other options, Yuki allowed his eyes to close. He had been so worried about Haru, he had barely even noticed that he was not in a much better state himself, and it wasn't long before he felt himself falling back into sleep. He stayed awake long enough to feel Hana gently touch his arm, sending a shock of pure energy coursing up and into the core of his being. It was a calming sensation, and he felt all his muscles relax as Hana closed the bedroom door, leaving him and Haru alone in the darkness.

* * *

Yuki wasn't sure how much time had passed when he woke again. All he knew was that it was daylight, and he felt much stronger than he had in a long time.

For one thing, he knew what to expect this time when he opened his eyes, and the incredible detail he could perceive in his surroundings didn't shock him or cause him a headache as it had done the pervious two times. Instead, he sat up properly and attempted to make sense of where he was. The room was very plain, with bare white walls and a wooden floor, and nothing except the huge bed he was lying on and a chest of drawers could be found anywhere. There were two doors: one which was open, leading to an adjacent bathroom, and another locked shut leading to an unknown location. The only clue he had to his position was the window, from which he could make out the tops of a few houses: unmistakably the roofs of the Sohma Main House.

Glancing back to the bed, Yuki took some comfort from seeing Haru asleep beside him, his expression calm and his breathing deep, slow and even. At least he wasn't alone in this, and he knew that Haru was okay. He knew he would have been far more terrified if he had woken up alone, or to see his lover in pain again.

Instead, he felt nothing but a strange sense of curiosity...and recognition that his bladder was full. Pushing back the blankets, he swung himself onto the floorboards and marvelled at the intensely powerful sensation of his bare feet on the wood. He could make out every crack in the floor...every spec of dust, which he ordinarily wouldn't pick up on or feel. It entranced him, and when he caught himself gazing into the floor he felt embarrassed that he'd become so mesmerised with something so insignificant and simple.

It was only when he shivered in the cold that he realised he was dressed in nothing but underwear and a simple white shirt, and he blushed when it occurred to him that someone must have changed his clothes while he slept. The thought distracted him so much that he tripped over one of the two staircases in the room on his way to the bathroom, and the contents of it spilled over to reveal much of his clothes and personal items.

After relieving himself Yuki splashed some of the tap water on his face, the sensation of the cold water running down his chin leaving him entirely refreshed. He could tell exactly when each, individual drop slid off his face and watched with fascination as they ran back into the basin. Lifting his eyes to the mirror, he saw reflected the same Yuki Sohma he had always known, only now surrounded in a strange yet familiar lilac glow. It seemed to bring something new and almost beautiful, to his features, and although it puzzled him he couldn't help but to smile at the wide-eyed young man in the cold glass. The action surprised him. He didn't think he'd ever really looked at himself properly before, especially not when he was smiling like that...

Something was triggered in the corners of his mind, and Yuki sensed, more than heard, Haru waking in the next room. He returned to the bedroom and climbed back into the bed, knowing Haru wouldn't want to be alone when he awoke. The aura of pure white light surrounding Haru was even more beautiful than the one he'd seen around himself. Wanting to draw closer to it, he pressed his cold body up against Haru's warmth under the security of the blankets.

"Mmm...you're cold," he heard Haru mumble sleepily and laughed as he was drawn closer to him by a firm arm. With his heightened senses, the experience of being so close to the one he loved felt almost unbearably good.

"And you're...beautiful," Yuki said fondly, running his fingers over the white light inches above Haru's chest.

Haru laughed and kissed the top of Yuki's head. "So are you."

It was strange that things could feel so normal between them, when it was obvious that so much had changed. Wrapped securely in his lover's arms, it was hard to worry that something was wrong. If anything, things seemed much clearer than they ever had before. It was different, but it was a good kind of different, or at least Yuki thought it was.

"_What's happening to us?"_ he asked both Haru and himself in his mind.

"I don't know," he heard Haru reply above him, the nervous tones of his voice causing his chest to vibrate under Yuki's weight, "the last thing I remember was you fainting and Shigure coming to school to take you home. Then Momiji and I came to the main house to find you and...and I think I must have fainted as well. Now everything's different, like I can see and hear and smell and feel much better than I could before."

Yuki sat up in surprise, causing Haru's arm to slip from around his waist. He stared deeply into his boyfriend's perplexed grey eyes.

"Haru," he said warily, "did you hear me say 'what's happening to us?'"

Haru blinked up at him in puzzlement. "Um, yeah, why?"

Yuki swallowed nervously, "I didn't say that out loud..."

"You've got to be joking," said Haru, pulling himself up so that he was sitting eye-level with Yuki. Before he could continue, however, he noticed for the first time his unfamiliar surroundings, and his eyes widened. "Hang on, where are we, exactly?"

Yuki could understand his confusion. It had seemed so normal and natural for him to wake up next to Haru, and he imagined Haru must have felt the same. He hadn't even wondered where he was, or considered how he had gotten there, until now.

"I think we're somewhere within the main house," said Yuki, nodding in the direction of the window. The thought made him anxious. If Shigure had come back from his trip at to the hot springs already, like Haru had said, then Akito must be back too. The knowledge that Akito was so close to him, that he could even be in the next room, filled Yuki with fear.

His thoughts of Akito had consumed him so much that he didn't even notice when Haru pushed back the blankets and crawled out of bed, heading straight towards the window. From where he stood he could see a small garden with a pond of koi and an old wooden bridge. It was the same garden he and Yuki had played in so many times as boys...the same place they had been in as budding adolescents, when their relationship had changed forever.

"We're at Hatori's house," Haru said decisively, eyes fixed on the empty yard, "makes sense...I remember coming here now, right before I passed out."

"Well, whoever brought us to this room must have thought we'd be staying here for a while," Yuki replied, "look, there's a suitcase there for each of us. Good thing since neither of us are really decent."

Haru glanced at his ensemble of underwear and a t-shirt and shrugged to himself. _"Since when have I cared about looking decent?"_

"Good point," Yuki answered him with a smile.

Haru gazed at him in bewilderment, as though he'd just done something incredibly strange. He was about to ask him what was wrong, when Haru surprised him even further by seeming to speak to him without his lips moving.

"_Yuki...this is going to sound really strange but...I think you might be sort of...in my head."_

Yuki's mouth fell open in a silent gasp. He felt foolish for doing it, but he attempted to speak to Haru by projecting his next thoughts towards him, keeping his eyes on him all the while.

"_I think you might be sort of in my head too..."_

They stared at each other for a long while, neither sure of what to make of anything or of what to say. Finally, Haru began to open his mouth, but he was cut short by the sound of the door rattling behind them as it was unlocked. Haru jumped back, startled, as the door was pulled open just enough to allow Saki Hanajima to peer through.

"Oh," she said fondly as she slipped through the door and locked it securely behind her, a tiny smile playing about her features, "you're awake."

"You!" Haru exclaimed, pointing a finger accusingly at her, "I remember you being here before! I don't get it, you shouldn't be allowed in!"

"Yes," replied Hana, folding her hands neatly in front of her and bowing her head, "I'm not really supposed to be inside the Sohma gates, since I'm not exactly a member of the family, let alone a member of the zodiac. But considering the circumstances, Hatori and Shigure have seen the necessity of sneaking me in. I've been living in the room adjacent to yours. Hatori has been quite hospitable."

"You know about the curse!?" Yuki exclaimed from the bed, baffled.

Hana merely nodded. "You've been out for five days. You'll find that a lot has changed since then."

"Five days..." Haru murmured aloud.

"I think you'll realise soon enough that the greatest change has occurred within the two of you," Hana continued as though Haru had never interrupted,."How have you both been feeling?"

"Confused," Haru answered evenly.

"_Very _confused," Yuki added, casting Haru a sidelong glance.

"Well yes, I imagine you would be," Hana smirked, "but what about physically? Are you tired? Any headaches? Does my voice seem too loud to you?"

"A bit," Yuki admitted, "but not unbearably so. _Everything _seems a bit more than usual, though."

"I get that too," said Haru, "like all my senses have multiplied by a few hundred."

"Good," said Hana, "everything is going as it should be then. You both certainly look better. Your electric signals have returned to the way they were before the transformation. In fact, I think you might be ready to have a visitor now."

"What transformation?" Haru probed irritably, "what are you talking about?"

"I'll go fetch Hatori, he'll be able to explain everything," was all Hana could reply, already unlocking the door, "I'll return shortly...and Hatsuharu, I suggest you get back into the bed. You don't want to overload your senses too quickly."

Silence wrung throughout the room once Hana had left. Haru remained where he was, the pearly white glow surrounding him having turned a shade darker than before. Yuki didn't need to understand what this meant properly to know his boyfriend was angry. He couldn't blame him. He didn't remember ever feeling so frustrated and confused.

"Haru," he began to address him, but was cut off instantly as Haru seemed to snap out of his angry trance.

"I need to go," he said, already making his way to the bathroom. He closed the door a little more forcefully than usual, and Yuki had to snap his hands over his ears to prevent the intense sound from causing him further pain.

With a sigh, Yuki crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled a pair of pants out of his now open suitcase. If Hatori was going to come back with Hana, then he certainly didn't want either of them to see him in such a state.

"Haru, I want you to get dressed," Yuki called through the bathroom door, holding a set of clothes in his hands.

"_Not so loud!" _he heard Haru answer back in his head. The action caused him to jump. He was far from being used to the idea of having someone talk to him in his head.

"_Sorry," _he replied in earnest, _"I'll leave your clothes on the bed."_

When Haru returned to the bedroom, he gave Yuki a sheepish look, picking up the clothes that had been laid out so carefully for him.

"No, I'm sorry," he said softly, unable to look Yuki in the eye, "I'm just confused and well...scared, I guess."

The confession took Yuki aback. In all their years as friends, Haru had admitted to a lot of things, but he never once openly admitted to being scared. Of course, Yuki knew Haru had to be scared sometimes. He was human, after all. But actually hearing him say it made Yuki feel all the more afraid himself.

"Come here," he demanded, getting up from where he sat on the bed and wrapping his arms around his lover. Haru had always been the one to comfort him, and now it was his chance to return the favour. He felt Haru gratefully return the embrace, resting his head on Yuki's shoulder.

"I guess as long as we're both here together, it can't be too bad, right?" Haru's voice was muffled, his face pressed into Yuki's neck.

Yuki smiled, running a hand soothingly down the length of Haru's back. "I'm just relieved I wasn't conscious when you passed out. I don't know what I would have done. You were very brave, you know."

Yuki had hoped these words would relax Haru, but instead they caused him to pull up suddenly so he could meet Yuki's eyes, though he kept his arms wrapped around his waist.

"I know what Hana meant by 'transformation'. She mentioned it after you passed out!"

Before he could speak any further, the door opened again, and Hatori cleared his throat loudly when he saw the two young men still wrapped in an embrace.

"Those are some of my favourite electric signals," Hana said calmly as she followed in behind him, "true love always gives off this lovely, warm glow. And it's such a rare thing to find."

"And you're sure this will be fine?" Hatori asked her, not once looking at either Haru or Yuki as they disentangled themselves from one another, "I'm not going to cause them any pain with my presence?"

Hana shook her head firmly. "No, it is quite safe. Although I wouldn't go bringing in any others just yet, especially not those who are unlike us."

"What do you mean, 'unlike us'?" Haru demanded. "I hope it's not what I think."

"That all depends on what you're thinking," smirked Hana. "Maybe Yuki could shed some light on that for us. Have you tried using telepathy yet?"

Yuki only managed to open and shut his mouth a few times without actually responding, but this seemed to suit Hana as an answer.

"I told you they'd be able to straight away," she told Hatori, "the connection between them is strong."

"I would hope so," said Hatori as he leaned casually on the chest of drawers in front of them.

"Neither of you have answered my question," Haru replied through gritted teeth.

As though noticing that the two younger Sohmas were in the room for the first time, Hatori glanced up with a frown.

"Hana told me she instructed you both to remain in bed," he said coldly, "if you want the answers you seek, then I suggest you do as she says."

"Who put her in charge?" Haru muttered to himself, but allowed Yuki to lead him to the bed instead.

"I would be grateful to Saki if I were you," Hatori continued once they were both seated on the bed, "if it weren't for her expertise then it's unlikely that either of you would still be alive."

"How so?" asked Yuki, genuinely intrigued.

"I've been transmitting my own electric signals to you both, in order to keep yours stable. It's a necessary part of the transformation...otherwise it becomes far more difficult, and potentially lethal. My mother did the same thing for me when I was in the 'transformation' stage."

Yuki frowned to himself in contemplation. _There's that word again...'transformation'_.

"The transformation," Hatori went on to explain Yuki and Haru's unvoiced question, "is how psychics describe a person's transitional period between being simply human and coming into their full psychic potential. It usually occurs in children between the ages of 11 and 14. The person may experience dizziness, nausea and may frequently feel ill. For some there is a short loss of memory and gaps of time go missing. This only happens in rare instances, however."

As much as Yuki would have liked to deny that this 'transformation' hadn't happened to him, he couldn't deny that he had experienced all of these things at some point over the past few months. There was the night of the carnival, for one thing, where he had felt sick and nearly lost consciousness, but seemed to forget that this had ever happened to him. Not to mention the complete loss of time walking to school, the morning before he passed out...

"This is all perfectly natural: it leads up to the body eventually entering into a self-induced coma when the transformation is ready to begin. The coma usually lasts less than a few days, but it allows the body to store the energy it needs to cope for the changes it is about to undergo," Hatori assured them. "Saki here underwent the same thing when she was younger, as did I when I first gained the power to erase human memory."

"Of course, the transformation doesn't usually occur in people of your age. It begins around the same time as puberty," Hana added, "which makes your situation all the more unusual."

"So what you're saying is...Hatori's a psychic, like you are?" Yuki attempted to make sense of it all. "And so are Haru and I?"

"I'm a far less powerful psychic than Saki. I only have one ability, and I can only just barely pick up on human electric signals," Hatori replied modestly, "but in a manner of speaking yes, that would be correct."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Haru, "how can Yuki and I be psychic?"

"Ah, I am afraid that is another story for another day," Hana smiled wanly. "I don't wish to overload your senses. This is a difficult and fragile time."

Yuki could clearly sense Haru's annoyance at being called 'fragile' and decided to intervene quickly before he became more enraged.

"Can you give us an idea of when we can be told more about this?"

Hatori immediately turned to Hana for the answer.

"As soon as you're ready to receive non-psychic visitors, I'll let you know more," she said, "and I will be the one to decide when that is. Until then, you will need to be patient."

'Patient' was going to be a hard concept for Yuki to master. He thought back to what Hana had told him the day before he passed out: _'We need to talk: you, me and Hatsuharu. As soon as possible.' _Was this what she had been trying to tell them? What all her strange looks and asides to Haru had been leading up to over the past few months? Had she worked out what was happening to them, and did it have something to do with why she was here now?

"You might have noticed that you have heightened senses," Hatori ventured when neither boy replied. "This is perfectly natural too. All psychics experience heightened senses to a certain degree, and once you become used to it, you'll fail to notice it anymore. In fact, you won't even be able to remember a time without it."

"But the important thing to remember while your bodies are still adjusting is that you need to rest as often as possible. You will probably find yourself sleeping through entire days, and that the smallest bit of exercise or strain can cause you great fatigue," said Hana. "The presence of other people for an extended period of time, especially those who are not psychic and are not trained to suppress their own electric signals, will place a great amount of pressure on your senses and might cause you pain. As soon as you are ready to accept non-psychic visitors, I'll let you know more."

"If other people are going to cause us pain, then why is Yuki allowed to be here with me, rather than in a separate room?" asked Haru. "I'm not complaining, but don't you think we'd end up hurting each other if that was true?"

"Ordinarily, yes. But you two are no ordinary psychics," Hana smirked, "I'm going to fix you lunch. You should be hungry. After all, you've lived off nothing other than my energy for days now."

Hatori watched her leave before turning to follow her out, only he was stopped with his hand on the open door by Haru's abrupt tone.

"Hatori," he said simply, eyes searching the older man's as he begged for answers.

Hatori's gaze shifted between Haru and Yuki, his expression stoic as ever.

"Do as she says," was all he replied, before he locked them back in their room.

* * *

It was dark when Yuki awoke later that night, having fallen asleep out of exhausted after doing nothing more than eating and showering. He had dreamed for the first time since passing out, and when he woke the bright green eyes he had seen in his mind were still burned into his memory.

_You must walk on the path, before another path finds you..._

Shivering, although he was far from cold, Yuki shifted closer to the sleeping person beside him, gently nudging him awake.

"_Haru,"_ he asked him mentally, probing him with his hand, _"Haru, wake up, I need you."_

Haru grunted, stirring and drawing closer to his boyfriend.

"What's up?" he asked sleepily, throwing an arm loosely over Yuki's waist.

Yuki shook his head, feeling awful for waking him. "It's nothing, go back to sleep."

"No, it's fine, I'm awake now," Haru continued with a yawn, "well...sort of."

Yuki laughed, rolling onto his back so he could kiss the arm thrown across him. "I just had a dream...about Miskaelah."

"The psychic woman?" Haru mumbled.

"Yes, and it really bothered me. She knew...knew all along that this was going to happen. She said I'd inherit great power. Not only that, she showed it to me. Now _all_ of her predictions have come true, except..."

"Except what?"

Yuki swallowed, wondering how he should proceed. "Well, she said I'd have a mission to complete."

"What kind of mission?" Haru asked, sounding much more awake now.

"She didn't say. Only that it was important, and that it would affect the lives of the people close to me. My dream reminded me of it...do you think it's connected to what Hatori and Miss Hanajima were saying today?"

"Connected to what they _didn't _say, more like it," Haru replied somewhat spitefully. "I hope that we get some kind of answer soon."

"Me too," said Yuki earnestly.

He was about to ask Haru what he was thinking about everything, as they had barely discussed it, when quite unexpectedly his lips were claimed in a gentle kiss. Haru leaned over him, allowing him to relax as he was overcome with sensation like never before. His heightened sense of touch made Haru's lips softer and all the more alluring, chasing all other thoughts from his mind.

"Not fully knowing what's happening to me, or even why it's happening, is definitely pissing me off," Haru said as he pulled away, his breath lightly tickling Yuki's skin, _"but this part, where I fall asleep and wake up next to you...this part I like."_

Yuki smiled, his heart swelling with joy as he grabbed hold of his lover and pulled him into his arms. Whatever it was that was happening to him now, he was grateful that for once he didn't have to face it alone.

* * *

Much to Haru's annoyance, it was another two days before Hana finally decided they were ready for visitors, and a more in-depth explanation as to what was happening to him. Yuki was certain by now that he and Haru had inherited some kind of psychic ability, but what it was, and where it had come from, was still a mystery to both of them. The time they had spent over the past two days not sleeping was in deep discussion with one another, attempting to retrace their steps and consider their family history.

"Hatori never told us he was psychic," Haru had said one afternoon, "but I guess it would make sense. Where else would he get the power to erase memory from? I've grown up knowing that he and his father could do it, it wasn't something I ever questioned."

"Maybe this means psychic power has been floating around in our family line for years...it just emerges very rarely," Yuki mused. "Miskaelah told me that it often skips a generation."

"One generation is understandable, but ten or twenty or so? Who knows how many generations we'd have to go back to link me or you to Hatori?" Haru argued. "This family is huge, after all."

"I'll admit it's strange, but at least it proves that psychics do exist somewhere within our family history," Yuki said optimistically. "The question is, when and where are they from?"

"It still wouldn't explain us," Haru said pointedly. "Both Hana and Hatori seem to think that we're freaks of psychic nature. As if just being a psychic isn't bad enough; it turns out we're abnormal even by psychic standards."

Yuki only smiled and repeated the same words he had uttered almost every day since their awakening, hoping to reassure both his boyfriend and himself.

"Don't worry, Haru. We'll have answers soon."

But as the number of days which passed steadily increased without any sign of an answer, Yuki's faith in his own words (and subsequent faith in Hatori) began to waver. Each time they attempted to gain more information from Hana when she visited to supply them with energy or food, or Hatori arrived to check their vitals, both would avoid any questions and brush aside any further remarks. It was only just as Haru was on the verge of exploding with anger, and just before Yuki abandoned all hope, that Hana made a decision.

"You'll be having two visitors today," she told them blandly as she served them breakfast. "They should arrive shortly before lunch."

Haru and Yuki exchanged knowing glances.

"Does this mean...?" Yuki began, but was interjected almost immediately.

"Yes, today you shall learn the origins of your power, and everything will be explained."

"Finally," Haru muttered bitterly. "I'm going stir crazy being confined to this room. It's about time you at least told us something."

"Wait," Yuki added nervously, "who are these visitors exactly?"

Hana ignored him. "Rest and make sure you are prepared for this."

"I hope she doesn't mean Akito," said Yuki once she had left. Despite everything, the leader of the family and his imminent presence had not strayed too far from his thoughts since it first occurred to him.

Haru placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I doubt it. Hatori would never betray us. You're the one who's been telling me to have faith in him all this time."

Yuki tried to manage a small smile, but the dark tint to his usually bright lavender aura must have given him away, because Haru did not seem convinced. Nonetheless, he chose not to question it, and they spent the morning in almost complete silence.

When he first heard the sharp knocking on the door downstairs, Yuki had been attempting to distract himself with a book. Instantly he abandoned this pretence and hurried to the window, his anxiety lifting when he saw the two people being allowed in by Hatori.

"It's Miss Honda," he told Haru when he turned back to meet his questioning stare, "and..."

"Hari!" Shigure exclaimed loudly from somewhere downstairs. "So good to see you! How are the boys?"

"They've improved," Hatori answered him with much less enthusiasm. "If they can cope with the presence of two non-psychics so close, then they will be ready to hear the truth."

"I take it that's why we're here," said Shigure, "but why me and Tohru?"

This time it was Hana who answered.

"Because you're both very close to Yuki and Hatsuharu, it should be easier for them to adjust. Besides, I think Tohru deserves to know what's going on. She's been waiting an awfully long time."

"_She's not the only one,"_ Haru said mentally. Even though he agreed with him, Yuki cast him a withering look.

"Hello Saki," Shigure said somewhat nervously. "I didn't see you there...lurking in the shadows..."

"Hana, how's Yuki and Hatsuharu?" Tohru fretted. "I've been so worried."

"I'll let you see for yourself in a moment," Hana replied warmly. "Their room is just this way."

As footsteps sounded deafeningly in their ears as feet clunked on the stairs, both Haru and Yuki wordlessly attempted to make themselves appear occupied, picking up the books they had been reading before. None could have guessed they had been listening in when Hana unlocked the door.

"Yuki! Hatsuharu!" Tohru cried joyfully as she bounded into the room.

Yuki hesitated for a moment, stunned by the way in which her aura was projected around her. The deep, velvet green was projected like a bright beacon, not controlled in the same way as Hatori's or Hana's. Suddenly he understood why his carers had been so reluctant to introduce visitors until now: the whole room seemed consumed by everything that was Tohru, to the point where it almost vanquished everything else.

"Oh no, have I done something wrong? Neither of you look well!"

"No, you've done nothing wrong," Hatori reassured her as he followed her in. "It's expected that Yuki and Hatsuharu might have an adverse reaction to your presence. That should settle with time."

Yuki breathed in deeply and closed his eyes momentarily. _"We can do this...we have to,"_ he told both himself and Haru.

Calming himself, Yuki stood up and approached his best friend, desperately wanting to hug her, but settling for taking her hands in his instead. Almost three weeks had passed since he had fainted at school: it was the longest they had been apart since she had first moved into his house.

"I've missed you, Miss Honda," Yuki said warmly, beaming at her to let her know he was alright.

Tohru grinned back at him, although she looked as if she were about to burst into tears of relief. "I've missed you too, Yuki."

"Good to see you, Tohru," Haru greeted her in kind, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on her cheek and causing her to turn a bright red."Has anyone told you much about what's been going on?"

"Not really," she informed him once she had recovered. "Kyo and I were told that you were both undergoing a psychic transformation, but we haven't been told how or why. Shigure made us swear to keep it a secret. The only other person who knows anything is Momiji."

"Well, at least we're not the only clueless people," Haru said sardonically.

"You mean...none of this has been explained to you either?"

"We've been told why we're here, but so far we're yet to understand _why _this is happening, if that makes any sense," Yuki explained.

Hatori folded his arms and frowned pensively. "Well, that's about to change. You all have been very patient, but I had to make sure that we were in a secure environment and that the two of you were strong enough to handle this."

Haru was about to interject when Shigure slid in around the door, his vibrant canary yellow glow once again startling Haru and Yuki.

"Oh, now I've missed the big reunion with Tohru," he all but sobbed. "But on the bright side, you boys both look well."

"And you're looking very...luminous," Haru replied, squinting at him.

Shigure chuckled. "Sorry about that, but you know as well as I do one can't simply turn it off. Hari told me years ago what colour I was...I couldn't believe it myself."

"So you can see it too, then?" said Yuki, turning to Hatori.

"All psychics can," Hana answered for them, after having observed the whole scene quietly. "Its residue of the physical energy which makes up the human being. It allows you to read the emotions of a person, amongst other things. I call it electric signals."

Tohru looked puzzled. "You've never really explained what electric signals are before."

"I've never had reason to until now," Hana smiled at her, "but it seems there have been events occurring lately which have led me to break a few of my own rules. My family and I aren't really supposed to reveal the true nature of our power. Because of your close connection to the Sohmas, I see the necessity of explaining it to you now."

"I don't see the harm in it. You obviously know all our family secrets, so why shouldn't we know yours?" Haru asked rudely.

"He does have a point," Yuki added. "Miss Hanajima, you promised..."

"Yes, I did. Don't worry, like all Hanajimas I am true to my word," Hana said soberly, fixing her eyes on the man beside her. "Hatori?"

Hatori nodded in understanding. "Alright. Sit down, all of you. I am going to tell you everything."

* * *

**Note:** Again, apologies for updating. If it's any consolation, I have written the next chapter already, and it should be up within the next week. Hopefully I won't leave you all hanging again!!

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to Reviews**

**peacelovehugs:** Sorry for keeping you in suspense! I honestly didn't mean to be so slow, life just seems to constantly get in the way of my being able to update this story. I hope you stay with me and continue to read = ]

**PocketxFullxOfxDreams:** I definitely am liking the sound of this suggestion. Maybe a scene like that in the next two or three chapters is in order! This chapter has shed some light on the situation without giving too much away, or at least I hoped that's what it would achieve. I hope you enjoyed reading the new update!

**NeuroticSqurriel:** So sorry for taking so long to write more. I hope this chapter makes up for it = ]


	15. Answers

**Desiderata**

_**By fallen-angel-b**_

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** When Hatsuharu and Yuki Sohma are suddenly and unexplainably drawn to each other, something unbelievable happens. Could their new relationship be the key to finally putting an end to the family curse?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot and this fic. Everything else is property of whoever created Fruits Basket.

**Pairings:** Haru/Yuki, Kyo/Tohru, Kagura/OC

**Note:** Another 7 months or so...another update. Sorry guys! This must hold the world record for the most slowly progressing fanfiction story in the history of fanfiction. This chapter answers some of the questions left over the course of this story - I actually wrote it before I wrote any of the other chapters, back when I first came up with the idea for this story! Hope you find it enjoyable!

* * *

Hatori sighed, his dark eyes heavy with the exhaustion he so carefully tried to hide. He crossed the room and sunk into his usual chair beside his desk, turning it so that it was on a sidelong angle. The sound of the chair legs scraping against the wooden floor was even more difficult to cope with than ordinary sounds, causing both Yuki and Haru to cringe and put their hands over their ears simultaneously.

"Sorry," Hatori said sincerely, crossing one leg over the other and resting his cheek on his fist, studying them closely with an intense gaze from behind his sleek dark hair. If it was anyone else, Haru would have called what Hatori was doing slouching, except that people like Hatori _never _slouched.

"You're going to have to learn to block out that kind of sound, you know," Hana said serenely from where she perched on the edge of a chair she had pulled in from the other room.

Haru glared at her contemptuously. _What is she still doing here? Who said she could stay? And what does she know about Yuki and I that we don't? _He could feel his frustration pushing him dangerously close to turning Black, but he managed to suppress it using practiced self control. The presence of Yuki's warm body pressed up against his from behind reassured him. If Hatori was allowing Hana to stay, then he had a good reason for it.

"In time, Saki," Hatori answered her firmly, not once taking his eyes off the couple on the edge of the bed. "I think these two deserve an explanation first."

"Well it's about time," Haru couldn't help from exploding with annoyance. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever tell us what's wrong with us."

"Haru…" Yuki whispered warily in his ear, gently squeezing his arm. Glancing over his shoulder, Haru could tell instantly that Yuki was just as annoyed as he was, but was wisely keeping quiet so he could receive an explanation faster. Biting his lip, Haru forced himself to calm down, following his boyfriend's lead.

"I can understand your frustration, but I wanted to make sure you were feeling better before I explained anything to you. Too much new information coming at you at once while you were adjusting to your new senses could have been cataclysmic."

Haru spared a glance at Tohru, whose rich green aura was now tainted with streaks of dark brown. Judging by this and her blatant facial expression, he could see that she was just as confused and lost as he felt.

Hatori opened his mouth to speak. Yuki ran his hand up and down Haru's arm comfortingly, but Haru could sense his anxiety all the same. He placed his own hand over the top of Yuki's for support, bracing himself for whatever was about to come his way. At the last second, however, a thought must have flashed across Hatori's mind, because he closed his mouth again and turned his attention towards Shigure instead.

"Since you're here, Shigure, you may as well give them the story," Hatori smiled at him pensively. "You are a novelist, after all. I'm sure you could tell it better than I could."

"Aw, shucks, Hari, you're embarrassing me," Shigure said it jokingly, but turned a little pink all the same.

Haru cleared his throat loudly, catching everyone off-guard. "I don't _need _to hear a story – I want to hear some answers. I don't suppose any of you realise, but it is a little disturbing to wake up one morning and find you can see colours around people. Yuki and I have been waiting for this explanation for a while now, and it would be nice if you could just give it to us straight out, alright?"

Haru guessed he must have appeared threatening, allowing some of his darker side to momentarily escape, because Shigure and Tohru both looked intimidated.

"Let him speak, Haru," Yuki said firmly and sagely from behind him. "If Hatori thinks it's worth Shigure telling us this, then it probably is."

Haru grimaced, despite the fact that he knew Yuki was right.

"It's true, Hatsuharu," Hatori put in, "this is important – you'll see why later."

Haru glared from the stone-faced Hatori to the nervously smiling Shigure impertinently, eventually rolling his eyes and muttering, "Get on with it, then."

Shigure's smile broadened as the bulk of attention suddenly fell directly upon him.

"In order to help you to fully understand your situation, we must go back to the very beginning…to the very origins of the Sohma curse itself. And yes, Yuki and Hatsuharu, before you say anything, this _is _all directly related to your predicament," Shigure spoke in the emotive, fluent tones of a practiced storyteller, making it easy for all the occupants of the room to lose themselves in the tale. "I'm sure you already know some of the history behind the Sohma family, although I'm equally as sure that from time to time you have also wondered about certain things your elders never fully explained to you, such as where the curse originated from and why it was placed on our family in the first place. This is, in fact, a very complicated story, dating back centuries to Feudal Japan.

"You see, many years ago, the Sohma family was even more rich and powerful than it is today – the second richest and most influential clan in all of Japan, to be precise, with only the royal family themselves ahead of them. There were some that believed the Sohmas were even richer than the emperor. But, sadly, the Sohmas did not have a good reputation amongst the common people. They were known for being greedy, sadistic and unkind in general; because of the way they treated everyone who was not of a higher class than them. Unfortunately, there wasn't much anyone could do about the Sohma clan. They were hated, most definitely, but they were far too powerful and no one could stand up to them."

Haru frowned in concern as he felt the distress signals coming from Yuki and gently ran his thumb over the back of his hand, reassuring him that he was there. He knew Yuki was thinking about his ancestors…the sort of people they were…and how it made him both embarrassed and ashamed to be part of such a horrible family. Haru could sympathize exactly with what he was feeling, not just because he could sense his emotions, but also because he was thinking and feeling the same things himself. His father had already told him some of this history before he died, and he knew Yuki had heard this before too, but that never made it any less shameful.

"One of the most notorious members of the Sohma clan, Tomi Yo Sohma, governed the family during the Feudal era of Japanese history. He was famous for being an especially fat and greedy man, and for having seventeen living children – twelve sons and five daughters," Shigure paused to grin at Tohru's sudden, startled gasp. "Because he had so much wealth and so many children whom he married off easily and happily, Tomi thought the fate of his family secure. So secure, in fact, that he allowed his youngest child, a son he named Makoto, a rare privilege for the time. When Makoto reached a marriageable age, his father gave him the freedom to marry whoever he chose, regardless of their social status, family or class. This was both lucky and unlucky for Makoto, since by this time, he was already very much in love. Not with a beautiful young noblewoman, as one would expect, but with a man. Another boy from a rich family, named Kisho, who was also very much in love with him."

"B-but wasn't that…" Tohru stammered, bewildered, "…wrong?" Haru narrowed his eyes at her, and she added hastily, "Uh, not to say that it's 'wrong' in that sense, but -"

"I understand what you mean Tohru," Shigure responded to the interruption politely, "and I don't blame you for being confused, because I doubt they teach you this in school. But homosexuality in Feudal Japan was actually quite common, before western culture was introduced. Since both Makoto and Kisho were the youngest sons of their large families, there wasn't much pressure on them to marry and produce children from their relatives, so it would have been acceptable for the two of them to be together. That is, if it were not for Kisho's family, who loathed and despised the Sohmas for their cruelty above all else. They didn't listen to Kisho when he tried to explain that Makoto was not like his father or the other Sohmas – he was kind and considerate by nature, if a little unbalanced in his emotions at times. Kisho was profound and thoughtful, often quiet and reclusive but deep in ways most people could not comprehend. The two of them balanced each other out. But Kisho's family couldn't see any of this, and completely forbid the whole union.

"In order to escape Kisho's family, the two of them tried to run away together, but they were caught and brought back by Kisho's elder brother. Needless to say, Kisho's family was furious. They banished their son from the house, sending him to live with the Buddhist monks in a temple miles away so that he would never see Makoto again. The family was so angry, in fact, that they used their psychic abilities to curse the Sohmas for all eternity. To prevent as many of them as possible from ever being able to marry and bare children, they made it so that thirteen Sohmas from each generation would magically transform into an animal from the Chinese zodiac whenever they hugged a member of the opposite sex."

"The origin of your curse," Hana stated the obvious.

Shigure nodded. "The next thirteen children born to Makoto's eleven brothers and five sisters were the first to carry the curse of the zodiac. The first-born child of Makoto's favorite brother, who had helped the couple to try and run away, was also the first person to bare the cat curse. Once those thirteen children died, the curse was passed on to the next newborn members of the Sohma family, and so on, right through the ages. Makoto himself was the first to carry the core of the curse, which was planted inside of him, corrupting and poisoning his heart. The dark magic that filled his soul was so powerful and consuming that it began to eat away at him from the inside, effecting his physical health so that he would eventually die young, depressed and in solitude."

The silence finishing Shigure's words was deafening, ringing out throughout the entire room. Haru could sense the disturbance in the auras of the people around him, a reflection of the troubled emotions left there by the story. However, no one was as troubled by it as Yuki, who seemed shaken right down to the core. When he tried to probe a little further, he was enveloped by a series of complex emotions, far too complicated to puzzle out. All he could do was project as much warm and comforting vibes as possible towards his boyfriend, hoping it would help to calm his troubled mind.

At the same time, Haru's own mind felt as if it was frozen over. Although the full mysteries behind the Sohma curse had never been revealed to him before this day, he had always suspected that there was some tragedy involved. But he never expected it to be like this. The real sadness in the tale for him lay behind the fact that he could relate so well to Makoto. He had really _felt_ everything Makoto had when Shigure was telling the story…the love he had for Kisho…his sadness and grief when he lost the one he loved…the guilt and shame he had to live with when his family was cursed for eternity because of him…how he felt he had to isolate himself from the world, slowly dying in the darkness and solitude that engulfed him.

"What happened to Kisho?" Tohru eventually broke the silence, not without a slight tremor in her timid tone.

Shigure sighed sadly. "He went to live with the monks in a far off temple, never to see Makoto or his family again. He lived until he was very old, unaware of Makoto's suffering and eventual death, or anything else that took place outside the temple walls. Or perhaps he was able to use his psychic powers to sense these things. I guess we'll never know."

Haru shivered when he thought about Kisho trapped behind the walls of the temple, helpless and hopeless…separated from the one he loved, never knowing what happened to Makoto or what his fate was…having to live with the knowledge that his lover and his lover's family were cursed for eternity by his own relatives and he could do nothing to change it. When he imagined being separated from Yuki like that…it was enough to drive him insane.

"I can't understand it," Yuki said after another long silence. He spoke without much feeling in his tone, but Haru could feel the inward confusion of emotion coming off him in waves. "This is why the curse originated? Because Kisho's family was so angry at Makoto that they cursed every Sohma…tried to make it so that they couldn't be close to anyone ever again…because they couldn't hug anyone of the opposite sex outside their own family?"

"It was so they couldn't reproduce," Hatori replied evenly. "Kisho's family hated the Sohmas more than just about any other family in Japan at the time, and considering how many people hated the Sohmas…that was quite a lot. They wanted the entire family to die out. If the Sohmas couldn't embrace anyone outside the family of the opposite sex, then what were the chances of them being able to have children? It also would cause the rest of the family great suffering, in one form or another. For those that were cursed, it was the pain of not being able to be close to someone. For those that didn't carry the curse, it was the pain of having to live with a cursed loved one."

"It still doesn't make any sense," Yuki continued to question. "If Kisho's family wanted all the Sohmas gone, then why not create a curse that affected _all _Sohmas, and not just fourteen of them every generation?"

"Probably because Kisho's family wasn't powerful enough to create a curse that strong," this time it was Hana that provided the answer, startling everyone. "They were yet to fully tap into and explore the secrets behind their power. The zodiac curse was most likely the worst they could conjure up at the time…or at least the worst they could conjure that would fit the criteria they wanted."

Haru had an overpowering urge to tell Hana to either bide her tongue or go away, as none of this was really any of her business, but wisely refrained from doing so. He was beginning to see why Hatori wanted Hana present – she knew more about psychics than any of them ever would, and she might be able to provide them with useful information should it occur to her. Even so, this didn't stop him from feeling exposed and self-conscious with an outsider in the room. With Tohru, of course, it was different. She was pretty much part of the family.

"Besides, the true essence of the curse is more horrible than just this," said Shigure. "It wasn't just designed to prevent us from having children…it was designed to hurt and keep us from leading regular lives. It was meant to cause us as much pain as possible, shattering other relationships…possibilities…dreams. Throughout the years, the curse has always put a great number of restrictions on the family, and no matter how much we may try to defy it, it will always come back to hurt us in the end. Just look at what the curse did to Momiji and his mother, for instance."

"You know, I think this helps me to understand Akito a bit better. The way he is…why he treats people the way he does…why he's sick all the time. None of it is really his fault, his heart is just tainted," Tohru said thoughtfully. "That is, if he _is _the one who currently carries the core of the Sohma curse, like Makoto did."

Hatori nodded curtly. "The curse was designed to hurt and to destroy. The one who carries the core, like Makoto and Akito, is forever tainted by the blackness of its intentions. All Sohmas who carry the core die young, because the curse will gradually eat away at them from the inside until there is nothing left. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent this from happening. Because I'm the family doctor, it's my job to do as much for Akito as I can to ensure that he lives as long as possible. Unfortunately, though, the curse also taints the subliminal mind of the one who carries the core, causing them to feel dark emotions and do horrible things. They are, in every sense, evil."

"The one who carries the core is also the unquestionable leader of our entire family," Yuki added for Tohru and Hana's sakes, "regardless of their age or gender. Just like the zodiac curse, the core of the curse chooses to inhabit the soul of the very next Sohma child born after the death of the old curse holder. This generation, it chose Akito. Even though the carrier is always destined to be evil, we Sohmas have no choice but to obey the wishes of him or her. The curse forces us to."

"So you see, we are all effected by the curse," Shigure concluded, "whether we are a member of the zodiac or not."

Haru's thoughts were again of Makoto, and all the pain he undoubtedly felt from having to be the first to carry the burden of the curse. He knew that, if it had been him in Makoto's place, he would have blamed himself for everything. It was no wonder Makoto had died so young…such a horrible, solitary death, isolated and alone…tortured by the pain he had caused his whole family until the curse eventually and inevitably destroyed him.

He clenched his hand into a fist as anger flooded through him. The Sohmas of that time may have been bad people, but Makoto wasn't. He was irrational, but he was a good person, trying to make up for the pain he had caused. He hadn't just loved Kisho – they had really been _connected_. It wasn't right that Makoto and every single generation of his family after that should suffer just because of his love when they had done nothing wrong.

"Why is it that the Sohma family is so large?" Tohru asked curiously. "It's always seemed like there's so many of you, big enough so that people like Haru and Yuki can be together even with the same last name."

"Well, Tomi Yo Sohma _did _have seventeen children, the first sixteen of which went on to have at least a dozen children each of their own. Those children that weren't cursed by the zodiac had many children as well, and so on," Shigure explained with a grin. "The Sohmas continued to have so many children that soon the family was large enough to occupy a small village. Because the Sohmas were so influential, many of their daughters' husbands had to change their last names to 'Sohma' when they married instead of the other way around, explaining why so many of them have the same last name. Yuki and Haru don't actually have any blood relationship unless they go back over ten generations."

"Hang on," Haru said slowly, "it's great to be finally getting a lesson in family history, but I have to wonder, what does this have to do with me and Yuki exactly?"

"We were getting to that," Hatori said slowly, "but we needed you to understand this first."

"You see, just before Kisho was sent away to live with the monks, his psychic powers gave him a vision of the future," continued Shigure. "He wrote hastily to his beloved, describing what he had seen, sending his letter with a faithful servant. This was at great risk to both his and the servant's life should anyone from his family find out, but he knew he had to let Makoto know, if only to give him hope. For he saw a descendant of the Sohma family inherit psychic powers of their own, stronger than anything his own family could even imagine. That descendant would fall in love, and the strength of that love with their astounding abilities would be enough to break the family curse, liberating them from years of suffering, pain and evil corruption."

Haru felt as though all his breath had been sucked out of him. His eyes immediately went to Yuki, who gazed back at him intently, his aura tainted by conflicting emotion.

"Does Akito know?" Tohru spoke softly into the reflective silence.

Haru felt Yuki tense behind him, and watched as the auras of every person in the room darkened with black thoughts. All attention immediately returned to Hatori, who sighed heavily and unclenched his fist so he could put his head in his hands. The reaction and his aura revealed nothing but darkness in his mind. Fear swept over Haru like a wave of rushing water – he knew the answer could only be bad.

"As long as he is alive, Akito _is _the curse, Tohru," said Hatori. "He knows everything about it and nearly everything that goes on in this family. The bulk of the family all live under the same roof so Akito can keep his eye on them. Shigure, Yuki and Kyo were allowed to leave the main house only after much persuasion and with the exception that they could not live too far away from him. The corrupted curse carrier always has a strong desire to protect the curse – to keep the curse in place – so they can keep a firm grasp on their power."

A small gasp from Tohru prevented him from going any further, and all turned to her curiously.

"I-I just thought of something," Tohru turned a deep shade of red from all the unwanted attention, "to do with Akito. If he knows about the prophecy Kisho made, then this must be why he tries so hard to separate Sohmas who are in love from their partners by all means necessary, like with Kisa and Hiro, or – or you and Kana, Hatori."

At the mention of Kana's name, Hatori's pastel blue aura suddenly flared with a mixture of contrasting, vibrant emotions. The colours faded away almost as quickly as they had appeared.

"I used to think that it was just because he didn't like seeing people falling in love for some reason, but really, he was trying to stop them from breaking the curse because it would cause him to lose all his power," Tohru continued. "He's scared of Sohmas falling in love, because he doesn't want their love to end up breaking the curse. So he keeps all Sohmas away from their true loves."

"I agree with you, Tohru," Shigure answered her when Hatori remained silent. "Even in ones as young as Kisa and Hiro, there has always been a danger in Akito's mind of a Sohma rising up against him and overthrowing the authority the curse has bestowed on him. With Hari and Kana, there was even more for him to fear, since Hari already had psychic powers. He was even afraid of you for a while, Tohru."

"Of me!" Tohru cried, aghast.

"Yes, of course. You were allowed to keep your memory of the curse because he hoped it would repulse you and keep you from falling in love with a member of the Sohma family. As long as you kept our secret and didn't threaten his power, Akito could let you live with us. Still, he knew that if either Yuki or Kyo fell in love with you, it might bring about the end of the curse. But when he went to visit you, he saw how you interacted with both and realised he had nothing to fear."

"Well, I guess it would seem silly…Kyo…in love with me," Tohru trailed off, an unmistakable sadness in her voice. Haru and Yuki only looked on her curiously.

Hatori cleared his throat awkwardly to break the silence.

"I don't suppose you know this, Saki and Tohru, but there have always been a lot of arranged marriages in the Sohma family. Because of the curse, no two people can be together without receiving the permission of the leader of the family first. The curse carrier always prefers to marry Sohmas to people they don't want to be with so there is less chance they will fall in love. Since Sohmas can't go against the wishes of the curse carrier, they have no choice but to marry who they are betrothed to. Most Sohmas get married within the extended family circle these days, to prevent bringing too many outsiders in."

"That's all very well and good," Haru said in frustration, "but what I'm really interested in is how much Akito knows about me and Yuki yet…that we are – and I am _assuming_ from all this that we are – 'supposedly' the ones to end the curse."

Hatori frowned pensively. "So far, all Akito knows is that you and Yuki have both come down with pneumonia, brought on by the bad weather, and are living in a room close to my office so I can treat you and keep an eye on you both until you're better. He has no idea that you two are the ones to fulfill the prophecy, but, knowing Akito, it won't be long before he uncovers the truth, and when that happens…"

"He won't rest until he kills us both," Haru said blandly when Hatori trailed away.

"I wasn't going to put it so blatantly, but yes, that's exactly what he'll do," he finished reluctantly.

Before Haru even had time to detect the sheer terror in his lover's aura, two arms wrapped protectively around his waist, pulling him back against Yuki's warm body, which pulsed with vibes of fear for the one he loved. Haru clung to him as well, their shared emotions consuming them.

"But what if it isn't me and Haru?" Yuki said fretfully. "How can you know for sure?"

To everyone's surprise, Shigure actually smiled, despite the ominous cloud of worry that hung so threateningly over the entire room.

"You know, Makoto was said to have asked a very similar question of Kisho, all those years ago, on their last meeting."

"And…?" Haru and Yuki prompted in unison.

"And Kisho had just smiled at him and answered, 'A Sohma will be able to tell. They'll just know.' And believe me, boys, we know."

"It's something instinctive," Hatori tried to explain. "Shigure, Momiji and I have been able to feel it since you both underwent the shift in the transformation. Something is already starting to change in the curse. I'm sure the other eight members of the zodiac know it too."

"It does make sense, Yuki," Tohru admitted. "You and Haru falling for each other so suddenly…and all the strange things that have been happening lately…and now you have psychic powers, like Hana."

Hana smiled warmly at her friend. "Not quite like me. Theirs will be far more powerful. It's taken both of them less time to adapt to their new abilities than any psychic I've known before. Also, their transformation suppressed some of the effects of the curse, at least temporarily. When I was treating them neither transformed, even when I had to practically embrace them. And Yuki's female teacher did not cause him to transform when she carried him to the nurse's office at school after he passed out."

"I didn't think of that," Haru admitted, remembering that dreadful day. He had been so worried about Yuki, he hadn't realised the teacher should have caused him to transform the instant she picked him up.

"Does this mean the curse has already been revoked?" Yuki asked hopefully.

"It won't be that easy, I'm afraid," Hana answered in a sincerely apologetic tone. "This curse has ancient holds on your family and is deeply ingrained into your bloodline. It won't be easy even for the most skilled psychic to lift. I believe this state only lasted during the transformation, as the overwhelming effects it took on you both physically and mentally briefly also overwhelmed the curse. Since you are all connected through it, that would explain why Shigure and the others were able to sense a change."

"And shouldn't Akito sense this change too?" Yuki pointed out.

Hatori and Shigure exchanged anxious glances.

"As long as he knows nothing about what's really going on, he cannot make a judgment," Hatori resolved to answer. "We will keep your relationship and your abilities hidden from him as best we can. We can't let him stop you from fulfilling Kisho's prophecy, or there will no longer be any hope for the future of this family."

Haru felt Yuki hold him tighter, and willingly welcomed the embrace. Haru wanted to doubt they could be the ones the prophecy spoke of, even though part of him knew there was no way of denying it. The fate of the entire Sohma family now rested upon their shoulders, and he was sure neither of them had any idea what they should do about it.

"So what happens now?" Haru asked openly, hoping someone would have the answer.

He only received echoing silence and shadows of doubt in everyone's auras as a response.

"Yuki and Haru should run away," Tohru said suddenly, her voice filled with firmness and strength Haru had always known was within her, but had never seen her express before. Her usually calm emerald green gaze locked onto him, piercing and filled with both fear and a determination to put an end to it. "Run away as fast as you can…go as far away from the main house as possible, before Akito finds out about you and hurts you."

"You don't know Akito like we do, Tohru," Yuki answered sadly, "he would hunt us to the ends of the earth if he had to…if that's what it took to keep him from losing his power. No matter where we went, he would eventually find us. Besides, how can we stop the curse if we aren't anywhere near its source?"

"We don't even know how to end the curse yet," Haru said dryly, causing Yuki to cast him a sharp, yet pained look. He immediately felt bad for saying this, because he knew how scared Yuki was by everything – even more afraid then he was. Seeing Yuki so distressed made him feel highly upset, and he was overcome with the empowering need to do everything he could to make Yuki feel better. At the same time, he knew he had to hold back the urge until later, when everyone else left. He was sure he and Yuki were bound to have a long discussion as soon as they were left alone.

"They'll be plenty to time to worry about that later, Hatsuharu. For now, let's just focus on keeping you both healthy and alive," Shigure replied with a wry grin. "And as nice as the idea of running away might seem to you both at the moment, I must say I have to agree with Yuki on this. It would be best if you stayed here for a while, close to people who can help you."

"What do you think, Hatori?" Yuki turned to the other man, seeking a second opinion.

Hatori didn't hesitate to nod in the affirmative. "Yes, I believe hiding in plain sight is the best option for now. If you were to leave, then Akito would suspect something amiss and, as Yuki so eloquently put it, trace you to the ends of the earth. As long as he doesn't know the truth, you're safe and far better protected here."

Haru and Yuki both nodded, knowing that this was the only considerable option, regardless of how much ideas of staying right near Akito terrified them both. Not just because they were afraid of losing their own lives, but because they were afraid of losing each other's and ruining the last chance to save the whole family from a dark and horrible curse.

Haru sighed to himself. It was all up to them now. From now on, he realised numbly, every decision he and Yuki made together could be fatal to the whole Sohma family. It was the first time the reality of it fully set in, and it scared him more than anything else in the world.

"But Hatori…" Yuki began awkwardly, "what exactly are we supposed to do?"

The room fell silent again at this question, none entirely knowing how to answer it. It was what Haru had been afraid of, and he felt highly overwhelmed.

"You needn't be so afraid," said Hana, as always seeming to know what he was thinking. "These things are matters of destiny…beyond our control. When the time comes for you to end the curse, you'll both just know what to do."

Haru blinked at her in surprise, only just remembering she was still there. He suddenly felt angry…not just at Hana for being there, but at the whole world…that fate had decided to throw yet another obstacle in his way. Naturally, he lashed out at the first person he saw.

"What are you still doing here?" he demanded. "Why have you been here all this time? Just what is your place in all of this? It's none of your business!"

He felt vibes projecting from Yuki towards him, trying to calm him down. At the same time, however, he sensed that Yuki was just as curious to know the answers to these questions as he was.

Hana looked from Haru to Yuki and then back again, smiling pensively all the while.

"I thought you would have figured it out by now."

"Figured _what _out, exactly?" Haru answered, annoyed.

Hana smirked, causing Haru to wonder if she actually enjoyed tormenting them like this.

"That I'm not just an ordinary psychic."

"You're not?" Haru resisted the temptation to roll his eyes at her. _Is there such thing as an ordinary psychic?_

The smirk left Hana's face and was replaced by an emotionless expression. Not a single colour tainted her aura of deepest purple. She moved her head so that her long black plait swung over one of her shoulders in its trademark fashion, but never once took her coal black eyes away from his face. Haru only stared back at her, refusing to allow her to know he was slightly intimidated by her.

"No, I'm not," she said darkly after a pause. "I happen to know more about you and your family than you realise. You see, I come from an ancient family as well. Do you remember Kisho's older brother – the one that brought him and Makoto back to their home after they ran away together? Well, he is my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, give or take a few generations. My family are Kisho's closest descendants alive today. In other words, the Sohma curse derives directly from my inherited psychic abilities."

Haru knew his mouth had fallen open with shock, but for once, he didn't care.

Hana went back to smirking at him again. "So…does my being here finally make sense to you _now_, Hatsuharu Sohma?"

* * *

**Note:** A lot of loose ends tied up here, I think. I hope everyone reading this is liking the directions I'm taking. Any comments or suggestions are, as always, greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to getting some feedback now we are getting into the heart of the story!

Thanks for reading, please review!

**Replies to Reviews**

**PocketxFullxOfxDreams: **Sorry, sorry, and sorry! I do try very hard to update but life and all its insaneness gets in the way so often! The sad thing is this chapter has been sitting on my computer written for all this time. I really do enjoy writing this story so I will try to update as often as I can, but there will most likely always be huge gaps in updates. Thank you so much for enjoying this though, and sticking with it! It really is the only thing that makes writing it seem worthwhile.

I really loved reading all the comments I got from you as well! It made me so happy. I also love that you really seem to get what I'm aiming for with the characters. I like to try and write about what I think they are seeing and experiencing, not just what I hope the reader will get out of it (though it's always great when the reader gets something out of it, of course!). But I do often wonder if I bore people will all the details sometimes, so I'm really glad you don't think so!

Also glad you like the colours for the auras. I tried not to put any thought into them and just kind of picked them straight away, that way there wouldn't be too much deliberation and they would hopefully suit the characters better xP

**Trimacle:** Thanks for reading! I had this chapter sitting on my computer for months without updating, very sorry about that! I hope you liked it though!

**BLACKxWHITExHARU: **Apologies for taking so long to update! I'm so happy that you are enjoying reading this story. I will try my very best to update whenever I get the chance. Hope you like the new chapter!

**Melissa Brite:** So glad you like this story. Hope you enjoy the new chapter too!

**DriftingXDreamer: **Thanks for reading this story! I'm so glad you are liking it, and don't mind being taken on such an emotional rollercoaster xP. Let me know what you thinking of the new chapter!


End file.
